My feet slice through the gravel
There should be pain where skin meets stone
But I have trod on this path for long
Enough and now I tread it fast
Enough that I feel nothing
Except the searing throb
The burning shivers
That echo pain
Behind the scars
of my heart
I have trod on this path for long
Enough and for what?
That I may breathe you life
No, that life may breathe itself back to you
No, that I may bring you back to life, my love
But not that you may love me
But that you may still be loved
For I know your time in Hades
Stilled into gentle rhythms
And bowed into wild frenzies
And I know your heart has been taken
By the king with which Death rides
I have seen your lips curve in repose
In happiness, in the shape of his sickle
In the shape of the gentle moon
Under whose pallid light I grieve
You, yourself, the moon
In endless obedient orbit
For him I have seen your cheeks
Bloom like the blazing roses
Of an eternal spring
That is neither in Death
Nor does Death deserve
For what life has a rose in the plains of limbo?
The tender sheen of its petals hidden
From the lives it once colored
Its hungry roots far removed
From any solid ground
So now I seize it back for the world
And I scatter its colors out under the sun
To thrive or to wither
After my hasty grasp
For what use is beauty if hidden?
What use is color if forgotten?
What use the handiwork of heaven in the depths of hell?
Yes, I take your petals to scatter
With my hasty grasp as I flee you back
To the mortal world, to feel once more
And now indeed you feel
The breathless groan of the climb
The wounds on your gentle feet
The horrid wind against your skin
Is this life as you remember?
Dragged as you are by an unknown impulse
That you only know you must follow
Are you moved by destiny, or by will?
Is it mine, or yours, or his?
For whose heart would you flee the dark?
For I know you feel
The crushing weight of the climb
And now you plead for rest
And rest you shall have
In heaven, once we reach the earth
In a heaven, made upon the earth
By these tireless hands
A heaven made for you
What that life tires you so much
That you prefer a seat in the dark instead?
And now I fear, is it but persistent arrogance
That I fail to bow to your wish
As the love that I profess should dictate?
But in love it is only arrogance
That shields the fragile child that is the self
Without which there is nothing
And in love it is only persistence
That cuts through the Gordian Knot
Of a ceaseless, merciless mind
Of an cruel, unflinching fate
These are but weapons, and love its wielder
Either these, or the poisoned dagger
Of deception whose blade I too hold
For my cries have deceived you
For I save you not just that you may be loved
I save you that I too may be saved
For if I do not have you to love
Then I’d just as soon join you in darkness
For I too am trapped in my own Hell
And to free you would free me too
I desire to bring you rest
That I may rest in your heaven too
For I am tired
I am weak
And I am selfish
And yet I love
And I am true
And I am yours
So I reach out —
And if you should loathe me for this journey
For waking you from your dim repose
Then so be it, for at least
Though your smile may never be mine
At least I know by life’s endless wonders
You will find a reason to smile again
Against the pale blue heaven
And the mellow sunlight
And the golden pastures
And the grazing winds
And the peaceful starlight
And you may find your smile returned in kind
By a beating heart
By a fateful hand
That moves for you
Smiles that are not merely
Bare reflected glimmers
From the empty onyx mirrors
Of an endless void
And thus I am prepared to trade
An endless pain for yet another
And I am prepared for more than that
For you
My Eurydice
And now my feet slice through the gravel
There should be pain where skin meets stone
But I have trod on this path for long
Enough that I am weary and I feel
That I fail to tread it fast
Enough, and I feel nothing
Except the weight of each step
Of each thought that seethes and tempts
Each furious beat
Each searing throb
Each burning shiver
Each pained bellow
Each breath of arrogance
Each pulse of persistence
For I know I must persist
I know I must be strong
Or else in one false step
Else in one mistake —
I fail you
I lose you
I lose it all.
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