Barnes and Lauren are doing it again.

Being all lovey-dovey and annoying as hell. Max is across the cafeteria at his table, holding his flask tight enough to dent it as his eye twitches spastically.

Okay. So maybe Barnes and Lauren being together kind of makes Max want to destroy her. He doesn't want to look into why, because he thinks he has an idea and he really does not want that to be true, so he's good with blaming it on intoxication.

"Uh Max, you good?" He hears Andy's concerned voice from across the table and straightens himself up.

Max looks back at Andy and rolls his eyes. "Yeah... I'm good, why~?" He crosses his arms. He notices that his words are kind of slurred.

"Because you're drinking like your life depends on it and glaring laser beams across the cafeteria."

It is then that Max realizes that he was drinking pretty heavily. Shit, and it's some pretty strong stuff.

He can feel himself getting looser and he realizes that, shit, he's pretty damn drunk.

How did he not notice this?

Despite his better judgement, he ends up finishing the flask by the end of lunch. And he's trashed. In the middle of the school day.

Max never throws up until the next morning, he's realized. For some reason he can get as wasted as he wants and not vomit, but if he goes to sleep then as soon as he wakes up, he'd better get to the bathroom.

He's pretty sure it's unhealthy but oh-fucking-well. So is drinking in general. When the bell rings, he stands up and falls against the table. "Ow... wha-" he shakes his head and blinks his eyes real fast.

"Uh, are you okay?" Max whips around and sees Barnes behind him, hand in hand with Lauren.

Stupid. Fucking. Lauren.

"What- of course I am!" He's pointing at them even as he feels his eyes getting droopy.

Oh. Whoops.

He hears Zeke beside him. "Max what the fuck, did you get wasted during lunch?"

Max whips around to face him, before laughing. "N-no, of course...not," he loses his balance and falls against the table. The room is spinning.

"What did you have in there?" Zeke crosses his arms when Max looks at him. "I have liquor or... something. Maybe..."

Zeke grabs Max's flask and Max is too disoriented to put up much of a fight. "I am confiscating this." He gives Max an assertive look. "The last thing you need is to be more fucking impaired."

Max laughs, attemting to boop Zeke's nose but failing horribly and stumbling against him. "You're no fun."

Zeke tucks the flask in his pocket before looking at Barnes and shrugging. "He's your problem now." And he leans Max against the table and walks away.

"H-hey! Give me my flask... dickbag..." he begins looking around for his crutches. In his search he accidentally puts some weight on his bad leg.

"Ow, goddammit!" He jumps away and blinks rapidly. He eventually looks up and sees Lauren looking at him like he is the fucking antichrist.

"Fuck! Where the fuck are my crutches?!" He shouts in frustration, ignoring the stares as he grabs his head. He averts his gaze to Barnes, who looks like he is so sick of Max's shit. Oh well, he signed up for this.

Barnes sighs exasperatedly, and turns to Lauren. "I'm sorry, but I need to get him home." She nods in understanding, though she still looks completely mortified at Max's behavior. Oh well. Most people are.

He finds his crutch right as they kiss. "No! Stop doing that!" He shouts, pointing it at them. Lauren looks at him confusedly as they jump away from each other. "What?" She asks.

"Kissing! It's fucking... gross... don't kiss Barnes." He shakes his head and is seriously completely out of it.

Lauren looks back at Barnes who still seems totally done. "Good luck." She says, giving him a sympathetic look and beginning to make her way towards the entrance of the cafeteria.

"Aye! H- hell is that s'posed to mean... fucking bitch..." he continues leaning on the table. It is pretty much the only thing keeping him from crashing onto the floor right now.

Before he can object he feels someone help him up and he leans on them. Barnes.

"N- no! Two feet!" He makes feeble attempts to push away from Barnes.

Barnes rolls his eyes and looks down into Max's eyes. "What is wrong with you?" He sighs, closing his eyes. He really looks like he's regretting this whole volunteering thing.

"Nothing! I'm sober..." the lights get way too bright and his eyes get droopy and he decides that the best thing to do is bury his face in Barnes' chest. So he does.

He feels Barnes' heartbeat and body heat and smell and he's wrapped up in everything Barnes.

He loves it.

Even though he's not supposed to love it.

"I'm gonna need to put my arm around your waist and you're gonna need to lean on me, like you do with Zeke, okay?"

So Barnes pays attention to how he walks with Zeke? How flattering...

Max looks up at Barnes and starts laughing. "I can feel your... voice box..."

Barnes rolls his eyes, "did you hear me?"

Max nods and eventually they get into that position, Max has his arm over Barnes' shoulder and Barnes has his arm around Max's waist and Max is using only one of his crutches while Barnes carries his other one.

Then they slowly go on an adventure to Barnes' car.

"Woah... you have a car?"

Barnes looks down at him. "How do you think I kept getting to your house?"

"Ohhh~" Max zones in and out and before he knows it he's sitting in Barnes' car.

"Woah..." Max looks around in wonder. "You have a pretty car..."

He realizes that he's staring at Barnes who looks at him before rolling his eyes and beginning to pull out of the parking lot. "It's a 2010 Toyota..."

Max shrugs, before staring at Barnes' arms. "You have nice arms..." he leans his head against the head rest and blinks multiple times.

"You sure like to compliment me, don't you?" Barnes chuckles, looking at him sideways.

Max coughs, and realizes that he's feeling very flirty today.

"Well..." he slurs and leans forward, resting his head on Barnes shoulder, looking up at him. Barnes glances back down, before looking back at the road. "Tucker, why did you just have to get drunk off your ass?"

Somehow Max is in a good enough state of mind to not tell him the actual reason. However, he is in a bad enough state of mind to hit on Barnes like his life depends on it.

"Please say that again..." his eyes go lidded and he smiles drunkenly up at Barnes.

Barnes looks down at Max and furrows his eyebrows. "Why do you like it so much when I cuss?" He asks, and looks back at the road.

Max hums, poking Barnes' arm. "Because it's sexy as fuck."

Max can see Barnes' eyes widen, and he halts his breathing as he almost swerves off the road. Once he's righted the car again he looks down at Max in complete and utter shock.

"What?"

Max starts laughing, pulling away and slumping against the window. He actually falls half asleep, before turning towards Barnes again, leaning his back on the door and ignoring the seat belt.

"Can you say...say some-thing else? Like fuck..." he slurs, lazily pulling up one of his knees and laying his head on it.

Barnes sighs. "I think we need to get you back to your house and in bed."

Max smiles. "Will you be in bed with me?"

Barnes looks at him and back to the road. "Tucker, you need to sleep this off."

"Wha- Ow!" Max grabs his head in his hands. "Ow! That stings like a fucking bitch!" He buries his head in his knee and shakes his head. "It's too bright in here..." he covers his head with his arms in an attempt to block out the sun.

Max gets the sense that Barnes is amused, but he can't prove it. Max flips him off anyway.

They eventually make it to Max's complex and after he unlocks the door and they make their way in, Barnes looks around. "Where's your bedroom?"

Max is about to answer him, when he remembers. "Lawrence!" He shouts, stumbling into the door and he's about to open it again when Barnes grabs his arm. "What are you doing?"

Max turns and glares at him, attempting to wrestle his arm out of Barnes' grasp and failing miserably. He actually ends up pulling himself to stumble against Barnes and he has a mild panic attack.

Fuck, two feet.

Max ends up slumping against him in exhaustion. "I want my fucking cat and..." he coughs. "And you... you're..." he holds his head. "That was a bad idea... " He buries his face into Barnes' shoulder.

"What room is she in?" Max looks up and sees Barnes looking right back at him.

"7B" Max responds.

Barnes gives him a swift nod before leading Max towards the couch and setting him down, Max immediately spreads out and closes his eyes.

"I'll be right back." He hears Barnes say from over near his front door. He doesn't even acknowledge him because he's half asleep and the door is opening and shutting.

He wakes up when he hears the door opening again and he sees Barnes walk around the couch and crouch beside him.

Max's face lights up when he sees Lawrence staring back at him. "Kitty!" He half shouts - half whispers. He reaches forward as Barnes hands her to him. Max cuddles her against his neck and closes his eyes. "Mine." He murmurs, and then remembers something for the second time.

"Oh man... I need to be in my bed..." he sees Barnes raise an eyebrow. "I always puke after I drink so..." Max coughs into his hand and closes his eyes tightly. "So I need to be in my bed, near a bathroom-"

Barnes nods, and before he knows it he's being lead by his suddenly attractive arch nemesis to his bed. Not for the reason he wants though, but it'll do.

Yep, definitely side effects.

He eventually makes it to his bed and flops down, cradling Lawrence to his chest and closing his eyes. "Thank you," he mutters, before practically passing out on his bed.

-

When Max wakes up, as expected, the first thing he needs to do is puke. So when he opens his eyes, he hops on one foot to his bathroom and vomits his guts out into the toilet.

When he's done he stumbles up, and leans against his sink, taking his toothbrush and cleaning the fuck out of his teeth, before washing it out completely.

Then he realizes the predicament he's in. He doesn't have his crutches.

How did he even get to the bathroom?

Despite practically living on his skateboard since sixth grade, he really has horrible balance on crutches. He doesn't know why, but he decides that he's going to try and hop on one foot back to his bed.

He doesn't make it even half way before crashing to the floor.

He groans, rolling over on his back and looking at the clock.

2:31

In the morning.

He hears shifting around over on Zeke's bed, and before he knows it he's being lifted up. "Hey! Fuck you, I can get up on my own!" He starts squirming and he realizes that it is, in fact, Zeke lifting him up. "Max, you need to go to sleep." His voice is super groggy and Max kind of feels bad for waking him up.

Zeke sits Max down on his bed, but before Zeke can go back to his own bed, Max grabs his arm.

"Where's Barnes?" Max is obviously really out of it if he's asking where Barnes is. But oh well.

"He left when I came home."

Max slowly nods, before his eyes widen in worry. "Where's Lawrence?"

Zeke motions to Lawrence's box in the corner of the room and Max nods again.

"Now go the fuck to sleep."

Max is too tired to respond, and buries himself in his blankets. He faintly hears Zeke go back to his own bed.

And he goes the fuck to sleep.