By this point, even a layperson with zero medical training will be able to accurately diagnose Mikhail with so-called foot-in-mouth syndrome. Unfortunately, his case was incurable and so extreme as to be fatal…

Staring up at Shen Dan’s serious expression, Mikhail could only screech in his heart, The loser of Truth or Dare has to "spread his legs" for the other?! Why the hell did I say something like that! I’m practically offering myself up on a silver platter!

Turning pink, he curled up like a baby hedgehog. “You go first,” he said. 

“Dare,” replied Shen Dan calmly. 

Heh! Heh heh! 

Mikhail rolled off the couch. He dug into the haul of items he’d purchased from the store, which Manager Wei had piled up by the door, and took out the bundled-up string of Christmas lights. “I dare you to hang these up outside.”

Shen Dan accepted the Christmas lights into his hands. He went outside. He came back in fifteen minutes. 

Sure enough, in Mikhail’s pocket, the bingo sheet magically crossed off “put up lights.”

“Now,” Shen Dan said, eyes sharpening, “it’s your turn.”

Already, Mikhail knew not to trust this third-rate actor scum. It could be seen written on Shen Dan’s face that if he chose “dare,” the man would either make him drink toilet water or walk on all fours like a dog. Worse, Mikhail thought, what if he chose “truth” and Shen Dan asked him something related to the Guardian Angel System? He couldn’t speak honestly in that case, or else risk breaking the System’s Terms and Agreements. 

But wasn’t lying during Truth or Dare one of the cardinal sins of college life?!

Mikhail: “I choose…. d-d-d-dare….”

Shen Dan laughed bitterly under his breath. Before Mikhail could question this response, Shen Dan’s expression swung back to being relaxed. He said, “I dare you to take a selfie with me.”

That’s it? Really? Doesn’t seem too bad… 

Mikhail took his cell phone out. The two cozied up, made bunny ears at the camera, then—flash!  

After reviewing the selfie, Shen Dan nodded approvingly. Waving his hand, he added, “I choose dare again.”

Ohohoho! Don’t mind if I do!

Mikhail kicked over the cardboard box containing the XXXL fake Christmas tree. “I dare you to set this thing up and decorate it.”

Shen Dan accepted the box into his hands. He went into the living room. He came back in fifteen minutes. 

In Mikhail’s pocket, the bingo sheet magically crossed off “decorate tree.”

Mikhail took a deep inhale. “D… dare again.”

Shen Dan: “I dare you to send our selfie to that person.”

Spoken by any other human, these words should have been too vague to be understood. However, judging from the homicidal aura Shen Dan was now emitting, he could only be talking about one certain, unfavored junior actor… 

Mikhail took his cell phone out. He opened Holland’s contact card. 

To be totally honest, Mikhail had blocked the man a few days ago after his phone kept blowing up with nonstop texts and video calls, the majority of which were Holland nagging Mikhail to ditch his job as Shen Dan’s PA to come work for him instead. Mikhail begrudgingly unblocked him and attached his selfie with Shen Dan to a message that simply read “hi….”

Never before had Mikhail seen someone react with so much undisguised smugness to the “message sent” sfx. Shen Dan reclined into the couch as if he were a cat caught in a sunbeam. Smiling, he repeated, “Dare.”

₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊

Rather than “Truth or Dare,” this game ought to have been called “Dare or Dare.” Shen Dan made a gingerbread house. Shen Dan lit a Christmas candle. Shen Dan wrapped a gift. Shen Dan ordered a stack of holiday cards on Tostco’s website. 

As for his opponent’s dares: Mikhail edited Holland’s Wigipedia page, changing his status to “deceased.” Mikhail signed up Holland’s phone number to a hamburger facts trolling app. Mikhail called Holland and left a voicemail dissing his acting skills. 

In Mikhail’s pocket, the bingo sheet was practically vibrating from all the active checkmarks. He had peppered the sheet with spots of green, but had yet to complete a full row or column. 

This was the natural result of choosing the “shotgun method.”

As Shen Dan diligently penned a handwritten letter to Santa, the sun began to set. The dares began to slow down. It seemed even the System couldn’t bear to watch these two men slowly but surely transforming into a pair of salted fish.

【SYSTEM ENTERING SLEEP MODE - GOODBYE】

Mikhail, who was similarly entering sleep mode, let out a yawn. His forehead was suctioned to the coffee table. Finally, the scratching sound of pen on paper came to a halt.

Shen Dan softly asked, “You don’t want to choose ‘truth?’”

Mikhail yielded into his sleeve, “Mmmph. I guemss I cam.”

Of course, the reality of that muffled response was that, in Mikhail’s half-dreaming state, his brain had instead heard the words “you don’t want a moose tooth?” To which dream-Mikhail had extended his hand out to the dream-moose standing in Shen Dan’s living room. 

“Mooth toof… yeah… gimme…”  

₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊

Shen Dan, newly given permission to ask Mikhail a single truth, retreated back into contemplative silence. He set down the pen he was holding so quietly that it made zero sound and began to fidget with the corner of his handwritten letter to Santa. 

Unbeknownst to the dreaming Mikhail, Shen Dan’s gaze had since moved from the words scrawled on the page in front of him to the teeth-mark-shaped scar on Mikhail’s upturned wrist. 

Eyes hazy, he opened his mouth. “How did you…”

Shen Dan didn’t get to finish asking his question. Mikhail’s cell phone suddenly began ringing, the screen lighting up.

Mikhail jerked his head off the coffee table. A thread of drool connected his lips to his forearm.  

...Huh? 

Oh. He was receiving an incoming call from one “Holland Do Not Pick Up.”

Holland’s default icon was an image of himself attending some charity function. He was smiling sweetly and snuggling a pair of speckled puppies up to his face. Mikhail, who practically had devil horns sprouting from his head, instantly hung up on him. He started cackling:

“Ke-ke-ke-ke… I bet he’s started receiving the hamburger facts. Maybe we should call him Hollandaise from now on. Or mustard jerk. Wait, hollandaise is Swedish for mustard, right…?” 

Shen Dan was too obviously pained to respond to Mikhail’s babbling. With great difficulty, he tore his gaze away from Mikhail’s wrist scar. His eyelashes lowered bit by bit, veiling his thoughts as he seemed to sink like a stone into a sea of bad memories. 

Noticing Shen Dan’s sullen expression, Mikhail’s smile tumbled right off his face. 

His heart began to race. Wh-what’s happening to me? I feel kind of… sad. Am I getting sick? 

₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊

Dear reader, empathy is a powerful drug. 

Rather than getting sick, what was happening was this: For the first time in his 28 years on Earth, Mikhail had actually detected an emotional shift in a fellow human being and was responding with an emotion of his own. His three-sizes-too-small heart expanded in diameter by two millimeters that day as he asked, “Emm, Shen Dan, are you feeling OK—”

“Never mind. I can’t ask it. You win.” 

₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊

At first, Mikhail didn’t register those words “you win.”

The last time he had heard these exact words uttered towards him was from a pop-up ad on his computer when he had entered a shady website to read Korean webtoons for free.

He was so surprised that his concussed-goldfish-brain forgot all about his out-of-character concern for another human being. 

Shen Dan meanwhile smiled, cocking his head. The previous worrisome expression on his face had evaporated, leaving not a trace. He repeated himself. “Mikhail, you must be happy. You beat me.”

₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊

Wait, I beat Shen Dan at Truth or Dare?!

Wait, I beat Shen Dan at Truth or Dare!!

₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊

Reporting live! Underdog Mikhail Li dethrones projected champion Shen Dan at high-stakes game of Truth or Dare! 

Reporter: “How do you feel?”

Mikhail: “Ahhh, I don’t know what to say. I’m shocked and happy.” (；´д｀)ゞ

Reporter: “Is there anything you’d like to say to the camera?”

Mikhail: “I want to thank my fans for believing in me! Please, continue to cheer for me in the future! Hugs and kisses to everyone, mwah, mwah~”

₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊

Mikhail didn’t need to consult the System beforehand to know that his chances of winning this game of Truth or Dare had been less than 0.0000001%.

But to be perfectly clear, Mikhail’s brain functioned quite literally. Whatever TV show he must have picked up the phrase “spreading legs” from, he didn’t fully grasp the implications. Hence, when he stipulated that the loser should “spread his legs” for the other, he had envisioned something akin to a five-second-long manspread. The meaning was intentionally symbolic and would convey to both parties who the real ML was in this house. 

And who would have guessed it! That ML is none other than meeeee! Mikhail beamed.

He waved his hand at Shen Dan and said haughtily, "Well, let's see it."

₊˚｡⋆❆⋆｡˚₊

Words are the source of misunderstandings.

A little fox once said that in a famous book. 

Because Mikhail didn’t read books, he never learned such a valuable tidbit as this. 

When Shen Dan stood up and started unzipping his pants, Mikhail’s eyes promptly rolled into the back of his head. As the sound of a belt buckle hitting the floor echoed in the dead-silent living room, white foam began bubbling out of the corners of Mikhail’s mouth. He lay twitching on the ground in a heap. 

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