I was watching TV at Haru's house when my mom called.

As I was on the phone talking to my mom about I don't like to attend, she scolded me that this was a family event and that it was a must to be there. I sighed and gave up under her will.

After I hung up, Haru wondered, "Why don't you want to go?... Weddings are fun..."...

+"Because I don't like my acquaintances... especially my cousins... "

- "Why though?"

+"I~... nevermind... I had to attend anyway..."

-"Tell me about it~..." His gaze was fixed on me.

+"when I was a kid, they bullied me constantly... Also... three of them who were older than me..."

I paused because talking about this was difficult for me... I've never told anybody... 

-"what have they done, Myung?!!..."

I began playing with my fingers as I dropped my head down... I felt extremely anxious as I talked about it...

+"They used to mock me because of my feminine appearance and humiliated me... plus, they've assau~... assaulted me~ sexually~..." I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I took a deep breath and tried to compose myself.

I could hear my voice trembling as I spoke. "Once~... three of them~... cornered me... and... I was so scared ~... I~ begged them...~... But they only laughed and taunted me more,~~ and~..." ... my voice was barely above a whisper... 

Haru held my hand as he flinched out of shock and said,"Stop~... You don't need to explain it more if it's too difficult for you to say~... I get it~... " 

While I tried to keep my tears from falling, my hand got cold and trembled as I remembered those traumatic times. Haru put his arm around me and said softly, "It's okay~... it's already over~... Have you told your parents?..."

+"No..."

-"Why?..."

+ "I was afraid of them arguing with my uncles because of me... and making things worse for my parents. I thought I could handle it alone, but I was wrong..."... 

-"How old were you?..."

+"Ten or Eleven..." 

He pulled me into a hug and said," Why do you always bottle up your feelings for yourself?!... When you were just a kid, you should've thought about yourself then not considering others!..."

I was taken aback by what he said. I had never thought about it that way before. I replied, "That's just how I am... My priority has always been others comfort.~ "... 

Then he looked at me worriedly and said, "Wanna come with you?... I can take care of you..." 

I was dazed for a second, then I said, "Actually, it's not a bad idea... Can you really come?!..."

-"I will definitely come if you allow me to..." He grinned.

I hesitated for a moment, then I nodded my head in agreement. 

Truthfully, this way was better because at least I could feel a bit safe when he's beside me. I know they can't talk shit to me when a friend is around me... 

~

The wedding day has come...

The wedding hall was beautifully decorated with flowers and lights, and the guests were dressed in their finest attire. The atmosphere was filled with laughter. Music was playing in the background, and the guests were happily chatting and catching up with each other. The bride and groom were beaming with happiness as they made their way around the hall, greeting their guests and thanking them for coming.

People kept approaching us, asking about Haru as we entered. I was not surprised that Haru got close to them pretty quickly... He was always the one who charmed everyone with his smile. As the night went on, I could see him having more and more conversations with different people. 

One of my cousins is named Hana, who is one year younger than me, stood by my side, and said, "Where did you get a handsome boy like him?!!... Give me his number... he doesn't have a girlfriend, right?!... Give me his number... "

I replied unconsciously, "He has a girlfriend... so give up..." 

Then she said, "I'm sure you're lying!!!..."...

I got frustrated and said, "I'm not!... Think logically Hana, how can someone like him be single?!..."... And pointed at him.

She rolled her eyes and said, "hmph!... You're no help, annoying bastard...". Hanna turned around and walked away.

After she left, I wondered why I had said that to her despite Haru's single status... I stared at Haru for a while, kinda mesmerising by his aura again, thinking I didn't want to see him with someone else. I shook my head, trying to shake away the silly thought. It's not like I have any particular feelings for him, I thought. I sighed and walked away.

~

As Haru was still hanging out with people surrounding him, I left for the restroom since I felt suffocating in that crowd. 

While I was washing my hands, I saw someone coming in. He was one of my cousins who had bullied me in the past. He approached me from behind and put his hand on my shoulder, then leaned forward and said, "Long time no see, Myung... Don't you think instead of bringing a boy, you should've brought a girlfriend!..." He smirked and added, "Just as I always assumed you're a whore... "

I slipped out of his arms, glared at him and said,"Shut up... and stay away from me!" then I headed to go out, but he grabbed me by my collar and pulled me to one of the stalls, slammed me on the wall and said,"I wonder why didn't you give me your ass then when you're sleeping around with anyone..."... He started to touch my chest and as I said, "let me go or I will scream... don't touch me...".... he put his left hand on my mouth and said, "Don't act innocent and all mighty... I know you like my touch...".

His eyes were terrifying and his touches were made me feel disgusted by it. I tried to push him away but he was too strong. I was completely frozen and scared as he was touching my body all over. Blaming myself for coming here in the first place. Tears started to well up in my eyes, and I could feel my body shaking uncontrollably in fear. I tried to push him away again, however it was useless. 

As I was struggling, Haru arrived and grabbed and threw him to the ground... he raised his hand to punch him, but I stopped him by holding him from behind and saying," Let's just go~... I don't want to make a fuss at a wedding~..."... 

Haru kicked him on his ball and said," Don't even dare to touch him again or I'll kill you..."

Then he grasped my hand and dragged me out of there. I was trembling uncontrollably when he yelled at me, "I told you to stay close to me!!!!... Why the hell would you wander around alone!!!..."

"I'm~... Sorry~... (hic)... sorry~..." I said as I held back my sob. 

Haru took a glance at me with his furious expression and sighed deeply, "Damn it!..."

We took a seat in the yard. He held me in his arms as he calmed down and said, "Sorry for being late... I came looking for you as soon as I realized you weren't on my sight..."

+"It's okay~... I'm fine~..." I muttered automatically...

-"You're not!!!... Look at how you're trembling!!!..."... He pulled back and observed me worriedly...

I tried to hide my emotions like usual, but he saw right through me. I kept my gaze on the ground, afraid to look him in the eyes. He gently cupped my chin and tilted my head up, forcing me to look at him. I could see the concern in his eyes, and my heart ached.

+"Why is everyone seeing me and treating me as a whore?~~... when I'm still a virgin who never dated anyone~~... It's unfairrrr~..."

-"Because you're incredibly attractive and pretty. That's why people usually get jealous of you or some pervert gets attracted to you..." He caressed my hair and ear while staring at me gently.

+"Don't lie to make me feel good~~..." I replied frustratingly...

-"I'm not!... I'm telling you the truth!... 

Why don't you believe in yourself?..." 

+"I don't know~..."

I leaned into him and tried to calm myself down... He just held me in his warm arms, and I knew he was trying to give me strength as I was overwhelmed.

We stayed like that for a while, until I was ready to return to the ceremony... 

~

I thought I had made a wise choice when I decided to bring him with me. I couldn't tolerate this alone... 

I always act strong. However, on the inside, I'm just a scaredy-cat with so many fears, which is why my life is a mess. 

I never stand for my rights or take any risk. Changes and conflicts make me anxious and desperate.

I tend to satisfy people with their needs constantly to not get disappointed in me. I hate it when people keep judging me when they know nothing.

I'm afraid of falling in love because I fear breakups... 

On the outside, they see a calm and logical person who has a dark vibe with no emotion, But in reality I'm suffering in a hell made of my outrageous feelings mixed with overthinking all the time. It's hard to express these emotions out loud because I feel like no one understands what it's like to be in my shoes.

I often find myself feeling alone, like I'm the only one going through this.

At times like these, I'd be reminded that at least I have Haru by my side to give me a sense of living instead of just surviving...