“Asking me to reply to such a question…” Jack’s voice was trembling when he spoke again “Why would you care anyway…”

“Just say yes…” Alan found himself whispering, almost begging. He felt like crying, he didn’t know why but the moment he said those three words he realized he was actually talking more to himself. He was really begging for a positive answer, he was longing for that love like he never dared to admit before. His nose was itching like crazy, making small tears form in his eyes.

“Yes… happy now?” Jack’s reply came after a few seconds of deafening silence. The exact moment he said that yes he felt his heart skipping a beat. Am I happy now, you asked…Well… to be honest…

“Are…are you in love with me?” his voice wavered and this time a small tear fell on his cheek. Jack didn’t say a word he only sighed soundly and after making himself even smaller he slowly nodded. It was almost as if something clicked inside him. Alan was scared, but it felt like the light was coming inside from the cracks of the hard shell he had meticulously built around his heart. 

He couldn’t hold it anymore, he had to touch him.

He got closer once again, resting his head on his friend’s shoulder as he embraced him softly, feeling his slim body tense all over to then finally relax in his arms. He was staring right in front of his eyes, but his vision was out of focus. His cheek, which was resting on Jack’s boney shoulder, was almost hurting;  his nose was breathing in that sweet scent of the other, his skin, his shampoo. His lips were only a few centimetres away from that smooth neck, right where a pretty mole was. 

They stayed like that for maybe a couple of minutes, immobile and silent, when finally Alan found the courage to speak “I have no idea what love feels like” he whispered on his neck “but if not seeing you makes me go crazy, and I even put aside my pride to come here acting like I wasn’t hating you for abandoning me without a word… if I even considered having sex with you only to keep seeing you…” he was rambling, he almost made no sense “then maybe I am in love too. I don’t know Jack, I really don’t, but please let’s be together, mh? Talk to me, keep me company, vent to me… whatever you wanna do. When I don’t see you, I miss you so much that I can’t function well.” Alan opened up completely, for once he was completely sincere. He didn’t know how love was supposed to feel, so much so that he always tried to deny even the one coming from someone else.

He never loved anyone before, he had been too scared to do it because every guy he had met in the past looked like he only wanted one thing, his body. On the other hand, he never wanted to ruin a perfectly good friendship with sex, so he never truly fell in love with someone he trusted. It took him a lot to trust someone and to open up, and when he did he always felt way too comfortable in that type of simple relationship that he never dared to even desire more. Years passed and Alan closed up even more, becoming dryer each day, never wanting to experience love. He probably was this time… because he kept repeating in his head that he wanted Jack, he wanted him close and possibly even closer. He was firmly convinced that this time he could have just let someone else in.

The body in his arms started shivering and soon Jack covered his eyes with his shivering hands “Fuck you!” he whined “Why do you have to say such a thing?” Alan smiled, finally after a while that he hadn’t been able to do it, and kissed his shoulder. That was the Jack he recognized. The tone of his voice, the way he cursed at him, finally his Jack was back.

“Let’s just… I don’t know, teach me how to do it,” he said, and in all response, the other produced a very confused mmh sound “I mean to care for someone… the sex part I know already very well,” he said and started to go down with his hands from the other’s chest towards his lower abdomen. He was obviously being flirty and playful, but ready to stop any time.

“Still want to have sex?” Jack asked, surprising him.

“Heck yeah!” he replied. They needed to talk more, but right now he really wanted to feel him, to touch him and to be touched. His feelings were all over the place and he needed to do something that he was confident about, something he knew how to deal with. Having sex was his forte.

And of course, they did. But it was different from usual. Alan moved to a side to be able to finally see his friend’s face and he felt all weird inside when he had a good look at those fluttering long lashes on rosy cheeks. When did Jack become so handsome in his eyes? He quickly looked back at all the memories he had of their time spent together and, to be completely honest, he only remembered him being always cute, and always that attractive. Wow, this time Cupid must have really hit him hard. He sighed in contentment and smiled. He caressed lightly his cheek and loved how that handsome man leaned towards his touch.

Jack looked shyly at him before smiling back and leaning for a kiss.

They kissed, they touched and hugged, it was nice, it felt warm and cosy and yet super sexy and hot. His friend had been so eager to kiss him that he had pushed him onto the bed trapping him under his hands and thrusting on him, making him moan shamelessly. Where had this person been? Jack was surprisingly sexy when he wanted, possessive even as he grabbed his body strongly, pulling him even closer to him.

He felt so relaxed that even with the other on top of him he never questioned who was going to take control of the situation, because he actually for once didn’t really care, whatever way that thing was going to end up, he was going to gladly accept it all, take it all in. The only thing that mattered to him was Jack, his hands on him, and his hot mouth.

~

The room soon filled up with their grunts and soft moans, the sound of their bodies slapping one on the other. He felt like his chest was burning when he looked down at the man that was sprawled on the bed underneath his body. Jack was looking at him with a pair of semi-closed luscious eyes and a sexy smirk on his plump lips, whispering sweet nothings and dirty demands. Oh boy, the guy was dirtier than he had imagined him to be, but when he whispered something along the lines of an “I want you so much,” Alan lost it completely, falling down on his chest, breathing heavily as pleasure shook their bodies.

He tried to move away, worried he was too heavy for the other’s body, but Jack stopped him by his arm “Please stay like this for a bit,” he whispered, still holding his arm gently. Alan smiled and nuzzled his nose on his neck, moaning softly. No need to ask twice.

“I missed the scent of your shampoo,” he said then, moving a bit on him to be able to place a soft kiss on the base of his head, feeling him shiver all over “Your smell in general,” he added, making his friend giggle.

There was silence for a bit, and when their breathing got back to normal Jack spoke again “I don’t ask for much… I’ve always just wanted to be able to see you, kiss you when I felt like it, and maybe have sex now and then...our life together was fine, I actually liked it,” his words made their chests vibrate at the same time. His voice came out so deep and hoarse that gave Alan goosebumps.

“And what about the others? All the others?” Alan asked, looking up at his face. He just wanted to understand how he had felt every time his roommate had brought home another man. Jack just admitted that he lied, that he didn't hate living with him, but what about the men? In all response, Jack shrugged looking pretty beat up.

“What can I do about them?... it’s ok if you still...” but he didn’t have time to finish his sentence when Alan placed a finger on his lips. What was this gorgeous man blabbering about? Cute, he was actually assuming Alan wanted to still have other men around and in his bed.

“Wrong answer. The only thing you have to say is that there will be no others. If I have you it’s enough for me. I told you I don’t like in-between things, you’re rather black or white, sex and friendship don’t go well. I’m putting you in the third category, I won’t have sex with you just because you’re giving it to me… I want to be with you!”  he said and placed a finger on his chest “You love me right? So you shouldn’t accept any compromise. I’m rather all yours or not yours at all,” he said, looking all serious.

Jack stared back at him for a second, looking completely serious too, but then all of a sudden he smirked mischievously and pushed him enough to trap him under his body and start to tickle him everywhere “Then be all mine,” he said between laughs, touching and pinching him everywhere he reached, while Alan tried desperately to protect himself. “Mine, all mine from head to toe” he kept on going till they both were completely breathless and shaking. He curled up on him and breathed on his skin “Really, just be all mine” he said when he was able to speak again, his voice that at first had sounded very playful, turned almost shaky with his last words.

“I will,” he whispered, hugging him close, feeling the man shiver lightly in his arms. 

“Alan, will you ever forgive me for what I did to you?” Jack asked, not moving at all from his embrace, if possible sinking in it even more.

“Mh?”

“I’m talking about how I… touched you without your consent…” he said those words and breathed heavily. Recalling that moment wasn’t pleasant but luckily it hadn’t been too bad.

“I know I told you that if you kept going you would’ve convinced me…and it is true, I would have totally given in. Your touches and your kisses, they were physically pleasant. But I am glad you stopped when you realized I was seriously asking you to. I get how the first times I said no I didn’t sound genuine…” he stopped to recollect his thoughts, it was a tricky subject that one “ I didn’t sound genuine because I wasn’t. I thought it was a prank, and I wasn’t all that bothered, just slightly surprised. But when I felt unsettled and asked you to stop, you did.”

“This didn’t give me permission to act like trash. I was so jealous of all the men, that I treated you almost like a whore,” Jack was whining while he spoke, he sounded like he was about to cry once again.

“Did you think I was one?” he asked and seeing that the other didn’t reply he added “a whore I mean. Did you ever think I was one? I mean I wouldn’t blame you, it is a bit what I am…” he chuckled bitterly. It wasn’t an insult for him, at least it wasn’t if used in context. He was easy, he liked sex and he definitely was very promiscuous, no shame in that.

Jack reached up and caressed his head gently, moving away some strands of hair “Alan look at me,” he asked and he obliged “You are an adult and you can do what you want with your body, I never had any right to judge you and I never did. I was jealous, at first I was jealous of you because you were having fun, while I am a bit awkward in these situations… then slowly I realized I was jealous of the ones that got to sleep with you. Even if I knew I wasn’t your type I still couldn’t stop my feelings… that’s why I hated myself when I assumed that you were going to fuck me just because you fucked all the others, almost as if anyone was going to be ok. That’s what I meant when I said I treated you like a whore, like someone who doesn’t choose their partners, like someone… ugh I hate saying such things. Sorry!” Jack whined while he covered his face with one hand in frustration. Alan smiled, he liked it a lot when the other kept talking almost in a stream of consciousness, almost not making any sense. Trying to explain himself and yet ending up making it worse. He took that hand in his and moved to kiss gently Jack’s lips.

“Stop the nonsense Mr., you are making it worse,” he chuckled. But actually, if he focused only on the first part of that sentence, he actually found it cute and hearing him being so honest about his feelings made Alan contented. He always found it scary when others opened up, he always felt like fleeing the scene whenever a partner tried to mention they wanted more than just sex. So why was it that with this man, this dark-haired cutie, he was feeling different? He found his love comforting, and despite it being a bit scary, Alan found himself wanting to stay instead of running away.

He focused on that pretty face, the long black eyelashes fluttering under his caresses, then followed his nose with the tip of his index finger, then his lips and moved to kiss them “You taste good,” he let it slip casually “You kiss me so well and you… Jack I lied. I lied to myself when I said you weren’t my type. You look so pretty, and you have probably one of the best innocent looks while we…” but his words were cut off when jack covered his mouth with both hands. He was blushing furiously.

“Fuck Al! Don’t say such things!” he almost shouted while closing his eyes. Alan chuckled and moved away those hands before pulling him closer and whispering right into his ear.

“The best innocent and needy expression while we fucked… and the most arousing moans when you asked me to go harder,” he was trying to tease him, but to be completely honest he was the one who ended up blushing to the tips of his ears while he recalled those images. Saying those words out loud to Jack was different from what he was used to. 

He gulped soundly “Oh fuck!” he breathed hoarsely “You know what Jack?… I really think I’m in love with you” He said almost giving in to the impulse of covering his face in embarrassment.

“Gosh so cliché… wanna go for round two?” Jack scoffed surprising him. Alan looked up at his eyes with a raised eyebrow and found the other smiling brightly, not a single trace of the embarrassment from a second before.

“You can bet your ass I want to” he replied as his lips curled up in a mischievous smile, matching his energy.

Round two, or three…they could have kept going for the whole night for all that mattered. The only thing he care about was that they were together, the balance in their relationship had been restored. Now they were both bringing the same commitment to the table, and it felt refreshing and liberating. The exact moment he trapped himself in a relationship he felt freer than he had ever felt.

Thank God it is you, it has always been you, the one I was waiting for.