Dec 2011.

Junior, High School.

I stood outside the karaoke bar, taking in the crisp night air while the others remained inside. I tilted my head up, exhaling as I watched the night sky. The moon was tinged with hues of pink and red, almost surreal against the dark backdrop. Will it snow tonight? I wondered, shivering as I pulled my jacket tighter around me. I just want to go home... but I shouldn't leave Sunny behind.

Just then, a young man approached, stopping in front of the karaoke bar. He glanced up at the sign above the entrance, his phone up to his ear. "I'm here," he said with a warm smile. "Come on out, honey."

I looked over at him unconsciously. He was striking—short black hair, tan skin, and a fit, athletic build. His style was classic: black trousers, a long cream overcoat layered over a white shirt, and a black knit scarf wrapped around his neck.

"Babe!" I heard Sunny's voice as she emerged from the building. She rushed over to him, throwing her arms around his neck in a warm hug.

So, that's Sunny's boyfriend. I watched them, realizing with a twinge that this guy and I had nothing in common besides our hair color. It was like a slap of reality—reminding me that I'd never been the type she liked.

Noticing me, Sunny pulled away, smiling shyly. "Oh! I thought you were in the bathroom, Myung."

"I just needed some air," I replied, managing a grin as I stepped closer to them. "You're going back home?"

She nodded. "Yeah, it's getting late." She glanced back at her boyfriend before introducing us. "This is my childhood friend, Myung. My cute little brother, I told you about."

Cute little brother. The phrase stung; a lump formed in my throat, but I forced a smile and extended my hand to him. "Please take good care of her."

He shook my hand, his other arm wrapped around Sunny's waist. "Nice to meet you, Myung. I'm Lee Beom," he replied with a friendly grin. "And don't worry—I absolutely will."

After a few polite words, Sunny and her boyfriend said their goodbyes and left, walking off into the distance. I watched them go, feeling strangely numb, and when they finally disappeared around the corner, I turned and began walking aimlessly. I had no reason to go back to the party now.

Wandering for a while, I found myself in a quiet park near home. I took a seat on a bench by a large fountain, staring at the water as my thoughts drifted. An old melody echoed in my mind, a song Sunny and I had loved as kids.

"Dancing bears, painted wings..." I mumbled, the words coming out softly. "Things I almost remember... And a song someone sings; Once Upon a December..."

"What are you doing out here, singing Anastasia's song in this freezing weather?"

Startled, I looked up to see Haru sliding onto the bench next to me, hands tucked into the pockets of his chocolate-brown hoodie as he leaned back casually.

"How did you find me?" I asked, arching an eyebrow as I looked at him, half-surprised, half-annoyed.

"Why did you leave without saying a word?" Haru's voice broke through the quiet night, his gaze fixed intently on me.

I averted my eyes, unable to meet his. My chest felt heavy; words caught in my throat. I couldn't tell him about the heartbreak—about how it had unraveled me.

When my silence lingered, Haru pressed further, his tone a mix of curiosity and something I couldn't quite place. "Do you like that girl? Is that why you've been acting off tonight?"

His question hit me like a bolt, and I instinctively looked at him, caught off guard. The sudden rush of embarrassment warmed my face. "It was just a crush," I muttered, the confession cutting deeper than I expected. The words felt foreign and sour as they left my lips. "It's over before it even started, though..."

My voice trailed off as I dropped my gaze once more, unable to face him. The weight of my suppressed emotions bore down on me, threatening to spill over.

Thankfully, Haru didn't press for details or try to pry open the guarded corners of my heart. Instead, he leaned back slightly, his expression softening as the silence stretched between us. There was no teasing remark, no pointed question—just an unspoken understanding lingering in the air.

"How about we dance to the song?" Haru asked with a mischievous grin, rising from the bench.

I looked up, bewildered. "Don't be ridiculous!"

Ignoring my protests, Haru leaned down, grabbed my wrists, and tugged me to my feet. "Come on! Let's do it! I love that dance scene from the movie."

"I'm not in the mood to fool around," I muttered, trying to pull my hands free. But he slipped his arm around my waist, holding me firmly in his embrace. I flinched, my cheeks warming despite the cold.

"What the hell are you doing? I'm not dancing with you here—it's embarrassing!" I grumbled, scowling.

"No one's around." His voice was calm as he took my left hand in his, extending it out. "Sing it for me," he said, his tone uncharacteristically serious, his eyes fixed on mine in a way that felt oddly intense.

With a sigh, I let him sway us gently, each step deliberate and sure, the rhythm slow and steady. Against my better judgment, I began to sing softly.

"Someone holds me safe and warm... Horses prance through a silver storm..."

As the lyrics floated through the quiet night, Haru spun me gently, the world blurring around me before I returned to his embrace. I must've lost my mind...

"Figures dancing gracefully... Across my memory..."

He held my gaze, his eyes filled with something I couldn't quite understand, urging me to let go, to be present in this surreal moment. The chill in the air seemed to disappear with each step, replaced by a strange warmth that spread through me. What are we even doing here, in the middle of the park?

"Far away, long ago... Glowing dim as an ember, things my heart used to know... Things it yearns to remember..."

Haru spun me once more, drawing me back into his arms, his hands steady around my waist. My palms rested on his chest, my heart thudding as I looked up into his eyes, searching for an explanation for the unspoken feeling between us.

"And a song... Someone sings... Once upon a December..."

For a moment, silence settled between us, the night stretching around us like a held breath. Then Haru's gaze softened as he asked, "Myung, you haven't kissed anyone yet?" Haru's hand moved up to my neck, his cold fingers grazing my skin.

"Of course not. What kind of question—mmph!"

Before I could finish, he leaned in, his lips pressing against mine. The shock jolted through me like lightning; my eyes wide open as my mind struggled to process what was happening. I clenched my fists against his chest, trying to pull away, but his grip on the back of my neck held me in place. When he finally broke the kiss, I shoved him back, stepping away as I wiped my lips with the back of my hand.

"What the hell, Haru!?" I snapped, glaring at him, anger building in my chest. "Are you mocking me? Do you think I'm pathetic like Shiwoo does? Is that why you—"

"Myung, wait!" Haru interrupted, reaching out and grabbing my wrists. "I was just..."

"Just what?" I yelled, feeling frustration rise with every word. "You ruined my first kiss, Haru! I wanted my first time to be with someone I actually like! I know that probably sounds ridiculous to you—guys who've had girlfriends without a second thought—but that doesn't give you the right to mess with me!"

"Myung, listen. I wasn't trying to mock you, I just—" Haru stammered, his grip tightening slightly, a nervous look flashing in his eyes.

"I don't want to hear it," I shouted, yanking my hands free from his grasp; my voice cold as ice. "Don't even dare talk to me again!"

Without waiting for a response, I turned and ran, anger and hurt coursing through me. Nuthead!

*****

From that day onward, I deliberately kept my distance from Haru. His carelessness infuriated me, and I could not bring myself to forgive him for playing a prank on me when I was already emotionally distraught. I felt a whirlwind of emotions swirling inside me, alternating between anger and confusion.

Each day was a struggle to maintain my composure, as betrayal and humiliation lingered in my thoughts. Despite trying to focus on other things, the memory of that night haunted me, and I couldn't shake the feeling of vulnerability that Haru's actions had left behind.

No one had ever really taken me seriously or tried to understand me.

To them, I'd always just been a pushover.

~

Snowflakes drifted down lazily from the sky, and I watched them as I waited at the intersection where Shiwoo and I had agreed to meet. People walked past me, bundled in thick scarves and wool coats, their arms loaded with shopping bags, likely filled with New Year's gifts.

Shiwoo was already fifteen minutes late. I pulled my phone from my jeans pocket, dialing his number as I squinted against the cold. The call rang and rang, but he didn't pick up. "Great. And my battery's nearly dead too," I muttered, staring down at the screen. "This guy..."

"Myung!"

I looked up to see Shiwoo jogging toward me, waving his hand in the air.

"Sorry! The bus got delayed," he said, catching his breath as he reached me. "Let's go!"

We strolled through the bustling shopping area. Shiwoo excitedly searched for a New Year's present for his girlfriend. Every shop window twinkled with colorful lights, casting a warm glow on the lively crowd. The air buzzed with holiday music and the laughter of families and friends enjoying their day. The aroma of freshly baked pastries floated from nearby stalls, mingling with the crisp winter air and filling the street with the scent of cinnamon and chocolate.

But as we moved through the dense crowd, I felt the weight of chaos pressing in on me. The steady hum of voices, the jostling of bodies, and the constant movement drained my energy with each passing minute. Shiwoo was entirely absorbed, weaving through the crowd, but I found myself struggling to keep up, wishing for the calm of an open, quiet space.

"Can we take a break?" I finally asked, watching as Shiwoo texted rapidly on his phone, barely glancing up.

"Uh—she wants to meet me," he mumbled, eyes glued to the screen. "Myung, go to that café and rest up for a bit until I get back!" He patted my back absently with one hand, pointing out a café with the other.

"What? If you're going to meet her, then I'll just head home—"

"No! We're not done with shopping," Shiwoo interrupted. "Just wait there. I'll be back in less than an hour!" He waved a quick goodbye and disappeared into the crowd before I could respond.

"Wait!" I stood there, speechless. I swear, this will be the last time I go anywhere with him, I thought, clenching my jaw as I turned toward the café.

Inside, I took a seat in a quiet corner by the window, leaning back into the booth with a frustrated huff. A waiter appeared, offering me a warm smile. "Welcome to our café. Here's the menu," he said, handing it to me.

"A cup of hot chocolate and a slice of carrot cake, please," I replied, giving the menu back.

The waiter nodded and walked away, leaving me to sink deeper into my seat. I should've just gone home, I thought, watching the snow swirl gently outside, wishing I were anywhere but here.

~

I glanced up at the clock mounted on the wall; two hours had passed since Shiwoo left, yet he still hadn't shown up. Sighing, I looked down at my dead phone. I'll go back home and call him later. I stood up, ready to leave. I'm done waiting.

As I approached the counter, I patted my puffer jacket and jean pockets, searching for my wallet, but was met with an unsettling emptiness. Panic surged through me as I frantically checked each pocket again, praying I was wrong. "Oh no," I whispered. My wallet... it must have slipped out in the crowd. I gritted my teeth. Just my shitty luck!

I froze, feeling the color drain from my face. What should I do? The cashier glanced over with a polite but expectant look. "What was your table number, Sir?"

"Uh, 8," I replied, my voice betraying my anxiety as my fingers grew cold.

"It'll be—"

My ears began to ring, drowning out the cashier's words as my heart raced. What do I even say? This is so embarrassing...

"Use this card," a familiar voice said, and I felt a hand rest firmly on my shoulder as a card was offered to the cashier. Haru. His familiar scent hit me before I even turned to look at him, and his fingers gave my shoulder a reassuring squeeze as he smiled at the cashier, handling the situation with calm ease.

I stared at him in silence, bewildered. After the cashier returned his card, Haru slipped it into his pocket, leading me out of the café with a steady hand on my shoulder. Once we were outside, he dropped his hand and spoke in a cool, almost detached tone, his gaze fixed ahead. "Shiwoo asked me to come and get you. He said your phone's dead, and you'd probably still be waiting for him."

"That jerk's still with his girlfriend, isn't he?" I muttered, stepping away from Haru.

Haru shrugged, glancing around the bustling street. "It seems so."

I dropped my head, sighing in frustration. Clenching my fists, I forced myself to look up and say, "Thanks for covering me. I'll pay you back on Monday." With that, I turned around to leave. I didn't want to talk to him—not yet. I was not ready to let go of my wrath. No matter how much some part of me yearned to turn a blind eye to it all, I just needed some more time.

"Myung," Haru called, causing me to stop and glance over my shoulder. Is he finally going to ask for forgiveness?

But instead, he stared at me with an irritated expression, his eyes colder than I'd ever seen them. "Can't you just get over it? It wasn't even a big deal."

I turned fully toward him, my glare sharp. "It was a big deal for me," I replied, feeling a painful lump form in my throat. "Don't you think you need to apologize instead of being mad at me?"

He held my gaze, his tone still distant. "I'm not gonna do what you don't like from now on, so just let it go—I can't stand it when you avoid me."

So, you're not even sorry, huh? A bitter laugh escaped my lips. You think it's all on me, that I'm just overreacting...

I pushed my hands into the pockets of my puffer jacket, my voice steady as I responded, "Then apologize."

Haru's eyebrows furrowed; frustration flashed in his eyes. "Myung... I thought you cared about me," he muttered under his breath.

"Don't twist things around," I said, a surge of emotion overwhelming me. He doesn't get it.

"I get it now..." Haru stared at me in disbelief for a second before turning his back on me, his tone final. "Let's just end it here, then. It's probably better for both of us."

Huh?

A sharp ache pulsed in my chest as I watched him walk away. He was willing to throw away our entire friendship rather than admit he was wrong.

"What the heck?"

Now, looking back...

Maybe it would've been better if we'd really parted ways back then...

Just like he said...