I sent a reply to Lyndsay's email. I tried to keep it short and to the point about why I'm not helping her with her thing. I also made sure to block her email after sending the reply, too.
I don't know how to feel. I part of me feels happy that I got a chance to tell her that she's the asshole in a situation and she can't do her self-victimizing "You're making me feel like the bad guy" boo-hoo bullshit.
On the other, I'm still worried that she'll take it out on other family members, especially our younger family member that's still living in the family home. I just contacted him to warn him about her mood.
I know I made my decision earlier this week and I don't like changing my mind after I make a decision, but it didn't feel right somehow.
The whole reason I left Lyndsay and other family members was because I got tired of their lies, broken promises, constant disrespect, and passive-aggressive or otherwise terrible listening skills. I got tired of the constant drama they had in their lives - and taking it out on me somehow.
I sent the reply because I wanted to communicate that I'm NOT a part of that anymore and I won't be a part of that. I hope my younger family member gets my warning in time and can stay out of her way for awhile.
I still don't know if it's the right decision. I didn't want to give an assholes who's trying to weasel into my life more of my undeserved time and energy. However, I've thought back to previous incidents and I've realized that just staying silent and not wasting my time on them isn't the best way to communicate boundaries.
I've called Lyndsay out more than once that her lashing out, terrible and untrue accusations, and poor communicative skills are killing the happiness in our connection. I've told Lyndsay that I can't be around her because she's refused counsiling despite her mountains of trauma and baggage. I've told her that I'm blocking her from calls and text because I'm still angry at her for these things. I'm blocking her email because she doesn't get to contact me for help after constantly belittling me and pushing me away when I've tried to get involved.
But I think that at the end of it all, I'm still just very hurt. I feel like I have someone in my life who's hurt me, deflected blame when I try to tell her, and then turns around and asks for me help - like my feelings aren't being taken seriously. I think at the end of the day, I replied to her and told her No because I wanted to show her that she very much hurt me, stomped on the trust I gave her, that I will NEVER forget it, and that she has no one to blame for her current situation but herself.
So, I finally tried leaving my abusive family members, again. I lost count of how many other attempts. Maybe recording my thoughts in a memoir will help. There's always so much that's left unsaid.
Names and places have been changed. Discretion is advised.
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