Within a few years, Max Hopewell became Max Hawthorne. Yes, you heard me right. That lucky bitch married into the family. Biracial couples weren’t something anyone ever did, and here she was, sneaking her way into the wealthiest family in the city. From the outside, it looked like the two really loved each other, but I just knew that she was in for the money. She was nothing but a liar who pretended to love Reginald for the money and he was too blinded by her beautiful body to see it. I refused to believe any other story. I HATED that woman.

In the 8 years that passed since my hatred grew for that woman by the day. That stupidly oblivious front she always had on pissed me off to no end. As if someone could actually be THAT oblivious! If that wasn’t everything, she was also stuffing her face constantly. And I mean, constantly. It was a wonder that she wasn’t 400lbs. Coming from a place of poverty, this was the first she was able to indulge in her pathetic life, so she did gain a significant amount of weight from it… but somehow still managed to look good. All of it went to the right places, which I bet Reginald just loved. 

 By the time her wedding came a few years later, I had nothing but hate and jealousy in my heart for that woman. When the day of their wedding came, I was determined to top her and showed up in a magnificent white wedding dress. It was the only time I would even consider wearing white but it was worth it to see the look on her face. I had only meant to just show up in the dress and not say anything, but something about seeing her about to get married set something off inside me and I started yelling insults at her and even tried to ruin her dress a few times, causing her to run off with tears in her eyes. When I managed to calm down later, I realized I went too far. After remembering what I had said and done, I beat myself up for losing it like that. Would I ever apologize? No. I had too much pride to do that.

*   *   *   *   *

By the ripe age of 28, I was more bitter than ever. Don’t get me wrong, I knew how bitter I was, I just never showed that I was aware. Like any other person, I did have a consciousness. Sometimes I did go a bit too far, and that would lead to later beating myself up over it. My shitty eating habits were still a struggle, which usually meant punishing myself with less food. To me, losing weight meant looking less approachable. The less approachable I looked, the less of a chance I had of losing my cool. If I lost my cool at that point, it was their fault for looking my way. They should’ve known better.

It was one very hot summer day and I was at the last place I wanted to be. Outside. Angel wanted to go shopping and it just so happened I was the only available sibling. I had planned to stay inside all day and sleep, but her pestering annoyed me so much that I just gave in. Wearing all black was fashionable, but not always fun when it was hot out. If there was one thing I didn’t want the attention of more than people, it was the sun. Sadly, it was too obsessed with me and was making a pretty solid attempt at burning me alive. That’s coming from someone who’s always freezing too.

“Ugh, it’s too hot out here.” I groaned. “When can I go home?”

“No wonder! You’re in all black!” Angel exclaimed. “You’re going to cook!”

“All the more reason to hurry up and go home.”

“Just one more shop.” Angel sighed, looking a bit defeated. I’ll admit, I wasn’t giving her an easy time. But that’s what comes with shopping with me and she knows that.

“Right.”

“Here we are!” Angel turned a corner and headed into the local candy shop that she loved dearly. Correction to my previous statement: NOW I was in the last place I wanted to be. Outside of a candy shop, and soon to be in the candy shop.

The minute we headed inside, a familiar-looking boy shuffled out from behind the shelves. Not too long ago I had seen this boy. He had helped Angel and Reginald out with getting the candies they wanted last time I was here. Including the stupid winter mints that Reginald got for Max, who clearly did not need them. 

However, the boy had changed a lot in the span of a few months. Back then, he was stick thin. Definitely not smaller than me by any means, but a tad underweight looking. His reddish-brown hair was short, although still covering part of his eye. Now, though? Ohoho, now?? He had gained a lot of weight. I’m talking at least 60lbs, making him overweight. For a man, he carried it well I suppose, but it still wasn’t a look I liked. His once short hair was now to his shoulders, and swooped over his eye, covering it entirely. The way he walked and presented himself made it seem like he was trying to be a woman. Had it not been for the fact he actually pulled it off decently well, I would’ve shrugged it off and just tried to keep my distance, but COME ON! When a man can pull off looking like a woman better than you can?! Why did he get more of an hourglass shape than I did?! It’s like the world was trying to test my patience!

However, a small part of my small black heart felt for him. A weight gain like that didn’t come out of nowhere. Not that fast. As someone who secretly struggled and still had my moments of binging, I could sniff out people of my own kind. Binging was most likely the culprit to this. Purging probably wasn’t something he did either. Clearly. 

Despite having a bit of sympathy for him, I couldn’t help but glare at him. His entire existence was upsetting to me, and I couldn’t fully understand why. The disordered part of my brain almost found his change in appearance funny. It was like a competition of thinness to me, and I was clearly winning while he was losing miserably.

“You.” I couldn’t help but cackle a bit. “You’re the boy from last time!”

“Uh… Yea. Can I help you?” He mumbled, clearly not very confident. That didn’t stop me. That switch in my brain that kept a filter on my words had already come off. 

“Getting out of my sight would be a good start,” I said, making a shoo motion with my hand. “Can someone who doesn’t look like they’ve been stuffing their face all year come and help me? Well, my sister actually, as I don’t eat candy, but you get the point.”

“Beatrice!!” Angel gave me a look of utter shock. “This young man was kind enough to offer help and that’s how you treat him? That’s out of character, even for you!”

“Well look at him.” I leaned over a bit, not breaking eye contact with the young man. “He’s obviously a tranny. Either that or a faggot. The hair gives it away-”

“One more word out of you and I’ll make sure Mum and Dad don’t pay for that maid of yours.” Angel scowled before turning to face the employee with a softer expression. I frowned at her reaction. Angel was not the type to get upset like that, so I knew I had pushed it. As hard as it was, I bit my tongue and tried to shut myself up. Fluffy could see my struggle, and quickly wrapped around my neck and tried to calm me down before I said anything else without thinking.

While I tried to calm down, Angel asked to be directed to the peppermints. The boy happily directed her with a few uncomfortable stares my way. I wanted to glare back, but Fluffy was distracting me and telling me not to. Instead, I laid my eyes on some candies in front of me. One of my old favorites. Oh, how I would’ve killed to have some. I didn’t dare though. A few would become a whole bag mixed with a stomach ache and bloat. My willpower still wasn’t strong enough to chance it. It was stronger, but not strong enough that I could go a full month without at least one mess up. Forcefully, I ripped my eyes away from those delicious-looking candies and glanced at the employee, who was only a few feet away from me. 

The boy looked ready to be sick. Very sick. I could see his face drain of color as he lurched forward. With little to no time to get out of the way, the bastard barfed right in front of me. Thankfully, I was far enough that nothing more than a few droplets of barf would touch my dress, but that was just the nail in the coffin for me. 

“You absolute pig!!” I shrieked. “How dare you let your grossness splatter on my beautiful dress!! This dress is more expensive than all your belongings put together!!”

“Oh shush.” Angel rolled her eyes, going to help the boy. He still looked rather ill, only pissing me off more because I hated seeing myself in someone like him. It felt like a personal attack. “You’re imagining things. Nothing got on your dress.”

“Why are you helping him?!”

“Because unlike you, I have a heart! If it bothers you so much, then step outside and wait for me there!”

“Listen here tranny.” I growled, glaring at the boy. The fear in his eyes angered me to no end. If people didn’t overstep my damn boundaries and left me alone, then they wouldn’t have anything to fear! It’s not like I intentionally went out to hate people! I stayed inside for the sole reason of not wanting to blow up at someone! “I WILL have you fired for this! So don’t expect to hold your pathetic job for much longer!”

Angel looked at me with absolute shock. Quickly, I glanced at the boy’s name tag that read “Adam Murphy” before turning around. I knew exactly who I would be reporting tomorrow. Before Angel could even say anything, I stormed off, muttering about how I’ll have to bleach the dress from the germs when I got home. I didn’t bother waiting for Angel and just went straight home. Listening to her lectures wasn’t something I particularly wanted to do at that moment.

*   *   *   *   *

When I got home, I went right to my room. It took every muscle in my body to resist punching another hole in the wall. My parents were getting tired of paying to patch up holes in my walls so I really tried not to leave another. Instead, I threw myself onto my bed, grabbed the pillow, and screamed into it. Fluffy quietly slithered onto my stomach and chest as a way to calm me down. I’m not sure what it was about that, but it usually helped. 

“Why are people like this?!” The pillow muffled the yelling. “UGH!!”

Fluffy hissed softly as I took a moment to breathe. Slowly, I slid the pillow off my face and let it fall to the side of the bed. 

“Yeah…You’re right.” I groaned, sitting back up. “That wasn’t all them… Why am I like this…?”

Gently, I pushed Fluffy off of me so I could get up and take a good look at myself in the full-length mirror on the wall next to my nightstand. Looking into it, I saw nothing but a monster. An angry and hateful monster. Someone nobody could possibly ever love. Ever. Glaring at myself, I could feel myself start to shake as tears formed in my eyes. Unable to look at my face anymore, I shifted my glare to my body. The body that wasn’t thin enough. I could still see fat in places, making me wonder when that monster would come to finish the deed he tried to start. The body that didn’t deter people from talking to me. I needed it thinner to scare people away. I didn’t deserve love from anyone, and if I scared them away, I was saving us both from getting hurt.

“Stupid fucking body…” I grumbled, clenching my fists. The more I looked at it, the more upset I got. Worried, Fluffy slithered over to me to try and grab my attention. Unfortunately, I already lost it. Angrily, I slammed my fist into the mirror in front of me, shattering a good section of it into a million pieces and cracking the rest. Pieces scattered on the floor, causing Fluffy to back off a bit. My fist was sliced open from the impact, but I remained unfazed. Slowly, I dropped to the floor and curled up in a ball. I sobbed for many hours, pondering why in the world I had to be like this.