Chapter 12

Myles and I remain like that for a while, hugging in the perfect darkness as the rain pelts the windows viciously. Myles’ breathing finally begins to even out and a beat later he pulls back from my shoulder, letting his hands drop from my back. The moment his hand lands on my waist I shove him away, gasping for air.

“I’m so sorry,” I instantly regret it; I should never have been so rough with Myles, especially not when he is at his most vulnerable. He looks away from me, shaking his head. 

“No it’s ok, I’m sorry. I didn’t even realise you were um. Naked. I forgot you shifted. I should’ve been more careful.”

Standing up a little shakily, my mate quickly pulls the blanket off his bed and gently drapes his over my shoulders, careful not to touch me in the process. My eyes feel hot as the events of this whole afternoon and evening catch up with me. Those wolves, the breath on my legs, and then Myles touching my waist…why was I alright with him hugging me but not him innocently touching my waist? I quickly wipe my cheek as a tear dashes down it. Myles inhales sharply and he clenches his hands at his sides, but he still won’t meet my eyes. I need my mate’s comfort right now but he feels too guilty to come near me…I have to be the one to make a move. 

But I don’t think I can stand.

“Myles…” I murmur, pulling the blanket more closely around myself as a lump forms in my throat. “I’m so sorry,” I sob, desperately trying to wipe my tears away. Myles immediately comes to my side and hugs me gently, rubbing my back soothingly. 

“You have nothing to apologise for, love,” he whispers, guiding my head to his shoulder. He combs his fingers through my damp hair as I cling to my mate. 

“I still can’t believe you ran through a storm for me,” Myles murmurs, holding me as I calm down. I want to tell him about that wolf from earlier, but…these are his pack mates. He might find it uncomfortable if I have problems with one of them. And besides, the wolf probably didn’t mean anything bad by it. Although…growling and snapping at my legs close enough for me to feel the heat of his breath is quite…out of line? Rude? Threatening? I don’t know what that gesture was meant to be but I hated every part of it. And Myles would probably be upset too if he knew…I’ll tell him later, when the storm is completely over.

“Can I dry your hair?” My mate asks softly as I pull back, still too embarrassed to meet his eyes. He knows how I’m feeling, but he doesn’t know why. He probably thinks it was all because of him, because he touched my waist. And that was bad, but I probably wouldn’t have had such an explosive reaction if it weren’t for that wolf earlier. I don’t want him to keep blaming himself for triggering me.

Feeling unable to form words right now, I nod instead, letting Myles help me stand and then lead me to his little ensuite. He grabs a fluffy towel and I stand perfectly still, gripping the blanket around myself, as he gently dries my hair. 

“If you don’t mind wearing some of my clothes, I can give you something better than a blanket?” Myles suggests once my hair is dry. Nodding, I brush my finger against his hand and Myles smiles softly, slowly linking our fingers together. My mate never once drops my hand as he fishes through his wardrobe for some trousers and a soft sweater for me.

“I’ll give you some privacy,” Myles squeezes my hand before finally letting go and walking back over to the bathroom. Carefully folding up the blanket, I place it back on the end of Myles’ bed and quickly get dressed. The sweater smells like my mate and it does a lot to help calm me down. Knocking on the bathroom door to let Myles know I’m done, he comes back into the room, looking a little nervous. 

“Did something happen, earlier? Before you got to me?” He asks quietly. I didn’t think he’d notice whilst dealing with the storm. Nodding, I still don’t feel like talking so I just lean into Myles for another hug, hiding my face in his neck. He embraces me gently and I focus on trying to get some words out. I haven’t spoken since I had my mini breakdown, but I can’t explain what happened if I don’t use my words.

“The wolves…” I whisper, clinging to Myles’ shirt. “One of them…breathed on me,” I mumble, suddenly feeling absolutely ridiculous. I got triggered by someone breathing on me? How pathetic am I, seriously. 

“I’m sorry that happened, my love,” Myles says tenderly, his fingers moving to massage his mark on my shoulder. It feels nice and helps to relax my wolf a little. I let out a long sigh, feeling myself melt in Myles’ arms. He’s always so lovely.

“He growled and snapped at my legs, and since I had shifted back into my human form I was naked and his breath was hot against my legs and I really really hated it. I forced my wolf to shift, it was like I just shut down on the spot,” I whisper. Myles tenses before holding me more tightly. He slowly leads me over to the bed and sits me down, taking his place next to me. 

“That wolf was way out of line, Caro. I don’t know what he thinks he was playing at but that is not ok - we don’t encourage that kind of behaviour, even against antagonistic visitors. To act like that against the Beta’s mate is…I don’t even know why someone would do that. It’s rude and unnecessary and- I understand why it scared you so much,” Myles says firmly but reassuringly, his hand holding mine. “Do you know who it was? Any distinguishing features? I know Hibbi was out on patrol today but they’re lovely, so it wouldn’t have been them.”

Shaking my head, I pull my legs up to my chest, resting my head on my knees. “Hibbi was nice. They told off the wolf, but I don’t think they really saw what happened. They did say the two other wolves were mates. The one who didn’t do anything wrong was called Rye, I think they said.” Myles squeezes my hand, nodding. 

“Thank you for telling me. I’ll let Xabien know, and make sure the wolf knows it’s unacceptable for him to act in such a way.”

Fiddling with the hem of my sweater, I chew on my lips. It’s quite late now…and I don’t really want to run all the way home through the rain again…but there’s no way I could invite myself over for the night. If I’m going to stay the night with Myles, he’s going to have to ask me himself. And he’s always so careful not to make me uncomfortable, always so ready to let me make the moves that I’m comfortable with. But it gets tiring, always having to show him where my boundaries are. I appreciate it, but…sometimes I wouldn’t mind him asking where my boundaries are, or being willing to test them.

But…after I reacted so badly earlier, I can see why he’s scared to make any moves first. For all he knows, that could be my boundary, and he could be pushing way over it. We need to find some kind of compromise.

“It’s quite late…” I muse, hoping that maybe if I can lead Myles in the right direction, if I can heavily imply what I want, then he will figure out the rest. My mate nods, smoothing his thumb across the back of my hand.

“It is…maybe you should stay over? If you’d be ok with that?” See, I was right. Maybe this will work for us both. Nodding, I scoot a little closer to Myles so that our shoulders are touching. He smiles, slowly wrapping his arm around me. He goes to put his arm around my waist at first, before suddenly swapping to my shoulder instead. Resting my head on his shoulder, I let out a contented sigh. This is nice. Right now, I’m ok. 

I’ll be ok.