Somehow, I remembered my own food. Even though I was still busy watching him, trying to catch him looking at me again – he did not – I still finished my food long before he reached halfway. His food had to be cold by the time he lowered his fork and his gaze, falling immobile.

“Are you full already?” I asked, peering at his half-eaten dinner.

The boy was so skinny… He wasn’t used to having so much food. Or food at all…

“I hope you liked it,” I said, taking his fork and maintaining my smile even though the rage was back. “My housekeeper is an awesome cook. I can barely boil water without burning the house down.”

I wanted to believe he was actually listening to my ramblings, so I continued talking. I kept my voice light and tried to smile as much as I could to let him know I was friendly. He sat still with his hands in his lap, completely immobile, not giving even the smallest reaction to anything I said.

But there was a shift. It was so subtle I didn’t really notice it at first, but eventually I understood he was getting sleepy. It was the way he blinked that gave it away. He was getting slow at opening his eyes.

“Enough of my ramblings. You need to sleep,” I said, got up from my seat and gestured for him to follow me.

We returned to the entrance hall and climbed up the stairs. I wondered if he’d just keep following me until his legs gave out if I didn’t ask him to stop. Again, I was disgusted. He was completely at my mercy. He’d been completely at that roach’s mercy. He was just… accepting everything. Absolutely everything. If I were a worse person than I already was…

I shook my head and stopped behind my guest bedroom. The kid came to a halt two steps away from me. I glanced at him. He held his head down, accepting his fate.

It disgusted me so goddamn much…

I opened the door and entered the large bedroom.

“You can stay here. No one’s going to bother you. There’s a lock on the door, too. And your own bathroom. I can try to find some of my old clothes for you. They’re smaller, so they should fit you. I should have them lying around somewhere. I don’t really throw anything out. You know, one day I may try to lose some weight, so I can still use them.”

The buy just followed and stopped in the middle of the room when I did. I turned to him and let out a quiet sigh.

“You’re pretty clean, so I’m assuming you know how to use the shower, right?” I asked him.

No response.

“Boy… Don’t tell me I have to show you how to use the shower,” I muttered. “Come. I guess I can turn it on for you.”

He followed me into the bathroom, where I stopped him next to the shower.

“See? You should take a shower. If I turn it on, you know how to turn it off, right?”

If it was just his alpha in charge… The alpha should know about showers, right? Even as a simple bundle of animalistic instincts, the alpha side in him should have figured out how to use the shower. Right?

“Okay, see this handle? You pull it up to turn on the water, and put it back down when you’re done, okay?” I said, turning the shower on and off, but he wasn’t actually watching me. He was still staring at his toes. “Man, your neck must be killing you…”

What the fuck was I doing…? This kid needed professional help. I should’ve taken him to a hospital. But he was wearing the terrorist emblem… I could give him a new set of clothes before taking him to a hospital, but…

I let out a sigh. No. He was better off with me. He’d just end up in the system. Or on the streets, since he was too old for anyone to care about him.

“You don’t mind hanging out with us old mafiosos, right?” I asked him jokingly, but my laugh died away fast, and I sighed again. “Let me take that hoodie off you. No one needs to know where you came from.”

He stood perfectly still while I carefully pulled the hoodie off him. Once it was off, he turned his gaze back down while I stared at his body. The skin and bones he was. The gray tank top he was wearing didn’t hide anything. His ribs were almost literally poking through his skin. He had a few bruises and cuts, and I spotted some old scars on him. Nothing too severe, but it was clear he had gone through a lot of abuse.

“How are you still alive, baby boy…?” I breathed out. 

I couldn’t help myself. I carefully stepped in front of him, and even slower, put my arms gently around him. His body turned stiff, uncomfortable with this physical interaction, but I just… This kid was breaking my heart.

“You’re safe now,” I said, hugging him as gently as I could.

Since he didn’t like what I was doing, I forced myself back in order, and stepped back, giving him a smile even though my heart was crying.

“You’ll be fine now,” I promised him. “I’ll leave you alone now, so you can wash yourself.”

I grabbed a towel from the wall and gave it to him.

“I leave the water running. I’ll be right outside if you need anything,” I told him, before turning the shower back on.

Before I left the bathroom, I took one more look at him. He held the towel, standing still in the middle of the room, his head down as always. I shook my head in sadness, then closed the door.

At least the roaches who did this to him were dead now.

I stood behind the door for a moment, listening to the silence in the bathroom. I heard no splashes, no interruptions in the steady drumming of the running water. He wasn’t going to use it, but I still gave him his time in case he would while I went to find him clean clothes.

When I got back ten minutes later, there was no change in the sounds coming from the bathroom. The shower was still on, but he wasn’t using it. I sat down on a chair, the clothes in my lap, and waited. And waited… I wasn’t sure if I should check up on him in case he’d gotten rid of his clothes, but… I knew I was going to find him standing where I left him.

“May I come in?” I asked, knocking on the door. No reply, of course. “I’m coming in…”

I carefully pushed the door open, peering through the opening gap. Surprisingly, he was not where I’d left him. Was he actually using the…?

No…

I let out a deep sigh when the door was fully open, revealing the kid lying on the freezing tile floor, using the towel as a blanket, trying to fall asleep.

“That’s not what I–”

I spooked the kid, and he tried to get up on his feet, but stumbled and fell back on his knees. He froze completely, his eyes wide, his breathing heavy, and his body shivering. He was scared out of his mind.

And I knew why.

“Did they hurt you when they caught you sleeping?” I asked gently, slowly sitting in front of him, trying to look as small as friendly as possible. “I’m not going to hurt you.”

I carefully reached for his arm. When my skin touched his, he flinched, his body growing even smaller. I rested my hand on his shoulder, caressing him a little, trying to show him he wasn’t going to get hurt.

“Easy there, baby boy. You’re fine. I won’t hurt you. I’d never hurt you,” I kept muttering.

His body trembled whenever I moved my hand… He was so scared… I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t have the knowledge to help this kid. I was probably only making things worse for him. I feared he was going to die from fear if I didn’t leave him alone.

“It’s all right… You’re all right… You don’t have to be afraid of me. I’m here to help you.”

And just when I was going to leave, his breathing changed, turning deeper. Like… like he had finally snapped out of it. It wasn’t a big change, but it was a clear change.

“That’s right… Good boy… Just breathe for me… Just breathe…”

He sounded like he’d just run a marathon. He still refused to move, and he definitely wasn’t going to look at me, but his body followed the movement of his breathing more smoothly, the tension subsiding. Even his eyes softened a little.

“That’s a good boy… See? I won’t hurt you. You’re safe here with me.”

Little by little, he accepted my efforts as I kept soothing him. He stopped trembling every time I moved my hand, accepting my touch. He even lowered his head a little, relaxing his shoulders as his breathing grew steady.

“Maybe we should skip the shower, hmm?” I finally said. “You really need to sleep.”

He tensed and pulled away from me when I got up on my feet, but he didn’t get scared.

“Come. Let’s get you to bed,” I said, turning off the shower.

He slowly got up as well after I gestured for him to follow me, but his movements were weak. His steps were far from steady when he followed me to the bed. But there, his fear returned.

“I’m not going to hurt you,” I reminded him gently when I realized why, then backed off. “I’ll leave you alone now. No one’s going to bother you tonight, or any other night again, I promise. You can sleep for as long as you want.”

But of course, he didn’t get in the bed.

“I can’t let you sleep on the floor,” I told him, and sat down on the edge of the other side of the bed. “I’m not going to touch you, I promise. But I need you to lie down for me.”

I wasn’t even going to bother with his clothes. The tight jeans he had on would probably feel very uncomfortable, but if he didn’t want to take them off on his own, there wasn’t much I wanted to do about that. I just needed to get him in the bed.

I patted the spot on his side, giving him a friendly smile.

“Come on, you need to sleep,” I told him while pulling the covers out of his way.

He showed fear when he did as I asked, his body stiff once again. He lied down on his back and stared at the ceiling, clearly expecting me to take advantage of him. I tucked him in quite hastily, then retreated from the bed.

“All right… You just sleep for as long as you want, okay? Try to get some rest. You really need it,” I spoke on my way to the door.

And before I closed his door… He gave me a quick glance. I smiled at him, and he turned away.

“Goodnight, kid,” I said and left.

I still smiled when I made my way back downstairs.

Maybe there was still hope.