“Mommy! Mommy!” My blue-eyed, curly blonde-haired boy ran into my arms, jumping off the slide. He looks identical to his father. Same full smile, same bright eyes, same everything. It’s bittersweet seeing the man who stole my heart all those years ago in the eyes of this 5-year-old boy. How I yearned for him to be here with us. Death stole him away years ago, before he could ever hold his beautiful son. “Did you see, mama? Did you see?” Max’s eyes lit up, making sure I saw his new trick.

   “I did! You’re so strong!” I encouraged him.

   “I wish grandma was here to see it.” His smile turned down, looking at his feet. Moving has been hard on both of us. It’s tough, making a fresh start in a new town. It just became so hard, staying in the same place where I fell in love, where so many memories lived, where even the worst memories stayed. Everything reminded me of him, my husband. The places we created memories from our first date to the church, we vowed our love to one another, including the place I lost him forever. The memories and pain of love and loss stained the entire town.

   “Oh honey,” I held my son close. “Guess what?”

   “What?” Max’s big blue eyes looked up to mine.

   “Grandma will be coming to see you next week! Do you know how many days that is?” I animatedly spoke to him, hoping to cheer him up.

   “No…is it a lot?”

   “No honey, only seven days! She is so excited to see you.” I squeezed him tight. “Do you want to stay and play or go back home?”

   “Five more minutes, please?” He pushed his bottom lip out, begging with his eyes. He knows how to get his way with that adorable face of his.

   “Fine.” I laughed. “Five more minutes and then we have to get home and make dinner.” I watched him run back to the playground, smiling from ear to ear.

   Days like today, watching my son grow and play, I wished his father was here, with us. I know he is watching over us, here in spirit, but it is not the same. Adam was so eager to become a father, before we even knew the gender, he was out buying baby boy clothes and toys. It was such a contrast from the ‘bad boy’ I originally fell in love with. Seeing that extra caring, gentle side of him made me fall for him even more. We had only been married for a few months when I became pregnant with Max. Then, I lost Adam before we even found out the gender of our baby. Yet, somehow, Adam knew it would be a boy. Going as far as picking out our son’s name, Max Adam Rose. Of course, I wanted a girl, but after tragically losing the love of my life, I was ecstatic to have a boy. I knew our baby would look just like him. I’d always have a piece of him around. Little did I know he would have his uncontrollable personality. The six years we spent together were a thrilling time. We were strapped in tight to the roller coaster, never letting go of one another. I was only 18 when I met him. He was 28. The age gap never bothered me. He was immature, and I was mature, so it worked out perfectly. I just wish we could have had more time together, if only I could go back to the day before he died and hold him one last time.

   “C’mon Max! It’s time to go.” I called to my blonde child, beginning to walk away, knowing that was the only way to get his attention and avoid the meltdown.

   “Wait for me! Wait for me!” Max called to me, racing to my side.

   “Did you have fun?” I asked, taking his small hand in mine.

   “Duh!” Always with the attitude this kid!

   We walked towards our new townhome, not far from the park. As we approached the cul-de-sac, Max spotted a rabbit in the road and ran towards it.

   “Max!” I screamed to him, “Stop!” I ran to him with all my power, grabbing onto his hand. “Max! You can’t just run out into the street!” I gasped, holding onto my son. “That is dangerous! A car could have hit you! Do you understand? You need to pay attention, sweetheart.” I held him close. The fear of what could have happened had there been a car made my stomach wrench.

   “Sorry, mama.” Max said, out of habit. He’s a very strong-willed little guy, always getting into trouble. I picked him up, walking back to the sidewalk. “Mama! Mama!” Max shoved his face in mine, holding my cheeks to look him in the face.

   “Yes, Maxi?” I asked.

   Before he could answer, I felt us crash into a solid frame of a man, towering over me. “Oh, my gosh! I am so sorry!” I instantly began apologizing. However, the words escaped my mind as I gazed at the Adonis like figure in front of me. His dark blue eyes burned through my soul, made brighter by his dark hair that fell across his face. His nose was straight and sharp, and a masculine jawline that made me want to swoon. Tattoos decorated his arms. Who knows where else? Perhaps it was my extended period without a man’s touch after my husband’s passing or the sheer sex appeal of this man, but I felt a tingling and tightening in my core. A lump formed in my chest. His presence made me feel shy, yet desiring more.

   He raised an eyebrow, a soft smile appeared on his full lips, “No, no, I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.” His voice was deep and alluring. “You have your hands full there.” He gestured to Max. “I’m Tyler, Tyler Fox.” Damn, well, that name fit him well. He was most definitely a fox. “I think you guys just moved in next door to me.”

   I had to shake the fantasy my mind was attempting to form. “Uh, yeah! That’s us. We just moved in a few weeks ago.” I sat Max down next to me, extending my hand. “I’m Ember, this is Max.”

   He returned the handshake, then stooped to Max’s level. “Hey kiddo, nice to meet you. I’m your new neighbor, Tyler.” Although Max was very spirited, he was quite shy about meeting new people. He hid his face behind my leg, wrapping his small arms around my thigh. I ran my fingers through his curls, nodding my head that this was a good adult. “Do you like racecars, Max?”

   Max was obsessed with racecars; I’m sure Tyler saw him playing with his many RC cars and hot wheels out on the sidewalk while I unpacked. He nodded his head excitedly, releasing his grip around my leg and peeking out.

   Tyler put his hand in his pocket, retrieving a small red Hot Wheels car. “This car right here is incredibly special to me, but I don’t have time to play with it. I think it’s been looking for a blonde-haired boy to play with.” Tyler winked at me, looking back to Max. “Do you think you can keep it safe for me?”

   Max’s eyes grew wide looking over the red racecar, nodding his head cheerfully.

   “What do you say, Max?” I asked, reminding Max of his manners.

   “Thank you!” Max shouted, taking the car in his hands. “I love red!”

   “You’re very welcome, kiddo.” Tyler stood back up, looking at me.

   “Thank you. He really loves his racecars.” I smiled, watching the grin on Max’s face grow wider.

   “No problem. I was probably just as wild when I was little.” Tyler laughed. “If you guys need anything at all, just come on by. I’m in 702, directly to the right of you.”  

   “Thank you, again.” I giggled. “That is truly kind of you. We just moved here and haven’t met many people yet. Max start’s kindergarten in just a few weeks, too.”

   “That’s awesome. Are you excited?” Tyler turned to Max.

  “Not really. I wanna stay home with Mommy!” Max demanded. This will be his very first time away from me. He was always back and forth about school. Some days he was eager and some days he was scared, which was expected.

   “Awe, well, you know what? I bet you will make a ton of friends.” Tyler tried to encourage Max.

   “It will be fun; besides, Mommy is going back to school too!” Before my husband passed, I was in nursing school. I dropped out due to the stress and grief of losing my love and realizing I must raise a child completely alone. But I am ready to go back now and provide for Max and myself.

   “I guess.” Max groaned.

    I giggled, patting Max’s back. “Well, it was really nice meeting you!” I looked at Tyler. “We better get home and make this boy some dinner.”

  “It was a pleasure meeting you two as well.” Tyler’s smile was intoxicating. Does he realize how handsome he is?    “If you guys need anything at all, literally anytime, just come on by. I mean it.” He waved to us as we walked away and into our home.

  The interaction left me wanting to know more about our new neighbor. Was he married or did he have a girlfriend? Was it the simple fact I hadn’t been touched by a man in years, or did I truly feel this lust for him? I let my mind go, creating improbable fantasies. If I can’t live that life anymore, the least I could do is fantasize.