Amalia

Most of the light snow from the frosty morning has already melted away. It’s chilly out but not cold enough to keep people indoors, and the festive scenery looks like a classic Hallmark Holiday Special.

What makes this beautiful winter day even more spectacular? Talan will arrive home at any time.

I breathe in the smell of fresh-cut pine at the Christmas Tree Market, enhancing my Christmas mood, then rearrange my scarf and tuck my chilled hands into my coat pockets as Dad and I search for the perfect tree. Trailing behind him as we round a row of tall, broad evergreens, I plow into the chest of a lengthy body.

Tarran is swift on the reflexes, clutching my shoulders and steadying me upright. “Ama, are you okay?”

“Tarran!” Tarran is one of Talan’s closest childhood friends from the reservation who also goes to Chemawa. I spread open my arms and give him a colossal welcome-back hug. I’m dancing inside at the sight of him. “Better than okay. You’re back!”

“Well, I guess you’re all right then.” Dad gives me one of his typical looks. This one shows he doesn’t quite understand today’s teenagers’ behavior. “Good to see you, Tarran,” he says as he walks away.

“You too, Mateo!”

Seeing Tarran means Talan’s home. I can’t wait to see him, nor can I contain my excitement as I ask, “Where is he? Did he go home or to the Walkers?”

“J? I should have known it wasn’t me who put the humongous grin on your face.”

The speculative nature of Tarran’s quirked eyebrow on his too-slender face makes me stop to take a calming breath.

“I take it you missed him?”

“Oh, we all did.”

“His dad picked him up when they dropped us all at the school on the rez. He said he was going home first but was eager to see everybody, so I’m sure he’ll show up in New Sable soon.”

I turn toward my dad, willing him to hurry and pick a tree. Finding the perfect one isn’t nearly as important as it was a moment earlier.

“Hey. You’ll probably see Talan before I do. Can you give him this?” Tarran retrieves something from his jacket pocket and then holds out a piece of beaded jewelry interlaced with colorful little gemstones. “He left it on the bus.”

“What is it?” I reach for the pretty strand of beads.

“Just something for some girl.”

The beads slide through my fingers, sinking to the damp ground as the air swooshes from my lungs.

“Oops.” Tarran leans his thin, lanky body over to retrieve them.

“His girlfriend?” The question fell out of my mouth, but I listen wholeheartedly for every returned word.

“Could be. Talan didn’t say, and I didn’t ask.”

The knowledge that Talan found a girlfriend he cares enough about to buy jewelry for her floors me. Though I always knew and feared the possibility, I didn’t prepare for it. The memory of his hand snug with mine, the sweet kiss he placed on my cheek, and the smile he graced me with before he left gave me enough hope to think it wouldn’t happen.

My exhilaration suddenly plummets, causing a lump in my throat. I drop my gaze away from Tarran, feeling my eyes fill with tears, ignoring his outstretched hand as I clear the sudden moisture from the corners of my eyes.

Tarran’s eyes shoot open, and his face shows his conclusion as he blurts out. “Amalia, Talan never said...” He makes a fist around the beads.

With a lift of my hand, I interrupt him, covering my nose with the other hand like I’m staving off a sneeze. “It’s allergies. Standing by these trees isn’t helping.” I twist toward Dad with a determined attempt to get myself together, focusing on him to buy some time as he walks around another tree, inspecting it. Blinking my eyes to prevent more tearing, I’m not about to let Tarran, or anyone else, witness me act like a childish crybaby.

Dad points at the tree. I smile and holler, nodding my head. “I like it!” Passing my smile from him to Tarran, I face Tarran’s questioning stare. He fidgets noticeably uneasy. It’s obvious he’s concerned with my initial response. “No, Ama. You were about to cry.”

I wouldn’t have guessed he could be so blunt.

“Cry ... Cry for what?” I fake a sniffle while rubbing my eyes like something irritates them.

“I didn’t mean to make it sound like Talan has a girlfriend because he doesn’t.”

“Like I care.” I fake a laugh. “Whether he does or not is none of my business. I don’t know why even I asked.”

“Don’t act like that, Ama.”

“Like what? I’m not acting like anything. I don’t care what Talan does. Why would I?”

“At school, he told me all about you and him holding hands at the movies. I just forgot.”

I drop my head, giving up on my facade. I hate that Tarran’s revelation surprised me so much that I couldn’t don the mask I had always worn so naturally.

Dad pays for the plump Christmas tree and starts hauling it down the path to the truck.

“You’re right, Tarran. I’m sure I behaved like an idiot enough for one day. So, I care. You don’t need to backpedal or cover anything up for Talan. It’s not like I can do anything about it, anyway. We should just drop it.” There isn’t any point in continuing our discussion. “I have to go.”

“Listen to me, Ama!”

I roll my eyes. The impulse to cover my ears like I did when I was younger whenever Erik and Jaxon teased me to death tempts me. I don’t want to hear anything more about Talan. Or the girlfriend he doesn’t have but bought jewelry for, anyway.

Tarran smooths a hand over the slicked-back hair tied into a ponytail. “Honest. Talan never said who it was for. He doesn’t have a girlfriend. I wasn’t thinking.” He points at me. “And you’re jumping to conclusions.”

Dad calls out from beside the truck. “Amalia!”

I lift my hand, signaling for him to hold on while I repeat Tarran’s “could be” and “some girl” in my mind, staring at Tarran. “Maybe I jumped to a conclusion, and he doesn’t have a girlfriend. There is some girl, though, right?”

His brows wrinkle, his distress visible. He puckers his lips, pointing them sideways before answering. “I ... I really don’t know.”

“Stop it now, Tarran! You wanted me to listen to you, so tell me.”

“Shit.” Bowing his head, he lets out a rough sigh. “There’s no one special.”

My stomach turns.

Tarran throws his head back, looking into the sky. “Ugh, Talan is gonna pound me for this. He will ... Okay, he went out with some girls, but I know there’s nobody he’s serious about at school. That’s the truth, Amalia.”

Some? Dad calls my name again. “I’m coming, Dad!”

My misguided heart is aching while my levelheaded mind is trying to rationalize. Do I even have a right to feel betrayed? I shrug. “Nothing happened between me and Talan, anyway. The movie was an accidental occurrence. He doesn’t owe me anything, and I’d really appreciate it if you didn’t tell him we saw each other today.”

“I’ll second that.”

With a relieved sigh, he wipes his forehead, relaxing his tense shoulders.

“I better go.” I turn away.

“Ama!” Tarran reaches out, touching my shoulder, and I turn back to face him. Sincerity replaces the determination in his narrow hazel eyes. “Talan wishes something would happen between you two. It’s true, Ama. I know for a fact he does. Just give him a chance.”

I force a meaningless smile, drowning in pain and confusion.

Upon arriving home, I deliberately avoid mentioning Talan’s return, faking illness to escape to my room and be alone. I’d been waiting four months for his return. All I want now is to forget about the womanizer Talan Swifthawk.

Jaxon was right all along.