Talan

It’s a simple question, but I hesitate and slowly turn around because while Kinsley asks if I want to go to the movies with her and Amalia, the voice in my head says something else.

Do you want to go out with Amalia? Here’s your chance. And it’s ridiculous how much I want that.

Amalia’s off limits, but her being forbidden isn’t the attraction. Just a flip of her hair, a friendly little smile, or an innocent tilt of her head produces feelings in me I’ve ignored for too long. The little crush I’d developed on her magnified tenfold ever since the day that she slipped off the porch, and it’s safe to say... I have it bad.

Kinsley waves her hand at my face. “Hello! Do you, Talan?”

“Maybe.” It’s not a good idea. On two sides of a coin.

I understand Jaxon’s position as her older brother. No guy in his right mind wants someone messing with his younger sister and trying what guys always try. Least of all, his best friend. Amalia is unique. Just the way she carries herself shows it. Any guy would have his work cut out if he tried something with her, and she’d also be a major conquest. While I don’t deny she affects me like that—with how I care about her, I’d never mistreat her. Girls like her are hard to find. She’s too good for the jokes around here. She’s even too good for me. He’s right about keeping the losers away, though. A stern glare from him, along with his size, is enough for deterrence. I doubt Amalia knows her jovial but short-tempered bear of a brother scares the guys around town away from her, and me being his best buddy? Well, that’s an added threat.

Kade’s the other problem because he has a crush on her, and I don’t blame him, especially if he sees her how I see her. I should have told him the truth when he first asked about her. But no! I let him believe I’m rooting for him. Hell, I practically encourage my younger cousin time after time.

Push comes to shove when the door opens, and Amalia steps outside, her large, dark caramel eyes honing in on me. Try as I might, I can’t stop myself from taking all of her in. She’s only wearing a regular t-shirt, faded calf-length jeans, and flip-flops, with a thin woven chain draped around her petite ankle, but she’s everything to look at.

I accept the invitation. Jaxon won’t be with us for once, and I can’t pass up an opportunity like this.

We head for my car, Kinsley taking long strides. She’s trying for the passenger seat, so I lengthen mine to match hers. Then I yank the car door open on the driver’s side when we reach it, telling her to hop inside. She makes a sour face at me before climbing in the back seat. Amalia proceeds to the passenger side, unaware I won a race. She fastens her seat belt with a cheerful smile and asks, “So, are you all ready for next week, Talan?”

“Not quite ... Probably should have done that today.”

Her smile melts, and I flex a fist, inhale, and start the ignition.

We usually have a close friendship and an uncomplicated, fun time together. But the closer I came to asking her out this summer, the more I kept my distance. Am I going to get a prize for that?

Let the mental war rage.

I shouldn’t feel guilty. I’m a good friend and a good guy, and I know it. Hopefully, Jaxon knows it, too, by now.

Kinsley mentions Kade’s name as we park, which is a blatant reminder. I tell myself his crush is a mild case of puppy love. It’s a tiny thing that doesn’t matter. He’ll understand. As for Jaxon, I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. My mind’s made.

Amalia looks up at me when I orchestrate our seating order, her face lighting up with anticipation at my grin. Or, so, I thought before Kinsley hogs her attention by locking her in chick conversation and making it impossible for further evaluation. I stay quiet as they talk, not because I’m still at war with myself like I was on the drive but because I can tell Kinsley’s waging some war of her own.

The theater lights finally turn out, and the curtains roll apart, revealing the screen. So, I brush against Amalia’s hand to see if she’ll move it away. A receptive touch of her soft, dainty fingers welcoming my hand kicks me into high gear. I do my best to conceal an uncool grin as I glance at her, weaving my fingers through hers and moving close enough to catch a faint smell of coconut from her hair. My nerves relax, replaced by pleasurable triumph.

“Hey, what are you doing?” a gruff voice says in a tone meant to startle, and it does.

Jaxon! Shit!

It feels like the most aggravating sound I’ve ever heard in my life.

Amalia sucks in a short, shallow breath, jerking her hand from me. She and I instantly pull apart, twisting toward each other, and look over our shoulders. Jaxon and Mara are sitting down, Jaxon leaning forward to talk to us.

He appeared right out of thin air and sat directly behind us.

Dammit!

Talk about timing! I press my clenched fists into my lap and take a deep breath. “Hey, what’s up?” I say, trying like hell to hide my irritation. “I stopped by your house, but you weren’t home. So, I came with these two.”

“Yeah, I forgot you were coming over today. I’ve been occupied.” He tilts his head toward Mara and grins.

“I can see that.” I smile and greet Mara with a lift of my chin. She smiles back, giving me a silent hi with her hand.

Jaxon looks sick with happiness. Good for him. You don’t see me trying to keep him from the girl he loves. Jaxon turns to Amalia, then shifts his eyes between us. “What’d I miss?”

Amalia shakes her head. “Nothing. It just started.”

I smirk at the double meaning.

“Sh...” says some nearby people.

Jaxon drops back into his seat, and Amalia and I glance at each other. Eyes wide, she’s nibbling on her lip, rattled. A light slapping sound resonates against the thin carpeted flooring. Kinsley reaches out and puts her hand on Amalia’s jittery knee.

The day Jaxon blew up at us pops into my mind.

2 Winters Ago

The house almost shook from the hard bang of the door when Amalia ran back inside. But Jaxon’s craziness didn’t stop there. “What’s going on with you and my sister, Talan?” His eyes screamed murder, and if I didn’t know him better, I would have sworn he wanted to fight me.

“What?” The accusation shocked me.

One minute, we were laughing and joking, same old, same old, and next, he was ripping into me.

“I saw that look you gave her!”

“What look? Do you mean the look of relief that she didn’t get hurt? She almost hit her head on the cement. People die that way.” My blood started boiling, and I pointed at him. “And you did a shitty job scraping the ice from the steps. Someone could get hurt!”

I was sure my words sunk in because his mad-as-hell expression faded, and he took a few deep breaths. “You’re right, man. I’m sorry.”

Pissed off, I stalked back over to the dirt bike, and we both yanked the jammed plate off, exposing the battery, trying to ignore the heavy tension that gathered around us like a cloud of flammable fumes.

Jaxon sighed loudly, and I wondered if he was about to light a match. He looked me straight in the eye and said, “Talan, just tell me one thing. Do you like her?”

I wanted to say that maybe I did, but his unrestrained glower told me he was insanely serious, and that wasn’t what he wanted to hear. “Of course not. Ama’s your little sister. She’s not even my type. Does she look like the girls I go out with?”

That was both the truth and a lie. Amalia wasn’t the typical girl who caught my attention. She was too short and not curvy. But the truth was, I could totally see myself with her. She grabbed my attention the first time I’d knocked on their door. She looked nervous and sweet, like a timid rabbit you want to catch and cuddle before it runs away. And just the way she stared at me, with long fluttering lashes framing her large, innocent eyes while pink seeped into her cheeks, made me notice her.

Scrutinizing me like he was probing deep into my soul, he seemed satisfied with my answer and then explained. “It’s just that she never had a boyfriend before, and you’ve been out with all kinds of girls.”

I knew what he meant. I made him think I had way more experience than I actually did. Sometimes, I laid it on a little thick. It always seemed harmless, but I wished I didn’t insinuate so much to him.

“I get what you’re saying, Jaxon, because I could do without you checking Kinsley out!” I only said that to get the focus off me and show him how being accused of something feels. I never saw him checking Kinsley out. Then again, I had never paid attention before.

I must have hit the nail on the head because he didn’t deny it. After his shocked eyes sunk back into his skull, he cracked a big grin. “Fair enough. She’ll remain off-limits to me, too.”

That statement said it all. Amalia was off-limits to me. I decided I could live with that. For now, at least. She seemed a little young for me.

Besides, Jaxon was my boy, and I loved hanging out with him and his family.

My parents got divorced. My sisters moved to San Diego with my mom, and I stayed behind with my dad because someone needed to take care of him. He lost it when Mom left and started drinking a lot. I spent a lot of time with my Aunt Rayna and Uncle Chase because of his drinking. Still, a functional family was a rare commodity in my community.

The Aguirre family was like no family I’d ever known. They did various family activities together, but the simplest things made the biggest impression on me. Like turning the television off during dinner, just so everyone paid attention to one another for at least an hour out of the day. That was new to me. I was used to sitting in the living room in front of the television when I ate. Sometimes, my dad, Dean, was there, but most times, he wasn’t.

Mateo and Jasmine treated Kinsley, Kade, and me like their kids. And Uncle Chase and Aunt Rayna loved Jaxon, Amalia, and Erik the same.

I saw his rule as a moot point because Amalia never showed an interest in me. We may have shared a moment from her fall, but I doubted it meant more than that. As far as I could tell, she only liked me as a friend. So, there was no reason to make an enemy of Jaxon, even though he tempted me to beat him up just for picking on her. I offered to do that for her if she ever wanted me to. She just laughed, so I knew she didn’t believe me.

I’m brought back to my current predicament when Kinsley leans toward us and whispers, “I’m going to the restroom. Want anything from the concessions?” We both shake our heads.

The casual interaction calms the atmosphere, but the tension between me and Amalia is palpable once she’s gone. I let moments pass, unsure of my next move, then decide not to allow Jaxon to hinder what feels mutual between Amalia and me because it’s none of his business. I lean over and whisper, “You all right?” She lowers her eyes briefly, then lifts them, responding with just a nod, but the downward curve of her lips shows disappointment.

I don’t care if Jaxon’s behind us. I’ve already prepared to deal with it. He’ll get mad for a little while, but if he’s really my friend, he’ll come around. She’s my concern. I wonder how she feels about him sitting there. I don’t know how much his thoughts about “us” matter to her. After I lob that around, I get sick of thinking about it. I retake her hand, hoping she won’t pull it away. She moves closer, and her hand clutches onto mine.

When Jaxon stands up, her grip tightens. I guess we’re both ready to face his possible wrath. He walks away, then comes back with popcorn and a drink, and she’s hanging on so tightly my palm feels clammy, but oh well.

Hyperaware of what’s occurring around us, I wait and listen for some words from him or some whispers to Mara or any reaction that reveals he knows we’re holding hands and he’s pissed. I get nothing, so I don’t think he sees or suspects something’s happening between her and me.

For the rest of the movie, I fight the urge to put my arm around her, wishing I could kiss her. My time’s running out in New Sable. I don’t know when or if I’ll get an opportunity, and Jaxon sitting behind us makes me angry as hell.

That’s when my mind sways. I wonder what Jaxon would do if I kissed her, which leads me to think about how upset Kade will be when he finds out. He isn’t just “like” my little brother. In our native way, he “is” my little brother and trusts me.

On top of that, I’m leaving next week. Anything could happen after I leave. Amalia’s going to High School. Someone else could be with her by the time I come home. Long-distance relationships don’t last. Gage and Tarran, my other best friends, had girlfriends before they went to Chemawa last year, and their girlfriends found other guys almost as soon as they left. I watched them do it, though Gage and Tarran claimed it happened the other way around. Maybe it did. But either way, it wasn’t good. Everything I talked myself into on the drive over no longer feels right. I wrestle with my thoughts for the rest of the movie and ultimately change my mind at the end.

As soon as the movie’s over, Kinsley says she’s supposed to get right home, but she’s not fooling me. I can see she’s irritated. So, while Amalia, Mara, and Jaxon are in the restrooms, I pull her aside and ask, “Are you mad at me?”

She shakes her head. “Just don’t talk to me about you and Ama until you tell Kade about you and Ama.”

Jaxon comes from the restroom, interrupting us and insisting we hang out with him and Mara for the rest of the evening, starting at the Pizza Palace and then over to his house.

Mara and Amalia approach. Amalia’s floating like a butterfly, and the happiness in her eyes when she looks at me makes me go against my better judgment. “All right.”

Kinsley insists I take her home first. “I’ve gotta clean out my drawers and closet for school shopping tomorrow, and that stale buttered popcorn made me queasy,” she says.

“I thought it was good!” Jaxon says.

It’s clear Kinsley doesn’t want to be around me anymore today. My conscious feels shitty, but it’s too late. What’s done is done.

When Amalia can’t change Kinsley’s mind, Jaxon tells me, “We’ll follow you. You can leave your car at Kinsley’s house, and you and Ama can jump in with us.”

Of course, he wouldn’t leave Amalia alone with me. Maybe he suspects something after all. It’s probably for the best, anyway. Getting together under the wrong circumstances can ruin us before we even start us. Granted, I should have thought of that beforehand.

Me and Amalia’s eyes linger on one another for a moment. I definitely want to spend more time with her. We can still hang out together and have a great night. But with less temptation for me. “Sounds like a plan.”

Boxing taught me that timing is crucial, and it’s just not the right time.

I show up at house Aguirre a week later to say goodbye to my second family, take one look at Amalia, and I know I fucked up. 

Yikes!