I took a deep breath as I grabbed the front door handle and pushed it open. Stepping inside, I felt the coldness in my hands—a reflection of how nervous I'd been all day.

"Myung, you're home?" My mom's voice floated from the kitchen as I slipped off my shoes in the hallway.

She peeked into the hallway with a warm smile. "How was the interview?"

Of course, that would be the first question. I stared at her, shaking my head slowly in defeat. "I got rejected again," I muttered, my voice barely above a whisper as I walked into the living room.

"Aw... It's alright. You'll find another company," she said, her tone light and optimistic, as she turned back toward the kitchen to continue cooking.

My dad, lying on the sofa and glued to the TV, gave me a glance that was anything but reassuring. His eyebrows furrowed as he clicked his tongue in irritation. "Tsk. If you'd just continued your studies, you'd be a nurse by now. Not some jobless boy desperately searching for a proper job," he said, his voice thick with disappointment.

I clenched my jaw, glaring at him in silence. Every time he said something like this, it stoked a fire I'd tried to keep suppressing for years. I wanted to shout, to remind him of all I'd gone through, but no words left my mouth. Instead, I turned and walked to my room without a response, slamming the door shut behind me.

Slumping onto my bed still clad in my black suit, I let out a deep, exhausted groan.

"Ugh... I'm so fucking tired."

I buried my face into my pillow, lying on my stomach, willing the frustration to fade.

I had worked myself to the bone for years, taking on all kinds of part-time jobs until our family was finally cleared of debt. Then, I endured my mandatory military service right after, pushing through another grueling chapter in my life. And now I was back home, unemployed, and in my father's eyes, nothing more than a useless son mooching off his parents.

Securing a full-time job wasn't about ambition or chasing a dream. Dreams were a luxury I couldn't afford. For me, it was just an escape—a desperate attempt to break free from my parents' house and carve out a semblance of independence at the age of twenty-five.

But as always, it seemed the universe was never on my side. Not even once.

It felt suffocating, this endless cycle of judgment and failure.

~

"Myung..."

My mom's voice pulled me out of my thoughts. She opened the door and stepped into the room, her usual warm but slightly expectant expression on her face.

I blinked, groggy, and straightened up lazily from where I lay sprawled on the bed. "I'm not hungry if that's—"

"No, it's not about dinner," she said, cutting me off gently. She held out a crisp white envelope. "This is for you. Take it."

I hesitated for a moment, then reached out to take the envelope. "A letter?" I arched an eyebrow as I held it, my fingers brushing against the elegant texture. Carefully tearing it open, I pulled out a card. My gaze landed on the embossed writing and the small, glossy photo in the center—a bride and groom in perfect, radiant poses.

"Shiwoo's getting married?" I murmured, almost to myself, as I read the details. The date. The venue.

It felt surreal. It had been so long since I had last heard from him. After his brother's death, we slowly drifted apart. I wasn't sure if it was the pain of that loss, life's demands, or something else entirely, but our once-close friendship had faded into a distant memory.

Just like how I grew apart from Haru four years ago, memories of those years flashed through my mind, and a profound melancholy settled within my heart out of the blue. A pang hit me in the chest as my thoughts wandered. Will Haru attend as well? The question gnawed at me, bringing with it a wave of emotions I wasn't ready to confront.

"Oh, that's such good news!" my mom exclaimed, breaking through the weight of my thoughts.

"Yeah," I said, forcing a smile that didn't reach my eyes. The taste of bitterness lingered, sharp and suffocating.

Everyone else seemed to have lives that were moving forward at full speed—new jobs, growing friendships, falling in love, getting married. The world around me was alive and thriving, yet here I was. Stuck. Frozen in time, watching from the sidelines.

I was nothing more than a forgotten side character in a story that didn't need me—a ghost lingering in the background, unseen and unwanted. My existence held no weight, no meaning. My life was a monotonous void, and I... I was just as empty. Insignificant.

*****

The wedding was set to take place at the Grand Horizon Hotel, famous for its views and opulent charm. There were cascading arrangements of white and pink flowers all over the enormous hall, adding a romantic touch. They released a faint, sweet scent that scented the room subtly.

Rows of beige chairs lined the aisle, their simplicity providing a perfect contrast to the vibrant blooms and the grandeur of the setting. Crystal chandeliers hung overhead, creating an atmosphere of warmth beneath the polished marble floors.

It was all about the details, from the golden accents on the tableware to the silk drapes framing the panoramic windows.

I took a deep, nervous breath before making my way to the last row of chairs on the right side of the hall, settling down quietly while the other guests were busy chatting and laughing. The soft hum of conversations filled the air, accompanied by the occasional clink of glassware. I smoothed the fabric of my cream-toned suit with deliberate care, ensuring it remained unwrinkled.

A group of our old schoolmates sat together in the middle row, their laughter and animated gestures adding to the lively atmosphere. Despite recognizing a few familiar faces, I preferred to sit alone, avoiding unnecessary attention. One of them suddenly glanced back, his smile broad and cheerful.

"Oh! Haru is here!" he exclaimed, waving enthusiastically. My heart thudded heavily against my ribcage as I instinctively stiffened in my seat. The mere mention of his name sent a jolt through me.

"Come here, Kim Haru! Sit with us!" the guy called out, his voice brimming with excitement.

I lowered my gaze, staring at the polished tiles as the rhythmic sound of footsteps approached. The distinct echo of Haru's shoes grew louder until, finally, he walked past the row I was sitting in, his presence magnetic. I risked a glance up and caught sight of him as he stopped to greet the others.

There he was, flashing his signature sunshine smile, his handshakes confident and warm. Clad in a sharp black suit and trousers with a black shirt beneath, he looked effortlessly polished. His frame had filled out, his tanned skin complementing the sharp angles of his jawline. My lips curved into a faint, bittersweet grin as I took him in.

It's been four years.

My thoughts swirled as I watched him take a seat among the group, his laughter blending seamlessly with theirs.

Didn't he notice me? Or did he choose to ignore me? The question gnawed at me, and I couldn't decide which answer I dreaded more. I was the one who walked away from him, so why was I upset as soon as I didn't get his attention?

~

The anticipation in the hall grew as the murmur of voices gradually quieted down. The doors at the back opened, revealing the bride and groom, radiating elegance. The bride, in a flowing white gown that shimmered with every step, held a bouquet of soft pink roses, while Shiwoo, in a classic gray suit, walked proudly beside her.

As they made their way to the platform, all eyes followed, and the guests settled into their seats, the room now brimming with warmth and celebration. The couple stopped on the platform, hand in hand, and faced each other. Smiles spread across their faces as they shared a moment together before beginning their vows. The guests cheered as the couple shared a kiss and were officially pronounced husband and wife.

The air buzzed with applause as the newlyweds bowed gracefully to their parents; the soft rustle of their attire blended with the joyous murmurs of the guests. I clapped along with everyone, though my hands moved mechanically. My mind was far from the celebrations, lost in an endless loop of questions and unspoken emotions.

How does it feel to have love that isn't one-sided?

How does it feel to share your life with someone who loves you back just as much as you love them?

I tilted my head slightly, watching Shiwoo and his bride share a radiant smile, their happiness almost tangible. It was beautiful and alien to me all at once. A small ache nestled itself in my chest, a void that had been there for as long as I could remember. At this age, love and marriage were still abstract concepts, distant dreams I had never truly touched. The thought of ever experiencing such things felt almost impossible.

As I stared absently at the couple, my thoughts spiraling deeper, a strange sensation prickled at me. Slowly, I turned my head, instinctively searching the crowd. My heart skipped a beat when my eyes locked on his.

Haru.

He was staring at me, his gaze piercing through the sea of people as if I were the only one in the room. His brown eyes shimmered with something unspoken—sorrow, maybe regret, and something else I couldn't quite name. For a moment, everything else blurred; it was just the two of us, connected by an invisible thread that hadn't been severed despite years of silence.

I froze, my breath hitching in my throat. Why are you looking at me like that? I wanted to ask, but my lips refused to move.

It was silly how fast the pangs of regret hit me, heavier than I expected. Drifting apart from him felt like one of those mistakes you don't realize until you're standing in its shadow. He was precious to me—a true friend who had always been there when I needed someone. Maybe even more than a friend.

A real brother?

The thought made me flinch, my gaze darting away from his as a sudden rush of heat spread across my cheeks. No... no, that's not the right word for him, I told myself, shaking my head in frustration.

But if not a brother, then what?

I clenched my fists against the confusion swirling in my chest. My thoughts were suffocating, each one louder than the last. Haru had always been able to unravel me in ways I didn't understand, but this moment felt overwhelming and raw.

What's happening to me?

I buried my face briefly in my hands, letting out a soft, exasperated sigh as the cheers around me continued. Ugh.

~

As the wedding came to an end, I walked out of the hotel's grand entrance, glancing at the time on my phone. The cool evening breeze brushed against my face, offering a brief respite from the emotions swirling inside me.

"Haha, catch me if you can!"

A high-pitched, playful voice called out from behind. Before I could react, a young boy barreled into me, his small frame colliding with my side. The unexpected impact sent my phone tumbling to the ground, and I stumbled, barely keeping my balance. The boy kept running, his laughter echoing in the distance, with not a word of apology.

I bent down to pick up my phone, a frustrated sigh escaping my lips. Just then, another kid, chasing the first, dashed right over it, his tiny sneaker landing squarely on the screen with a sickening crunch. He giggled as he followed his friend, leaving chaos in his wake.

Straightening up, I stared at my phone's shattered screen, the glass cracked and distorted. The device was utterly destroyed, the damage irreparable. My heart sank as the weight of reality pressed down on me. Repairing it—or worse, buying a new one—was out of the question. I didn't have the money for either.

I stood frozen, clutching the broken phone in my trembling hands. It felt like something deep inside me had snapped. My mind went blank, unable to form a coherent thought. The exhaustion I had buried for so long clawed its way to the surface, consuming me.

"Is this a sign?" I whispered to myself, my voice trembling as I stared blankly ahead. "A sign telling me to just give up?" A bitter grin tugged at my lips as the words left my mouth.

I was tired. Tired of trying.

I'm a failure anyway.

I failed to confess to my crush.

I failed to take care of Shian.

I failed to make my parents proud.

I failed to maintain my friendships.

I failed to find a decent job.

The thoughts spiraled, a relentless storm of self-doubt and despair. My feet moved on their own, carrying me forward as my mind succumbed to numbness.

What the fuck am I supposed to do?

A car horn blared in the distance, faint and muffled as if reaching me through a haze. My steps faltered, but I didn't stop. My mind was too clouded to register the sound fully. When will this pain end?

"Myung!"

Haru's voice cut through the fog, sharp and commanding. Before I could process it, a strong hand gripped my arm and yanked me backward with force. The sudden motion spun me around, and I collided with a firm chest. My blurry vision began to clear as I looked up, meeting Haru's intense, furious gaze.

His brows were furrowed, his jaw tight as he stared at me with a mixture of anger and worry. "What the heck are you doing?" His voice was sharp, laced with frustration.

"Huh?" I muttered, still dazed. The blaring honk of a car jolted me fully back into reality. Turning my head, I noticed a car pulling into the hotel's parking lot, the driver glaring at me and shouting curses through the window. It hit me then—I had been walking directly into the driveway, completely oblivious.

Haru's hands clamped down on my arms, his grip firm but not painful. He shook me lightly, forcing me to look at him again. "Myung, I fuckin' asked you a question!" he growled, his voice trembling slightly.

"I... I was th-thinking... I..." My words caught in my throat, my lips trembling as my eyes burned with tears. I hadn't cried in years, yet now, standing here under Haru's piercing gaze, I couldn't hold them back any longer. A lump formed in my throat, and I bit down on my lip to keep from sobbing.

Before I could stop myself, I moved forward, burying my face in Haru's chest like a frightened child seeking comfort. "Ngh." My body trembled as tears silently cascaded down my cheeks.

Without hesitation, Haru's arms enveloped me, pulling me in close. He didn't speak, but his embrace was steady and unwavering, a quiet shield against the emptiness threatening to swallow me whole.

I hadn't realized just how much I missed this feeling.

How much I had longed for the warmth of his touch again.

It was as if I were addicted to him.

And now, the void left after we parted felt more tangible, more suffocating than ever before.

I wonder... how can someone hold the power to pull you out of the deepest abyss, only to push you right back in when you're barely breathing?

How can someone be both your savior and the one who'd bury you alive at the same time?

Their touch, tender enough to heal yet heavy enough to crush. Their words, soothing one moment, cutting the next. It's as if they've mastered the art of being both the remedy and the poison, the light and the shadow.

Haru...

You were the anchor that kept me steady and the storm that drowned me.