Harry

I am at a loss.

At first, I was so certain of my decision to reject my mate and I still am. But Spencer had left my head spinning after he made some valid points.

I do have every reason to reject my mate.

I can and should feel fine about my decision, as long as I make it for myself. Like Spencer said, I shouldn't make this decision about anyone else but me.

Though it pains me deeply, I have to make sure I am doing what is best for my sake. Nobody else.

That being said, I am still grieving over the incredible loss my family and pack has suffered. But that will probably never go away, they will always be missed.

Too many people are gone. Not only family members, but people I grew up with. From my favorite pack house cook to the young warrior I secretly wished I was mated to - even though he was straight. Why do we always fall for the straight guy?

Anyway, the point is moot. The decision has been made and there is nothing that can be done about it now.

Though sometimes I don't know whether I'm crying over the loss of the fallen members or my mating that was denied.

Truth is now that I had some days to think about it, it's more confusing than ever to me. I know deep down I made the right decision, but the doubt lingers when I am alone at night.

Of course, one could argue that I may just be feeling lonely. Sure, that is not entirely wrong. But I am a werewolf, after all.

I can drown out the loneliness with the occasional human back in college - or even right here in town. But that doesn't change the fact that one day college is going to end.

Am I to spend the rest of my life mateless and alone? Or am I to make a living with some human that can never know my true identity?

Perhaps move to a larger city and make my living amongst the human population, dating as humans do. I could find a chosen partner.

So many decisions floating around my mind. Well, now that I definitely CANNOT succeed my father as the next Alpha of our pack, at least there is one less decision to make.

Now I feel bad for my younger sibling who has to bear this burden. My whole family is in shambles, truthfully. Not one of us remained unscathed from this blood feud with the Regency Falls pack.

One way or another, this war will scar us for the rest of our lives. All there is left for us is to move on somehow, rebuild our pack.

"Good morning, family." I greeted my parents and siblings inside the dining room of the pack house.

"Good morning, Harry. How are you doing?" Mom asked me in a concerned tone.

"A little confused, to be honest. I have no idea what to do next." I replied, sincerely.

Both my parents gave me a poignant look, pitying me.

"I'm sure everything is gonna seem clearer with time. You probably need some perspective." She argued, smiling weakly at me.

"You should count your blessings to be rid of those fucking Barnetts." Aaron chimed in a sour tone.

"Watch your language, Aaron! Respect your family present!" Mom reprimanded him, aggravated. If nothing else, there are children present and they don’t need to be exposed to this.

"We will never be rid of them. Now that they have won the war, we are obligated to establish several partnerships between our two packs." Dad stated, frowning his eyebrows in annoyance.

All of us look surprised at him, though we probably shouldn't. That is precisely why Beta Wilmont and I went to their pack. I am sure they got everything they wanted from us and more now that our pack was brought to its knees, rendered defenseless.

"Great. What's the next humiliation in store for us?" Aaron sulked, impossibly grumpy.

"We have an entire pack to rebuild. Our defenses were nearly wiped. Our only salvation at the moment are the warriors our allies sent to our aid. Instead of focusing on them, you should be brainstorming ideas to get us out of this mess you created." Dad reprimanded him, fiercely mad.

My brother gulped from being called out like this.

"I wasn't the one who started this feud between our packs." He mumbled, sulking.

"No, you were the one who thought killing their Alpha would cease the conflict. A freaking Alpha!" I yelled, irritated at him.

My dad slammed the table hard, startling all of us.

"I don't want discussions about this subject between the two of you. What's done is done. We need to look forward into the future and how we are going to mend our pack." He declared, looking furious at us.

My brother and I lowered our heads and replied:

"Yes, father."

We served ourselves some breakfast as the day is only beginning. I had to volunteer with the families who lost members, helping anyway I can. The bureaucratic stuff was mostly done at this point, now it's more reorganizing the houses, packing clothes, trying to give closure to the surviving family members.

After all, thousands died at once. This pack is still bleeding before it can have any chance of healing. We are a long way from that, but I feel compelled to do my part. Help out in any way I can.

Before I help my parents to clear the table, I overheard my mom asking dad:

"What time does he get here?" She inquired, collecting plates and cups from the table.

"What time does who get here?" I inquired, curiously. My brother also stared at them while we grabbed the jars from the table.

"Regent Barnett is coming later today to sign the peace treaty." She replied, studying me carefully for my reaction to this news.

"My mate is coming here and you didn't think to warn me? What the hell!" I gasped in shock at my parents.

"You rejected him. He's not coming here for you. He is still the Regent of their pack." She replied in a matter of fact tone.

"Wow! Thanks for the consideration towards your son." I grunted, baffled that I hadn't been told about this until now. And only because I asked them.

"You're not even gonna see him. Aren't you out for the whole day today?" Dad noted, as if this wasn't a big deal.

Honestly, their nonchalant approach to his arrival is freaking the fuck out of me.

"You're right, I guess. But I'll return for lunch later on." I said, sulking.

"Maybe you should take the lunch break and eat at a restaurant nearby. Save you time." Dad suggested and I gasped in shock.

"Oh my Goddess, you're trying to keep me away from my mate! Why?" I shouted, completely taken aback by the discovery.

"You were the one who rejected him. I just wanna keep you two apart from each other in a respectful way, you know?" He argued, sounding sincere.

"I see… you want to avoid any awkward encounter while he's here. And what are you going to do about your other son?" I inquired, glancing at Aaron.

My parents looked at each other while Aaron glared at them both.

"They're sending me away to spend the day with Jessica's parents today." He declared, suspiciously.

"Good for you brother." I said, actually feeling relieved for him.

"You should have trusted me to face that prick! You didn't need to send me away on his account." Aaron told our parents, breathing out fire.

"The fact that you're calling him a prick only proves our point." Dad stated, raising his eyebrows in distrust.

Aaron grunted at dad's response, but kept quiet.

After we cleared the table and did the dishes, we were walking out the kitchen by way of the dining room - they are adjacent for the commodity - when I scented the most wonderful smell in the world.

"Good morning, everyone." My mate greeted my family and I next to a very surprised Lucas.

He was being accompanied by two warriors stationed to his back.

He bowed his head to my father in respect and my dad did the same to him.

"We weren't expecting you until later, Regent." My dad said, nervously. My mom glanced over at Aaron, whose death glare is making everyone uncomfortable right now.

"What are you doing here, murderer? Have you come to finish the job?" My brother seethed, eyes glowing in rage.

"I'm sorry for your loss, Mr. Staedler. I deeply regret any part I might have taken in the passing of your mate." He said, feeling bad for him. Not in a condescending way, but genuinely.

"You're right, dad. I can't be here for this!" Aaron spoke, before storming out of the room. As he walked past Landon, one of his warriors stood himself in front of him, protectively.

The rest of us looked at the scene uncomfortably.

"I was a little anxious, so I came early. I'm sorry for my disruptive presence. In no way did I mean to disrespect your son's grief." He spoke, humbly looking at my parents.

"It's fine, Regent. Can I offer you some coffee or juice?" Dad said, cordially.

"No thanks, I'm good." He replied, politely. He was making an effort not to look at me, but I could tell it was a struggle. I, on the other hand, couldn't look away from him.

"Let's go to my office so we can have our meeting. Harry, I believe you had an appointment to go to?” Dad broke me out of my spell, making me turn to him instead.

"Yes, dad. I'm on my way." I babbled nervously.

"Before you leave, can I have a quick word with you in private?" Landon surprised me, finally addressing me directly.

My parents glanced at each other, not knowing exactly how to act.

"We'll be waiting for you in the office. After you're done talking, Harry can direct you there." Dad said, moving to leave the dining room with my mom. Lucas was right beside them, my siblings had already left before he arrived.

We stood there staring at each other awkwardly as everybody left the room. Once they did, I kept waiting for him to speak.

"Hi, mate. First off, I wanna start by saying I'm sorry for everything that happened between our packs…"

"You didn't start this war, you don't need to play politics with me!" I cut him off, frowning in annoyance. Though I’m mostly just nervous around him.

"I'm not! I'm trying to apologize for my part in it. I know why you rejected me. Though you don't need to give me any explanation…"

"I don't need to give you anything! I'm lost as to what you want from me!" I cut him off again, anxiously gawking at him. For a moment, Landon kept staring at me baffled by my attitude. He gulped nervously for a minute before saying:

"I would like a hug, if that’s alright with you." He spoke, voice trembling in nervousness.

I gasped at his sudden and unexpected request, staring wide eyed at him for a moment. Not knowing what else to do, I approached him calmly and hugged him. It was awkward as one hugged their estranged uncle, but his scent is heaven to me.

I took a big inhale of his scent while in close proximity and my wolf howled inside my chest by being so close to our mate. It knows I rejected him, but it doesn’t really care about the human component of the mating.

To my wolf, it’s the closest thing to heaven on Earth. It feels like it was put on this planet to mate with him, so any closeness between us is a welcome move. Instinctively, I felt better just by inhaling his scent.

After we parted from the hug, we looked at each other awkwardly.

“Thank you, mate. If you could point me towards the Alpha’s office, It’d be much appreciated.” He smiled at me and I resisted the urge to hug him again.

I motioned him and his two warriors to follow me - they didn’t leave the room like my parents or Lucas, but that is not my concern - and led them towards my father’s office as requested.

As we walked the large corridors of the pack house, I noticed Spencer was coming down the guest wing towards the front door. I wanted to avoid the awkward encounter, but it was pretty much inevitable.

Spencer stopped in his tracks to stare at my mate, surprised by his presence.

“You can follow this corridor straight to the Alpha’s office. It’s the second door to your right.” I directed him uncomfortably.

“Thank you, Harrison. Have a nice day.” He replied before going along with his escort.

“Can I talk to you for a second, Spence?” I broke his eye contact as he glared at my mate.

He turned to look at me surprised and we walked towards the playroom. He barely waited for me to enter before asking…

"Did you know he was coming here today?” He asked in an accusatory tone.

"No, I didn't as a matter of fact. But he is not here for me, if that's what you're implying." I shot back, annoyed at his disposition.

I'm feeling vulnerable right now and this is not the reception I expected from him, of all people.

"I wasn't. What did you want to talk about?" He said, taking a seat on the couch.

"Never mind. I'm sorry if I interrupted your day. You were leaving and I…" I stammered, nervously.

"I was going to the drug store, Harry. Not the UN headquarters. You can talk freely." He snickered, holding back a giggle.

"Why? Are you sick? Oh my Goddess, don't tell me you're pregnant!" I inquired, anxiously taking a seat across from him on the couch.

"I'm not pregnant!" He shouted, irritated.

"Geez. Sorry I care…" I mumbled, awkwardly.

"I'm sorry, it's just the last thing I'd need right now is to raise a child on my own. On top of having to forgo college." He said, sounding triggered by the topic.

"I understand, Spence. Anyway, I was just feeling a little vulnerable with my mate here. I didn't expect to see him again and my resolve is a little weakened." I admitted in a low tone, feeling uneasy and ashamed of my own feelings.

"I understand. He's much hotter than I had anticipated." He snickered, playfully.

"I know, right? It's like damn, boy! Are you an Alpha or a model?" I blurted, blushing.

"Can you believe he asked me for a hug?" I continued, still reeling from the close contact.

"Yes, I can. People assume we miss the bedroom stuff more than any other component, but in reality what I miss the most is just being next to my mate." He spoke, feeling nostalgic.

I could tell this was a difficult topic for him, so I hugged him for a moment.

"I'm sorry if this is triggering for you." I apologized, feeling bad.

"I will always miss Kevin. But I'll always be here for you, so it's fine." He told me, misty eyed.

"Also, if you ever change your mind about your mate, know that you don't owe anything to anyone. Not even me. If you wanna be with him, it's your prerogative. Trust me, life's short. Make the most of it while you can." He reassured me, lovingly.

I thanked him for the support and the candid reaction. He is right, I don't owe anybody but myself. I should do what is best for me.

At the end of the day, I am the one who has to live with the decision. And there are a lot of decisions on my horizon.

A|N: Hang in there, Harry.

Tick tock...

Love,

Léo.