It was a beautiful clear night, and one would not think that we were right in the heart of hurricane season, but the weatherman was anxiously saying that a storm was forming off of Africa, and we’d be getting it with absolute certainty in just over two weeks.

And I didn’t know what I’d be doing in two weeks, so I decided to take Gideon for a walk around my campus so I could show him what Liliport had to offer is terms of education.

Gideon made it pretty clear he wasn’t much interested in any education for himself, but he seemed to enjoy me showing around where I took different classes, curious to know where I spent my time when he wasn’t with me, Gideon sleeping while I was at class.

After our little tour, I bought him a sweatshirt with our school mascot, Alis the Alligator, on it, buying Gideon some sticky notes he said he desperately needed as well. On our second lap around the student store, I decided to get myself a new notebook, and as I was at the checkout waiting on the young girl there that was gently being walked through how to check out a customer by her manager, I wrote on my notebook the class I would be using it for. When I was done, Gideon took the pen from me and drew a smiley face under my writing as well as a couple hearts, kissing my cheek firmly when he finished before he pulled back with a big grin that I returned.

When we had our purchases, we went to where the van I shared with Roy’s family was parked, the back full of car seats. As Gideon climbed into the front passenger seat, a novus on a motorcycle pulled into the parking space next to ours. I saw Gideon’s head whip around to watch the novus as he took off his helmet, revealing the face of a young man. I registered the scars on his cheeks being from a reattachment of his jaw and muscle repair therapy, something we had gone over in class last semester. Give how much they had healed he likely had the surgery five years ago, which means he could have been using a Carter tendon – an artificial tendon that was only capable of basic movements like chewing and talking, or a Soto tendon, which was the standard now that allowed for much stronger movements but was known to lock up.

I was badly to ask him something to watch him talk, since Soto’s had much better mobility and range of motion, but I didn’t want to be rude.

I had already been staring at him for several seconds, after all.

Gideon pressed his face to the window as he eyed the man climbing off of his motorcycle, his bright gaze dragging over his body, eyeing his jacket in particular, and I knew that he hadn’t been staring at the man for the same reason I had.

He probably wanted his jacket.

I hurried around the car and climbed behind the wheel, smiling a little to myself as I watched the novus set his helmet on the seat of his bike before he unzipped his jacket to reveal nothing but hard muscle underneath, both his nipples pierced and a tattoo under his pecs of eagle wings.

“Nice.” Gideon said under his breath.

I wasn’t sure if he was talking about the novus or the bike, but my gut sunk all the same and I felt like now was a good time for the talk I had been gearing up for since meeting with Willow. “So Gideon,” I said carefully as I pulled out of our parking spot, “We’ve been courting for two months now.”

“That’s why you got me this sweater!” Gideon said with a smile, patting the nasty glare of the cartoon face on his chest. “For our anniversary!”

“Y-yes, exactly.” I swallowed thickly. “But I wanted to make sure you knew that...I think things are going really well between us.” He gave me a cheeky grin and agreed with me. “And the thing is – and I know we kind of talked a little about this a while back, but given that you are from the colony, you might not...understand fully how things progress with courtship. Biologically, I mean.”

“Biologically?” Gideon purred, reaching over to grope at my thigh. “Go on...tell me all about your biology.”

I chuckled uneasily, my nerves feeling raw. Before we left the campus, I reached into the inner pocket of my jacket and pulled out a small case with my emergency pills on it, tossing back two before I grabbed my nephew’s water bottle from the back seat to swallow it down, Gideon holding firmly on my knee all the while.

Once the pills were down, I rolled my shoulder and directed the van back onto the road, clearing my throat.

I needed to get it out.

It needed to be said.

“When a novus courts as...enthusiastically as we have,” I said carefully, Gideon letting out a bark of laughter, his hand sliding up a little further on my thigh, “Then the progress toward a permanent bond is really...accelerated.”

“Yeah, we’ve been making good progress.” Gideon said proudly, giving my upper thigh a squeeze. “I mean, if we really put our backs into it, I could probably have you locked in by the end of the month!” He laughed.

“You can, really,” I said gently, “And once I’m permanently bonded to you, that would be it for me. I-I’ll never be able to detach from you.” He grinned big and wide at that, looking pleased. “So it’s important that...that you know for sure this is what you want. That I’m...what you want because I know that you haven’t...you haven’t had the opportunity to humor the idea of anyone else, since this has all happened so fast...” I said slowly, looking to the road. I kept my gaze there as Gideon hummed a happy little tune, his hand sliding so that his littlest finger openly teased my crotch, tracing my soft cock through my pants, sliding his hand to lightly toy with me like he liked to do when we were alone.

The words I had to say next sat heavily on my tongue. I didn’t want to say it, but I knew I had to.

For both our sakes.

I licked my lips. “So I think now might be a good time for you to see what your other options are, with other men, I mean.”

Gideon’s hand stilled on my crotch. There was a long moment of silence and then – “What?” He sounded genuinely confused. And small.

I felt myself breaking out in a cold sweat as my stomach felt like it was continuing to sink lower and lower, heavy like led, painfully so. “I think that’s what you might need to be sure. For both of us to be sure. I’m the only man – the only person – you’ve been courted by, and I don’t think it’s fair for you to be permanently bonded without knowing if I’m the person that will make you the happiest you could be, so I think...I think you should take some time to really think hard on this, and see what else is out there for you...a-and – and if there might be someone better suited for you. I’m confident in my ability to make you feel good, but relationships are more than just that. I want you to have more than just a fun time with someone. I want you to find a partner that truly satisfies you.” I said around the knot in my throat.

God, that hurt.

Like an actual dagger being pushed into my heart.

Gideon was quiet, his hand laying limp against my lower thigh, and while we sat at the next intersection, waiting for a group of older men to shuffle across the street, I turned my head to look at him. He stared at me for a long minute, my stomach twisting as I watched a strange mixture of confusion and annoyance slowly smooth out to a look of indifference. “I mean…” He said coolly, pursing his lips and he leaned back, his eyes narrowing. “If that’s what you think I need to mate with you, sure. Why not?” He gave a dry little laugh, patting my thigh before he withdrew his arms, crossing them over his chest. “What do you suggest I do, then?”

My van beeped, signaling it was time to drive, and I directed my attention to the road. “I suggest you take some time and just...just look around and see what else there is to offer. Liliport is full of...other novus – or sapiens – that might interest you. There is no judgment here about who you go after. I just…I want you to make sure that this relationship is what’s going to make you happiest...and that there isn’t anyone out there that might….satisfy you more. Do whatever you need to do to...to make sure of that. Try what you want to try.” I hesitated, struggling out “Be with whomever you want to be with so you are sure about us.”

I felt a cold wave of anxiety wash over me then, where it became suddenly very real that Gideon could find someone he liked more and move on from me.

But that thought was only there for a split second, because Gideon suddenly shift and caught my attention.

“Okay!” He said brightly. “I’ll keep an eye out then!” He laughed, clapping his hands together. “Who knows – I might find a guy that will be willing to ride his dick while we’re on his bike, since you wouldn’t let me do that with you!” He said with a big laugh.

I smiled and nodded with a dry chuckle, but the knot forming in my stomach, sinking low in my gut, physically pained me to breath.

But this was for the best.

I needed Gideon to be sure, even if that meant it hurt my heart.

Even if it meant the end of me.

I rather Gideon be happy and satisfied with someone else and not be here to see it than bored and unsatisfied with me for the next eighty years. It was easy for me as a novus to fall in love and be fixated on a sapien. But sapiens could fall in and out of love easily, depending on all sorts of factors.

If we were going to fight for our relationship, I needed him to be sure that I was who he wanted to fight with, not because I was the only one he had been with, but because he truly loved me for me.

But it hurt.

God, it hurt so bad.

I had felt anxiety before, and fear, but this hurt so bad, the word I said to him replaying over and over whenever I had a quiet moment.

And the pain in my heart and the heaviness in my gut just got worse after Gideon settled into ‘keeping an eye out’ over the next two weeks.

Gideon still wanted to hang out as often as before, but now when we were together, he would looked around at other men and even tell me to ‘hold tight’ so he could waltz up and chat up others. Compliment them. Ask them if he could touch something – their motorcycle usually, but also their leather jackets or pants. He asked one novus male if he could feel his spiked hair.

And I stood there, pretending to look at my comm as I intently watched out of the corner of my eye and listened to what Gideon was saying or what they were saying back.

But I had yet to meet up with him and smell anyone else on him. I was all over him very intimately, my scent in every one of his pores, on each of his hairs, and if anyone else was intimate with him – or even touched him somewhere for a prolonged time, even several minutes, I’d know.

But there was only me on him.

For now.