"It is very pleasant to walk through the autumn streets when it is sad. Then gloomy thoughts seem to make sense, and this heaviness that settled in the heart can be endured and not make a fatal mistake. The cold wind is sobering and the warm coffee in your hands concentrates your thoughts. I smoked his cigarettes. His habit of smoking was transferred to me as well, touching the cigarette with my lips I felt as if I was kissing him, those feelings tickled my heart."
...............................
"A month has passed. What I was afraid of happened.".......
"I was very afraid of those thoughts that popped into my head, but there was nothing I could do about it....How then did Lucien find me? But what does that terrible leather diary contain? I was afraid to ask questions and hear the answers to them. When I felt his voice and scent I calmed down. When he looked at me with frightened eyes, I was happy. When he took me very far without explaining anything, I was not afraid. When he didn't answer my questions and just averted his eyes, changed the subject and openly avoided the truth, I didn't get angry, i was waiting..."
-Forgive me
"
.........that's all he could tell me.
I avoided the world, but I had to come back. I was afraid, but I couldn't understand why. Death? No. Truth? Maybe my worthlessness? I've come to terms with it.
All this time he was worried about me. Cooked, told me something that I didn't listen to and gave sweet kisses from time to time, which I adored so much. He couldn't use me, he's not the horrible scum that's chasing me."
-Adam you are in danger. I want you here as long as possible until I deal with him.
"Where there is no communication and Internet, and the nearest village was 10 kilometers away. Where there is everything I could wish for, food, books, beautiful scenery, but there was something wrong with all of this"
-With who?
-Ophiuchus
-You know his name right?
-I can't tell you anything now..
-Or maybe it's you?
"He looked at me reproachfully"
-You don't understand what you are saying.
-Tell, everyone it became known that it was you who fucked me? Everyone is discussing my professional suitability? I don't know because I seem to be in isolation.
"He just left the room. Left me alone by the fireplace where I could sit for hours just looking at the flames. One day I was tired. I waited for him to fall asleep. I got dressed and walked along the snowy path through the forest looking for a way, it was dark and cold. I was afraid of getting lost, but I was met by his guards. That's how I found out that there were other people around and they were his damn dogs. They brought me back, he was waiting for me by preparing hot tea."
- Drink, you must be cold.
-You're kidding me?
-Do you want to go home and are you sure that this is how you will get there, through the forest? 8 kilometers to the nearest road.
-You won't take me home
-I'm not holding you hostage, I'm hiding you from that scumbag and that's it!
-Maybe if you were honest with me I wouldn't worry so much.
-Sometimes it's better to stay away.
"I was so clumsy in front of him. He got angry. I was afraid to look him in the eye. For the first time in my life I was afraid of him. My hands were shaking, he told me to take off my shoes, take off my jacket and go drink tea, I obediently did so. The whole time he was looking at me, and I was nervously looking at the mug. It was quiet in the house, it caused discomfort. But he broke the silence with very painful words"
-Whoever is sending you these threatening letters is not a real Ophiuchus. Because Gerald Ross is not crazy enough to terrorize his own son. I know very well who it is, but I will not tell you until your father is dead.
-Lucien, what are you saying?
-It was my idea to get to Ophiuchus through you. But I admit, i lost, I changed my mind, my rich spoiled boy, but she didn't. I don't want you to get into trouble. And yes. you can't be a lawyer anymore, everyone has seen your seductive lustful face. In short, your father ruined my life. He killed my mother, but do you know what he did to her before that? Сan you guess?
"........But there was something sinister in his eyes, he smiled so sincerely as if he had told a joke, and fear ran down my spine and i feelt the indescribable desire to escape. I tried, I ran to the door, which was closed, and he caught up with me, roughly grabbed me and pressed me against the wall, and then kissed me. I couldn't help but breathe and not move, his arms wrapped around me and he passionately pressed his whole body to me, I trembled, I enjoyed and was afraid, I cried.............."
"And I also felt weakness and how my head was spinning, how my body was burning with heat, how sobriety and the ability to control myself left my body. There were drugs in my tea. But why did he do that?"
"I did not recognize him."
-Сalm down... calm down... I will not offend you. you don't have to be afraid of me.
"It was difficult to pronounce even a word. I melted miserably in his arms and moaned from his rough touches. I obediently followed him up the stairs and undressed when he told me to. My heart froze with fear when he pushed me on the bed. I was lying with my back to him and could not see what emotion was on his face, what was he thinking? But a warm blanket fell on me, the light went out."
-I should hate you, but I can't. if you want to go home so badly, I won't keep you. But don't go back to your parents' house, avoid meeting your father, hide, search for your truth, be careful. And that leather notebook that scared you, I advise you to read it. I did not dare to do this, I think you will understand me and perhaps condemn me. When you understand everything, you will know where to find me
"He left the room and closed the door. But I could not fall asleep for a long time. But he did not come since morning, his subordinates took me to the city. And then I decided to do it. In my backpack was this ominous notebook.
"I returned to my apartment, which was a mess and the air heavy. I opened the windows and looked sadly at the fading sun and the noisy street. I took a glass and poured myself some wine before looking into this notebook, sat down in a chair and lit a lamp. The first page that met me was as if it had once been wet, it had turned yellow in places and in the center was written in such a crooked and familiar handwriting:
"I hope this magical notebook will learn more
of your thoughts and secrets than I will, Gerald Adam Ross.
Congratulations! Upon entering the university,
you will be the most depressed and boring lawyer ever!!
-Your best friend
Gerhard Eliot Weber."
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