Later, Haru and Mammon walked the empty streets of Vargr, making way to their accommodation. According to Mammon-sa—. According to Mammon, it was late at night, and despite feeling the drop in temperature, Haru could not contain his amazement at the unchanging blood-orange red skies. It really made it impossible to separate day from night.

Mammon seemed keen to put some distance between him and Raymon-san, quickly offering to teleport them to their accommodations, but Haru insisted they walked. Aside from helping him sober up, it might also help him assimilate the things Raymon-san had said. It might not look like the night he was used to, but it was strange how the quiet of the streets here offered that same bosomy comfort feel of the night he felt on Earth. Haru had been missing their strolls together, which they had set aside because of Mammon’s busy schedule.

Back on Earth, Mammon was more open, more talkative, more… everything. Here, he was just different. The lover he knew these past few months was still there, he could see him, but he was far from relaxed, somewhat too far to reach.

Was it a mistake coming here? Had he forced Mammon to bring him? He’d been so excited and he hid it so poorly whenever the subject came to light. But how else was he supposed to get to know more about his wolf? All those stories Raymon-san told about Mammon’s childhood, how else would he have found out about them? He had hoped to get more out of Raymon-san, but in the end, he too deflected from the real issue. Haru repressed a sigh. Here he was, pushing again too much. It should be enough that his wolf loved him, right? That they loved each other! No matter how much Haru craved to see Mammon’s true form, he could not, he should not force the issue.

Haru looked up at his wolf walking beside him, again he was lost in thought. No, it was more than that. He seemed more focused; preoccupied even. A pang of guilt squeezed Haru's chest. Here he was obsessing with prying his lover's feelings, ways of getting Mammon to rely on him more, when right under his nose, he wasn't even able to pull him from painful thoughts!

Haru stopped walking. “I’m sorry.” He said, his tone more deflated than he cared to admit.

“Whatever for, Haru?” Mammon observed him.

“I must’ve seemed like a petulant child, and I feel bad. I feel that by asking you to bring me here, I’ve somehow increased your worries. I feel like I’m constantly interfering when it comes to you, reaching for things I shouldn’t.”

“Are you still feeling inebriated, Haru?” Mammon cocked his head.

“NO, that's not... I’m sorry about that too! I just…” Haru tried to sound less exasperated, searching for words.

Mammon then let his hands gently snug up Haru’s hat before they lingered on his thick scarf. Haru found it difficult to meet his eyes just then.

“Please don’t look away. You are never someone who pries, Haru; not to me. There is nothing I wouldn’t give you." Mammon held Haru's chin smoothly, but still Haru struggled to meet his eyes. "If you’re bothered about your little chat with Raymon, don’t be. I am the one at fault, for trying to keep you out and making you think you’re unworthy of my past. It is my own negligence that has been driving you away.”

“Then, y-you heard us.”

“Mm. There are so many chances for you to whisper Mammon-san and go unnoticed, love.”

Mammon cocked his head, wrapping Haru’s scarf snuggly before letting his fingers trace Haru’s cheek. They felt warm under the stinging cold. Haru knew that look. Even here, in Mammon’s own clan, Haru continued to forget Mammon’s abilities. The brief silence that passed between them was enough for Haru’s guilt to triple in size. To not have addressed his worries directly with Mammon now felt like something so silly. Childish.

“Shh, don’t think like that. It’s true that I was hesitant to bring you here, your presence makes it quite difficult to focus, though not for the reasons you think.” Mammon’s hand interlaced their fingers and he brought Haru's up to kiss it. “Mostly, I didn’t want to share the sight and scent of you with this place.” Haru felt himself getting unsettled, the relaxing effects of the drink wearing off, but his wolf continued. “You're too precious to grace Vargr with your presence, Haru. It is more than this place deserves." Mammon's other hand tucked a strand of Haru's hair under his hat. "It was only when I got to court and was included in Lucious’ family that I understood how unkind Vargr had been to me. The concept of family among demons is quite different to the values humans hold; but there was a kind of love there. Our queen showed me what kindness and love looked like when she nurtured her children; even when she reprimanded them, she did it with what I came to understand as a love only a mother could have. This was new to me. Affection of any kind was a foreign concept. In Vargr I had Raymon to go home to, and though he was never violent with me, he was too far lost in his own grief to acknowledge my existence. By the time he tried, he was already trading me as a servant to court.

In Vargr, I was invisible unless someone wanted me as a training matt. Even if you don’t know what affection is at a young age, you crave it nonetheless.  And it’s never a good feeling to want something you’ve never had, or understand. If you want to know of this in more depth, I will of course share it with you."

Mammon caught one of Haru's tears and then looked up at the sky, and after a moment, he seemed decided to continue. "You saw little Rudi. Aside from looking alike, it seems we also share the same bruises. It brought back unwanted memories. I don’t know the boy, but I was at least fortunate with the powers I inherited from my parents. And I made good use of them. I pushed myself to grow stronger. So I was a skinny punching bag, but I was hard to pierce through. Some would say I had nothing but bricks inside." The wolf chuckled. Haru couldn’t tell for certain just then, but he hoped that what he saw in Mammon’s eyes as he spoke was a kind of relief. "I was not fuelled by pride, heroism or any kind of patriotism, but plain and simple rage. Vengeance. It was all I knew while growing up here. Well, and a hefty amount of fear as well. I was the son of a traitorous wolf who let herself be fooled by a corrupt god. My very existence put a hard and ugly stain on our race." Mammon finally looked back down to Haru. "You already knew I was an outcast. *In a way, it was one of the things that brought us together. What you probably didn't know is how much I hate this place. They are ugly, the feelings I harbour toward Vargr and its people, and I’m ashamed to admit it to you so plainly. I did not want to show this side of me. It is unseemly. How could I be proud of showing it to you?”

“It's not ugly, not at all! It was that side of you that shaped you as you are today. How could you ask me to love only half of you?” Haru nudged himself closer in the wolf’s arms.

“Hm. That's the ugly part. The other is, of course, trying to keep it together with political talks whilst all I think about is being with you." Mammon offered that shameless look that gave Haru flustered jolts from head to toe. "I still have a mind to show you just how glad I am that you’re here, just as soon as we get to our quarters.” Mammon squeezed Haru closer with enough confidence to blur Haru’s thoughts. At the mention of ugly, Haru recalled Raymon’s brazen description of Mammon’s true wolf form, but he repressed the thought. This was already an excellent start.  

When he looked up again at Mammon, the expression that greeted him changed everything. The wolf’s eyes had changed, searching their surroundings; his attention rapt elsewhere. Haru felt his hand squeeze just before he spoke. “Haru, stay calm and don’t let go of my hand.” Mammon’s tone was low, but dangerously sharp. “I’ll only be able to send you there once, to where our escorts are. When you get there, get inside the manor and stay there. Please, don’t come out until I come for you.”

Haru looked around frantically, but saw nothing. The street seemed empty.

“Mammon-san, I don’t understand…”

“I will come for you when it’s over.” Mammon’s last words rang in Haru’s ears as his vision was assaulted by an enclosing black; a dizzying spell he regrettably knew all too well now. Mammon’s face was quickly disappearing before him, before he could even utter his name.

In the next moment, Haru was somewhere else. He blinked the blurriness away to make what little he could of the new street. He was outside a large two-storey building with an arched entrance. Two wolf guards stood in front of the same building. They quickly rushed to Haru, making him instinctively retreat. It took another moment to recognise them as the guards from Hell’s court who had accompanied them to Vargr.

“Mr Ito?” A deep voice called from behind.

Haru turned to find more wolves. He recognised Faolán’s gentle yet curious eyes on him. Next to him were Fenus and another enormous wolf Haru remembered seeing at the chieftain’s manor. Was he… smiling?

**

*See chapter 19.2 of the main story, when Haru and Mammon spent the night at the Takedas.