Chapter 16

-Myles-

For the first time, Caro falls asleep by my side in human form. We sleep on opposite sides of the bed, but our hands stay connected for the entire night. My precious mate has come leaps and bounds, even if he can’t quite see that. We stayed up late talking, going through every little thing that was on our minds. And it was really, really good. I was glad to finally talk about boundaries again - Caro had been wanting me to take a little more initiative, and I had been scared to push him too far. But now I know that when Caro says yes to a kiss, he does in fact want to kiss me. Kiss me, not peck me on the lips. 

I love kissing Caro. I love everything about Caro. His soft brown locks, his pretty eyes, his beautiful smile. His kindness, gentleness, his honesty and strength. His determination. His care and bravery. I truly love every little thing about him.

“Good morning,” my lovely mate mumbles when he opens his eyes and spots me, his smile shy and adorable. Shifting closer to him, Caro instantly accepts the hug as I wrap him up in my arms.

“I love you so much, Caro,” I remind him, pecking his forehead. Caro smiles and nuzzles his face into my shoulder, breathing in my scent. Scenting him in return, we lie in each others arms for a while until eventually I have to get up and do some work. I don’t want to send Caro home, I want to keep him here with me forever, but…not now. Not until he’s ready. 

“I should probably get going now too,” Caro says a little reluctantly once we’ve both brushed our teeth. Knowing he’s right, I hold back the urge to complain and be a big baby about my mate leaving. 

“See you soon though?” I practically beg, my fingers intertwined with his. Caro smiles affectionately. “Of course, my love.”

Finally finishing the reports I had to write up for Xabien, I bring them to his office, hoping to have a chat at the same time. He invites me in with a smile as always and I go through the reports with him before leaving them on his desk. 

“Have a seat. I wanted to talk to you about last night,” Xabien says once I’m done with the report. Sitting, I think about what Caro and I spoke about in regards to Xabien knowing his past. Depending on what Xabien says, I might tell him what happened. Caro wants him to know, before he considers further on joining our pack.

“I hope Caro had a good time? I thought it ended going really well,” Xabien smiles, moving from his seat opposite to the one next to me. We’re in informal friend-mode then, that’s good. 

“He did; I’m really glad he came,” I admit. I was worried that he would cancel, and by the sounds of things, I think he was seriously considering it. But he didn’t, and it turned out well in the end. The thought of last night or this morning still has me grinning like a silly little kid.

“I’m so happy to hear that,” Xabien returns my grin. “Although, I wanted to know why you didn’t tell me that Caro is a healer? I’m just a little confused since it’s a massively useful skill, and obviously having another healer in the pack would be great for us.”

Fiddling with my hands, I shrug. “It’s just that it’s- well I haven’t really told you much about Caro, to be completely honest. That’s why I didn’t mention it,” I admit. Xabien snorts, giving me a look.

“You have literally told me everything about your mate.”

“I really, really haven’t,” I immediately reply. “Or, well, I’ve told you all the random little things, and whenever something good happens, but there’s a whole part of his life I’ve avoided talking about since I didn’t think he’d want you to know. But,” I take in a slow breath, “he said he wants you to know before he joins the pack.” 

Xabien frowns slightly, leaning forwards in his seat. “Is everything ok? Should I be worried?” 

“No, it’s all stuff in the past,” I quickly explain. “Well, past stuff that impacts today, I guess,” I amend. Xabien’s frown only deepens as he looks more worried. 

“Myles. Is your mate in trouble? Does he need help?”

“It’s,” I start, trying to figure out how to go about this. “Caro isn’t just timid,” I go for. “He has a lot of trauma and he’s still healing. He’s already come a really long way, but that’s- that’s why he can’t be a healer anymore. Why he left his pack to live with the humans. Why it took us a while to mate and why he hasn’t joined our pack,” I say with a shaky sigh towards the end.

“Oh, Myles,” my best friend says softly, standing from his seat and pulling me into his arms for a tight hug. “That must be really hard for you both,” he says gently as I hug him back. 

“Us both? Why? I’m not the one who- who went through all that he did,” I frown, pulling back from the hug. Xabien shakes his head, squeezing my shoulder. 

“No, but you’re helping him through the process of healing. And I know that can’t be easy. It’s got to be emotionally exhausting at times, and upsetting.”

Sitting back down, I nod slowly. “I suppose it is sometimes, yeah. But it’s worth it. He is so worth it,” I smile fondly. “You’ll feel the same whenever you meet your mate too.”

Xabien chuckles slightly. “Yeah well whenever I finally meet my mate, I will do literally whatever it takes to make her happy. Or him.”

That gets a raised eyebrow from me. “Him? That’s new.” 

Xabien shrugs, fiddling with one of his golden curls. “Yeah I just. Y’know, I don’t know for sure that my mate is a woman. They could be a man, or non binary or something. I realised I’d just always assumed it’d be a her because the only relationships I’ve had have been with women, but since Beace…I don’t know,” he sighs. “Maybe it wouldn’t be such a big deal if it was a guy too. I’m not certain I’d feel sexually attracted to them if it was, but…if it’s my mate, I’ll love them no matter what, right?”

Feeling a huge grin slip onto my face, I nod. “Right. And trust me when I say you will still be attracted to your mate in that way, regardless of the gender. If you have sexual attraction already - which you do - then that isn’t going to change when your perfect half shows up. No matter what they look like; feminine, masculine, pretty, handsome, and whatever else. You will fall in love with them and you will love that feeling,” I reassure him. I can’t exactly imagine Xabien with a male partner since he’s always been straight, but that’s not up to me or him. Just the Goddess who provides us with our mates.

“Yeah, you’re- you’re right. I mean I definitely couldn’t give up sex, I don’t know how you do it. How are you feeling about that?” Xabien asks cautiously. Smiling, I shrug. 

“Completely fine. I am attracted to Caro in that way but I’m ok without it. And I get that not everyone would be, but I am and he’s my mate so who cares. I love him and his happiness is my top priority.”

“Wow, I can really see why you got so pissed at Tex for being rude to your mate. You’re a little infatuated aren’t you,” Xabien jokes, his smile soft.

“Yeah, but it’s…” I fade off, unsure if I should bring this up now. But then I think back to Caro’s words. He wants Xabien to know. He told me in no uncertain terms that I can tell Xabien. I still just worry about accidentally upsetting my mate, I suppose. I never want to make him uncomfortable.

“Actually,” I continue, “the truth is that when Tex snapped at Caro’s legs, his breath on his legs triggered Caro. That’s why I was so upset. And because Caro had come all this way just for me, through a storm, only for him to be scared and triggered by Tex and then I managed to make it worse and I just. I was upset about a lot,” I explain. Xabien frowns slightly at my words, his hands clasped together.

“Can I…can I ask, or does he not want…” Xabien fades off, his gaze worried but gentle. He already cares for my mate; I really couldn’t ask for a better friend.

Taking a deep breath, I nod. Thinking about it makes me angry and upset on my mate’s behalf, so talking about it… “My mate was attacked by three rogues, over five years ago now. They raped him. He can’t work as a healer anymore because he can’t be that close to male wolves, especially in an enclosed space. It’s why he isn’t ready to join the pack yet - being around so many unfamiliar wolves. It’s why he had to leave his home,” I say softly, wishing I could be holding my beloved mate right now.

Xabien pulls me into another hug.

“We’ll protect him. Everyone here will. We will never, ever allow him to be hurt like that again,” my alpha says firmly. Gratitude fills me - of course Xabien would want to protect him too. Of course he would.

Whether my precious mate realises it or not, he is already a part of our pack.