His apartment was a total mess—broken jars of plants and scattered soil on the floor. Broken television and empty bottles of alcohol scattered everywhere around the living room. And empty syringes on the coffee table. He tried his best to crawl slowly as he tried to reach his phone near the sofa to call for help. The last person in his thoughts to call for help was his childhood friend, Daniel Wong. 

The phone rang, Daniel Wong answered, and it sounded like he was having fun. The first noise he heard was a woman moaning while slurping between Daniel’s legs. He tried to compose himself, not to groan because of the severe body pain. 

“Why did you call me Samuel?” Daniel was in the mood while holding the woman’s head on his naked body.

He silently groaned in pain as he stuttered, “C-can you come? I- n-need you, I-” Daniel cut him out.

“Samuel, I’ll come and see you tomorrow, okay? I can’t come tonight.” Daniel hung up and flirted with the woman as he enjoyed his lust for being a playboy. 

Samuel was stunned with wide eyes, dripping in tears. He felt desperate and in despair. He sobbed silently, holding his head together and seeing the cuts on his arms. The living room was dim, yet he was left with his entire body bruised, cut, naked, with a busted lip. He was sexually assaulted by his new partner, together with his partner-addicted friends. They were high on heroin when he got home and did not expect that his partner was an addict and would do such a gruesome act towards him. They also stole his saved money hidden in the closet. And the only childhood friend he depends on, and trusts has neglected him. Within his grief, he slowly pushes himself up to stand. He wobbled as he took every step. It hurts all over his body inside out as he cleanses himself in the shower. His tears never stopped dripping as the water washed away the blood from his face to his body, flowing on the tiled floor. He could still feel the jizz coming out from his behind. It was stinging and bleeding. 

He came out of the bathroom, feeling lost and blank. He wore his favorite sweatshirt and pants Daniel had gifted him on his 20th birthday. He slowly sat down on the edge of his bed, moaning in pain. And for that moment, he felt disgusted. He felt cold and angry. His thoughts were astray. He felt that his entire body was tainted with rotten flesh. He felt unloved. 

He decided to make a voice recording of himself. He stated what happened to him, how he fell in love with his childhood friend and felt adrift after being deserted. All the hidden emotions came out from his very soul. For him, there’s only one thing to make the pain within his heart disappear, so he must.

After recording, he left the phone on his bed. He took something out of his drawer and put it inside his right pocket. He wore his jandals and left the apartment at dawn when everyone in the building was asleep. The silence in the building feels nostalgic for Samuel. He walked for more than an hour on the sidewalk street. He was going nowhere. It was quiet until he found a hidden park reserve that led to the shore. He felt the sea breeze as he took a deep breath. While looking at it, he felt numb. He approached the shore as if it was the only thing comforting him. The sea breeze embraced his wrecked body. There were footprints in the sand as he went nearer. The moonlit reflects on the seawater and serves as a light. Standing in the seawater below his knees, he took the small container out of his pocket. Without hesitation, he drank all the pills. It was 10mg of sleeping pills. He was in tears as he walked further into the sea. There was no one around. No one could save him, and no one saw him. Everything was quiet and clear for him. As the water reached his waist, he stopped for a moment. He looked up at the sky with the stars glittering in his smokey eyes. 

And his last words, “I love you, and I’m sorry, Daniel. Please be well.” as he dived into the deep seawater and never returned to the shore.