Chapter 7

-Caro-

I’ve invited Myles over to my home. It’ll be the first time he’s been inside - we met a few days ago to talk some more about mating, and he walked me home at the end. But I didn’t let him inside. It’s not that I didn’t quite trust him at that point - I do trust him. But…I feel that there are some things which need addressing before I invite him into my house, and therefore into my life on a greater level. But today, I’ll let him inside my home. My safe space. 

Because Myles is already a part of that safe space.

Maybe I’m going too fast? We don’t have to mate right away - in fact it was several years before Atticus and Blake mated, so I know that it can be done, but…To be honest, I want to complete the bond with Myles. I want to sense his emotions on that deeper level, I want to be near him always, even when we’re far apart. I just…I want to be with him.

My doorbell rings.

Hopping up from the sofa, I dash over to my front door, stopping briefly just to check myself out in the mirror and make sure I look ok. I mean, I look fine. I look normal. Except for my hair, which is down for once, resting just atop my shoulders. Pulling the door open, I smile at Myles automatically, not even thinking about the expression I’m making until I’m already making it. Myles' eyes are so warm and comforting as he smiles back at me.

“Hey, Caro,” he says softly, but doesn’t continue. He isn’t asking for entrance - he knows that I’ll invite him in when I’m ready.

I am ready.

“Would you like some…tea, or something?” I ask awkwardly, stepping to one side and letting Myles enter. His smile grows just a little as I cautiously brush my fingers against the back of his hand.

“I would love some tea, thank you. Would you hate it if I…held your hand?” Myles asks cautiously, despite already knowing my answer. Shaking my head, I brush my fingers against his again, and Myles wordlessly takes my hand in his, locking our fingers together. It sends a happy thrill through me. Leading him through to the kitchen, I reluctantly let go of Myles' hand in order to brew the kettle, inviting Myles to take a look around my home as we wait for the water to boil. His eyes are immediately drawn to the photo frames lining my wall - the most recent ones all contain either Atti or both Atti and Blake, but the older ones…they’re clearly from a while ago. In fact, there’s a whole time period where I didn’t take any photos - I was completely alone, and had no reason to take pictures until I met Atti.

“Are these people…your parents?” Myles asks gently, and I follow him to get a better look at the photo he’s referencing. 

“Ah, yes. My father was the pack healer, and my mother was one of the best warriors. I took after my father, obviously, but…neither of them ever really understood how I could be so weak- how I could possibly be hurt, when I had neither been in a battle nor come away with any battle scars,” I answer softly. But that’s not true. I came away with so many battle scars, because I was fighting for my very life itself. Even if physically, I was mostly unharmed.

“Someone…hurt you?” Myles asks carefully, meeting my gaze, his eyes warm and kind. He would understand, if I told him what happened. Which I intend to do. I trust Myles. I know that he wouldn’t think less of me, even though everyone else did.

“Not just one person, I’m afraid,” I whisper, reaching out and touching the photo of my parents lightly. “But no one knew what I was going through. No one understood how much I was still hurting inside, even after all this time. But- Atticus understands. Better than anyone. It’s only because of him that I’ve come this far,” I admit, looking up at Myles and gently pressing my fingers against the back of his hand again. Myles slowly curls his fingers around mine, his hand warm and strong. Safe.

“We don’t have to talk about this, Caro. Not if it’s too hard,” he says gently, giving my fingers a small squeeze. Taking a steadying breath, I shake my head.

“It’s ok. I want to tell you before we…before we make the final decision about mating. I know we both want to complete the bond, but I want to make sure that- that this doesn’t change your mind, and then you’d be stuck with me,” I whisper, letting my darkest fear out into the open. That because of my past, Myles' warmth and kindness would turn to…disgust. Contempt. Even…even maybe hate. I doubt that, but…I have to be careful. I have to protect myself, and part of that is telling Myles the truth. He has to know my issues, so that he doesn’t accidentally trigger any of them.

“Alright. But if at any point you want to…stop talking, or change the subject…I completely understand, ok?” He says in that same soft voice. He knows this is difficult for me. He knows that this is a big deal - what I’m trying to tell him. He knows that he has to be careful. Going back to the kitchen, I make Myles that tea I promised him, but just get myself a glass of water. Myles gratefully takes the mug from me, his hand resting on my shoulder for a brief moment. Retaking my seat on the sofa, I grip my glass of water tightly. 

“Five years ago, I was attacked by rogues,” I start, before taking a large sip from my glass. Myles inches a little closer to me on the sofa, his leg resting against mine, but giving me enough space to move if I’m uncomfortable. But the contact is nice. A gentle reminder that he’s here for me.

“There were three of them. All male wolves,” I continue, trying to say this in as few words as possible. Already, I’ve given him the time frame since it happened, my fear of rogues and male wolves. Hopefully, if I can get across what I’m scared off…then we can just go from there. Myles is smart. He’ll be able to tell that by specifying that they were male rogues, I am therefore afraid of other people who fit into that category.

“Do you know what happened to Ceyden’s brother, Atticus?” I ask after a moment. It seems like Ceyden and Myles are somewhat close, but I don’t want to assume that he knows when he might not. Myles nods, before shaking his head. 

“I know that he was also attacked by rogues, and that they nearly killed him. That they tried to, anyway.”

Nodding, I take my time to answer, having some more of my water. “Right. Well, Atti and I were attacked by the same rogues. But they didn’t hurt me that much - they didn’t try to kill me,” I explain, watching as Myles' eyes widen, a blink of protective anger flaring up from within, before his expression soothes out to something much more gentle. Something kind, and as warm as ever.

“So…they still…hurt you, though?” Myles asks carefully, the cogs turning behind his eyes. Nodding, I grip the fabric of my shirt, fiddling with the hem. 

“Yes. I’ve always been asexual, but it was only after the attack that I was- traumatised, by it,” I gently explain, watching as the cogs click into place. Myles' expression completely melts, and he sags forwards, squeezing his eyes shut. Slowly reaching out, I comb my fingers through his hair, before cupping his cheek and bringing Myles' gaze up to mine.

“They raped me.”

Tears slip from Myles' eyes, and I find myself brushing them away without even thinking about it.

“Why are you crying?” I ask, wiping a stray tear from my own eyes. Myles glances up at me, his eyes already a little red. 

“Because- it’s sad? That- that someone as incredible and sweet and kind and gentle and patient as you-“ Myles breaks off, another round of tears rushing down his cheeks. Stroking his cheek lightly, I rub my neck awkwardly. 

“I’m pretty sure you’re the only person that thinks those nice things about me. Well, other than Atticus, I suppose, but- he doesn’t really count,” I laugh slightly, my face feeling warm. Myles gently takes my hand in his, tangling his fingers with mine and bringing our joined hands up to his lips to place a soft kiss atop my knuckles. “Well, more people should think that about you. Because it’s all true, and the more I get to know about you, the more I realise just how true it really all is.”

Resting my forehead against Myles', I take a few deep breaths, grounding myself. It’s time to ask him that question; the one which will break my heart if he doesn’t give me the answer I want. But somehow…I don’t think I’ll be heartbroken tonight. Somehow…I already trust Myles so much more than that.