The first morning light filters through the curtain, warming the side of his face. Ha Yoon slowly opens his eyes and stares up at the white ceiling. He hasn’t slept much. Not after what happened yesterday.

Ha Yoon sits up. His shirt is crumpled with sleep and his eyes glances around the empty room. The one bedroom of the quiet apartment. Usually, he would have been the second to wake up and when he walked into the kitchen, Dae Won would be there.

But now, he stands barefeet in the quiet living area, not a single shadow greets him. He sits on the couch.

Another blanket of silence settles in.

“Ha Yoon.”

He snaps his head around but only sees the empty kitchen. Tears start welling in his eyes.

“Dae Won…” he puts his face in his hands, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” The tears roll down his cheeks like the broken dam he has lost control of. No matter how much he wants to convince himself, he can’t run away from reality anymore.

Dae Won is gone.

For five years, he has been living in denial, surpassing the guilt, but now it is time. He has to accept reality and move on.

He wipes the tears off his eyes. He’s not a child anymore. He’s an adult, a strong man who has gone through a lot in his younger years, made many regrettable mistakes, and the only way he can atone for his sins is to…

Live on?

Without Dae Won?

He goes through the routines of the day on automation. A customer service smile, generic answers, the same thing on repeat like a cog in the machine called society. He becomes one of the many people. A faceless person living a lie.

Maybe that’s why he can accept the delusions his mind plays with.

“Ha Yoon.”

He snaps up to see Ki Tae waving at him.

They are outside the hospital. A bright afternoon where the flowers bloom and butterflies dance. A picture that doesn’t reflect Ha Yoon’s inner turmoil.

“What are you doing here?” Ha Yoon asks.

Ki Tae sits on the bench next to Ha Yoon. “I’m worried about you. After last night… Maybe I’ve pushed you too much, too quickly.”

Ha Yoon keeps his gaze on the ground.

“But I don’t regret it.”

This time, Ha Yoon glances at Ki Tae.

A resolute expression on his face, brows furrowed and lips grim. Ki Tae’s voice remains firm. “I thought I could just stand by and just watch over you as long as you’re happy, but knowing what you’re doing to yourself, I can’t sit still. I don’t want you to keep living a lie.”

“Doesn’t it frustrate you?”

“What about?”

“That you’ve liked me for so long, that we had a physical relationship, but I continued to chase after him?”

Ki Tae falls silent for a moment. Then he says, “Of course it does. Who wouldn’t be frustrated seeing the person they love pine for their friend instead? But rather than my own desire, I rather you be happy with your choice.”

Ha Yoon clenches his fist. “Neither you or Dae Won are simply choices!”

The sudden outburst startles Ki Tae.

“You’re precious to me. You’ve always been there for me, and we’re always on the same wavelength.” Ha Yoon breathes in to calm himself, “It’s like we’re meant to be.”

Heat rushes into Ki Tae’s cheeks.

“I wish I’d known about this before. I wish I’d slap myself awake and realize your feelings earlier. But the reality is that I was blinded to look only at Dae Won. And look where it got us…”

“Ha Yoon…”

“I still hear his voice, Ki Tae.” Ha Yoon drops his head into his hands, “I see him at home, in the kitchen. I can’t forget his smile, as though he’s haunting me. His body against my palms when I push him–”

“Shh,” Ki Tae hushes, worried that someone might hear them.

“There’s no mistake that it was my fault. He was just a victim of my obsession. I’m… the worst.”

Ki Tae pulls Ha Yoon into a gentle hug. “I wish that you won’t be so hard on yourself. We make mistakes, we both did. As long as you’ve accepted it, you can move on. You can keep going, live your own life, live as who you truly are, not who you think you should be. Even if I… even if my feelings are not reciprocated, I want you to live a happy life.”

Ha Yoon relaxes his body into Ki Tae’s. The strong arms hold him close in a warm embrace, as though protecting him from the cruel world staring at him.

Oh.

Is this what he has been looking for?

Someone who understands him, someone who wishes for him to be happy no matter what ugly mistakes he has made. Someone who will continue to hold his hand, through the days and nights, through the tears and laughter. Someone who has always been by his side and will continue to do so.