[7:38 A.M.]

When I opened my eyes, I saw Lily clinging to me as always and still in dreamland. 

My head hurt so bad because of last night's reckless drinking. I rubbed my forehead with my palms and huffed...

Then I glanced at Lily again, noticing something strange. "Why are her lips slightly swollen?" I wondered.

As I touched her lips with my finger lightly, I flinched, remembering what I had done last night like a recurrence in my mind. I had kissed her deeply and passionately since I thought it was another dream!!!...

My jaw dropped out of shock, and I slammed my forehead with my hand. "Damn it!~... " I muttered anxiously. 

My heart skipped a beat when she nuzzled her head into my arms while she was still sleeping since I thought she was awake for a second...

I slipped out of her arms quietly and walked to the bathroom, staring at the mirror. 

"What should I tell her?!... I'm having some perverted dreams about you almost every day, so I thought last night was also a dream?!" I wondered and then sighed. 

"The best way is to pretend I don't remember! I have no other choice!..." I came to my conclusion and, after washing up, stepped out of the bathroom finally. 

I got close to her and patted her shoulder slightly. "Lily, wake up." 

She moaned a bit and then opened her eyes in wonder, scanning the situation as her brain wasn't yet booted, I guess. 

I said, "It's time to wake up. You need to go to work~" 

Lily stared at me in silence for a moment, and her face suddenly blushed. She probably she had just remembered last night, and then she said, "Ah! Good morning ~~..."

Afterwards, she hurried to the bathroom shyly, making me grin. I walked to the kitchen and made some scrambled eggs, and fried a few sausages with bacon. 

As I set the table, Lily came and sat down quietly.

We both ate in an awkward silence, the only sound coming from the clanking of cutlery against the plates. 

I broke the silence by asking, "How did I end up in bed last night?"

She looked at me, puzzled, "You ~ Don't~ remember?" 

+"Nah, I was blacked out... "

-"I dragged~ you to the bed~..." Then she dropped her head gloomy.

+" Eh! I'm pretty heavy since I'm fit. Sorry I bothered you!~..." 

-"It's... okay..." 

I could've felt Lily's disappointment in her reaction by playing with her breakfast and not lifting her head up. However, that was the only solution I had. I shouldn't act recklessly from now on...

I can't let us get entangled in a complicated situation... 

~

When our breakfast was done, we both got ready quickly and headed to the parking lot floor.

I dropped Lily off at her work and drove to my school.

As I entered class, I saw Ethan sitting, working on his laptop. So I sat next to him and said, "Hey." 

"Hi," he answered. 

+"Are you still mad?"

-"Nah~ Why would I?"

+Yes, you are. You keep ignoring me just like now that you won't even lift your head." 

He stopped tapping on his keyboard and looked at me with a gloomy expression.

-"I know I was the one who suggested having this relationship, but still~... I can't get what you want~... Whether do you have anything towards me or not~... I feel like you're playing with me! " 

I let out a sigh, thinking about whether I was indeed a player or something... 

Ethan was right...

Why do I keep fooling around?...

I've never been honest with any of them... 

I keep them near me one day and push them away another day...

Ashley, Ethan, Lily, ... 

What do I really want?... 

Figuring out my own feelings has always been the biggest challenge in my life...

+"I'm so sorry... We can end it if you want since you will get hurt this way, and I don't intend to do that~..." I dropped my head as I felt ashamed.

-"What?!... Are you fuckin serious?!!!" 

I was about to answer, but the professor walked into class right at the time. In my bag, I pulled out a sticky note and wrote, "Let's talk after class." I handed it to Ethan, his face filled with frustration.

~

[17:30]

After our classes were finished completely, Ethan suggested a place that we could go and have a conversation. As we were getting closer to the destination, I became more suspicious about the place and anxious feelings came over me. 

Ethan said while pointing out the window, "You can park there!"

"Ok." I said and pulled over to the curb. 

We got out of the car and stepped onto the sidewalk. Then he said, "Since I've needed some books for my assignments, I thought this would be the best choice. Since it's my favourite place and also has a great coffee shop on the second floor so we can talk there."

...What the?!...

I stopped right in front of the entrance, staring at the "Forever Green" label. 

I muttered, "Why in the world it has to be here?!~..."

As he swung the door open, he turned back and said, "Come on in!" 

I walked past him, my eyes wandering to see if Lily was around...

I quickly stepped onto the staircase and got to the second floor as Ethan followed me. 

We found a table in the corner and sat down, both of us looking around the room, avoiding each other's eyes. I was unexplainably nervous about Lily spotting us here...

Ethan finally spoke up, "Let's get some coffee." He got up and went to the counter, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

~

Ethan is a nice boy. He was pretty patient with me the whole month and I know he has a big heart which is why I like him as a person and respect him...

However the thing is that I don't think I could find any romantic feelings towards him. If I was able to do that, I would have fallen in love with him already since he's way to fine... 

All girls at our school want him as their boyfriend...

I don't like to hurt him by my selfishness anymore...

He deserves more than me and my stupid actions...

I tried... I really tried to like Ethan and be good to him, but my unconscious mind keeps refusing to...

~

As Ethan came back to the table with our orders in his hands, he said, "Diane, I didn't mean that I wanna break up with you... I wanna know your true feelings."

I looked at him anxiously and replied, "Ethan, actually I think I lik~..." My words were cut off when my gaze fell on Lily with a red hair guy walking toward the counter.

Ethan turned his head to look at what caught my attention and then suddenly called them as he raised his right arm, "Excuse me!" 

I was completely taken aback and grasped his hand down, "What are you doing?!!!" 

"Why? Don't you wanna say hi to your friend?" He asked. 

Lily approached us with a puzzled face as she heard Ethan's voice, "Hi~... What a surprise to see you two here!~" 

I thought, "Another awkward moment!"...

Her eyes flickered between me and Ethan...

Ethan smiled and said to Lily, "Take a sit with us! You must know me since I've been here a few times and also that day at Diana's place~... But I'll introduce myself properly. I'm Ethan Diana's senior and boyfriend.~" 

Lily shook hands with him and smiled awkwardly, "I'm Lily~ Diana's friend~..." Then she sat down in front of us as Ethan moved and sat next to me, starting to talk to Lily.

A few minutes later, the red hair guy approached us with their drinks, "Em~ Hi!... Is it okay for me to join?" 

Lily answered, "Yeah, sure!" 

As he sat next to her, Lily introduced us to him and then he said, "I'm John. Nice to see you guys!"

They all started to talk to each other so brightly that it was making me sick to my stomach!...

My only intention was to talk with Ethan for a brief moment and end things with him, then go back home quietly... 

In any case, I was stuck in that weird, unwanted situation...

~

While we were still hanging out there, I noticed that John's hand kept touching Lily's back or shoulder. 

I could've felt that Lily was uncomfortable with those touches since her posture was stiff and she was fidgeting from time to time. 

As he placed his hand on her lap, I couldn't stay silent anymore since anger swirled inside me, "Are you two dating?"

They both looked at me with surprise and answered in one voice, "No!..." 

"Then can I ask you a question, John? Why do you keep touching her when she's obviously uncomfortable with it?!" I asked as I glared at John.

He laughed anxiously and said, "Haha~... We're just close friends, right Lily?" 

Lily nodded awkwardly, "Yep."

I said, "Friends don't use physical touches like that."

Ethan held my hand and whispered near my ear nervously, "Diane? Why are you making a fuss?"

Then John said with a smirk on his face, "If Lily was uncomfortable, she'd have said it herself... I think it's a matter between us."

I sprang up from my seat and stepped closer to him. "What did you just say?!"

"I'm saying don't meddle between Lily and I." He scoffed. 

I grasped his collar and pulled him up, then landed a fist on his face. He stumbled and fell to the floor. 

"Don't dare touch her! You son of a b**ch!" I grumbled and leaned closer to punch him one more time that Ethan wrapped his arms around my waist and held me back. "Diane! Stop!..." 

"Let me go!... I should teach this brat a lesson!" I groaned, trying to release myself from his embrace. 

John let out a huff and said, "I'll sue you for this!" As he rubbed his face and bloody lips.

Lily got up and kneeled down next to John, observing his face. "Are you okay? I'm so sorry! My friend must have misunderstood!~"

I pushed Ethan away and yelled at Lily, "WHY WOULD YOU APOLOGISE TO HIM?! STOP SAYING SORRY TO EVERYONE STUPIDLY!"

Lily held John's face in her hands worriedly and then glanced at me, "Diane! I swear it's not like what you think!~... you shouldn't have hit him like this! John is a good guy!~" 

I was totally frustrated and angst raged like a wild fire within me. "This is why people keep abusing you, Lily. Because you're a pushover..." 

Lily was jolted by my words, unable to answer and tears welled up her eyes...

That was when I noticed that I completely screwed up!~...

My cousin Daniel walked towards us hurriedly and asked, "Diane, what are you doing here?!! What happened? Are you trying to ruin my business?!..." 

Then he glanced at John and said, "John! Are you okay?!~... Lily, please take him to my office and I'll be there in a minute!"

"Yes, sir~" Lily replied as she sniffled and then walked downstairs with John.

"What the f*ck happened, Dee?" Daniel asked.

I ran my hand through my hair frustratingly and said, "That boy touched my friend even though she wasn't comfortable with it! I told you to take care of her and that's how you do it?"

-"Don't be ridiculous! He's not like that!"

I stepped closer to him and pinned my pointed finger to his chest. "Listen, make sure to teach him a lesson and don't let him touch Lily ever again! Or I'll break both his and your arms!... Understand?"

Then I pulled out some cash from my wallet and placed it in his hands. "Give this to him as compensation." 

I rushed out of the building as Ethan was following me in shock, calling my name. I stopped when I got near my car and turned around to look at Ethan while his face was desperately pale and confused. "Diane!... What's gotten into you suddenly?"

I let out a deep sigh and answered as I was overwhelmed by my feelings, "I'm sorry Ethan! I'm truly sorry! But we need to break up!~..." 

He got close to me, holding my face in his hands. "Why do you keep saying that?! If you tell me what's the problem, I can fix it! Please~... I wanna be with you... I like you~... I can change!~... " 

For the first time in so long that I can't even remember when was the last time, tears rolled down my cheeks unconsciously. "You can't fix it~... The problem is me~... Not you~... Please don't make me feel even more guilty than I am right now... I apologize to you sincerely~..." I said and then sobbed loudly.

He held me into his arms tightly and said, "Don't cry, please~... Fine~... I won't force you to stay with me~... But please let me know the reason not to blame myself!~"

I finally confessed as my heart was crumbling in pain 

"I think I like Lily~... "

.

.