October 30th, 2019

"But Nith ..."

"No."

"But -"

"No."

"Why? Tell me, why would you take Lily instead of me?"

"Cause she isn't irritating me - unlike you - over something like this." Nith removed his note to the side so that the server could place his cup of coffee on the table.

"You are going to the Troy National Library! How can you say it like that? This is why you need me! So that I can make you understand the greatness of this opportunity!"

Nith clicked his tongue, moving his copper hair away from his forehead. His cheap 15 bronza hair gel had long since given up after the mountain wind declared war against it. Another strand of hair poked his eyes just as he moved the others. Nith sighed, wanting to ruffle it. "You have a broken leg, Jay."

"So?"

Lily almost spit out her coffee, laughing.

"I'm hanging up."

"I want to hang with you!"

"You can barely get up from the bed, you idiot."

Lily hunched over the table, splitting her sides in half laughing. The woman sitting at the table next to theirs gave them a side eye as she walked to the counter. She probably thought of them as annoying as Jay.

"But I'm boreddddd." Jay stretched out the word to infinity, mimicking Joy.

Nith rolled his eyes at his best friend’s theatrics. "Then finish the paperwork that you have been avoiding since last month. Go to the office. If you are still bored, spend time with your wife and daughter."

"But I want to spend time with my best friend."

"I am done with you. I am hanging up," Nith said, cutting off the line. Pinching the bridge of his nose, he sighed out loud. He felt dried out as if someone had left him in the sun for too long.

"Wow, that was," Lily breathed, "entertaining."

Nith let out a hoarse chuckle, picking up his cup. "I'm glad someone was enjoying that conversation."

Lily smiled, adding creamer to her cup. "I honestly don't understand how you are so patient with Jay when he acts like a kid half the time."

Nodding, Nith took a sip of his black coffee, savoring the bitterness. "Years of practice," he laughed while saying. "But he is also one of the nicest people I know. A bit extra, but -" He looked at her before continuing, "His intentions are always well intended."

Lily raised an eyebrow. "What are you getting at?"

Nith edged closer to the table, his fingers fumbling with the fork beside the tart as he talked. "I know you are angry about this. About Jay setting you up on that blind date with Josh. About not asking you first. And I know that was really dumb of him."

"It was."

"Yeah … but he feels bad about it."

"Not my problem." Lily shrugged. "He shouldn't have done it to begin with."

"I know. But is that the only reason you are angry with him? Or cause it was Josh?"

A silence followed as Lily focused herself on stirring the creamer into her coffee. "Both, I guess," she replied after a while. When she looked up again, there was a sad smile on her face. "I am … just not ready. Especially not with him." She laughed to herself. "He didn't even remember me! And here I was agonizing myself over him for years."

Nith mimicked her smile. He knew what she meant. If there was one person who could understand what she had been going through over the years, it was him. They were in the same boat; stuck in the past unable to move forward.

Love wasn't what books and movies always made it to be. It wasn't as simple as handing your heart to another and being accepted by them. All those cute finishing each other's sentences, butterflies in your stomach or looking over the sunset, or standing in the rain as you confess. Love was nothing like that.

No, love was a difficult task. Something you couldn't half-assed. Those books and movies never told the truth: that happily ever after rarely existed outside fairytales.

In reality, it didn’t end with a kiss, only begins.

Your night and day orbited around that one person. If their smile would lighten up your sky, then a tear would cause a flood.

Nerves in haywire. Everything was unbearable and nothing was enough.

And it came with fears too. Fear of losing them, fear of falling apart, fear of drifting away. Your insecurities, your worries, your shortcomings, and your vulnerability would always push and block your path as you ran toward them.

Nith looked up at the sky.

And if that love that had consumed your mind, your heart, your body, and soul was your first and left unrequited?

It would leave you bleeding and stranded.

He inhales sharply, the cold air filling his lungs.

The server refilled Lilly’s cup.

He first came here with her. They were 16 back then - wide-eyed and gabby. Nick - Nith's older brother - had left them both stranded at the train station with 20 bucks in their hand. Apparently, he couldn’t take any more of their ‘annoying asses’.

Nith would have stayed there at the station, waiting for Nick to come back. But she was never the type to stay in one place.

So he followed her out. And it was one of the best days of his life. They went to The National Garden, visited the Troy History Museum, and then looked around the Troy National Library. And as the evening rolled in, they walked over the hill watching over the city. It was then that they first discovered this cafe.

Small, with an open roof. It looked over the hills and the capital. The view was pretty. They were tired. And the cakes tasted delicious, almost as much as Nick’s expression when he found them.

Things had changed since then. The cafe wasn't small anymore. And the view of the city had changed from hills to skyscrapers. But the cakes tasted the same. Sweet and decadent.

And sitting here always reminded him of how she looked that evening.

Flushed pink in the summer heat, her sunset hair was tied loosely in a ponytail. Her sea-blue eyes wandered as they waited for the cakes to come.

It was one of those moments Nith always replayed in his mind. And he would ask himself the same questions over and over again.

What would have happened if he had told her how he felt?

What would have happened if he could have mustered the courage to lean in and kiss her?

Would she have said yes?

Would she have kissed him back?

The waiter took away the empty tart plates.

The afternoon sun was gone. The swirl of mountain wind blew past the cafe house. Sound of laughter echoing. A panoramic view of the city behind them.

Yet, all Nith could think about was his golden past, the one that was out of his touch just like the busy metropolis on the other side.

Lily had gone back to working. It felt as if he was the only one stuck in the past.

Nith took another sip of his coffee as he watched her work.

She was scrolling through her phone, looking at what people were talking about on social media - Nith, Camellia, the books, or the publishing house - as she typed the new contract for Murder at Grayville on her computer. She would never look at her keyboard as she typed. Her speed increased every time she came closer to finishing a passage. Eyes always on her phone.

She was like this in college too. Like a machine.

Multitasking, Lily would say.

Witchcraft was what Jay called it.

"We have to be at the library at 2 pm tomorrow," Lily said, not looking up. "They have everything ready. If you want we can go and check it today."

"This isn't our first time. I don't think we need to check."

Lily smirked. Most authors dreamed of having a book signing at the National Library. It was an honor that only a few ever got. And here Nith was having his third signing for a book that was out eight years ago. It was something to boast about. "It seems Jay has some use." She looked over from her phone.

Nith chuckled, shaking his head. "What time is it?"

"4.57 pm."

He nodded, stretching his hands. His eyes trailed along the curve of the railing of the cafe, watching the people here with them. Most of the people were sitting far off to the other side either they were on their phones talking or taking pictures. A couple sat at the edge, sharing a cake between themselves, talking quietly. A woman sitting alone seven tables away, wearing sunglasses in the evening light and a beach hat despite the wild wind.

Nith tittered at the woman for her fashion choice, picking up his cup of coffee.

The cup barely touched his lips when the realization hit him. His eyes widened.

Nith turned back again, looking once more. The sun-kissed hair was cut short, barely reaching her shoulder blew softly in the wind in spite of the hat's efforts. Huge black-rimmed sunglasses hiding her ocean blue eyes.

He was dreaming. That's what he thought this was … a dream. But … but what if it wasn’t? What if it was her? His heartbeat increased at the mere thought of it.

“It’s 4.58 now. We should leave now if you want to catch the train.”

Nith had no idea whose voice that was. He could barely comprehend anything that was happening around him.

He stood up despite himself; bumping and almost knocking over their table.

His knee throbbed where it hit the table's edge. The pain was real.

This was real.

"Nith!" Lily yelled as she somehow managed to grab onto her laptop, notes, and her cup full of coffee in both hands while Nith's coffee spilled all over the place.

The waiter rushed toward them, apologizing. He hurriedly removed the spilling cup and saucer from the table.

While Nith just stood there. Staring at her.

This had to be a dream - his mind kept screaming. He had seen her in shops before, walking with him on the beach, across the road only to realize that she was never there. This had to be one of those times. Yet … yet his body moved on its own as he took a step toward her. His breath caught in his throat. Hypnotized, that's how he felt. Pulled toward her by an invisible string.

The wind blew past her as she turned toward them, along with others. Her brows ease into a straight line as she realized who he was. Her lip tinted in red, formed a familiar smile that he hadn't seen in years.

A chill ran down his spine.

It really was her.

She grabbed her bag from the table, her eyes not leaving his as she walked to him. Her smile was radiating, never leaving her lips. The little dimple on her chin was prominent as ever.

Nith stopped on his track. Was she really here? His hands went through his hair, tugging it as his mind raced 100 miles a nanosecond. He could hear Lily saying something behind him. But he couldn’t grab onto the words. They puff into the air like nothing before reaching Nith. Yet, he could count every single click of her stilettos as she walked toward him.

Nith had dreamed of this moment when he would see her again. He had this whole situation planned. What he would say, how he would say, how he would act. Everything to the T.

But now ... now as she stood in front of him, his chest swelled, almost busting out of the ribcage. He wanted to run toward her and engulf her in a hug, to take in her smile and smell.

He missed her. He missed her laugh, her yelling at him, her little nose scrunch, and her obsession with sea creatures and anything with added sugar.

But he missed his friend too. The one he left stranded years ago without any explanations because of his fears and feelings.

The clock tower near the cafe dinged five times, slow and loud just like Nith’s heart.

"Hi," she said with a smile.

"Kate ..." Her name came out in a whisper from his lips. He needed to say it out loud to make him believe that this wasn't a dream. That she was really here, standing in front of him wearing a pretty green dress, with sunglasses and a giant hat. With a smile that reached his soul.

Nith clutched his shirt near his heart, the pale yellow fabric crumbled inside his fist. He mirrored her smile back. "Hi."