Rory

“You made bloodshot eyes look good, cutie.” A deep voice drawled behind me, and I stilled. I slowly turned to see a man awkwardly leaning against the wall with a cheesy smile on his face. He was pretty – prettier than me, anyway – and tall – not as tall as me, I totally had at least half an inch on him – and dressed really well.

Oh. My new neighbor. He had moved into the only other apartment on my floor yesterday.

So-

My eyes narrowed.

“Are you hitting on me?” I asked flatly.

“I don’t know. Maybe.” He said with an awkward little lift of his shoulders, like a naught little boy trying to flirt.

I turned to face him fully. “I would never...in a hundred years...ever be interested in you sexually or otherwise.” I said to him very plainly, holding his gaze. His smile slowly fell and just as the light began to leave his eyes, I grinned wide. “I’m just fucking with you man!” I laughed loudly, reaching over to lightly punch his arm.

He jerked a little, his lip twitching into a lopsided smile, looking surprised. He laughed uneasily as I cackled.

“Shit, man!” I laughed, “You are to easy! You really thought I was being a dick! Do I look like the kind of asshole that would be picky about who hits on him?!” I turned and waved at him. “You got food in your apartment yet?” He shook his head a little with the same uneasy smile. “Then come on and follow me – I just ordered take out, and I have no one to share it with but my five cats!”

I led him over to the elevator, reaching into my jeans to pull out my cellphone as we stepped in, “Food should be here in...ten minutes -” I glanced over to where he was leaning back against the wall, watching me with a careful gaze. “Hope you like Chinese!” I laughed.

He smiled a little nodding. “I do if you got noddles!”

I let out a bark of laugh, “Only a complete psychopath wouldn’t order noddles!” I said as the door dinged, signaling we were on our floor. I opened the door and led him to my apartment, right across from his – like directly, as in his door was perfectly lined up with mine. I unlocked my door and opened it, all five of my cats coming over to greet me- upon seeing my neighbor they all freaked out, turning to run away so fast they slipped and bumped into each other.

“Holy shit, you weren’t joking!” He laughed, startled as he looked around at the cats that frantically ran away to avoid socializing with the new guy. “Five?!”

“Yeah, I mean,” I shrugged as I pulled off my knit hat, tossing it to where the couch was by the sliding glass door leading to my balcony. “They probably belong to someone else, but they didn’t have a tracking chip in them, they came in my window, and made themselves at home so I, you know...I just adopted them.”

He nodded as he looked around my apartment. “Do they ever go back home some of the time or do they just stay here?”

“Oh they stay here,” I said in a serious tone, “I don’t let them back outside. They’re mine now.” He laughed and I laughed with him for a minute before I suddenly stopped. “But seriously, they’re mine now.” He stopped laughing as well. “You can’t let your cats out around here, the coyotes will get them, I mean shit, look-”

I turned this way and that, looking for any of the cats. I pointed my finger to where one was ‘hiding’, just her face under the couch while the rest of her fat body hung out.

“Look at that turkey. She came to me a svelte little kitten - but she’s to stupid and to fat to survive out there now.” I clicked my tongue. “Mimi, your ass is hanging out!” I called, the cat’s tail whipping around. “They’re gonna eat you if you don’t hide better than that!” Her tail flicked but she otherwise stayed perfectly still. I shook my head and looked back to him. “If you are going to be a responsible pet owner, you got to keep them locked up or else the predators are gonna get them.”

He was staring at me, smiling like a weirdo.

I smiled back.

“I...I really like you.” He mumbled in a tone of awe, saying around his big, wide smile “I think you and I are going to get along just fine, Rory.”

I smiled a little at him. “Cool.” My face fell. “I do have a girlfriend though, just putting that out there.”

“Hey, so do I!”

“Really?”

“No.” He said suddenly, grinning at me, “But if you play your cards right…”

I let out a bark of laughter. “I don’t know man, my girlfriend has the most amazing ass, and she buys me shit in exchange for pussy worship – so that’s a win-win for me!” He laughed along with me as I started to take off my shoes, and when I straightened I saw him looking at ll my merch. He poked the plastic ‘Hufflepuff’ banner I had on the wall by the door and I smiled at him, asking “What house are you?” I chuckled, “You can tell a lot about a person by their house!” I laughed.

“Oh, I don’t like Harry Potter.” He said with a little laugh. “Read the first book – well, the first few chapters. Bored to tears. Movies are to kiddy for me.” he gave another little laugh. “I just don’t get the hype.”

I laughed just a little before my face dropped and I pointed to the open door. “Get out.” He laughed but I shook my head and went toward him, pushing him out. “No seriously, GET OUT.” I pushed him out into the hallway and closed the door, locking it with a ‘fucking muggle.’ muttered under my breath.

There was silence for a beat before I quickly unlocked it and opened it with a big grin, laughing when I saw he was laughing so hard in the hallway he wasn’t able to make a noise. Then, finally, he sucked in a breath and started to laugh loudly and I reached over to grab his jacket and pull him back in to the apartment by his sleeve.

“I was lying when I said I had a girlfriend- I-I don’t know why I said that. I mean, you probably figured that when I said, you know, she paid for stuff in exchange for sex. I’m not nearly good looking to nab the handful of women in the world willing to do that.” I said with a little frown as he wheezed, regaining control over himself. “I’m very lonely. I haven’t had a girlfriend since high school – I only moved here so I could sneak a peek at her when she goes to visit her brother across the street.” I admitted, he laughed but I nodded. “No really, I’m really lonely, so if you hear hysterical crying in the middle of the night...that’s me. Hysterical laughing as well – I’m a big fan of SNL and youtube funnies – but mostly there will be tears.” I was half joking, but only half. “Weed can make me kind of weepy sometimes. And I consumed an obscene about of it.”

He grinned, but I shook my head and his smile slowly fell. He came over and aggressively slung an arm over my shoulder, pulling me close so we were face to face. “You and I are going to spend so much time together, you are going to wish you were lonely again.”

“Dude, never.” I said as I gripped the back of his jacket. “As long as you don’t cockblock me, we’re good.” I assured him, “I mean that.”

He grinned and lifted the hand that wasn’t around my shoulder to offer it to me and I took it to shake it briefly before I pulled away and went to my kitchen – it had a long counter with a stove, a fridge, and a trio of cabinets. And a sink. And a dishwasher. So, like, a normal kitchen. Basically.

“You like weed?” I asked.

“Sure.” He said with a shrug.

I opened the cabinet by the fridge, showing off the three shelves there packed with my treats. Cannabis candies on the first shelf, healthy munchie stuff on the second shelf, and legit marijuana on the top shelf in containers. “Good cuz I’m a major potheat.”

He let out a wheezy laugh. “Beautiful.” He said as he looked over the shelves.

I grinned and bobbed my head, “You are welcome to any of it, just don’t take more than you replace dude. My last roomie Miguel used to eat all my candies, which was stupid because I literally bought them at his store, and he was like ‘but I gave you a deal’, like a quarter off is huge- not one fourth, like literally twenty five cents off a freaking two hundred dollar purchase.” I sucked in a breath. “The cats came after Miguel got his own place….so….so just replace what you take, please.”

“Noted.” He said with a nod.

I grinned and closed the cabinet to go to the fridge. “You like eating healthy?”

“No.”

“Then you’re going to hate the dinners I make!” I said with a grin as I opened my fridge to show off the selection of healthy shit inside. Most just fruit and vegetables with a couple sushi containers. He smiled and went to sit on the counter. “Today is my one cheat day of the month where I binge take out like a fat ass, drink like the world is ending, and then usually throw it all up before I crash-”

“Dude, yes.” He stressed with wide eyes. “Soulmate.”

“-but usually I eat really, really healthy and work out.” I lifted a finger. “Everyone in my family died from chronic fat ass syndrome,” He vibrated with quiet laughter and I grinned, “-so I’m like, super super seriously about health.” I paused, “Also, the kind of girls I’m trying to pull usually don’t go out with fatties unless they are uber rich, and I’m just regular old trust -fund-because-my-Dad-was-a-doctor that-invested-well rich.”

“So it’s girl for you then?”

“I’m not opposed to being some rich guy’s sugar baby, but let’s face it, I’m a little to lazy to put in the work that it would take to earn my keep, you hear what I’m saying? And I’m not that hot. If I was gorgeous and lazy, maybe, but lazy and cute?” I shook my head with a frown.

“Totally.” He nodded, seeming to understand my rambling.

I grinned, he grinned sharper. “So mostly girls, unless some guy with a weed plantation is looking for a reasonably fit and semi attractive man who lives off a trustfund and...has five fat cats to feed comes along, then, you know, yeah, girls.” I nodded and he nodded as well.

“Cool. Me to.”

“Even about the five cats?”

He laughed, “I guess so now.” He said, giving a pointed look to where one of my cats – Selena Maria Argentina– was trying to creep past us to her food bowl without being noticed. I loudly called out her name and she jolted, her paws frantically moving under her fat body, trying to get friction on my floor before she ran off.

When new guy asked my name, I supplied “Well she’s named for the shape of the patch on her back that I thought was shaped like Argentina, but I had actually been thinking of Mexico, but I couldn’t think of a fun name that rhymed with Mexico. We laughed together before I asked seriously “Dude, if this is like Single White Female than you got to tell me, because I-I got to say, my life ain’t so good. Families all dead. Everything thinks I’m stupid, and I got to be frank – I am pretty stupid. All my clothes are cheap. My laptop takes like ten minutes to turn on...and I don’t even have a good view. I really just got this apartment so I could perv on my ex while she painted her toe nail on her brother’s deck...and everyone knows I’m into feet. I’m not joking. They called me the Toe Bro in high school- my life really isn’t worth stealing. Do you really want to pretend you are into feet the rest of your life?” I asked nervously.

“This isn’t Single White Female.” He said with a laugh.

I laughed as well. “Then what is it?”

“This is something original and purely us, and I think we’re both gonna like how it ends.” He said cryptically.

“What about the cats?” I said, glancing to where Mimi was still at the couch, looking back to him, “They gonna like this at the end as well?”

“Oh yeah.”

“Cool! Hey, you ever watch the Fox and the Hound high as fuck?” He shook his head and I grinned, climbing up briefly to grab a box of rolled joints. “Bro, you are going to cry like a little bitch, but you are going to feel so, soooo good afterward. It’s the most therapeutic thing ever.” I said as I got out two joints, putting the box back. “We’re going to be a complete fucking wreck, and it’s going to be amazing.”

He grinned as he accepted the joint I handed him, sticking it between his lips. “Fair warning, I get handsy when I’m high.” He said as he pulled out a lighter.

“Bro, that’s great because when I’m high I always want to be cuddled!” I said as I leaned forward to let him light mine.

He bobbed his head as he lite his, snapping his lighter shut. He inhaled deeply, eyeing me then. “We are going to get along great.” He said as he exhaled. I inhaled from my own, giving him a thumbs up as I held mine in.

I held in my pull, watching as Selena Maria Argentina flipping her empty bowl to sit there and stare at me, her tail swishing back and forth in irritation. I frowned and looked back to him. “Bro,” I said as I exhaled, “What the fuck is your name? I can’t believe I didn’t ask yet.”

“It’s Francis.” He – Francis – said around another exhale. “And your Rory, right?”

“Yup. My mom was a huge fan of Gilmore Girls.” I said before I took a long pull.

“What’s that?”

I closed my eyes as I held in my pull before I exhaled, slowly opening my eyes. “Fuck The Fox and The Hound. I’m about to rock your fuckin’ world –” I said, then saying very quickly, as quickly as I could- “Canyouunderstandthis?”

He blinked. “Did you just say, ‘Can You understand this?”

I bobbed my head as someone knocked on my front door. “If you can understand that, then you can understand what the girls say, cuz sometimes they talk fast, and it sounds ssoooooo much faster when you are high – lemme get the food,” I handed him my joint and then went off to get our food.

We got high as fuck after that, and I boy was he a cuddle whore, which was perfect for me. I mean, he pretty much had his hands down the back of my pants on on my ass the entire time, but it was weirdly nice, and having him half laying on me was like that really nice weighted blanket I had when I was a kid, only he told me I smelt good and had a great ass.

So, like, better.

I didn’t even mind him grinding on me either, or the fact that he only laughed or cried at the show when I did.

It was nice having someone again, even if it was a complete stranger I literally met just today.

I had a pretty good judge of character.

Usually.