How could I not have caught on that client? All this while, I never noticed he had vetted interests in me, and why did I go asking for trouble offering to escort him out? Why do I always attract selfish, narcissistic or perverted jerks!
Me defending myself must have sounded like total nonsense to that homophobe as well. Even so, haven't I heard those words before? Sticks and stones my ass! I may act confident and controlled but deep inside, I bear lasting scars that will never heal.
Still, shouldn't I be used to rejection by now? Even if it's supposed to hurt, wouldn't it hurt a little less? Every word he uttered struck me like a cord. I should have responded instead of reacting but his disgusted look towards me hit my very soul. This is the exact reason I steered off him and kept to admiring him from a distance. I'm aware my feelings can never be reciprocated, neither can I expect to be accepted for who I am, or what I am as he sees me. I tried not to hurt him and I kept my feelings to myself by avoiding him on purpose...
I wanted peace.
Should I apologize for what he saw despite it not being my fault? I'm I at fault for allowing that client to go overboard as well? I'm I supposed to be ashamed for who or what I am? Or perhaps I should care that he is affected by my very existence.
Oh well, this is a major miss on my part and once again, life laughs at my need for love and to be loved. Sometimes I wish I could turn everything off and be the so called normal this wretched society demands.
Even so, I remain hurt. I had so much to tell him but he silenced each of my attempts as if he were fighting an enemy.'
"Should I come back later?" A gentle tap on the shoulder startled Ari from his thoughts. "You seem pretty distracted today."
"You are right. I am very much lost in thought." Ari replied as he fidgeted on his favorite spot in his livingroom. "Remind me next time not to fall in love."
"I specifically remember warning you that he is a homophobe." Mun replied, squeezing himself next to his friend to lean on his shoulder. "Why'd you have to go looking for trouble?"
"He riled me up and I lost my temper. Anyway, I had had a bad day with my trip getting cancelled and what not but after getting some sleep, I feel like I'm destined for greatness. He'll have to do better than that to bring me down." Ari replied in false conviction, raising his fist in the air as if to affirm his statement to which Mun laughed, lifting his head from his friend's shoulder.
"Glad to see you back to your normal self Ari."
"By the way, that client that worked us up the last couple of weeks is apparently an aristocrat. He shall be receiving an award and I need you to tag along with me for that event."
Mun frowned, grabbing a pillow and placing it at the back of his head for support. "Don't do me like that Ari. If he is a pervert as you say, he might tackle me too. Shouldn't you be taking someone more capable just incase he goes overboard? Of all the new recruits, Rey seems is the 'no nonsense type.' He is more likely to set a very serious work environment and if the client oversteps his boundaries, it's only natural he'd defend the company's reputation, if not you."
"I think not. He told me exactly what he thinks of me after pretending to be apologetic. As his boss, I'm obligated to correct him when he errs as I did. I even retracted his resignation from human resources and recommended a transfer but then, he was pretty raw in his description of how unpleasant it was for him seeing two men kissing. From his perspective, I was scoring deals with a client using my gay superpowers and even if I were being attacked, he would have simply walked away."
Looking back up at Mun, Ari spoke in an forced enthusiasm. "Now I understand why he puts up with you or maybe he's become fond of you. You didn't tell him you were gay and even if you were, you never said you like him to his face stupidly like I did."
"So he said he is okay with you being gay as long as you don't say you like him."
"Something like that."
Mun stared at his friend for a while. It was pointless for Ari playing tough when he was hurting. He could remember well how much they'd stalked Rey whilst in collage until he had disappeared one day. It was fun watching his face redden with excitement. In truth , Rey wasn't his first crush, but he somehow lingered enough to be his longest love interest that upon moving on, Rey showed up again and that one excited face was visible once more.
Additionally, Mun had been monitoring both Rey and Ari for sometime. Before Rey had transferred departments, he'd often steal glances at Ari without his knowledge during briefings, post briefings, branch dinners and so forth. Ari on the other hand was oblivious to this hawking for he was more attentive on avoiding Rey at all cost.
Enough was enough. It was time to meddle yet again even if things went south. "Ari, I have an upcoming project with the Clients Relations Manager. Remember we've been working on reaching out to companies and SME's who stopped doing business with us."
"Oh yes! We've been postponing that for ages. You should involve the Sales and Marketing team too."
"We'll get to that one step at a time. Now, back to the perverted aristocrat client. I won't be accompanying you therefore you have to pick someone among the new staff. It's a busy time of the year and the old staffs are vamped with deadlines after another."
"Most of the new employees have us as their first job experience. I can't trust their efficiency and credibility at handling this matter discreetly with caution. Remember the mistake they made just carrying out a simple task as sending a file for print? I can't make mistakes with this sensitive client not to mention, I don't trust the client to not try something perverted again."
"Then consider this an opportunity to mentor someone who is familiar with the client's perverted behavior. Our very own homophone Rey."
"If that is a joke it's not funny."
"Don't rule out the idea just yet. You want to earn some points by getting even correct? This is your chance."
"Tempting but no. I won't get my personal issues with him get mixed up with work."
"Listen to me first. The guy already thinks you bang clients to sign deals with us. This is a chance to clear your name. Additionally, you can't educate him out of his ignorance. How about show him how high-class projects are executed and also..."
"No."
"You didn't even hear what I have to say!"
"I don't have to. I know your mind is in the gutter?"
Mun laughed aloud. "That wasn't where I was going but it is still an idea. What I meant to say was exposing him to the gay community kind of helps getting rid of his ignorance in some way. Most people who prejudice against the LGBT community think they know everything when in actuality know nothing. They create images in their mind thinking every gay guy is after them."
"I am after him so what's your point?"
"Touché. However, you are not doing this to coax him but work. I know how you get when you become focused on an assignment, in fact, everyone does that's why we get referrals. This company would fall without you pioneering it's success therefore, capitalize on the homophobe's need for money and give him exposure to your world. He won't quit since by what you said of your discussion with him, he sounds arrogant and prideful. He's in dire need of mula too."
"I'm not responsible for his ignorance, uncouth character or his bank account's health status. Yes, I feast on his body every chance I get but I know a loosing battle when I see it. He may have executed the project all by himself exceptionally but I refuse to be mocked for who I am."
"Then you loose."
"Stop that Mun. Guilt-tripping or trickery, whatever you are trying to do, I won't agree. You are practically asking me to be a nanny to a grown man."
"Come on Ari, you know he is efficient. He is the best person to take with you. He knows the background of the client, has seen first hand his perverted side, he works well too. I've caught you crosschecking his proposal plans several times just to see how he was settling in and you acknowledged his work. Besides, he appears to have more project related skills as opposed to other new staff. His cut-outs are clean enough to not require editing, his client scores seem promising not to mention, we received two referrals recommending him despite still being on probation."
"He is a jerk."
"His jerky behavior might just come in handy if that client goes beyond his limits and from how you described it, I'm convinced he is likely to test your boundaries once more. Imagine if he were to do that whilst with someone other than me around. Your secret would be out. At least the homophobe kept quiet about your orientation. If he was a blabbermouth, he'd have rattled you out to the entire office."
"He might."
"Or might not. You are a good judge of character so I know you know I'm right."
"Damn it!" Ari scoffed. "Why do you always get in my head and twist things?"
"Bingo!" Mun threw his hands in the air excitedly. "We are doing this!"
"You are peculiar you know that? How come you are always excited about my life, meddling every chance you get?"
"Ari, in all honesty, your life sucks and we can't have that now, can we?"
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