Diamond Tears.

Today is New Year Eve, but I don't believe to the words of 'New year, New me.' because every time, every hour, every second, every moment we can change our self, don't wait the day of new year, why not change now? But changing your own self is a refusal to be your own self. Wise man once said 'Somebody inside of me has tried, with all his strength, to be nobody.' And so, I am fine for what I am.

  In the morning of New year Eve, I woke up like usual, I didn't have any plan for today, because for me new year is just a normal day for me. But thinking about it, that I made it this far, because sometimes I want to kill myself, so means I forget it because I am living. But it will not disappear that route, it still inside of my thoughts asking me every time, and so I live like I was in my last day ever here on earth.

  I stayed inside my house reading some book, I didn't realized it's noon, I turn on the Tv, and I sat in my couch, a minute have passed, as I was watching.

  My intercom ring, I walked to go see who it was.

Suddenly, I saw a bunch of familiars faces at the screen.

They said. "Asahi-kun, let's watch the fireworks event today." Hikari said.

Suddenly at her back, I can hear Shiina talking. "Is this Asahi-chi place, looks quite gloomy."

  I opened half of the door, and peeked to it. "Come inside." I said to them.

Sistine said. "No, we just wait you here."

  "I see, then gave me a minute to change." I said

And so, I changed into some normal attired I was just wearing a light blue hoodie, and wearing a jeans, with a dark green scarf.

I get out my apartment, and I saw all of them are wearing their own Winter Yukata, they all have a scarf.

  Kaeda said to me. "Your attire looks boring."

"Really, well I don't have any kind of special occasion attire, like kimono." I said

  Kaeda replied. "Well, as long you long like a decent human being, that's good."

And so, we walked towards the place where, there's a fireworks event, to celebrate New-year.

We arrived at the place where the fireworks event will start, there's a lot of people here, kids, teen-ager, couples, even family, and friends. But this thing, didn't stop this girls to enjoyed this festival, they all enjoying it, all of them are happy and excited. But this is not what am trying to find to my own answer.

  How can you create your own meaning in life if it is based on the understanding that there is no objective meaning? Life is painful enough that you want to end your own life, but those route is for weak people, I will live as I suffered, and I will overcome the meaningless, and so I will become an rebel.

I will ignored this pain, and continued living like it was nothing. I know in life if you don't want to get hurt, then don't make so many connection, one connection enough to make you envy and feel betrayed. But in the end we can't dodge it, we just realize it and all we can do is accept it, and continued living as a normal human being.

  -What can I do with my life?- Those word still haunt my dream, even if I am awake. I can't get rid of it. Its like those word keeping me alive and keeping me walk to my own path.

  But what kind of path I was walking on? And where this path take me or lead me? My answer is; we don't know in the end of the path that were just walking on for the first time, we will know once we reach the end of it and then we judge it if is worth it or not.

  And suddenly someone snap their finger in front of my face to make a sound. "Oi, why are you spacing out?" Shiina asked me.

  "Oh, its nothing." I said to her.

And suddenly Hikari snicker in my side.

"What are you laughing about?" I asked.

She said to me. "Well it's funny, you finally talking time outside your house."

Well I didn't go outside everyday, because I always go outside if I have a reason to go out, if you don't see me go outside it means I don't have any reason.

And suddenly Sistine and other girls got back.

"Oh, Asahi-kun sorry for the wait." Sistine and Shiina just returned to us, because they said they will buy some food.

  "And so what are we gonna do here?" I asked.

"You know you just revealed yourself that your a loner." Shiina to me said.

"What gave you that thought?" I asked

"Don't know what to do outside, letting someone plan for you." Shiina said.

Why all of them accurate hitting my pure heart. Wait not pure but my rotten heart.

  "Well Asahi-kun, Inasuke-sensei mentioned to me, that you always spent your new year in your room, reading some weird book made by a weird man. And we decided to take you here, to enjoyed sometimes in new year." Sistine is sure pretty nice, but why she talk about Nietzsche, and Albert Camus that way they're not weird, they're just  geniuses.

    "Well if you said so, I will try enjoy this." I said to them.

And suddenly someone smack my back. "Why try? You should think I will enjoyed this." Shiina said to me.

"That hurts, you know." I said.

  "Quit complaining, let's go." Shiina said.

"Wait where's Kaeda?" I asked.

  "She said she will rented a best spot for viewing the firework, she said enjoyed with her for now. And meet her the place." Sistine said to me.

  "I see, so she was looking for this." I said

  Well can't blame her, this is the first time she have a true friends, I think she thinking that the money she spend with this girls are well spent, because they all best friends. So she was planning this seriously.

  "Well I think it's best viewing fireworks with friends." Hikari said.

  Don't believe your friends when they ask you to be honest with them. All they really want is to be maintained in the good opinion they have of themselves Albert Camus said that.

A word came out with me thinking of it "..Friends ha. Well then if she said so then let's go explore this festival"

  "Look at that, that's the spirit!" Sistine said

"Asahi-chi! Want to enjoyed something in his life!? Should I let Inasuke-sensei this?" Shiina looks shocked.

Am I really that boring? I thought that I look like a person who enjoying my own life. But no, I just known that I look like a person who hates his own self, but I don't hate my own self, what I hated is life.

  And so we explored the festival. 2 hours before the start of it. And suddenly....

As I was walking ahead of them.

"Oi should we head to Kaeda now?" I asked.

No one replied behind me.

"...." Maybe they didn't heard me, as I turned around.

They all disappeared in the crowd.

  "The hell." And suddenly my phone notified.

-Where are you?- Kaeda messaged me.

  -We got separated.- I messaged them.

-Message them, I will meet you all there.- I said to Kaeda.

-I did, but they all not replying to me.- Kaeda said.

-Ha? Why?- I asked.

-Maybe their phone die- Kaeda said.

This is bad, what the hell happening to my life? Great timing god of fate. This pissing me off.

-I meet you at that location your standing.- I said

She messaged me the location, and I rushed to get there.

I have arrived.

"Kaeda, they still didn't message you?" I asked

"Yeah they didn't message me back." She said to me.

  Shit, I need to do something here.

And suddenly I glimpse at Kaeda and I saw her eyes, it's like she was looking towards this festival, maybe that's why she bought those Yukata for the girls, because she want to have a good experience with her true friends.

Suddenly my body moves it own, I pat Kaeda head.

"Don't worry, I will found all of them." I said

  "Why are you trying to act cool?" She said to me.

"Don't leave here, message me if they text okay!" And so, I runned

And so I was back to the middle of the festival.

It's to crowded, it's useless even if I check every location. Think Kuromi. How will I found those girls. Use your common sense, not I will use my Kuromi sense. Think, if it's crowded how will you caught someone you know, maybe shouting? But even if I shouted, my voice is still not enough to be hear of all the spot here.

Think, think.

-1 hour till the fireworks started!- A speaker said this speaker scattered to each area of this place, and suddenly I found a solution.