My roommate...Before I already didn't like thinking of Haneul all that much and I surely don't know. I had already established that she was quite rude and homophobic but two weeks ago she really crossed the last straw.

Yeah, it was her birthday and even if she is quite mean, there was no way I would be mean to the point of not throwing her a birthday party. Even if we don't talk to one another, I'm still her roommate and her ambassador. Through, I no longer think that way anymore.

I still can't believe she had the nerve to be mad that I threw her a little party. Who doesn't celebrate their birthday? I guess she doesn't.

We were already not on talking terms but now we clearly are not. We are back to before, not talking on terms and that means awkward tension too.

Regardless, mark my words, for the first time in my life, I don't like someone and it just so happens to be my roommate.

Yeah, I don't just hate anyone for fun, you'd have to have done a serious offence to make me hate you.

And Haneul did that, she was terribly rude to my girlfriend.

Through this, I no longer have it in me to forgive her or try to be friends with her. I've given her too many chances that she rejected.

It's one thing how mean she is but I'm also a bit mad at her for causing issues with my girlfriend.

Of course, it's not Haneul's fault per set but I had a fight with Madison on the topic of Haneul.

Gosh, I was so sacred it was the end of me and Madison but I'm glad it isn't.

She just ignored me for a good few days and decided to talk to me again when I kept begging her to talk to me again. Yes, I can't stand it when things don't go well and we don't get along. I didn't want to lose her over such a pity fight.

Luckily, she started talking to me again and everything between us is back to normal. Through, the only thing is that I'm not allowed to talk about Haneul ever again. According to Madison, she can't stand hearing about Haneul, my roommate. I guess I understand in some way. I wouldn't do the same due to my kind-hearted heart but there are limits.

For some reason, whenever I think of Haneul, it always goes back to the topic of my girlfriend. Maybe there is a link there after all?

Anyway, as Haneul has made it quite obvious she's avoiding me, well, I can't stand to be in dorms with all that tension.

So I've been going to Mad's often even if I have classes.

After the birthday fiasco, there was no way I was staying at the dorms on a Friday night and as I was in a fight with Madison, I just went out with my friends.

Regardless, there's something else I can no longer ignore, my grades...Yes, it's the first few days of October. I knew my grades to start the year weren't that great and I thought I could turn it around but I guess not.

I'm failing one of my classes, yes, I'm falling when it's my last year in my Bachelor's. I usually don't care all that much but I can't ignore that.

I can't possibly fail that class and have my parents find out. They can't know my studies are in jeopardy. I have to graduate this year no matter what, that's the promise I made to my parents. I can't disappoint them. They already aren't the biggest fan of me, I can't make them the least disappointed in me.

The final exams are right before the Holidays and that is less than 3 months. That is a huge concern. I don't know what to do about it.

I know I'm not the best when it comes to studying and taking things seriously but I didn't think it was that bad, I never failed a class before...

I know I have to fix this problem no matter what. I can't possibly fail the class and not graduate in May.

Though I don't know what to do. I don't think I can do as I usually do. I think I need help but it's not like I can talk to my friends about it.

You see I don't like talking about my problems to my friends, especially not things that concern my parents. I've always had to deal with it all by myself but I think I can't do that if it's my studies that are on like, yeah in jeopardy.

Doesn't matter for the moment, I have a class right now.

So after doing my usual route of greeting people as I go up the stairs of the department of finance at Yales, I get in class and sit down at a desk, where I put down my stuff. I wait for a bit and while I do, most students get into the class just like I did. Through, they all instantly put a paper in front. Wait...Why are they...? Do we have something due...?

Omg! The research project! I totally forgot about it! We had to give it today? I thought we had to hand it next class!

Oh no...I can't have a 0...or else I'll fail this class too...I need this class to get my credits to graduate! Gosh, I am so screwed! I need to find a way to not get a 0! I need to somehow ask for more time. I doubt the professor will give us more time but I can't let this happen. I can't let a stupid mistake like this make me fail this class!

Everyone hands it except me. Then the professor arrives. Everyone then sits down.

"Good morning class, today I will be explaining your next research paper that you will have to hand in at the end of the month. The research paper you had to hand in today was essential for the next research paper as it was an introduction to the final research project." The professor continues to talk while I get lost in my thoughts eating me alive.

I am so screwed! Why'd I have to forget about this paper?! I need to figure out a way to finish the research paper we had to hand in and get it graded! But how?!

For the rest of the period, the professor continued explaining the next research paper all the while I was stuck in my anxious thoughts, stressing out like crazy.

As soon as class is done, I immediately go up to the professor.

"You see professor I'm kind of in a tricky situation and I kind of need..." She cuts me off.

"Don't complete your sentence, I already know what you're going to ask and the answer is no."

"But mam...I can't fail this class, I need those credits." I beg as I try to be the most convincing possible.

"Not my problem, you put yourself in that hole."

The professor then leaves the class leaving me all alone in this horrible situation.

No!!!! This can't be happening! What did I do?! What do I do?! My parents will find out for sure and then they'll probably disown me or worse! I can't believe such a small reckless decision might ruin my life or better yet, already ruin it...

———————

I'm still not ok after earlier this morning but I've been pretending that nothing's wrong even if my life is on the brink of hell and my studies are in jeopardy.

I don't know what to feel anymore. I know I need to fix it somehow but there's nothing possible.

For now, I can lie about my grades to my parents but those lies will catch up to me at some point. At the end of the semester, they'll notice my grade and realize I failed the class.

I know the semester is not over yet but even though I, am the most optimistic person I am, I can't lie about the fact it's remotely impossible to get my grades up to 90's so that I can avoid failing. My grades in this class already weren't that good and now it is assured I will fail, just for one stupid research paper...

This is the worst possible scenario. I really put myself in a bad hole and it's not even mid-term.

Luckily my classes for the day are done and I go back to the dorms.

I don't feel like faking this anymore, I don't even want to see Mad right now. I just want to eat my dinner, go in my room and by pure miracle hope none of today happened.

That's exactly what I plan to do but as soon as I get in, I notice Haneul cooking and right now she's the last person I'd rather see.

I take some leftovers, but right as I go to my room, Haneul decides to talk to me.

"You're not even going to the dishes?" She asks in her harsh tone of hers and I get instantly annoyed.

She finally dares to talk to me and that's the first thing she has to say?

I turn around and she does too.

"I just got back, I'm going to do it later."

"No, I've had enough of this. I'm tired of your excuses. You never do the dishes and because of that I can't do mine." She says harshly.

Getting a failing grade and now this? Can things get any worse?

"Oh, so now I'm the problem? Why does that suddenly bother you?!" I snap even if I don't mean to and she gets taken aback.

"Why it bothers me?! Because other people are living in this apartment and not only you!" She yells too.

"Not everyone has all the time in their life to do the dishes!" I yell frustrated.

"You would have more time if you weren't always out partying with your friend and your girlfriend." She says harshly.

No...she mentioned my girlfriend. Huh, is she not as homophobic as I first thought? No, she's definitely homophobic! This doesn't make her any less against gays!

This is not the point, I can't let myself continue arguing with Haneul like this, this is unlike me. It's only because I'm in a bad mood. I need to take a grip on myself.

So, I do exactly that, I go into my room, ignore Haneul in the process and shut down for the day.

—————-

I hate saying this but I thought about it and Haneul has a point. I think I might be spending too much time with my friends, especially Madison.

Although I go to Madison's often those days, it has been worse as I've trying to make up for my mistake last time. Yeah, I've been spending an awful lot of time with Madison.

Indeed, I have gotten less time those past few weeks and my grades have dropped.

So as hard as it is to accept Haneul's point, I have to tell Madison we can no longer see each other during the weekdays.

Even if I don't want to do this, I need to do this, for the sake of my graduation.

I guess I have to call Madison before I leave for class.

———————

After my Wednesday morning class, I have a work shift at Queens and today I get to work alongside Emma and Hannah at least.

Yet again, I have to put on a fake mask and pretend everything is fine while it's anything but.

My grades are in trouble and earlier I ended up arguing with Madison.

Yeah, I tried making her understand how important my studies are but she wouldn't buy it. I made a bigger mistake by accidentally talking about the fight I had with Haneul yesterday and Madison was not too happy about that. So yeah, she didn't agree to my request to spend less time together.

As usual, she's coming to pick me up after work but I hope to make her understand. This is my grades and my graduation that's on the line.

Right now this doesn't matter, I have to focus on work.

———————

Finally, my shift comes to an end and I can finally talk to Madison. I need to get this off my mind.

Indeed said rebel girl comes in the store and I instantly go to her.

"I'm glad you still decided to pick me up," I say.

"You're lucky I did, I could have decided not to." She says coldly. Gosh, she's still mad at me.

"Don't be like that, I messed up earlier I know but I was serious."

"And I still think that's ridiculous."

Others start to look at us.

"We should probably talk about this elsewhere."

"Yeah, we should."

We go outside in the setting sun.

"Seriously Mad, lately I've been spending too much time with you and now I don't have time to do my projects at all."

"I'm the one to blame now?" She says annoyed.

"It's not your fault per se but my grades are in jeopardy right now and I'm trying to fix it."

"I'm sure you can figure it out."

"And that's what I'm doing right now, look Madison we can't see each other during the week."

"Are you kidding me now? You never cared so much about your studies and now you do?"

"Mad, this is University and it's serious. I can't fail."

"Of course not but you don't have to change your whole life over this, it's bullsh*t."

"Madison...I'm serious...I can't disappoint my parents. They can't know...It's my graduation that's on the line and if I don't graduate..." I say anxious.

"Ok, ok I get it. You can't have your parents find out you're failing."

"Yeah..."

"Fine, we'll spend less time during the week but you're still welcome at mine if that roommate of yours bothers you again." She says the word roommate as venom.

"Gosh, thanks a lot Mad, I really need to focus on my studies."

"As if you will." I glare at her.

"Yeah, yeah, you're serious this time." She says not believing me.

I kiss Madison regardless of the fact we are public and she thankfully kisses me back.

———————

I hate not seeing Madison as often anymore but I know I have to do it to graduate.

Regardless it's been almost a week since then and I thought things were getting better until I got a grade in another class...It's not a passing grade.

I thought my plan was working! Gosh, I don't know what to do, I can't hide it any longer. I have to tell my friends about it.

So that's what I do, for one of the rare times, we're eating all 3 of us, the food we bought.

"Hey guys," I say hesitantly.

"Yeah? Something the matter Alex?" Chase says concerned.

"Yeah...I'm kinda in a tricky situation right now..."

"What kind of tricky situation? You're never this hesitant about it!" Clara says concerned and in disbelief.

"Well...my grades are in jeopardy."

"You mean...?" Clara guesses probably right.

"Yeah...it's that bad and my graduation is on the line. I'm at a loss for what to do."

"Gosh, ok, did you try anything?" Clara asks.

"Yeah, I've been spending less time with Madison but it doesn't seem to work. Though, I still think it's a time issue."

"I don't think it's only a time issue, you need serious help," Chase says.

"Geez, thanks for pointing that out."

"How about you get yourself a tutor?" Clara says and I look at her as if she's lost her mind.

"A tutor? Are you serious Clara?"

"Yeah, with a tutor you'll get help to level up your grades and I know money's not a rub issue."

"Level up my grades...I never thought I'd need a tutor for this, you don't think it's a waste of time?"

"No, it'll benefit you! And you'll have help to do your projects." Chase backs up Clara.

"Ok, I get it but who could be my tutor?" They turn silent as they start thinking about it.

After a few minutes, Clara finally comes up with something.

"What about your roommate Haneul?"

"Haneul? No way." Chase and I both say at the same time.

"I know she's mean but she's the only one I know who's smart and could do this."

"She's a first-year," I argue.

"I'm sure she could help you in some way."

As much as I hate to admit it, Clare is kinda right.

I've noticed how well-organized Haneul is and the number of full-nighters she pulls through, just to complete huge projects. She's quite the opposite of me.

If she didn't hate me already it would have worked but...

"Come on, Alex, you have no other choices. You're running out of time and you can't fail this semester. You won't know if you don't ask her. If she decides to be a b*tch about it, then so be it but at least try." Clara tries to convince me.

"Gosh, am I really forced to do this?"

"It seems like yes," Chase says apologetically.

Haneul, my cold-hearted roommate as my tutor, could that even be remotely possible? This idea is crazy, Haneul will never agree.

But I can't let this go. Ugh, this extremely unlikely idea might actually be my last resort after all...