Vito handed me the pills to swallow in the ensuite bathroom, and I frowned at him. The scent of a once familiar body wash and shave gel hung in the air. And normally, I wouldn’t have minded the smell if it wasn’t clinging to Vito like a second skin. 

“Take the pills, and then have a shower, and you can head to bed,” Vito said, trying to get back into some semblance of our normal routine. 

“No.”

“Excuse me? Did you want to run that by me again?”

“I said no.”

“Ilya, I am not in the mood for whatever this is.” He gestured to my entire being. “Take your pills.” He said, his voice taking on his usual clipped and demanding tone. 

“Why don’t you make me?” I hissed, crossing my arms. Vito had changed into the clothing Viktor had lent to him, but that didn’t stop him from coming at me, fully prepared, even with his broken bones, to make me listen to him.  

He knew how stubborn I could be when I refused to take my medicine, so he acted quickly to make sure I would take the pills. He was willing to do whatever it took to get me to take my medication, even if it meant having to physically restrain me.

I put the pills into my mouth and swallowed them down dry. Vito grabbed me and turned me aggressively to look at him. 

“Open.” He said, his hand on my chin, as he checked my mouth to make sure I took the medication. He let me go and spoke as he pointed to the shower. “Get the fuck in there and take your shower.”

I didn’t move a single inch. I didn’t want to. I should have got the clue when Vito grunted in annoyance and started to pull the clothing Viktor gave him off. “You have thirty seconds, Ilya, to get underdressed and in the shower. If you don’t, I will force you into the shower, clothing or not, and make sure you get clean.”

I took my time pulling my clothing off, really testing Vito’s patience with me. The next time I looked up, he was fully naked. He came over and yanked the slacks down. Taking my boxers with them. Once I was naked, he grabbed my upper arm and hauled me into the shower with him. 

With him being naked, it gave me a good chance to look over his wounds from the gang members. He wasted no time flicking the shower on and scrubbing me harshly. This was hardly the first time he had done this. But it had been a long time since he had too. He poured soap into his hands and scrubbed my scalp and hair. His one hand roughly set under my chin and around my throat. 

When he was done washing me, he flicked the shower off, stepping out and drying off. Naked, and dripping wet, I walked out to the bedroom. Vito yelled at me to get back here and dry off. But if we had to stay here, and I had to be miserable for the night, we both were going to be miserable. 

“Are you trying to piss me the fuck off tonight, Ilya? You're really fucking pushing it.”

I laid back on the bed and said nothing. With a towel in his hand, he stalked towards me, and I was going to get the attention I wanted from him, but it was going to be aggressive. 

“Stand up and dry off, Ilya. This is my last time asking you to do something. If I have to ask again, I’m going to get rough with you.”

Sitting up, I reached out for the towel. He gave it to me, and I rubbed it over all my limbs and hair quickly, not enough to actually get dry. 

“I get what you’re up to Ilya, You don’t want to be here and you’re unhappy about it, so you're trying to make me just as miserable as you.”

“Correct.”

He closed all the space between us and with the towel in hand; he started to scrub me dry, and it hurt. He was being so aggressive. 

“Hurts.” I hissed. 

“You can suck it up. You refused to listen. Now you’re going to get what I give you.”

“You are hurting me.” I said again, and he stopped, looking at the red marks on my skin. He let go of the towel. “Finish drying off, and go to bed,” He said, sternly. 

I did as he asked this time. And crawled under the blanket, after pulling only the sweatpants on. He tinkered around in the bedroom before he crawled into the bed behind me after flicking off the light. 

I fell asleep not too much later, thanks to the half a sleeping pill. 

Cracking open an eye. Thunder boomed loudly, and lightning lit up the sky. Vito was softly snoring beside me. Not a care in the world. Probably due to the pain pills he had been sneakily taking. I crawled out of the bed and stopped at the door, checking to see if he woke up. He didn’t. 

Wandering down the hall, I made my way down the stairs, and walked until I made it to the back sunroom. Opening the door, I stepped out into the sunroom and watched the rain pour out the window. The soft drumming of the rain on the roof was soothing.  

The lights over the pool lit up everything and made it easy to see the raindrops hitting the top of the water. 

I lost track of how long I was standing, lost in the calm of rain. 

I felt someone set their hand on my shoulder, and I reacted. When I looked at who I had pressed up against the wall of the sunroom, I hissed. 

Viktor. 

“Ilya, man. Want to loosen your grip on my throat?” He hissed, his voice barely over a whisper. I let him go and took a step back. He took a deep breath of air, and chuckled, though his eyes held shock. 

“Lesson learned. Don’t sneak up on you in the dark without calling your name a few times.” 

“Stupid.” I grunted. 

“Me?” He said. 

“Who else?” I muttered. 

Seriously, Viktor had to still have a death wish. I was wound up like a top, ready to split, and he just thinks it’s wise to grab me. Idiot. 

“Why aren’t you in bed, Ilya?” 

“I could ask you the same thing, Viktor.” 

“Fair enough. The lightning and thunder woke me up. Is Vito still sleeping?” 

“Why?” I questioned him. 

“No reason, I just figured with the way he talked about you, while he waited for you to come get him, he wouldn’t let you out of his sight” 

“He’s sleeping.” I muttered. 

“Is your relationship with him serious?” 

“My what? Vito and I aren’t in a relationship. He is straight. And I’m a hair away from a psychotic meltdown. Every straight man’s fantasy.” I said. Rolling my eyes at him.

“If he’s straight, then I’m a ninety-year-old woman,” Viktor said flatly. 

“Hey, I won’t judge you for your strange fantasies.” I muttered. Looking back out the window. Itching to stand outside in the rain for the first time in a long time. I opened the door and stepped out into the chilly, cold rain. 

 I wanted to feel the rain on my skin, to feel the chill of the drops, and the freedom of standing in the rain without a care in the world. I wanted to be able to take a deep breath and just enjoy the moment, free from worrying about anything. I wanted to feel the relief that comes with being in a place where nobody can judge you for your thoughts and feelings.

Viktor yelled from inside. For me to come back inside, it was dangerous. But that mattered even less than I looked up into the rain, and let it drench me completely. I felt complete in that moment, and I loved it. Viktor didn’t share the same opinion as me, though. He came out and tried to pull me inside. 

“No. Leave me here.” I hissed. 

“You’re going to get sick, and I don’t want to be responsible for that.”

“Then pretend you didn’t see me.”

“Ilya! Just get in the bloody house!” He yelled, his frustration showing.

“No. I want to stay here.” I hissed. 

We argued in the rain until I finally gave up, the peace of it all ruined by Viktors’ nagging behaviour. He disappeared to grab towels and another set of clothing for us both. He tossed the towel at me, and I took the time to dry off, and listened to the rain pouring down. 

“Viktor, I know what you did or are going through, but forgiveness isn’t where I’m at, and I may never be at that level. So don’t expect things with us to be like before. Whatever before was.”

 I was not ready to forgive him for his actions, and I wanted him to understand that the relationship between us would never be the same again. I was still hurt and angry, and I didn’t want to let him think I was willing to forget what he had done. At least not in the next few months or years. 

I sat on the chair after changing when Viktor stepped out again. This time, he said he was going to grab something. He returned with a blanket and a pillow, dropping them on the couch in the sunroom. 

“Sleep here if you find the rain so relaxing. No one should bother you, Ilya.”

He closed the doors to the sunroom as he left, and in the dark, the soft sounds of the rain returned. As did my growing need to sleep again.