When I got home, the first thing I wanted to do
was bang my head against the wall and try to get Konya out of my head, but it
seemed increasingly impossible. Cooking wasn't helping my mind, so I figured it
was time to face the painful truth. I took a piece of paper, divided it in
half, and signed one part as Konya and the other as Hamada. I found the best online
survey on whether you're in love and got to work.
First question, when you see this person, your
heart beats faster, true in both cases, but I figured it's not time to panic
yet. Next, you often look at her/his profiles on social networks. I thought for
a moment, I didn't know if Konya had any, and in the case of Hamada, I couldn't
remember the last time I checked if she posted anything new. Question marks in
both cases. For now, I was calm, maybe my earlier fears were unfounded, and my
reactions to him were some strange coincidence and genetics.
Third thing, you can't say no to that person if
they ask you for something, and that's where the problem is. I had no
problem refusing Hamada to go out to karaoke, but I couldn't bring myself to do
the same when Konya asked me to do such a ridiculous thing as holding his hand.
Plus on his side. Another thing, you want to be next to this person all the
time, I looked at the empty chair across from me and reluctantly put the
positive sign back to his side.
I was losing confidence, another thing, when
he's next to you, you feel like jumping for joy. Of course, I was glad when
Hamada came to visit us in the morning and when it turned out that we were in
the same class once again. But was it that level of happiness compared to the
presence of Konya, which seemed comfortable and kind of in place even though he
was teasing me? Another plus for him.
I was afraid to look at the next question, you
often dream of this person, then I said enough, crumpled the paper and threw it
in the corner as if it burned me. Two months ago, I would have given Hamada's
side a positive answer without thinking, but now... Is this some kind of
punishment for not honouring my duties as a child of Eros?
I heard my mother coming home and I panicked
and ran to get the paper to hide in my pocket. She looked at me surprised, but
then the smell of food caught her attention and the original feeling of hunger
took over. I've avoided awkward questions for now. But then it got even worse,
I didn't think my dreams would betray me.
I went back in them until Konya asked me to
take his hand, only this time I didn't pull it back, but I satisfied my
curiosity. Our hands matched perfectly. He smiled at me, and there was no pain
in that gesture that I wanted to take away from him.
Scenes followed as we explored the world, then
moved into a flat together, the adoption of two dogs, his voice whispering,
"Remember our first kiss?" I wanted to throw it all away, but in this
dream, I just felt happy.
Normally I'd be grateful for an alarm clock,
but now I wished it hadn't dragged me out of this happy place. I wasn't even
mad at myself for wanting to go back there, I didn't even look at what kind of
dogs they were! I couldn't deny that I wasn't in terrible trouble. I thought
about when it even happened or when it started, but I couldn't pinpoint a
specific time.
I reached for my glasses, looked at my phone,
and felt disappointed. What did I expect? Messages from him? Why, if Alice and
he both told me he should hate him, why was I going the other way?
"Alice, can you talk to me alone for a
moment?" I asked during one of the breaks at school.
"What is it about?" We went out into
the hall and leaned against the windowsill, she was quite curious. Since I
couldn't formulate the right question for a long time, she broke the silence
herself. "You need to see the compatibility of one pair today, during the
lunch break, I will show you who it is."
"What do your skills say about Konya?"
"Why are you interested in this?" She
immediately changed her posture, and there was a hint of aggression in her
voice.
"Pure curiosity," I replied with a
shrug. “When I tested it myself in our classroom, his compatibility with no one
was over thirty percent."
"Does this surprise you?" she
sneered. "But if you want to know, he met his significant other years ago,
and I hope neither of them is aware of it."
"Why do you say that?!" I said a bit
too harshly.
"This person will only suffer with him
anyway. I don't understand why you're defending him, you should..."
"What should I? " I think I started
to get mad at her for the first time. "Hate him like you do, even though I
don't know him at all? I 'should' do a lot of things, Alice, but I don't."
I saw her clench her hands but refrain from
answering, I didn't want to argue with her either, but... I wanted to defend
him and I had to admit that for a split second, I hoped it was me. I laughed at
myself, the day before I asked about the other half of Hamada, I was really
pathetic.
It's probably all because of that stupid online
test, I snapped suddenly. I thought about it too much, and that's why I dreamed
about Konya. I hid my face in my hands and leaned against the wall, slowly
sliding down. Maybe I should help him find his other half, then everything will
go back to the way it was. But it hurt to think that...
I felt someone's eyes on me, of course, it had
to be him. I wondered how long he had been standing there and whether he had
heard my conversation with my sister. Still, I hoped not, though he looked
worried. He was about to take a step towards me, but Hamada beat him to it,
asking if something was wrong with me. I replied with a slight smile that I was
fine and that we could go back to class as soon as it was English. She walked
me back to the bench, repeating how she was worried about my health again,
which was nice, but not as important to me as before.
It was not the end of surprises, because it
turned out that we had a new teacher. A blond-haired young man entered
briskly, sending a snow-white smile around. I looked at Daisuke, who was
staring anxiously at Alice. All the girls in our class suddenly straightened
up, adjusted their hair and stared at him in awe. I was interested in something
else, quickly used my skills to check his compatibility with Konya and smiled
when it turned out to be only twenty-three percent.
"My name is Thomas Gill and from today I
will be your English teacher," he spoke Japanese well, but with a strange
accent. "Since we don't know each other, I would like to start handing you
this text and ask you to introduce yourself and translate two or three
sentences."
He waited until we all had our cards in front
of us, I quickly looked through it and realized that even Daisuke would have no
problem with it. However, Gill was clever, and he picked people without any
key, no one could prepare for what fragment awaited him, so think ahead an answer
in advance. He had a little chat with Alice when it was her turn, and he picked
me out pretty quickly too. I looked around, everyone was doing average or
pretty well.
My gaze involuntarily went to Konya and I
noticed that he was tapping his foot nervously and waiting for his turn as if
he was going to be sentenced. He turned very pale and looked terrified. I was
wondering where this fear came from. Was he so bad at English? But I didn't
think it would make her lose all his confidence.
Gill asked him last, just before the bell rang
if Konya was good at reading aloud, he was not so good at translating. He was
furious, probably at the same time at his incompetence and at the fact that he
would lose in our eyes. I saw how uncomfortable he was feeling and wanted to
help him somehow, but I couldn't even talk to him because he was the first one
to leave the class without speaking to anyone.
Alice told Daisuke to walk her home, of course,
he agreed, but I knew she did it a bit to spite me so that I would go home
alone. All the way I was wondering what to do, I could offer to help Konya
study, but wouldn't that hurt his pride again? I considered various
possibilities and analysed which ones I should try to implement. It wasn't
until lunchtime that my mom snapped me out of this state.
"Kiyoshi, I'm asking you again, will you
mind if I go with my friends from work for a girl's weekend?"
"Of course not," I replied. "You
deserve rest."
She smiled brightly, she was really looking
forward to this trip, she probably mentioned a few months earlier that they
would like to organize something like this in the spring. I was hoping she
would have fun, and then it dawned on me.
In the evening I tried to write a message, I
deleted every single sentence and wrote it all over again. In the end, I
decided that this version would be the last one. I typed in more letters, which
finally fell into place, "I can help you with your English a bit. If you
want, come to my place on Saturday."
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