So, I was trying the Embracing My Past challenge this morning, but it wasn't going well and I was spiralling. That's a common thing to look out for when doing Shadow Work challenges. You go too deep into the subconscious and the void can swallow you. A risk with SW stuff.
I tried going out for a walk, but that didn't work. Tried visiting a new shop, but that didn't work, either. Self talk with ourself a little, but that didn't work.
Then I decided to chat with some friends. Wasn't much of a conversation, just replying to some of their stuff in the friend group, but it helped a lot.
I remember a few years ago when I was in another volunteer-friend group. It's like communication was a hit or miss. you'd also have non-friends either dragging you into their drama or sticking themselves into the conversations which just made things more chaotic. There's was passive-aggressiveness, people-pleasing, and information witholding. I remember trying to put some distance between myself and the non-friends about 3 times, but that wasn't working. I found it wasn't working because some drama would happen and I was brought into it or I wasn't able to hang with my friends as often. It wasn't until I found a couple of new friends and some old friends that I was finally able to leave the group itself and finally start letting go.
Life ain't perfect, but I'm grateful for the progress I made and that now I'm recognizing the good resources and people around me. Despite life being shaky, it feels more stable than almost anytime before.
The SW exercise today made me sick, so I gotta lie down, now.
EDIT: Something recently just happened. A frend of mine who's been going through similar struggles. They were able to get an abusive older family member to attend counsilling though a court order. I gotta say, I envy them. I wasn't able to get my abusive older family member counciling, but they were successful. I don't think their OFM will get better - mental help only really works when the other side is willing - but it'll give my friend some time to breathe.
So, I finally tried leaving my abusive family members, again. I lost count of how many other attempts. Maybe recording my thoughts in a memoir will help. There's always so much that's left unsaid.
Names and places have been changed. Discretion is advised.
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