TW: References to child abuse

“What about names?” The chipper librarian asked. “Well, the name of the supernatural side? How’d they pick that?”

I shrugged a bit. “They just found something they liked for that side.”

It had been a process, picking my name. I’d wanted one for a while after we’d actually figured out there were two of us and not just some really intrusive thoughts or whatever. Initially we’d been confused about who was who, to be honest, and whether I was also part of Ezra or what exactly I was. It wasn’t until I was able to bring myself to the front, so to speak, and establish my physical form, that we started to realize more of what was going on. But I’d thought the name Katherine fit me and Ezra liked Kat, so we’d ended up going with that. Now, I thought of myself more as Kat than Katherine anyway, because that was what Ezra called me, and that was what mattered.

The researcher seemed a bit disappointed with the minimal info. “Oh. Well, I suppose that makes sense.” She had several other questions, but I tried to avoid answering them or be as vague as possible because I wasn’t entirely keen on providing too much information, especially if there was a chance she could track us down. I really didn’t want that.

“Okay, that’s fine.” She sighed a bit. “All right, so here’s the deal – I’ll compile everything I can find and send it to you if you want. I can scan it if you’d prefer, or mail a physical copy. And if your chimera friend is willing to talk, I can promise discretion! I just want more information about chimera, really – I’m curious to see if this bit about the parents being a shifter and Hunter is true for all of them, or what the deal is. We just know so little about them overall that I’d love any additional information they’re willing to share.”

I got the impression she suspected I wasn’t actually talking about someone else and was referring to myself – to Ezra and me – but I thanked her for her help and then hung up.

Sorry for not telling you in advance. I felt a little bad for springing that whole thing on him. I just found out about this Rosen Library place tonight. It’s a supernatural library that apparently has stuff on supernaturals for like a couple thousand years, so I was hoping they’d know.

And they did, Ezra murmured.

For a moment I just let that sink in. They did. The library had the answers.

Finally, we knew what we were.

A chimera. I could hear the wonder in my own voice. We’re a chimera. I looked down at my hands. And apparently I can make more fire than I realized! Of course I’d discovered fire magic by accident, years back. We’d also learned that I read supernatural while Ezra didn’t.

So I’m kind of supernatural even though I’m human? Ezra sounded happy. And we live hundreds of years?

I missed that. Having him sound happy. He had been so miserable lately even if he didn’t realize it yet. I really needed to find a way to make that normal.

We’re a supernatural, I stated firmly. Together. The two of us. Just us.

Right. His happiness faded a bit. Just…us.

I frowned immediately. You’re not happy with it just being the two of us?!? I thought I was the most important person to you! Wait – is this about the brats? You need them to approve, too? Their opinion matters more than mine? I hated that. I hated that they were mean to him and he still tried so hard to make them like him even though I liked him just as he was and my opinion didn’t matter.

It’s not like that! He sounded frustrated, and close to tears. Of course you’re the most important, but it’s different!

How? I demanded. Because they’re rich and mean access to all that brings? Where I don’t even officially exist? I knew I was being harsh, but this whole situation hurt and I hated that he was opting for them over me, even if he didn’t see it.

Because they’re physical! He nearly shouted. You can make friends. You do, all the time! You and Gemma hit it off instantly. Mandy was only friends with me because she liked my sense of humor – which was yours. It was me repeating what you said. And you can go out while I’m resting and just dance with people and whatever and people are glad to accept you. You’re beautiful and supernatural and confident and everything that I’m not. You have contact with people! But I…I don’t. It’s not just that I’m too busy, but that’s not me and people don’t welcome me the same way. But I need someone to. Because…because as much as I love you, we can’t ever touch each other. We’re not meant for that.

I stilled. I hadn’t thought about that. I got casual touches from people all the time. I could make friends and hug them as easily as breathing, but Ezra…he didn’t have that. Mom and her bratty family didn’t hug him, of course. His “friends” weren’t interested in physical contact of any variety.

How long had it been since someone had actually touched Ezra? Dad? When he was sick? No, he hated touching Ezra and would recoil from any touch the older we got.

Ezra was touched-starved, and there was nothing I could do about it. I felt a pang of regret. I would love to hug him close and offer him all the physical comfort he wanted, but because of what we were, that could never happen.

I’m sorry, Ezra. I – I wish I could change that. I’m sorry I didn’t realize you were struggling with that, either.

I tried to think of a way to fix it. Could I help him make friends? … No. He’d just view them as people interested in me rather than him and still not see it as something offered to him, same as with Mandy.

It’s not your fault. He sounded tired, now, after his outburst. I know you’d help if you could, but it just doesn’t work that way. I just wish there was someone who’d accept me, too. And of course it matters that you do, but I just – I also need someone who can maybe give me a hug every now and then. That’s all.

I could understand that, as much as I regretted that I couldn’t provide him that myself. We will, I promised him. Someday we’ll find someone who will love you just as you are.

Yeah? He asked tiredly. But the thing is, part of who I am is you. No one can ever fully accept me without accepting you in the process. And who’s going to do that? Another supernatural, maybe? And if they did, he paused for a second, they’ll always like you better. That’s how it works. I’m a guy, a human, and all I can do usefully is cleaning and cooking. And you’re attractive, supernatural, and like this – this bombshell, I guess? People look up and pay attention when you walk into the room. You attract people without even trying to. He sighed. I’m glad of that, for you, I just wish I knew how to do that, too. If we’re supposed to be the same person in a way, why can’t some of that rub off on me?

He wasn’t wrong. In some way, we really were opposites. But I hated that he saw me as this super attractive, interesting person and didn’t realize that he was great in his own way.

If people can’t accept you for who you are – which is an awesome person, by the way, and super hard-working and bright – then I won’t accept them, either. I felt a little huffy at the idea. Ezra was amazing, he just happened to be amazing in a quieter way than my flashy version. Someday I’d get him to understand.

It’s not that they don’t accept me, it’s just…people would always choose you over me, right? Dad would have. Even with you being supernatural, I think my behavior annoyed him and he’d probably have been happier with someone like you. And Mom said she’d have preferred a girl – apparently Phil would have, anyway. Plus Jolene might have accepted a girl over a boy. I guess I just feel disposable, in a way. The cover page to be thrown aside quickly to get to the interesting stuff.

“That’s not how it is!” I actually said it out loud by accident, so frustrated with how he viewed the situation. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself, then continued. First of all, don’t judge your worth based on what other people think about you. You’re independently worth so much more, even if people can’t see it. And second, of all people, don’t consider what Dad, Mom, and Mom’s jerk family think. They’re not good examples. Dad was paranoid and not really a great option to raise a kid, to be honest, while Mom’s obsessed with Phil and her perfect life, Jolene just enjoys being the top bitch, and Phil’s a psychopath. I daresay Phil and Jolene would hate me, too.

Ezra was quiet for a bit. Maybe, but…you’d stand up to them better.

I sighed. That I couldn’t deny. Do you want me to handle them from now on? You can just repeat what I say?

No. That won’t achieve anything.

We were both quiet for a bit, just trying to figure out this mess we were in.

Give me until the end of the year, Ezra said suddenly, startling me. If I can get the highest grades in my year, I get a full scholarship for the next year. That should prove stuff to Phil, right? I know you think he won’t accept me even if I do, but I have to at least try.

I didn’t think it was worth it to try to get someone like Phil or Jolene to accept him, but I knew it was more about Mom, because Mom wouldn’t dare do anything Phil wouldn’t like, so Ezra was trying to get them to accept him for her sake. Phil had told Ezra specifically that “if you earned that scholarship, it would change things for you in the household.” I knew what Ezra hoped was that if he got that scholarship, Phil would finally try to accept Ezra as a step-son, and then Mom could maybe start to really be his mom, too. I couldn’t decline him the opportunity to at least try to get that. Especially since I knew he could get that scholarship.

Okay, I agreed reluctantly. Until the end of the year. And if it doesn’t work?

And if it doesn’t work, then we can do things your way, he promised.

For his sake, I hoped it would work, but I highly doubted it would. Somehow, things were going to go badly, I was certain of it.

~~~~~

Ezra

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a full night’s sleep. My chores had slowly kept extending as Phil or Jolene made casual comments about how nice it would be if I’d do something else, too, and Mom would not-so-subtly encourage me to do as they wanted. I was now handling more than just cooking and keeping the house clean, since I was also responsible for laundry, washing the cars, dealing with yard upkeep, and so on. I tried to think that maybe if they realized how efficient I was, then they’d be okay with me, but I couldn’t help the sinking suspicion that Kat was right – that they would never accept me no matter what. To be honest, I wasn’t sure I still wanted it. Every time I heard Phil’s or Jolene’s voices, I jumped instinctively and my heart sank. Meanwhile, every time I tried to talk to Mom, she acted like she was worried about getting caught and would immediately dismiss my presence if Phil or Jolene were nearby. I kept doubting my whole plan – and the value of it – but I felt like I had committed and I needed to see it through. There was a chance it would change, right? Phil had promised.

And we were close to the end of the school year. One more week, and I’d find out if I won the scholarship. I worked hard to make sure I got perfect grades and had no disciplinary issues, despite Jolene’s attempts to get me in trouble at school. I desperately hoped that somehow this would be the magic ticket to get Mom’s family to accept me, and by extension, Mom herself.

If I could make it that far. I was exhausted and knew it, but my goal was in sight. Just one more week.

Kat had been nice about the whole thing, keeping her thoughts about Mom, Phil, and Jolene to a minimum, though I knew she wasn’t a fan of my plan or of any of them.

It was the start of my day, which meant prepping breakfast and then checking the house for anything that needed to be cleaned or straightened up – without waking the family, of course. I made sure Phil’s stuff was ready to go and so was Jolene’s, ironing their chosen clothes for the day and hanging them up outside their doors. Then I started working on breakfast, trying to give myself a pep talk to get through the day.

“Breakfast is almost done, then I ride to school and get there early, then review material before class, and classes themselves aren’t that big of a deal. It’s just the hallways that are a problem.”

Head’s up, Kat warned.

“Hey! You!” Jolene couldn’t even be bothered to use my actual name as she stormed into the kitchen. “You ironed the wrong outfit! I don’t want to wear this one, I want the new custom design. This is the last week of my high school career, everything has to be perfect!”

I could have pointed out that I had no way to know she’d changed her mind at the last minute or that she’d been the one who’d put out the wrong outfit for me to iron – I didn’t go into her room to get her clothes, after all – but that would have just made things worse.

“I can’t leave the food or it’ll burn, but I’ll get to it as soon as it’s finished.”

She shifted from foot to foot, looking angry while she tried to figure out a flaw with my logic. If she ordered me to go fix her clothes now, then breakfast would get burned and I’d have to start over. I was almost surprised she didn’t just do so anyway, because she wasn’t big on thinking about other people or even planning more than 10 minutes into the future, but finally she made up her mind.

“Fine, as long as you get it done in time. Do it before you eat!” She ordered, then flounced off to go get her makeup and hair ready.

I sighed a little and mentally recalculated. I’d have to catch the later bus, which meant I wouldn’t have time at school before class. I’d stayed up after my chores were done last night, though, to make sure I did my homework, so it should be okay. It wasn’t my preference, especially when I was putting so much effort into trying to make sure I got perfect grades especially this last week, but I didn’t exactly have any other options available.

Kat decided to help me out by telling me supernatural facts. She’d started spending the time when I was sleeping researching supernaturals so we could know more about that side of the world, since Mom had no intention of telling us. Actually, Mom had immediately hushed us the one time I’d asked, saying that since Phil and Jolene were human, she was doing her best to “be human” too, and she didn’t see any point in talking about it. So Kat took over that job, either meeting up with people in town she’d befriended or talking online with some of her supernatural friends, depending on how much time was available until I’d need to be awake again. Once I was awake, she tried to relay the information to me.

I appreciated her efforts. I knew she disagreed with my plan, but at least right now she was accepting my choice and trying to help us in another way if she could. Learning about other supernaturals did seem helpful, given that we were supernatural and would likely live hundreds of years.