Long story short, I avoided Ray for weeks.

I had several orders from Yahiko, and when he text me the day to meet up, I ended up setting up the time just to avoid seeing Ray. Yahiko didn't ask question and didn't pass that information down to Ray. 

At the end of the day, I worked for Yahiko anyway.

I was so frustrated, no embarrassed, that I ended up getting piercings! This whole thing about pain therapy online seemed applicable to my current circumstances. I just wanted to forget that I kissed a yakuza that was already set to marry someone else. Why the hell would I DO THAT?! 

Let me tell ya, once the piercing gun went up to my ear, I forgot about Ray for a hot minute! I, an eighteen-year-old male, literally had tears in my eyes after the first earring. I decided, since there was a two for the price of one deal, to go big or go home. Yet, when I was holding ice to my swollen ears, I began to wish I just went home.

I sighed, walking to my brand-new apartment. I only had a few boxes to my name, so moving in was smooth. It was almost like starting a new slate. I enjoyed how much free space I had, plus messes were easy to clean up. I found myself, when I was deep in thought, sitting in front of the AC. Having some beautiful creation in my life almost felt too good to be true...and I didn't care how much the bill cost. Now I could afford that and more. So, the AC and I would be friends for life.

I even ended up buying a bike...well a Brompton. I felt it would be nice to have something I could take around with ease. Plus, since I had a carrying case for it, I could take it on trains...and maybe one day a plane.

When I got to the N-Stage, I took the elevator to the 12th floor. I liked that I wasn't too high up that I couldn't hear the street noise. I grew up with sirens, horns...distractions and that was the only way I could fall asleep. Otherwise, I'd be up all day thinking about Ray. Thinking about how stupid it was for me to kiss him...how crazy it was that my chest tightened at the name of Kizuna. 

I took a lot of time trying to figure out why I gave a damn about him. To be honest it wasn't our initial kiss that made me like him. It was the first day I saw him in the art gallery. The first time his eyes connected with mine. I couldn't quite place it, as I walked in front of room #22 and opened the door, but he reminded me of someone. Within that frightening shell was just someone who wished, or hoped even, that they could experience what it meant to be loved. 

Why...because that's what I desperately wanted myself. Or did...until someone made me realize that my existence was meaningful. One boy made me want to get up in the morning just to see the sun kiss his eyes and enlighten his smile. That's why, ‘til this day, I still put the first letter of his name on my artwork. Without him, I would've never gotten the courage to fight for a better life. 

I just wish...that he could see what I've become.

A knock on my door made my heart leap. I wasn't expecting anyone...and I almost got up to answer it until I heard a voice I wanted to avoid.

"Niko, open up."

It was Ray...how the hell did he know where I moved? Wait...why am I surprised that he found that out? I did tell him I was apartment shopping...he knows this is close to the university...put two and two together...with probably some threats and bingo!

His knocks continued as if he knew I was purposely avoiding him. He was right. I didn't want to face him right now...my ears hurt less than my nervousness.

"I'm giving you three seconds to open up or I'll knock your fucking door down."

Attitude much? He was giving me a headache. 

"One."

I didn't want to buy a new door. Even worse, I didn't want to upset my neighbors. My whole reason for moving here was to start over.

"Two."

Fuck.

"Thr—"

I swung the door open to the angered gangster. I was surprised to see him in joggers and a comfortable but fitting black shirt instead of a suit. Without his newsboy’s cap, his hair was down over his eyes: wild but still attractive. Yet, his eyes...they reminded me of hell.

He pushed past me as I closed the door. I heard his shoes come off, his footsteps lightly walking into my apartment. 

"It's annoying," he said, his hands in his pockets as he looked out towards my living room, "when the person you're in charge of is purposely avoiding you."

He turned towards me, his eyes searching, "You're the one who kissed me, and I'm the one who's been trying to find your ass like a lost puppy."

My heart started beating faster...thinking he came here to break in my skull. I saw blood on his shirt before...and I knew he was capable of killing people. Was I just going to be another body added to his list?

"It's fucking infuriating..." 

I shivered as Ray started to walk towards me. I didn't even realize I was walking backwards until I felt the back of my head collide with the wall near the front door. I couldn't do anything but look up into Ray's eyes.

"That you'd go behind my back to set up meetings with my brother..."

Ray was awfully close to me, so much so that I couldn't even think straight.

"...all because you're too shy to admit that you like me."

I felt my cheeks redden, my heart pounded faster as my eyes widened. He wasn't wrong, but hearing my secret come from his lips made me even more nervous. Was he mad...or angered about that...was he going to teach me a lesson for kissing him?

"Wa—wait...I—" I stammered.

"Let me give you some piece of advice, Niko. Don't waste your time on me and don't trust that my brother has your best interest at heart."

"Y...you're not a waste of time." I mustered, trying my hardest to keep eye contact.

"Niko—"

"You're not! I...I just...I don't understand why...but whenever I'm with you I feel...a little less lost."

Ray didn't respond but it almost seemed like his breath caught.

"I...I don't know why I kissed you but when you smiled...my heart skipped a beat...and I just...I just wanted that moment to be mine. I get that you're Kizuna's and...I get that I can't change that, but I can't stop my feelings either. I can't stop that I'm jealous...or that even when you bugged me without notice that I was waiting to see your face. So, I...I'm sorry for avoiding you...but I was embarrassed...and I was afraid you'd put me in my place."

Ray started to look down...away from me, his hand balling into a fist. It seemed like he wanted to say, or do something, but he couldn’t commit to it.

"Put you in your place—" Ray huffed, anger filling his voice, "so you thought I'd hurt you?"

"Uh...um..." I tried.

Ray spat, laughing...but it wasn't for merriment. "So...that's what you really think of me?"

"No...I—"

He mumbled something but I couldn't hear it. "How about this, if it's money you want," Ray huffed, "I'll give it to you. You'll have enough to finish college, pay for this place, and get by until you graduate. Would a monster offer you that?"

I had angered him.

"You're not a monster. I'm sorry...I didn't mean—"

"Just shut up and take it!" Ray said, not listening to me and still not looking me square in the eye.

"No, not unless you give me a reason. What is it with you? Why are you so concerned about my well—"

Ray slammed his fist into the wall, shaking me. I felt the wall vibrate behind me, thinking what would happen if his fist collided with my face. I was too afraid to think about what damage he had done. Instead I just watched him, his breathing quieting. 

"I...I can't," Ray sighed, finally making eye contact with me, "I can't tell you that. You're making this so fucking difficult already."

My eyes widened as I saw the yellow merge with a sea green. My breath caught, his face taking a new form. He looked so familiar then...as my mind ticked back to when I was in middle school. The boy...the first boy I...

No...they couldn't be one in the same...

"You're the one making things difficult."

I stood firm, even though my whole being was quaking with fear.

To my surprise, Ray's eyes began to brighten, the green popping into the dimly lit room. "Fuck Niko, quit it! Just what the hell do you want from me? What the fuck will make you listen?"

I gulped, unsure of myself in that moment. What I wanted...was to know if he was Ray. If he was...would that explain why he's acting out like this? Would that explain why he wants to keep such a close eye on me? Why he's being so protective? Or...was this just my own urge to know if he felt the same way I felt about him.

"I want you to kiss me."

His eyes quaked as he stared questioningly at me, but I needed to know. "If you really care about me, prove it."

I felt nervous for asking. Hell, I expected him to tell me to fuck off, but he gently put a hand on my heated cheek.

"The only thing this proves is that my fears will come true."

I didn't understand what he meant, but when his lips connected with mine and gently parted, I didn't care. His thumb pressed down on my chin, opening my mouth as he snaked his tongue inside. It felt like he was discovering every inch of me, as our tongues found one another and danced together. This was different from our first kiss...it almost felt...passionate. I felt hot and nervous as I grasped onto Ray's arms, trying my hardest to suppress a moan, but his free hand moved to my side and a shiver went up my spine. 

I brushed away from him, realizing that wasn't the only thing on my body tingling.

"Wa—wait," I gasped.

I thought he got the hint, but he moved away from my mouth, kissing my cheek and moving down to my neck. I felt his tongue lick my swollen earlobe. My stomach jumped into my throat as his hand slid under my shirt. It felt good enough for my breathing to intensify. Embarrassing sounds came out of my mouth as I tried to ask him to slow down. Yet, the words didn't form.

To my surprise, Ray removed his hands and lips from my body and stared into my eyes. Looking at him made my breath catch...my stomach tighten. The green remained, the cobra had shed its scales as the present blurred with my past. 

"What, isn't this what you asked for?" Ray asked after a moment of silence.

"No...I mean yes...but your eyes...they're green." I stuttered, testing the waters.

Ray blinked, looking away from me as he backed up. He sighed, combing his hair back as if he'd been caught.

"You're mistaken, you're adrenaline is just running high."

As if I had said something wrong, Ray started heading for the door. "We can finish this conversation later, but think about what I said...I should get going."

No.

I ran after him, grasping him around his middle. 

I couldn't have him leave without me knowing.

"Ryu..."

He stopped, standing still amongst my grasp.

"You're Ryu...aren't you?"

Ryu...that was the name of my first love.