Wetness hit my face and startled me. Opening my eyes, the sun was going down, and it was raining. Viktor was beside me, sitting in the grass. He said nothing. His eyes were closed, but I doubted he was sleeping. He flicked open his eyes, and they softened.

“I saw you sleeping out here, so I came to join you.” 

“You’re going to get wet now.”

“It’s fine. I don’t mind.”

“Did they call you?” I asked, looking down at my hands. 

“Lev and Alessio, you mean?”

“Yes.”

“They did. But I doubt that’s what you really want to talk about right now,” Viktor said. The sound of the rain was pleasing. “Stand up and we can move this to the covered patio. That way, you’re out of the rain.” 

Viktor and I stood up, and as he turned, I wrapped my arms around him from the back. “Nikita.”

“Please. Just bear with me for a few seconds…” I said, and hoped that just this once he would hold still and let me soothe myself, and not say anything about it. Letting him go, I backed up, and he took off his jacket. “Cover your cast. I don’t want it to get ruined.”

Wrapping it over my arm, I walked beside him in the rain to the patio. “Did you eat?” 

“Yes, I had a sandwich and a drink before I came out here.” 

“Alright.”

“What did they say?” I asked finally.

“Lev wanted you to call him. He wanted a chance to explain himself.”

“There’s no need for him to feel like he needs to explain himself. It’s his choice. I don’t blame him. If we had a child, I would protect it the same way.”

Viktor turned to me and looked me over. “Nikita, let me ask you something?”

“I guess.”

“Was there ever a point you might have been in love with me?” He asked, and his question actually caught me off guard for a second.

“Maybe, but you never even gave me the chance to figure that out for myself. You just tried to force me by your side, but whatever means you thought would work.”

“Yes. I did,” he said. I sat down on the chairs outside on the patio, and he turned, going back inside. “I’ll come get you for dinner.”

Relaxing in the chair, I listened to the rain falling, and thought about growing up with Lev and his sister. Both of them had continuously helped me through the years, but after Lev trained me, he distanced himself. I figured that was the best option, too. I only talked to him when he was giving me contracts to complete. 

Alessio had been a total shock to me, but a good one. I was happy for Lev and the fact he had finally found someone to settle down with and do exactly this. Start his own family. He had almost made me believe he had cared when he came to stop me from doing all this, but maybe he only cared because he already was going to give me to Viktor. I didn’t blame him either. 

Pulling out my phone, I texted Lev. ‘I’m shutting my phone off for a couple of weeks. I’ll reach out to you when I get back and I’m happy for you both.’ As soon as I made sure I sent it, I powered down the phone. Looking at it sitting on the table, even though I powered it down, I didn’t feel any better. I felt worse. But this was for the best. 

Viktor came out later. He sat at the table with me. “I figured you might want to eat out here tonight.”

“Yeah. This is ok.”

The staff brought out dinner, and I picked at it the entire time. I drank back the only drink that was being served with dinner, water. I was pretty thankful for that, though, not that I was a big drinker, but right now a couple of drinks would have been nice. But I didn’t need to bathe my pain in booze. That wouldn’t help anything at all. 

Finishing, I turned down dessert, and Viktor touched my hand, causing me to jump. “Sorry, I called your name, but you were somewhere else.”

“I was thinking about some stuff.” I muttered, and stood up, getting all the dishes stacked together, so it was easier for the staff to pick up. 

“Nikita, we are going back to the Russo mansion in two days. That’s the earliest we can fly out. Ilya’s parents aren’t home right now, but they will be at the end of the week. I’m sure they would be delighted to see you,” Viktor said, and stood up too. He surprised me by grabbing all the dishes himself.

“When we get back, I’ll need space to have the rest of things brought, if that is alright.”

“Of course. You’re my husband.”

I nodded. He dropped the dishes in the kitchen, and we went separate ways at his office. I went to the bedroom, and he went into his office. I ran a bath and got undressed while I waited. Turning off the enormous lights in the bathroom, I only left the small ones on. Getting into the water, I turned the jets on and relaxed against the back wall of the tub. This entire thing just sucked. I kept my eyes open while I relaxed the tub, mostly because I was actually worried I might fall asleep. 

Viktor came back around the time I was deciding to get out. 

“Want some company?” he asked, and I could smell the whisky on his breath. 

“Sure.” I said. He sat on the floor beside the tub, and I wanted to laugh. I knew Viktor was good and drunk now. He never would have asked for company like this, and then sat down. He would have gotten into the tub. 

“I thought you would join me in the water.” I said, and he looked at me. 

“I didn’t want you to be uncomfortable with me,” he sighed. 

“How much did you drink, Viktor?”

“Enough. Two, maybe more full glasses.”

Standing up, I tapped the drain with my foot and the water drained out, stepping out onto the bathmat. Viktor stood up and got me a towel, holding it out to me. Drunk Viktor was gentle and caring. I knew this. It was how we had ended up naked together after a night of drinking. It was sober Viktor that was miserable and cruel.

“Why? What caused you to drink?” I asked. I felt like I really needed to know. I took the towel and wrapped it around me. Viktor watched me. “Let’s get you in the bed, Viktor.”

He grabbed my wrist and pulled me with him towards the bed, and he paused at the side of the bed. He took the head of the towel and all but yanked it off of me. “Your hair is soaked,” he mumbled. He took the ends of my hair and he took the time to dry it. He brought the ends up to his mouth and pressed his lips to my hair. 

He dropped my hair and took my broken wrist, drying me off slowly. His hands moved across my damp skin, drying me off. He was muttering in Italian to me. 

“Sit,” he said, and patted the bed. 

I sat on the bed, and he knelt down and dried me off, one leg at a time. He was wobbly as he got back up, and I was concerned he might fall. “Viktor, sit down. I can look after the rest. You might fall.”

He sat down on the edge of the bed, and I felt his eyes on me the entire time I dressed. I looked for something for Viktor to wear to bed, but I wasn’t sure where his suitcase was. He already looked to be sleepy, and I was sure asking him for his suitcase wouldn’t yield any results. 

“Viktor, bear with me. This isn’t what I want to do right now, either.” I muttered, coming closer, and undoing his tie, and taking it off him. His shirt was next. I pushed it off his shoulders, and the gunshot wound from last time was still shiny and fresh looking. “Stupid man.” I muttered. Touching it momentarily before removing his arms from the sleeves. His belt was next. I popped the buckle and pulled it out. 

He was sitting up a little better now, and his eyes were following my movements, but he said nothing. He took my hand and brought it up to his lips, kissing the gold ring on my finger. 

“Viktor, stand up. I need to get these off.” I said and reached to pop the button on his pants. He stood up like I asked, but I held onto him because he was still really wobbly. His pants fell down from his legs to his ankles, and I had him sit back down. I yanked the pants off his legs, and his socks were last. I left him in just a pair of dark grey boxers that hugged him nicely. It was a shame he had such a nice body, but a shitty attitude.

“Stand up for me again.” I helped him stand back up and pulled the blankets and the top sheet back before I got him into the bed. I covered him up and made sure I turned all the lights off before getting into the bed. Viktor grabbed me and yanked me closer to him. He muttered something again that I didn’t hear clearly. 

“Go to sleep Viktor.” I muttered, and his arms wrapped around me from the back. If he had been sober, I might have punched him in the nose, but like this, I couldn’t. I rolled in his arms, and he stirred briefly, but went back to sleep. I couldn’t see his face in the dark, but I knew what it looked like, regardless. I had spent enough time looking at his handsome face. 

I was hesitating to close my eyes and sleep because I was sure I was going to have the same goddamn nightmares again. The death of Lev and his sister’s parents. The biggest guilt in my life.