The World Is Meaningless.

  What is life? Or what is the real meaning of life? Or what is truth of the reality? Or something? Are life is full of daisies and sunshine, or full of happiness. Or is life is a disease, and full of suffering, or something. But those are just an ideal. An Ideology, so what's the right Ideology? And so we stumble to the birth of meaning, when a huge explosion created meaning. And that called the big bang, but to find the real meaning we must surpassed the limit of that theory of the big bang itself, and so we will found nothing.

So life is nothing and meaningless in the end, so will the world will crumble? No. That doesn't mean life is over, sure life is nothing, but life will not be over, now we become aware from the real world, the reality itself. Time to revolt towards the meaningless, and to continue living and searching for meaning, even though the universe will provide none. That is what it means to live absurdly.

And so, in the end, truth is truth, you can't example truth itself, because if you said, the truth will become ideal itself. So I never find the truth. Because truth is nothingness.

And so, I always ask myself, should I commit suicide, or read my favorite book.

Therefore, I leave to my 1DK apartment, I was living alone.

I was walking to headed to the school I was attending.

Its been a month, since I was attending here, to be honest, nothing really special happened, well nothing will happen special to begin. Because this world is mystery, the only thing we know is present itself, maybe future we think will never happened.

And so, I finally arrived to the school gate, I walked inside of it, and so in the school ground, every student are happiness, and loud.

I always, hear when I was a young kid, to the adults, that young people, will live long than them, will live happy and long. But they had never yet watched a child's agony minute by minute, as they had now been doing since daybreak.

For many centuries have passed now death had shown no favoritism, to any people, that living into this irrational world.

And so, I arrived to my classroom, and I sit in my chair. I put my chin at my hands and my arms been supporting by the table I am using.

Suddenly a girl classmates entered the room, she looks depressed. And so she sit in the very right front.

Suddenly, in my side, my sitting neighbor.

"What's with the miserable looks Asahi-kun? love problem?" Hikari asked me, with a enthusiastic aura from her face.

"Nope, not at all. Looking miserable is my go to default state." I said

"Really, I was hoping you will be embarrassed, when I mentioned you in love problem, like other people too, I just realized your not the type of guy who easily be in love. Hehe." She said

"I don't believe in romantic, and I am not an aromantic." I said to her.

And so, Inasuki-sensei entered the class and continued the lesson we left off.

Hour have passed, the school is out, but Inasuki-sensei messaged me from the L*ne. To meet her in the cubicle by myself.

And so I arrived there.

"Do we need to talked about something Inasuki-sensei" I asked.

"First take a sit." She said, therefore I sit in the chair facing her.

"So?" I asked

"I need to talk to you something, I need a favor you to asked." She said to me.

"Favor? And what's that?" I asked.

"Do you know, Kaede Nagimi?" She asked me.

"Don't know her." I said.

And so Inasuki-sensei let out a sigh. "Ha~ are you at least trying to know your classmate. She is the girl in the very right front, she have a short hair, and huge chest." She said to me.

"I know now, but can't you not, recognized a girl by their size of their chest Sensei. And So?" I said

"Well, her mother, told me, that she been looking kind of depressed, and lacking some sleep, and losing appetite. And so her mother asked me, so I asked her earlier, and she didn't tell what the problem. So, her mother asked me to asked, but she didn't told me. So I want you to investigate this, don't worry, this stuff will add to your performance task in my subject." Inasuki said.

Yeah she is depressed, but depression can lead to tragedy.

"No, don't worry about my giving me a special performance task, I will try to ask her." I said, and so we wrapped it now for today, and I headed to my apartment.

I stared at my ceiling.

Kaeda-san, why are you depressed about? Some people become depressed because of social life, or having a problem, but I can tell she not that kind of person, who want friends and not depressed about. What's the reason she is in that state?

And so were on, I fall asleep.

                **********************************************************************

Kaeda perspective.

I jump to my bed and stared at my ceiling.

I realized, that life is nothing. Why? Because as we people living we all have our own perspective of the world. Its an idealism. Its not the real world, so if we remove those idealism we left with nothingness.

If life is nothingness and meaningless, what's the reason we live here? Our only reason is to die.

I been thinking talking this with someone, but I know they will not understand a thing about it, they will think I am becoming confused or think I am a insane.

My mother, even Inasuki-sensei, they will not understand me.

"Living is meaningless, should I just killed myself?"

And so I fell asleep.

My alarm went off, and so I forget to kill myself last night, but I need to go to school, now, maybe I should, just enjoy this last day, and I will kill myself tonight.

And so, my last day into meaningless world, before I will kill myself tonight.

  ******************************************************************************************

The World Is Meaningless II.

Yesterday, I been asked by Inasuki-oneesan, about helping Kaeda, she said to me, if I help her, she will add it to my performance task, I declined it, because I will feel like a special student, like I said at the first day of school, I want to treat like a normal student.

It took me hours looking at my ceiling, and I finally I know why Kaeda, didn't speak about her problem. Some people think weak people ask for help. But that kind of person is not depressed but a independent one. Next is no one understand them, only them who can understand their own problem, or they think some people will think they are insane.

So I think Kaeda is afraid of telling it to someone. If she is afraid to talked about it, I am not afraid to ask her about this.

Well time to changed to my uniform, and maybe think about while walking how will I talk to her about this.

And so were on like always I been walking to headed to the school.

And so were on I arrived at the school, I was chilling, suddenly Kaede arrived and sit to her chair. Kaeda really is depressed.

Therefore we have our lesson.

A few hour its now for PE our last subject before school is done for today, we play dodgeball, but I sat in the corner watching them.

And so, I just noticed Kaeda is beside me, watching too.

"They all having fun." She said to me.

I said to her. "Maybe some of them been forced by their own friends, but in the end they just noticed it looks fun."

"I see." She said to me.

And so the bell ring.

All the of our classmate is leaving.

"Asahi-kun, Kaeda-san, can you put all the ball in the storage, I know you two are don't exhausted, I leave the rest to you." Our PE Teacher said to us.

And so we pick the ball, and put to the pushed cart.

Therefore me and Kaeda, pushed the two cart inside the storage.

"I think its the last." I said.

Suddenly..

"Asahi-kun, right." She said to me.

Is she confirming my last name.

"Yeah, what's up?" I asked her.

"I can feel you are similar to me. But I was just pissed at them, they all enjoy but they didn't clean their trash, they just gave problem to us. Tsk, bunch of delusional." She said to me

"Really, well your right about that, they didn't aware from other people outside their clique, and they didn't know that they causing problem to others." I said

Like some loners they can identify a loner like them. But I don't know what I am. All I now is that, I am just a human being.

Suddenly someone whistling, and so a stuff suddenly closed the door, without looking inside.

I try to opened it, I shouted at the other said hoping to hear us.

"No good, I think he is using headphone and paying a loud music." I said

"Well, then we wait here." She said to me.

I sit down on the floor far from her.

Now, is time. "Earlier you said to me, that were similar, your right about that a little, then let me asked you something?" I asked her

"What's that?" She asked.

"Why are you here?" I asked her seriously.

"What are you talking about, we been stuck here?" She asked me

"I was talking about, why are you here in school? You supposed to be gone right." I said to her.

Suddenly she become conscious, about what I am trying to say to her.

"I-I don't know what are you talking about?" She denied what I have said.

"Like you said, were similar right, means you want to commit suicide this morning." I said to her.

Suddenly she stand up from the ground. "Y-You don't know anything about me!" She said angry.

"So your denying, that were similar. This morning, I know you decided to kill yourself this morning, but why are you here?" I asked again.

She become calm and sit down again, but this time she looks hopeless.

"I forget to kill myself." She said to me.

"But that's a good thing, you forget to kill yourself, you choice to filled your task as a living person, and forget killing yourself, you choice to do your task first, and forget killing yourself." I said to her.

"Yeah, I forget it, but I will do it later, I don't want to live into this meaningless world, I want to be free from meaningless." She said to me.

"You know I am the same as you, but commit suicide is not a form of being free, its a form of denying to be free, is to be free is to don't follow anything in life, but you not following nothing you said life is meaningless. Sometimes I always think killing myself, but I always asked myself, should I commit suicide or do something else, or reading books, or having a cup of tea.

So if you think that the world is meaningless, then rebel and face this meaningless, like I said suicide is not the meaning of freedom, because your giving it a meaning, and that meaning is suicide. And to rebel, you must respect the limits that it discovered in itself. Make decision for today, not for the future, nor tomorrow." I said to her.

"S-So what am I going to do, then I should rely on fate?" She asked me, with a confused tone of voice.

"Fate is not in us, but is around us. I supposed yes, I will give you an option to choice, as the person you asked. Be a corpse or, be a walking corpse who rely on fate that surrounded you?" I asked her.

Being corpse inside a coffin is not being free its an end, its a philosophical problem like Camus said to suicide. Becoming a walking corpse, is living without purpose in life, they just live as a dead person, and rot as an dead person, until tragic end them from walking. We must imagine all the walking dead are happy.

Suddenly..

The door opened, and so its Inasuki-sensei, who opened it.

"Ara, a boy and girl being alone, in the storage room." She said and wanting to teased us.

She heard our conversation maybe, because I know Inasuke-sensei heard Kaeda when she shouted, out of anger earlier.

I get up from sitting, and I walked passed Inasuke-sensei and said this.

"I will not do something immoral to gain advantage to someone." I said and leave.

"What a weird kid." Inasuke said.

Kaeda get up too, and walked passed Inasuke-sensei. "He sure is weird." And leave.

I changed to my uniform, and walking down the street.

I arrived to my apartment and eat and sleep like I always do.

A few weeks have passed, as I was in my desk in the classroom, each day of that week Kaeda is attending it. I was thinking, I want Kaeda to continued this till, at the very end, or if tragic happened to her.

Kaeda is not afraid of dying anymore, but she is dead who is walking, and who is fulling her own task for today.

In some dirties creeks, sometimes a beautiful yellowish flower can bloom. And that caught my eyes.

Once we don't know our own existence, or if we think were nothing, this tendency will lead to suicide. But for me, if I know that life is meaningless, I just live by it, thinking what will I do, or occupying my minds, and thoughts with some ideas, conception, belief, aspiration, consideration, and lastly purpose. So I will not kill myself.