Nov 2011.

Junior, High School.

When I entered the classroom, I found it empty. I'd arrived at school early, and the peaceful silence made me smile unconsciously as I headed to my desk and settled in. Outside, the sky was cloaked in dark clouds, not a single sunbeam breaking through.

I pulled my sketchbook and pencil from the compartment under my desk and began sketching the stormy clouds. Humming softly to myself, I moved the pencil across the page, savoring the quiet moment. But it didn't last long—a familiar voice made me jolt in my seat.

"Myung!"

Haru was striding over, his hands tucked into the pockets of his brown baseball jacket. "Gosh, you're here early too!"

With a sigh, I closed my sketchbook, resting my elbow on the desk and placing my chin on my palm as I gazed back out the window. "My dad dropped me off," I replied lazily.

Haru leaned against my desk, following my gaze to the window. "What are you staring at?"

"The sky," I murmured, exhaling again.

He squinted at the clouds; his face scrunched into a frown. "Today's weather is seriously depressing."

I kept my eyes on the sky as I replied, "I like dark, gloomy autumn days. Rain clouds blocking the sun, casting everything in gray... Kind of like me."

He blinked, dumbfounded. "Huh?... I can't catch poetry talk well..."

"I just said I like this weather." I gave him a flat look. "You get such good grades; how do you not get a simple sentence?"

Haru huffed, pulling his hands from his pockets and crossing his arms. "Hey, I might be good at studying, but poetry, art—all that stuff? Not my thing. I just can't picture it."

I tilted my head as I was a bit surprised. "Doesn't everyone imagine things?"

"Nope! Here's an example right in front of you." He shrugged and grinned. "So, what kind of weather would you say I am?"

I smirked devilishly, already knowing my answer. "You're like a hot summer day—sunny, loud, and pretty hard to handle which I hate the most."

"What kind of crazy person hates summer?" he exclaimed, genuinely surprised. "Everyone loves it!"

I chuckled, replying calmly, "Hot days make it hard to breathe; your heart races, you're drenched in sweat, and your skin burns under the sun. What's to like?"

Haru stared at me for a moment, then asked with a teasing smirk, "Haven't you just confessed your love to me?"

I raised an eyebrow, crossing my arms. "How'd you come up with that ridiculous idea?"

He grinned even wider. "People feel this way when they're in love..."

I glared at him and swatted his arm. "Didn't you catch the part where I said I hated it?"

Haru's laughter echoed through the empty room. Then, still laughing, he reached out and gently held my chin, tilting my face toward him. "Messing with you is way too much fun!" He cocked his head to the side, his eyes bright with mischief. "By the way, when are you gonna invite me over to your place?"

I swatted his hand away, asking casually, "Do you wanna come this weekend?..."

*****

When the weekend arrived, Haru came over for our planned sleepover, meeting my parents for the first time. We had dinner together, and Haru seemed to charm them instantly, talking and laughing with them as though he'd known them forever. After a while, he and I finally slipped away to my room to relax before bed.

"Nice room you've got here." Haru wandered around, his eyes roaming across the shelves, walls, and books. He stopped at my bookshelf, lifting one of my action figures with a curious expression. "So... you're into dolls?"

Rolling my eyes, I spread the mattress I'd been holding on the floor beside my bed. "They're not just dolls! They're figures from my favorite games and anime series."

"Uh-huh..." He nodded with a sheepish grin, placing the figure back carefully. His gaze shifted to my desk, where he inspected the pictures and posters covering the wall. "Who's that girl?" he asked, pointing to a picture of Sunny and me from when we were around ten. My dad snapped it during one of those lazy summer afternoons, and it'd somehow survived on my wall for years.

Trying to sound casual, I tossed a pillow and blanket onto the mattress. I didn't want him digging too deep into the "crush" topic—Shiwoo had already given me enough grief over it. "She's the girl next door. We're childhood friends."

"Uh-huh..." He nodded again, still scanning my books and the scattered trinkets on my desk.

For a moment, I just stood there, watching him. It hit me that I'd never once called him by his first name, and the idea of doing it felt strangely daunting. I gulped, clearing my throat to muster some courage as I looked at him, still facing away and examining my things.

"Hey... Kim," I started, but the name felt awkward, and I stumbled mid-sentence. Why is it so hard to call him by his first name?

Haru looked back over his shoulder, raising an eyebrow as he waited for me to continue. I took a breath and finally said, "You can take the bed. I'll sleep on the floor."

Haru spun around fully, looking at me in utter disbelief; his face a comical mix of hurt and surprise. "You just broke my heart calling me by my last name!" He stepped closer, resting his hands on my shoulders dramatically. "Kim?... Seriously, what have you just said, Kim?"

I don't know why, but the look on his face cracked me up. I burst out laughing, clutching my sides. "Pfft... I'm sorry... Ahahaha..." I laughed so hard I could feel my stomach start to ache.

Haru's expression darkened with exaggerated annoyance. "What the fuck! How can you laugh at a time like this? You heartless bastard!" Before I could react, he wrapped his arm around my neck, tugging me down and locking my head between his biceps and triceps. "Say my name. Right now!"

"Ack!" I squirmed, trying to break free. "Let me go!"

Haru only tightened his hold, and I started to cough. "Say my name, and then I'll let you go."

"Agh..." I groaned, feeling like my neck might snap. "H-Haru!... Okay? Haru! Now let me go!"

He finally released me, grinning victoriously.

"Never make that mistake again!"

~

I lay down on the mattress spread out on the floor after turning off the light, while Haru stretched out on his stomach on my bed, his head turned toward me. In the dim light slipping in from the hallway, I could see him watching me, his expression unreadable.

"It's a blessing that you're loved by your parents," he murmured after a moment. A faint, almost bitter grin tugged at his mouth as he added, "I mean, who could hate an adorable kid like you?"

I smirked, rolling to my side to meet his gaze. "Adorable? I think you need to get your eyes checked," I said sarcastically. "I'm weird and boring, definitely not adorable."

"I'm being serious," Haru replied with a small huff, his eyes soft but intent.

A yawn escaped me as I mumbled, "I'm not complaining, but being an only child... sometimes their love and attention feel more like a burden than a blessing."

Haru chuckled under his breath and turned onto his back, staring up at the ceiling. "Still, that's better than being hated for no reason, no matter what you do... being treated like a disappointment just for existing."

The weight of his words lingered in the silence between us, and I thought back to the way he had looked earlier, sitting with my parents. There had been something shadowed in his gaze, something I hadn't understood until now. Hesitating, I asked in a quiet voice, "Do your parents hate you? But why? You're basically perfect—good grades, friends everywhere... What could they possibly hate?"

"That's just who they are, Myung." He sighed. "My dad's a university professor—strict as they come—and my mom... well, she's only interested in herself and her own benefits."

I lay there, processing his words, realizing I'd never really known anything about his family. "What about your siblings? Or are you an only child too?"

Haru shook his head, turning his face back to mine with a faint smile. "Nah, I actually have two older half-siblings. My dad has a son from his first marriage, and my mom has a daughter from hers. My parents only got married to save face, and when I was born... I wasn't exactly a welcome surprise."

I froze, unsure how to respond. I was decent at listening, but I'd never been good at comforting people. "I... I don't know what to say..."

Haru rolled back onto his side, reaching out to ruffle my hair with a gentle smile. "It's okay. Instead of them, you can just give me love, right?"

"You've got the wrong person for that," I huffed, lightly batting his hand away. "I'm as dull as they come. Most people call me heartless, you know."

Haru's fingers lingered near my cheek, and then he brushed the back of his hand along my face. "Just because you keep your feelings hidden doesn't mean they're not there. You're one of the kindest people I know. A real angel."

I felt my face heat up and rolled over, showing him my back. "Go to sleep," I muttered, his words sinking deeper than I wanted to admit.

I don't know what he even sees in me...

But I know I'm not what he thinks I am.

There's so much I'm missing.

*****

That day was one of those rare sunny breaks between the rainy autumn spells, so our PE teacher decided to let us play volleyball on the outdoor court. Despite not being a fan of sports, I had no choice but to participate—the PE teacher was a strict guy who wouldn't let anyone skip out.

I took my position in the back left corner as the match began, shifting uncomfortably as the ball bounced back and forth. Across the net, Haru was in his element, playing with an energy that seemed to brighten the whole court. I couldn't help but watch as he moved with ease, jumping high to block the ball with precise timing. His toned muscles flexed each time he leaped or pivoted, and his bright, confident smile never left his face—not for a moment.

A surge of mixed admiration and envy washed over me. Haru's effortless skill and contagious enthusiasm made it all look so easy, and I found myself wishing, even for a second, that I could approach sports with the same energy. I'd always been on the weaker, skinnier side. My attempts to build any real strength had never amounted to much, no matter how hard I tried. Growing up, my cousins used to bully me about my petite appearance, and I'd overhear adults calling me "pretty" instead of "handsome"—it chipped away at my pride as a man.

These experiences have always made me more self-conscious, and more hesitant to interact with others. My confidence faltered in situations like these, and even with Sunny, I could never find a way to let my feelings show. She'd always seen me as the "cute little brother," never giving me a chance to show her a stronger, more confident side of myself.

Getting lost in my thoughts, I didn't realize that the volleyball was coming toward my face at full speed. I gasped in fear as my eyes fell over the ball, so close to my face that I could no longer dodge.

"Ack!"

I got struck in the face, causing me to fall on my butt. A sharp pain struck my nose and it started bleeding. I rubbed the blood with my right hand, looking at it dumbfounded while other kids began laughing at me. I sat there, unable to move as I felt uncomfortable by their gazes. Sh*t... I winced in pain, my hands slightly trembling.

"Myung; you alright?" Haru ran toward me and crouched down in front of me.

I lifted myself off the floor and said, "I'm fine."

"Let's go to the infirmary," Haru said worriedly as he wrapped his right arm around my shoulders and walked along with me back to the building.

~

"Ugh, it fuckin' hurts..."

I grumbled, sitting on a chair in the empty infirmary with two pieces of cotton stuffed up my nostrils to stop the bleeding. Tilting my head back, I grimaced at the ceiling. The room was empty—no nurse, just me and Haru, since the nurse happened to be off that day.

Haru chuckled from where he leaned against the desk. "Didn't know you had it in you to curse."

I glared at him, my eyebrows scrunched in irritation. "This is all your fault!"

"Huh?" He tilted his head, clearly amused. "How exactly is this my fault? I didn't smack the ball at you."

I looked away, feeling a flush creep into my face. "Uh... I thought it was you," I muttered awkwardly, clearing my throat. I couldn't admit that I'd been too distracted watching him—how effortlessly perfect he looked, playing with that bright confidence. I'd been jealous and, well... staring.

"Myung." He said my name softly, and I glanced back at him. "Wanna come over to my place next week?"

I paused, letting his question sink in, then nodded without hesitation. "I'd like to..."

A wide grin spread across his face as he reached over and patted my head. "Didn't think you'd actually say yes! Guess you're getting comfortable around me, huh?"

I shrugged, rising from the chair. "Well, we're friends now. It's different."

At this, Haru threw his arms up in a comical victory pose. "Kyaaah! I can die without regrets now! Myung just said, 'We're friends'!"

I blinked, torn between disbelief and laughter, before smacking him lightly in the stomach with the back of my hand. Walking toward the door, I threw a smirk over my shoulder. "Keep acting stupid, and I might change my mind about coming."

Sometimes, I wonder if I should never have set foot in your house that day...

It would have been better if I hadn't met your mother...

I should've just rejected your invitation then...