“That all  sounds very interesting, I should think that I would enjoy that.I’ve always wanted to work in Politics.” Gary replied. 

“Alright then, Gaz and Bel will do that job! Sign us up!” Andy was excited. 

“We’ll set it for six months from now, it takes time to prepare. I’ll have to go down there and myself to get you all transitioned properly. ” Simon already looked stressed about it. 

Andy smiled with a hint of  victory glinting in his eyes. “Alright Simon, sounds like a plan.” 

After dinner I went to the lounge, there I found Raleigh and Aiden asleep on the couch. I envied that, that comfort and love they had for one another that I wish I could have when it came to my own  family. I walked back to the hall to take my coat. “ Leaving so soon?” Simon caught me. 

“I am going to my Camden flat.” 

“Are you?” They were right to question me. 

“I’m not going back to Vegas, if that’s what you are thinking. I promise. I’m only going to my flat.” 

“Stay here tonight, then.” Simon offered, “ This is your home too, it always has been.”  

“I can’t..”

“Only because you don’t want to.” they pointed out. “I insist go upstairs, take a bedroom and stay here. It's Christmas after all.”  

I looked back into the lounge, and relented in my plans to leave, I put my coat on the rack.

 “ Goodnight then.” I said. 

“You’re staying put right? I’ll not walk into an empty room two minutes from now am I?”

“No, I’ll be here. If Raleigh wakes up, send him up.” 

“I will.”

I waited a moment as Simon walked towards the kitchen.“Aren’t you going to bed,Simon?” 

They stopped in the corridor.“Oh, Santa Baba,” Simon’s children called them ‘Baba', a non-binary parental title.“ Must prepare for all the little children who will wake up at 4am and want to open their gifts. I won’t sleep tonight, but good night, Malie.” 

“Maybe I’ll stay up and help you. I’m not going to sleep any time soon.” I offered. Even if I went to lie down, the bed wouldn’t be the same without Raleigh next to me. I don’t like to sleep alone. 

“I’d like that, Malie.” We walked to the kitchen, this home had been somewhere I could go to when I was lost or frightened for the past forty years. Simon had made it a sanctuary as only they could. 

For a few hours I assisted Simon in baking biscuits, pastries and several christmas cakes which at first I thought would be boring turned out to be quite fun. I had moments where I was able to let myself enjoy something I would have normally thought annoying or ridiculous. While, at the same time I felt alien to the whole situation. I wanted to understand what  my siblings, or Raleigh and Aiden felt in regards to family, that bond they all share that I felt I was missing. Would I ever find it? Would I ever feel accepted, and not run away from those feelings? Why was this so hard for me to comprehend? What was I not born with that they all were? I didn’t mean to be cold and uncaring or selfish in the way I dealt with my family, but it was easier for me to be this way then hurt. 

A song playing on the radio triggered memories from my past, when there had been no one visiting me, or missing me. As a child when I worked for David Beste the Master Vampire hunter I was a boy on my own in an adult world. My parents never sent a card or a gift for the three years I was away as an apprentice.  David, my employer, never bothered with Christmas, it was just another night to hunt evil creatures. Maybe I got an extra pound coin in my pay packet but otherwise it was business as usual. My pay went to my parents so even then, I never got to keep the extra money. 

The darkest days of my past  now surrounded me and my thoughts. After being injured in a vampire attack when I was  removed from my family and locked up in Our Lady of the Afflicted, a home for children who suffered from viral vampire bites when I was fifteen. At that point I realized there was no hope for me, no God, and no one cared. Assumptive Vampire children aren’t given christmas, we are just told to pray and fast away the vampire infection and ask for the gift of salvation. Salvation never comes. My hands started to tremble, I felt the fight or flight reflex trying to trigger me to teleport away from here, but I can’t teleport away from myself! Dark prison-like cells filled with sounds of sobbing, so many children sobbing, especially on Christmas eve. I could never forget my tears while weeping along with the other sad abandoned souls, To the stalwarts of the Church  little vampires don’t deserve Christmas.  

 I never want to feel this loneliness again. To counteract my sadness all those years ago I started rejecting instead of accepting. If the world chooses to be bitter and cruel to a child, then that child will grow up bitter and cruel. I clasped my hands to stop them shaking and forced myself to look at the pretty cake in front of me. I had to ground myself to this spot where I knew I was not reliving the suffering. Those days are over and love has come into the world. The darkness I grew up in has ended. The prickliness of bad memories which had overwhelmed me was abating. I sighed and concentrated on  the annoying Christmas music that played on the radio in the kitchen.  

“Are you alright Malie? You seem lost, is everything okay?” Simon asked as I stood there over a bowl of buttercream I was supposed to be spreading on the christmas cake. I looked at my hands and they weren’t trembling as much. 

“Just lost in thought. You don’t know this but there were so many Christmases I had no joy.” 

Simon put down what they were doing and came over to me.“Let’s fix that, please allow me and all the others to bring joy into your life. Next year make a new start of things, have your beautiful dark man, and new house to live in, a fresh start away from gangsters and violence. Come and live a plain old boring life with the rest of us.” 

“I can’t just walk away from King. I have obligations with him.” 

“What can he do here if you walk away? Nothing, he can do nothing. His reach is not beyond Nevada. Once you see that you’ll know you can leave him.” 

“Rah said the same thing.” 

“Well, if you won’t listen to me, your wise older sibling who has taken care of you since you were little, listen to that handsome young man. He knows a thing or two. ” 

“We’ll see in February.” I smiled a little. 

“That’s a start.” We hugged, Simon held me tightly and for once I sank into the hug, and hugged back. We broke the embrace, they placed their hands on my cheeks. “ You don’t understand how much I love you, I would do anything to save you from whatever misery you’ve gotten yourself into. You have loved ones who would do anything to help. You’re not alone Malachy, you have never been alone.” I burst into tears and cried on Simon’s shoulder for a good ten minutes, I needed to hear that now.. It didn’t matter that Simon and others  had said it constantly in the past, I needed it now. 

 I wiped my eyes, “Feel better?” They asked, while wiping their own from their eyes.

I nodded “A little bit, yeah. Big tough gangster me crying over Christmas.” I sniffled. 

“Don’t be too hard on yourself, everyone is allowed to cry every now and then. Boys do cry, and it is absolutely acceptable.” 

We talked for another hour sitting at the kitchen table. We made  plans for the new year, how I would leave Las Vegas and come home to England. It was time for me to really make a go of it, regardless of how terrified I was, I needed out. Although King was a huge worry, the local Gangsters here would be on my back, it was how I kept being drawn back in. I would need the help to stay on the right track. Simon assured me that if I didn’t go back on my promises, then I would be given all the help I needed for the new life. 

After our conversation I wandered into the lounge. The fire in the hearth lit the dark room softly with the occasional sounds of pop or crackle of the flames. A  whiff of smoke in the warm air and dancing shadows along the wall were comforting. The garish knit stockings were hung on the wall each one for each member residing with us tonight, each stocking stuffed and sagging with the weight of chocolates and an orange. Boxes of Turkish Delight sat under the tree for us adults to share with one another, in and among the countless shiny wrapped gifts for the children. 

Aiden’s dog Scout lay dozing by the fire on the new dog bed Simon brought for him. The radio played Christmas carols, the volume turned low, it was calm and quiet. Simon always tried to replicate Christmas’ we grew up with when Grandfather Despair Ransom was alive, those happy times when we were allowed to be children. I could hear the old man’s laughter echoing in my far off memories. He was so pleasant and jolly for a man who had been named Despair. I shared that name, but unlike him, I was cold and at times  humorless and yes, always in despair. 

I looked around, my eyes following the strings of  red and green  fairy lights, the ribbons and bows on the trees. My fingers traced  the embroiled stocking that said ‘Malie’. Simon held onto those ghosts of the past which were happier and whimsical, while I held onto the haunting terrifying ghosts of Christmas Past and Future.

 Raleigh was still  sleeping with his child in his arms, who also was at peace. Aiden would have no more tears, and no more wondering if he was forgotten. He would have his place in this world among us and especially in the heart of his remaining family. I imagined, from what I knew of her from Raleigh, that Monica, Aiden’s birthmother, who had been forced to give him twelve years ago, hugged her other children tighter tonight and wished to see her little boy again. You see no one was truly lost in this world, someone always cares about you, even if you didn’t know it. No one is lost. 

Simon walked in with a blanket, quietly handing it to me, I laid it over the two sleeping figures and then sat down on the floor beside the couch. Where was my own place in the world? Right here. “I’m going to make another cup of tea, would you like some?” Simon offered in a hushed voice. 

“Yes, I’m just going to sit here and enjoy the warmth.” Simon left back for the kitchen and I looked all around me, took a deep breath and sighed. “ Home.” 

                                                                    The End