Kritvik Bhatt

“It’s the same. It’s… the same feeling as before.”

I was running in front of all my friends, who were trying to catch me. AK was frowning, but smiling beneath his frown, as he devilishly tried to catch me. Behind him ran Jiya, who seemed like she was genuinely worried about something. Aishwarya, the chubbier one, ran some steps behind her, and Madhav was still behind. For some reason, there was no background beneath the image of all of us, but rather just plain black emptiness.

“I… It’s not like people are always happy, Kriti.”

“Yeah, but… there’s so much more to life, Jiya. Just… open your eyes wider… and look at the vibrant colors all around you,” I remembered my voice replying.

The image started to fade away, and within a second or so, what was left was the dark emptiness… just pure emptiness.

***

“And hence, the prime minister has imposed an indefinite curfew in the whole country, starting from tomorrow,” A woman in coat-suit was calmly saying all that stuff in the TV, with a red background and other news flashing all around her, beneath her in red colored strips, beside her inside a red box, on top of her image in other shades of red.

In front of the TV, on the sofa, sat my father, me, and my mother. My father was in shorts, I was in sweatpants, and my mother was in tight leggings and a t-shirt. All of our eyes were glued on the TV as we all chewed the food from the silver plates in our hands.

It was our previous home in Faridabad, so the sofa was different, and the room was different. The entrance of the house was on our left, the living room was a lot smaller, and ended as soon as the sofa ended on both the sides. On our right was a narrow alley to the balcony which was converted into a kitchen, and on our left back was a door to another room. Our house was quite smaller than the new one.

“Therefore, from tomorrow, all offices, all schools, all working institutes, and all working organizations have to be shut down. People are supposed to stay at their homes, and with the markets and offices shut, they are not supposed to come out of their houses without a strong reason. Plus, the new advisory has also stated that…”

“So, that means it’s a holiday tomorrow,” My father commented as he listened to the news anchor.

Younger me turned to him, and with his innocent voice, asked, “So that means that you’re gonna be staying home all day?”

“And that too for so many days,” He added. “Who knows when COVID will leave…?”

***

I remembered sitting on my bed on top of a foldable laptop table, my legs crossed beneath it, my books beside the laptop on the table, and my eyes fixed on the screen, my right hand vigorously scribbling something on the notebook.

“I’ve been a nerd all my life. For me, life had not really begun until then. All I used to do all day was sleep, eat, and study. I didn’t play with my friends, I didn’t hang out with anyone, and, for some reason, I didn’t do anything else. Maybe, I used to be an introvert back then. But… one day…”

I remembered me and my younger brother—both in black t-shirts and sweatpants—were playing badminton somewhere in the middle of the park.

“One of my little cousins was home that day, and he badly wanted to play, so there we were at the park. And, some time later…”

“Hey, can we all join in too, bro?” A feminine voice shouted from some steps away.

I turned to my right, and looked at the face of Jiya—filled with pimples—as she smiled. Beneath her were Aditya, Madhav, and Aishwarya, all running behind her toward us. “Hey, wait for us!” Aditya was shouting at her as he sprinted and stood beside her. He then turned to his front at me. He tilted his head toward Jiya, his eyes fixed on me, and whispered, “Man, do you even know this guy? Because begging like this to a complete stranger is silly.”

“Bro,” she whispered back, “his mom and my mom are friends, so I guess, yeah, we know each other a little.”

Aditya then turned to me again and asked, “So, man, can we join in too?”

I had a badminton half in the air in front of my head, and my face was tilted to my right at her, accessing the situation. My face wanted to say no, maybe, but I couldn’t.

“AK, you know what, you should just go back home,” Madhav said as he came running from behind and stood on his right, in the middle of Jiya and Aditya. Aishwarya stood to Jiya’s right.

“Y-Yeah, sure,” I smiled a little. It was an awkward and forced smile, no doubt.

AK stood on the other side of the badminton court in front of me. The shuttlecock was in his hands. The sun was setting down. A small cool breeze went by between the two of us. We both stood like statues, no doubt, with our eyes filled with competitiveness as we glared at each other’s eyes. We both were ready for the match, with our right feet in front of the left ones, and our arms open, ready to attack anytime.

He then kicked the game off.

In a matter of minutes, the badminton court had become a warmly beautiful scene right out of a smooth painting. I was laughing with my heart out, a badminton racket in my right hand. My back was bent down and my eyes were closed.  Jiya stood on my left with another badminton racket, laughing as she looked at me. AK was laughing as he stood on the other side. Madhav just had a little, but genuine, smile on his face. Aishwarya stood on our right, hands crossed in front of her chest, as she laughed a little. My little brother, which apparently was just a little smaller than me in height, was confused as he looked up at Aishwarya on his left, with his right forefinger in front of his lips.

“I… was genuinely happy that day, for some reason. It felt like I had found something I had been looking for all my life. It felt like… never before.”

***

“I used to be a fucking nerd.”

I remembered sitting alone in the foremost bench of the classroom, my eyes glued to the book on my knees. I wore a white shirt and dark blue pair of trousers–my school uniform. All others behind me were talking or laughing. The classroom was lit blue due to the glossy light blue paint all around the classroom.

I remembered standing between three to four boys during lunch-break, with more students all around us. I don’t remember their faces—they all were just people with black hair and dark shadows covering the lower half of their faces beneath their foreheads.

“I never really used to fit in between students of my school, for some reason. I don’t know why. I just… didn’t. And it wasn’t like it used to worry me.”

I remembered studying at home, wearing a casual pair of red up and black down.

“I was a studious one, and books were my favorite pastimes. Novels, self-help, short stories, articles, history, and school books—I liked reading them all.”

“I… don’t belong here…” My image moved its lips.

“But…”

“And the nerd-ass has taken a lead!” Aditya shouted.

I sat beside Aditya, or AK, on the rusted metallic public bench at the edge of the park. It was painted black, but the paint was tearing off, revealing shades of red, white, and in most places, rust, obviously. Aishwarya and Jiya were playing a match in front of us, and the two of us were commentating on it.

“Hey, Kritvik,” he suddenly turned to his right me, “by the way, I guess it’s time you get yourself a nickname.”

“That’d be a great idea!” Jiya commented.

I smiled. “Come on, AK. I don’t need one.”

“Nah, bruv, you do.”

“I don’t.”

“Let’s call him Ritika,” Aishwarya commented. “It’s not as tough as his real name.”

“Wha—?!” I turned to her in shock.

“No, let’s name him something easier,” Aditya commented. “Like mine is AK, it should be shorter and easy to remember.”

“Kri…t…vi…” Jiya gave it a try as she hit the shuttlecock coming at her.

“What about ‘Kriti’?” Madhav asked.

I turned to my left at him.

Beneath his glasses, he smiled a little. “Good, right?”

“Absolutely n—”

“That’s genius, nerd-ass!” Aditya shouted from behind me.

“Yeah!” Jiya hit a shot and turned at him for a second. “It’s both short and easy. It’s great!”

“Damn!” I turned to Jiya.

Aishwarya too was smiling. “We finally got him a name!”

“No, gu—”

“Kriti! Kriti! Kriti! Kriti!” AK shouted.

“That was the first time I was fitting in between people, making true friends, and experiencing life to the fullest. No doubt, I was at the peak of my life. I was genuinely happy. And… those lockdown days were the best days I’ve ever had.”

I remembered playing in the evenings with my friends like that day. Then I remembered studying on the portable laptop table all afternoon. I remembered watching TV and having fun with my family during the nights.

***

“What happened to Jiya? Why is she not coming? It’s been a week since she last came out,” I asked as I stood in the middle of the narrow street with old houses on both the sides with paint ripping off. I turned to my left, looked at a white-colored house with a door in the center, just connected to other ones on both its sides.

“Dunno, man,” AK replied as he stood in front of me, his hands on his waist. “I have been trying to call her for so long. But that nerd-ass just won’t come out.”

“Hey, Jiya!” I shouted. “Come down, man!”

“I have to study!” Jiya shouted from inside her house. “You all can go!”

“We know we can, nerd-ass!” AK joked.

“Hey, Jiya, what’s up, man?! It’s been days!”

“That’s just it! I have a test tomorrow,” She replied. “So go away and let me study.”

“Come here, first. We wanna see your face,” I softly shouted at her.

There was no reply for the first few seconds. Aditya and I continued to stand there, looking at the gate, waiting for a reply. Aditya then turned to me, “Hey, you handle her. Imma just go call Aishwarya and Madhav.”

“Sure, man,” I replied and then turned to the gate again.

Aditya turned back and dashed away as fast as he could.

The place turned silent as I continued to glare at the gate, my hands inside the pockets of my black sweatpants. Suddenly, I heard some footsteps of slippers as someone approached the gate. The gate opened out wide, and Jiya’s face popped out. She looked irritated, her eyes narrowed, as she looked at me. “What?”

“Jiya, what has happened, man?” I asked as I walked a few steps toward her. “We all are worried now.”

“Tomorrow is my test. That’s it,” She replied irritably.

“The half-yearly just ended weeks ago. There possibly can’t be more tests for about a month, man. You’re using different excuses for over a week. Tell us, what’s up?” I asked. “No doubt, you’re hiding something now.”

She took a deep breath, turned her head down, and then exhaled out with her mouth. She then turned her head up in defeat. “I… failed my mathematics exam.”

“Huh?” I stepped my right foot at her. “D-Damn…”

She nodded weakly. “I’ve been studying for my retest.”

I gulped in as I looked at her dejected and depressed face. Her eyes were tilted down.

“Even my mom won’t allow me, bro.”

“Yeah, I-I get it…” I didn’t have words to say to her, so I just stood there, feeling sorry for her, silently with my head tilted down. She then covered her face with her hands. I turned up to her. “J-Jiya…”

“It’s over! I failed in a subject! For real! I… Maybe I can’t study anymore! It’s not my thing! I… I won’t be able to do anything my whole life!”

“Yeah, sometimes, it really does feel like there’s nothing left to life. And today, I guess I can relate to it. But back then, this was something absolutely new to me, and I had zero experience in consoling a crying girl.”

“I-I know how you feel, man,” I said. “But…” I then turned up to the sky. Looking at the dark sky embedded with those twinkling dots and the little moon in between, I said, “There’s… still so much more to life, Jiya. Open your eyes. Look the other way around. There’s… still so much.” I then slowly turned to her again.

“But, I must say one thing. Back then, I didn’t understand it, but today, I know how she must have felt back then…”

She moved her hands down, and with her red eyes and moisturized cheeks, she glared at me. “That… sounds like a cringe Bollywood phase.”

I opened my mouth, about to reply something, and then I changed my mind and huffed out. “Huff! For some reason, yeah, it does.”

She smiled. “Great, Kriti.”

I smiled at her too. “Best of luck for your exam. I hope you pass.”

“Don’t make me remember that, you bitch,” She said with a smile. “And don’t worry, bro, I’ll pass this time.”

“And it doesn’t matter if you pass or fail anyway.”

“I guess so,” She replied with a smile as she looked into her eyes.

“So, come and play for now. Relieving stress is important too.”

“My mom won’t allow it,” She commented. “But yeah, this was a great stress-reliever. Don’t worry. I’m fine now.”

“So… shall I go?”

“You shall.”

I opened a wide grin on my face, turned to my right, and dashed away in the direction where Aditya had headed. As I was running away, I was smiling damn hard, for some reason.

***

My eyes opened. There were tears on the edge of both of my eyes. I looked at the crackling fan rotating in front of my eyes. My body was covered with my brown blanket. Moonlight came in from the windows on my left, lighting up the rotating fan and the ceiling. I lay in the middle of my silent bed, alone.

“Yeah… it’s the same. It’s the same feeling as before. The same month of November, the same chilly breeze, the same cold evenings, the same… the same vibes… the same genuine happiness, the same newfound friendship, and… the same feeling that I’ve finally got something I’ve been searching for years—it’s the same as before. It’s the same. No doubt about it.”