POV: Skylar

"Talk to me smalls, what happened between you and your rich friend? You've been acting out of it for the past few days," Vida says.

I sigh and stare at the ceiling. Today I came over to Vida's place while Darleen is at work. I'm off today. Vida wanted me to come over so we could hang out, which is Vida code for have sex, but I'm just not feeling it today. Ever since Darleen told me she still loves me my mind has been all out of whack.

"She has a name, and it's Darleen," I say in annoyance, turning my head to look at Vida who is laying next to me.

"She doesn't care what my name is, why should I care about hers?"

"She doesn't hate you, I talked to her."

"And? What great reason did she give for being a bitch to me when I've been nothing but nice to her?"

"She's jealous of you, of us. She told me she still has feelings for me."

There is a long stretch of silence as Vida digests this information I've just told her.

"Oh." She eventually says.

But the way she says it is like she's annoyed. Like she should have known. Like she's disappointed in some way. It has a negative tone, which tells me she's not happy to get this news. Not that I blame her, I'm still trying to figure it out myself.

I turn to look back at the ceiling.

"Do you have feelings for her?"

"I don't know," I admit.

But when I think about it my chest tightens and my heart flutters. I guess Darleen holds a special place in my heart. My first girlfriend, my first a lot of things. Our relationship was a complete and utter disaster, and even after we separated, we were never really able to get back to that place we were in before. And I'll be the first to admit watching her be with Aphrodite after me, was painful, even when I tried not to show it. I think Darleen always knew. I think deep down we both knew that neither of us was really fully over the other.

There was just a lot left unresolved between us.

A lot of feelings and things I had to let go of. Move on from, grow from. But then here she comes, out of nowhere, ready to sweep me off my feet once again. Typical Darleen. The girl has no sense of subtly.

"What did you tell her?" Vida rolls over on her side and moves closer to me.

Vida, I'll give her credit. She's put up with a lot of my shit this past year. No matter how thick I lay it on, she takes everything I throw at her in stride. She's my ride-or-die. She'd gladly help me cover up a murder or loan me the clothes off her back if I asked. She cares deeply for me; this I've known for a while.

I started suspecting Vida liked me as more than a friend a while back ago. Back when she broke up with her abusive asshole of an ex, I comforted her in her time of need. Something changed between us then, even if I didn't realize it at the time.

She started looking at me differently. Hinting to me that she was bisexual, flirting with me openly, sometimes even in front of Jade. Vida has been glued to my hip for a while now. We do a lot of things together; I spend 80% of my time here in California with her. A few months ago, when things with Jade and I started shifting towards a crash and burn I really leaned heavily onto Vida, and she was there every step of the way. Comforting me even when I know I was killing her on the inside.

She's been patient with me through this whole Jade ordeal, but I think Darleen might be the straw that breaks her back. I can see it on her face, she's not happy at all that Darleen is here. She's counting the days until Darleen leaves again. Vida tries to act cool, but I can see the subtle hints of irritation and jealousy. I feel bad for always stringing her along. Truth is I should have never gotten involved with Vida, but I was weak, and she was there. It just happened, and now I can't take it back.

"I told her that her timing sucks ass and that she always comes into my life at the wrong times. I told her I couldn't promise her anything, and that she shouldn't wait for me. But she's determined to make it work between us." I say.

"You never told me about Darleen. You've only ever talked about Jade." Vida points out.

"That's because Jade sort of stole me away from Darleen," I turn to face Vida. "Back in high school things got messy with my romance life. I was deeply in love with Jade but Jade was oblivious to me and her inner gayness, so I suffered in silence. Faded into the background while I waited for my best friend to notice me. Enter Darleen. The it girl of our school. Popular, rich, nice, talented, everyone was falling over themselves to get with her. But she never cared about any of that, she's cool, and she noticed me suffering in silence. So, she took her shot. Our relationship was rocky the whole way. She kind of forced herself on me in the beginning, but the more Jade rejected me, the more I began to actually fall for Darleen. But then Jade got jealous of Darleen and noticed me actually falling for Darleen, and well Jade did what Jade's do best. Cause big dramatic messes. Jade asked me to kiss her, and I did, because even though I was with Darleen, my heart always belonged to Jade. Eventually Jade and I got into a fight and after some time apart Jade was finally able to admit she was bisexual and liked me as more than a friend. Darleen didn't want to go down without a fight though. We tried to hold on, but everything was against us. Darleen's family hates me, so they conspired with Darleen's Ex to split us up. Darleen ended up cheating on me, I became like a jealous monster, and Jade swooped in for the kill. That was that. Our relationship crumbled under all the pressure. We stayed friends though, even after everything. Darleen ended up getting back with her Ex, and Jade and I worked out our inner struggles and stayed together for a while. Darleen was my first girlfriend, I guess you could say she holds a special place in my heart." I finish my story.

"So you love her?"

"Some might say Darleen and I would probably still be together today were it not for Jade. Toward the end of our relationship, I was really falling hard for Darleen. My heart was ready to give up on Jade once and for all. Even after I got with Jade, there were still some lingering feelings, some unresolved tension between us. Darleen... she's... it's hard to explain. She's kind of a weakness to me. I could never say no to her. It's something about her eyes I think. There is just this sadness in them, this emptiness... an emptiness that feels familiar in some way. I just... crumble when it comes to her. It's like, out of any girl she could have, and trust me the list is long, she chooses me. And she makes me feel seen, special, wanted. But if I know Darleen, and I do, I know it could never work between us. We come from two different worlds. She's uber-rich and famous, and I'm just... me." I shrug.

"I don't think there is anything wrong with just being you," Vida grabs my hand in hers.

I smile.

"I tried it with Darleen once before, and it just couldn't work no matter how hard we tried. I know her family doesn't like me, they think I'm trash or something. Someone who is just in it for the money. I know Darleen still has hang-ups, her own issues she hasn't dealt with yet involving her exes and her weaknesses. I know myself, I know I can't commit to her right now. Or maybe ever again, not after Jade. I just... I'm broken right now, and I don't need her coming in here trying to fix me again. Sometimes... I just want to stay broken."

"It's okay to be broken," Vida whispers.

The sky rumbles outside, and the greyness from the clouds leaks into the room and peaks through the curtains. The lights are off so only that thin light of grey shines in. It cast on Vida's face and makes her look softer somehow. Her blonde hair is in messy tresses all around her face. Her lips pale from the lack of makeup. She has long blonde eyelashes that I always catch myself staring at. Her deep dark blue eyes contrast nicely with her pinkish-tan complexion. Her eyebrows are always bushy and unkempt, but I like them that way. I like looking at the tiny blond hairs sticking up in every which way first thing in the morning.

Vida has a look to her, that tells you she's seen her fair share of trauma. It's hardened her, made her stronger, made her wiser. Though she's never shown it, you can just tell these eyes have cried thousands of tears before. When I look at her, I see someone who was once broken but put herself back together all on her own.

Maybe she didn't put herself back together as pretty as before, but her uniqueness draws me closer to her. I'm not afraid of her jagged edges and cold exterior. Her fake smiles and laughs don't turn me off. I don't care that she's been broken before, because even though she is damaged in ways I will never understand, she is still a perfect person to me.

And that's what I want in someone. I want someone to accept me when I am broken, not try and fix me to meet their perfect image of their ideal partner. I just... I just want to be broken and have that be okay. Jade took all the kindness and love out of me, I don't know what or who I am now, but I know I'm tired of always trying to do the right thing. Tired of trying to be nice and considerate all the time. I don't care anymore. I'm done trying to please the whole world. I'm done trying to be everything for everyone. From now on, all I care about is me, what I want, and what I need.

If that makes me selfish, I don't care. If that turns me into a monster, then so be it. If I become someone unrecognizable, then that's who I was always meant to be. I'm tired of suffering at the expense of everyone else. I want to be rough around the edges, I want to be tougher, stronger, wiser. I want to be loved for who I am, not who I can become.

"How do you pick up the pieces after you are broken?" I ask Vida.

"That's the thing, once you're broken, you're broken. You can never put it all back to how it was before. You have to start over, use these sharp and jagged pieces to form something new. It will hurt you, those pieces will cut you and betray you, but once you have your new form nothing will be able to break you again."

I move closer to her and cuddle up on her bed. She has a grey comforter on her bed, all this greyness gives the room a monochromatic feel. But I like it because that's how I feel on the inside. I feel like Jade sucked the color right out of my life. Left me hollow and brittle.

"Do you hate me?" I ask Vida as she wraps her arms around me.

"Sometimes." She admits.

I rest my head on her chest.

"Sometimes I can't stand you. Can't stand your indecisiveness and how you let people walk all over you. It pisses me off. I used to be like you, so seeing you do what I used to do makes me angry because I know you are just hurting yourself. But then sometimes I fucking love you, Skylar. I love how real you are, and how amazing and perfect you can be. How you're just you, and I love that. I love you. I haven't fallen this hard for someone in a long time. You're scaring me, but I guess that's all love is. It's a gamble, you have to know when to bet on the right people."

"What if I'm not the right person?" I whisper.

"Then I'll have to deal with that fallout when it comes. But right now, I'm not ready to give up just yet."

"Can I tell you something?"

"Always."

"Ever since Jade left I feel like curling up into a ball and crying. I get all these dark thoughts and I just want to shut down. But I haven't let myself cry, I've been trying to keep it together but I'm just so tired Vida. I think I'm ready for it all to fall apart."

"Then let it fall, I'll be here to catch you. I promise."

"Promise?"

"Promise. I got you." Her arms wrap tighter around me.

So I just close my eyes and I finally let myself feel the pain. The floodgates open and the tears come.

It's okay to be broken because the right person won't care how sharp or twisted your edges are, they'll still hug you all the same.