The drone of the vacuum dragged me out of my pleasant slumber, and I groaned as I buried into my pillow and blanket. Though I knew it was no use; I was wide awake now.

When I finally managed to force my eyes open to the bright day, I reached for my phone to check the time: 11am. Widening my eyes further though was a notification saying I had a text.

Sitting up in bed, I unlocked my phone and opened my messages, my heart almost stopping as I read it.

Frazer: So what time are you coming over today? Sent at 8:04am

I was quick to respond, feeling consumed by worry and guilt that he had been waiting for my response all this time.

Me: I didn’t realise we had made plans today. Sent at 11:15am

Frazer: Of course we did. You said we had to record my song. Also, don’t tell me you just woke up. Sent at 11:16am

The corner of my lips turned up to see him respond so quickly, as if he had his phone right by him in anticipation.

Me: I did just wake up. And we never said when… Sent at 11:17am

Frazer: You’re sleeping your life away, Em. We said the holidays. Today is Saturday, meaning it is the first day of the holidays. Sent at 11:18am

Me: I assumed you meant some time during the holidays. Not the first day… Sent at 11:19am

Frazer: Recording these songs will take time. We need to look at what we need, go shopping for it, set up a recording space, record, edit, re-record potentially… Sent at 11:20am

My thumbs moved to reply, but the three dots appeared again, so I waited instead.

Frazer: On top of that, we need to hang out and have fun. It’s a very busy two weeks ahead of us. Sent at 11:20am

Me: You almost make it sound like we are going to see each other every day. Sent at 11:21am

My heart thrummed so loudly I could almost feel it in my throat as I waited for his response.

Frazer: You almost make it sound like that’s a bad thing. I’m hurt, Em. Sent at 11:22am

Me: Of course it’s not. But won’t you get sick of me? And what about your other friends? Sent 11:24am

Frazer: I’ll never get sick of you. And those guys will just have to tag along with our fun sometimes if they want to see me. Sent 11:26am

I smiled as I read and reread his text, enjoying the fuzzy feeling for a few moments. Though it didn’t take long for the self-doubt to weasel its way into my mind. You know he doesn’t mean it in the way you hope. Don’t make this bigger than it is or you’ll get hurt.

Frazer: You better have been getting ready this whole time, btw. Sent 11:30am

Me: Of course. Sent 11:31am

And with that, I leaped out of bed and all but ran for the bathroom.

◁ㅤ ❚❚ ㅤ▷ 

My arm was shaking as I raised it to knock on the door. 

Do it, Em.

Just knock.

It’s not that hard.

If his mum answers, just tell her who you are and that you’re there to see Frazer.

He invited you here. She’s not going to send you away.

My hand hovered there for an immeasurable amount of time, until finally I turned around in defeat, unable to bring myself to do it. Though I had only made it a couple of steps away when the door opened behind me.

“Where are you going?” his familiar voice behind me asked.

I spun around in shock, mortified that I had been caught, but also swarmed with shame that I had been so scared again.

His eyes narrowed at me as his arms crossed over his chest. “Good thing I came to check, otherwise you would have legged it like you always do.”

“I don’t always—”

“Uh-huh. Come in.”

I took in a deep breath, waiting for my heart to slow a little, and approached his doorway again, crossing the threshold.

Before I could work myself into a worry once more as he led me down the hallway past the garage, an office, and the kitchen, he whispered, “My mum is really excited to meet you, so you don’t have to be so anxious.”

A warmth spread through me at his words, and I glanced at him in awe that he knew me so well already. But that was how Frazer had been since that day in the park when I tried to understand him. He had spent every minute trying to figure out the troubles that plagued my mind, even if I couldn’t bring myself to voice them. I wondered if he felt he had a debt to pay off with me, though I wished it weren’t the case. I wished it were merely that he was as curious about me as I was him.

When we rounded the corner to the living room, we found his mum on the couch, a mountain of paper sprawled beside her and over the coffee table, and her laptop on her lap. She looked a lot like Frazer: dark curly ringlets, angular nose, kind green eyes. And her smile was just as warm when she glanced up at us. 

“You must be the Emilia my Frazer never shuts up about,” was the first thing she said.

“Mum,” Frazer grumbled, and when I glanced at him, a slight redness had tainted his cheeks and ears. 

Don’t read into it, my mind whispered.

“What did I say?” she mocked innocence, but then her face softened as her gaze landed on me. “It’s lovely to meet you, Emilia. Thank you for putting up with my son.”

“Oh no. He’s the one who puts up with me.”

“Nonsense,” I heard Frazer mutter. Then he said more loudly, “Okay, now that you’ve met, we’re going to my room.”

“Yes, leave me be. I have so many assessments to rewrite with the new curriculum coming in next year. Though Fraze… remember to keep the door open.”

“Yeah, yeah.”

We shuffled through the living area and down another hallway, stopping once we reached what was clearly his room. A double bed pressed against the wall, posters adorned almost every inch of wall space, a wardrobe clung to the corner, a glowing gaming PC engulfed his desk that sat in front of the window, and his guitar sat by his bedside table.

“So,” he said as he almost closed the door behind him, leaving it a crack open to comply with his mother’s orders, “This is my room.”

Nodding, I glanced around at it once more, taking in the bands and games showcased in the posters. “You’ve decorated much more than I have.”

“You call this decorated?”

I shrugged. “I just have the necessary furniture in my room. Though once we make your merch, I guess I’ll be decorating my room finally.”

Frazer’s eyes widened at first until his face fell into a deadpan. “I’m not sure any of your future romantic partners will take well to having some other guy’s face all across your room.”

I took a moment, sitting in his admission that he wouldn’t be one of those partners because he clearly didn’t like me like that. Though then I jested back, “Well good thing I’m not going to have any partners.”

“Why?”

After a moment of deliberation, I decided to take a seat on the floor instead of his bed. “It’s taken me this long to make one friend. How would I ever get close to someone like that?”

A myriad of emotions crossed his face in that moment, from concern to pity, though his gaze grew soft before he asked, “Then why don’t you start trying to make more friends, Em?” He took the spot next to me on the ground.

“Don’t you start. You sound like my dad.”

“Well, from what you’ve told me, your dad sounds like a great person. So I’ll take that as a compliment.”

I responded by tucking my knees to my chest.

“Why are you so… wary of people?”

I shrugged.

Though Frazer refused to accept it. “I know you have an answer to that question.”

“It’s silly.”

“It’s just me here.”

Glancing at him, I searched for any trace of malice in his gaze. But only the warmth Frazer emitted for me graced his green eyes. So I finally confessed, “What if I try getting close to someone and they leave me?”

I watched the confusion cross his face as he mulled through my words. Though it didn’t take long for him to seem to have an answer. “It’s always a risk when we let people into our lives,” he acknowledged. “But sometimes people are there to stay forever. And sometimes people need to leave for you to grow into the person you’re meant to be next. And sometimes we need to leave people so that we can protect ourselves… Though I’ll always be here to help you if someone leaves you or you need to let someone go.”

“What if that person is you?” I asked before I could stop myself.

“Why would I ever—”

“You might get bored of me,” I quickly mumbled before he could read any more into my question.

He chucked. “I’d like to see that happen. Aren’t I the one nagging you to meet up every day?”

“Exactly. You’ll grow tired of me,” I mumbled.

“Never.” He bumped his shoulder against mine. “You’re stuck with me now.”

Though I turned my head to my lap and ruminated some more.

“Someone’s hurt you like this before, haven’t they?”

I numbly nodded.

“Is it… an ex, perhaps?”

My head snapped up, jaw slack in disbelief. “As if. I can’t even make a friend on my own, and you think I’ve had—”

“Of course I think that. You’re a very loveable person, Em.”

Eyes widening at his comment, it didn’t take long for my cheeks to flush with heat—or for Frazer’s to turn crimson before he whipped his gaze away. 

“Anyway, so… if not an ex then who? A childhood friend?”

“My mum,” I mumbled.

“You never talk about her,” he commented after a few moments of silence.

“None of us do.”

He didn’t follow up with questions or ask me what happened. Instead, we sat there, the two of us in the safe confines of his four walls. Two friends sharing a moment of solace again, though this time I was the one who was supposed to unload their troubles.

After an endless amount of time passed with my mind lost in the past, eventually I gave him, “She left a year after Archie was born. He had barely taken his first steps… I was seven. She said she ‘couldn’t do the parenting thing’ and walked out. But I don’t mean she left in the stereotypical ‘went to get milk one day’ sort of way. At first she came back once a week to see us. Which quickly turned into once a month. And then she was gone for a while until she informed us she had gotten married and was expecting another child.”

“You… you have another sibling?”

“Two, actually. Two sisters. This time my mum could do the parenting thing. I’ve run into them a couple of times at the shops, but she does a good job of pretending Archie and I never happened. Just sends the child support payments through to my dad. No birthday presents. No phone calls. Heck, when we have run into each other, she acts like we’re strangers. And it’s hardly Archie’s fault. He couldn’t talk or nag her yet. But I—”

“It’s not your fault either.”

My eyes started to sting at his sudden interjection. “You don’t know—”

“You yourself told me it’s a parent’s duty to protect their child from pain. That applies here too, Em. There’s nothing that you, a seven-year-old, could have done wrong.”

“I got jealous when Archie was born,” I muttered, voice cracking with the pain starting to pour out alongside my regrets. “I asked for her attention too often, and—”

“Hey,” was all he said before his arm wrapped around my shoulder and he pulled me into his chest. “You did nothing wrong, Em. You were allowed to want your parents’ attention. And it’s normal for kids to get upset when a sibling comes along. And I know how much you love your brother, so you can’t even say there was any ill-intent to your actions. I can’t say I will ever understand what your mum did or why, even if she were to explain herself, but she was in the wrong. And I’m so sorry it’s hurt you so much that you’ve shut yourself off from everyone. And I’m so sorry I never reached out to you earlier so that you could have had a friend this whole time to chase away those silly thoughts of yours. She’s missing out so much on having such an amazing daughter.”

His words of comfort drew out more sobs, though once they were out, it was as if a weight had been lifted from my shoulders. “Ugh,” I groaned as I wiped the remnants of tears from my face and tried to hide my splotchy cheeks and nose from him. “I didn’t mean to make today be so… depressing.”

His arm withdrew from around me, making my shoulders grow cold. “I asked. I’m sorry I made you cry.”

“You didn’t—”

“I inadvertently did. Though now I know why you’re always so hesitant about everything. Here I’ve been thinking that maybe I was being too forceful in our friendship and being too much for you as a result.”

I shook my head. “You’re never too much.”

When I finally glanced at him, he was already smiling at me, like he expected me to say that. And for a moment, my worries wafted away as we gazed at each other, a calm consuming the both of us to know we had shared our deepest worries with the other and still accepted each other just as we were. 

Though when the thought popped into my mind that I might have been staring at him too lovingly, I quickly turned away and stated, “We should start working on that list for what equipment we need.”

“We should,” he agreed, his voice almost a little higher than it normally is.

He woke up his PC from its deep sleep, and after he dragged another chair in from the dining room, we scoured the internet for tips on how to create a recording booth at home on a budget, determining that all we really needed was a microphone, a soundboard to plug into his PC, some form of mixing software, and foam for soundproofing his room.

“Your mum knows we will have to close the door when we record, right?” I asked as I wrote the last item on our shopping list for later in the week.

“Oh… she said we can do that in one of the spare rooms.”

My brows furrowed in confusion. “But we’d have to move your PC.”

“We will.”

“What’s the difference between your room and the spare—”

“The spare room we’re allowed to use is mostly empty, aside from some workout equipment.” Though as Frazer continued to give me brief responses, I became more aware of his lack of eye contact.

“I still don’t—”

“There’s no bed.”

I blinked at him, still not seeing the dilemma for a few moments, until, “Oh my gosh! But… she knows we’re just friends.”

“She does.”

I shook my head before I narrowed my eyes. “Do you have to do this when the guys come over or—”

“Nope. Just you.” He was still overly interested in the screen.

So I probed. “I imagine your exes would have hated coming here then.”

“What exes?”

“Really?”

His cheeks and ears had flushed red again as he stared ahead and not at me. “Is that hard to believe?”

I paused for a moment, before I said, “Yes.”

He glanced at me, his mouth opening to say something, though then he seemed to think otherwise, his head turning away once more. 

I started to wonder if I should have followed it up with a justification, but every sentence I wanted to say sounded like a confession in my mind. So I bit my tongue. “Well… what day should we go get everything then?”

“How about Thursday?” he replied, welcoming the change in topic.

“Sounds good… I suppose I should head off—” I started to say, worrying that I may have outstayed my welcome.

Though he was already asking,“Do you want to watch a movie?”

Relief spread through me, and I was quick to answer, “I’d love to.”