Tuesday: December 14th, 2015

When Jasper came into my sight, waving from the other end of the footpath as we both walked towards the same entrance to Hyde Park, I couldn't help but smile widely at him. And I couldn't stop the fluttering heart that ensued when he smiled back at me. On the fourteenth day of Christmas, I had come to accept that I was crushing on my once-best-friend. Though how genuine those feelings were was yet to be determined.

"Morning," he said, breath visible in the frigid air.

"Morning," I mumbled back, unable to hold his gaze that peered into mine.

Then he held his hand out to me. It's just for the competition, I told myself as we walked into Winter Wonderland.

We headed straight to the booth, picked up our scroll, and began untying it the moment we were out, as per usual.

"That's got to be a palace," Jasper started.

"But which one?" I replied. "Buckingham or Windsor? "

"Well... it says where the Queen knows best. But that's complicated too. Buckingham is her official 'main' residence, but ask a bunch of the old people and they will argue back and forth about which is actually her main home. Some like to say that because they never see her at Buckingham, that she's actually always living in Windsor."

"And what do you think?"

Jasper shrugged. "A part of me is inclined to think she's at Windsor. Because when I compare the two in pictures... Well, Buckingham is a bit of an eye-sore, isn't it?"

"It is," I agreed, lips pursing. "At the same time, they never normally send us out of the London centre."

"I really do think it's Windsor... But I'll let you pick."

Biting my lip, I looked back up at him. "If you think it's Windsor, then we will go to Windsor."

Jasper's gaze softened as he relished in the fact that I trusted his opinion. Then, without having a reason to do so, he grabbed my hand in his again and began leading me to the underground.

∘◦ ❈ ◦∘

It wasn't Windsor. We lapped the perimeter of the castle with no elf in sight. I didn't rub it in though that my gut instinct was right because I could see the embarrassment in Jasper's face. 

Nonetheless, as we boarded the tube, trekking back to Buckingham Palace now, I hesitantly held my hand out to him.

He cautiously looked up at me. I watched his Adam's apple dip as he placed his hand in mine before averting his gaze, a giddy smile now gracing his face.

We didn't say anything the whole ride. We just sat together, watching the passengers come and go, holding hands until it was our stop.

And when the train did come to a halt, we dropped hands and exited.

∘◦ ❈ ◦∘

"You're late," the elf exclaimed as we found her out the front of Buckingham Palace after midday.

"I got it wrong this time," I quickly said, well aware of Jasper's eyes on me as the words came out of my mouth.

"Guess we can't get them all! Glad I stumped you this time," she smugly said, handing the entry slip to me.

As we walked away from her though, Jasper leaned in to say, "Why didn't you just blame it on my stupidity?"

Shrugging, I said, "It was a good guess. To be fair, she got her own riddle wrong anyway." I glanced at Jasper, smiling. "Want to get lunch while we read this?"

He nodded, grabbing my hand once more. As he led me towards the nearest Franco Manca's for some pizza, I couldn't help but think I could get used to him holding my hand. But then that thought made me sad... because I only had 17 days left here.

∘◦ ❈ ◦∘

"Compliments," I said as I perused the entry slip. "What do they mean full of?"

"I imagine we will either have to write them on the bauble or put them in it?" Jasper said, a confused expression also masking his face.

"Great," I muttered. "I will have to dig deep there."

"Hey!" Jasper exclaimed, causing me to look up. Unfortunately, I couldn't stifle my amusement and his frown disappeared. "You better have been joking, Fish."

"What counts as a compliment?"

With a roll of his eyes, he said, "Obviously you just need to gush about how handsome you think I am."

I mocked vomiting sounds while my head squealed, Don't get me started on all the parts of you I find attractive. "Let me guess, you will write yours thinking of Penny?"

Brows furrowed, he seemed to be taken aback by my statement. "Why would I?"

Shrugging, I said, "Might be easier if we just write them about someone we are close to. I'll probably do mine about Jojo and Ria."

But then his face fell. Before I could pry, our pizza arrived. Jasper's attention was now focussed on the food, avoiding looking at me as he ate, and we continued like that until the whole thing was gone.

"I was thinking," I whispered after the waitress took our empty plates away, "I might actually write them about my childhood best friend. It's been a long time since I've seen him, but I would never run out of compliments for him."

When I glanced up at Jasper though, a crease was still formed between his brows as he stared at the table.

"What's wrong?" I finally asked.

He opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, but seemed to struggle to find the words.

"Jas," I said, prodding his arm with my finger. But he still wouldn't look at me. "Jasper," I tried again. So when that didn't work, a smirk slipped on my face before I said, "Dumpling?"

That did it. Eyes looking up at mine, his gaze swirled with wistfulness mixed with rage. "Don't ever call me that, Zara," he said, voice venomous.

"Okay," I mumbled, turning my own gaze downwards as I shrunk back into my chair. As the silence stretched on, I realised that this was probably how today would continue to go with him. Unable to withstand more, I pulled out my wallet and called the waiter over to pay.

He went through the motions with me, pulling out his own card, sliding out of the booth, and following me out onto the street towards Hyde Park.

Only once we had walked for a good five minutes in silence did he finally say, "Is it that hard to think of compliments for me?"

"Of course not," I whispered. "I'd just prefer to not."

"Why?"

"Because, Jas..." I heaved a sigh. "Look, maybe you've changed from who you were back then. You certainly have physically changed. But when I look at you and how you glowed up, knowing you were also once my best friend... It's hard to not have stupid responses to you. Especially with this competition."

I could feel his eyes studying me, but I couldn't bring myself to look at him. "Are you... are you saying you have feelings for me?"

"I don't know, Jas. I just got out of a relationship so I don't want to label what I'm feeling. I'm very fragile right now and, for the most part, it's been amazing having you around again. But I'm trying to shove it aside. It's probably just because I'm lonely and because we're doing these couple activities and because I used to have a stupid crush on you when we were kids." My eyes went wide as the last one slipped out of my mouth. "I didn't mean to say that one," I then whispered.

But Jasper was surprisingly quiet, not saying a word. Eventually, the silence became too much and I braved a glance his way. Mostly, his face was shrouded with shock. Yet his eyes seemed to swirl with some indistinguishable emotion. "W... when?" he finally asked.

"When what?"

"When did you like me?"

We had finally reached Winter Wonderland, so I used the distraction to avoid his question, digging out our passes from my bag and starting to head in. But Jasper's hand shot out, grabbing my arm and pulling me to a stop. "Hey!"

"When, Zara?"

"It's not that important."

"It is to me."

"Why?"

"Please answer."

Heaving a sigh, I said, "Like, ever since we turned thirteen, okay? That's why I stopped hugging you and everything. It was too awkward to act like that with you when I liked you."

He began to shake his head, jaw clenched. "Don't lie to me," he hissed.

"Excuse me?" I asked, taking a step back.

"If you liked me then, that means you're saying you liked me until the day you left."

"I did. So what?"

He shook his head and scoffed. "Are you just fabricating this story because I look like this now?" He waved his hand over his body and my eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"I don't get what you're saying, Jas... I can't change how I felt then. I'm sorry, I did, okay, but—"

"You did not like me then."

"What would you know?"

"Because you made it very clear when I poured my heart out to you that I liked you that you'd never date a fat, ugly, dork like me!" he half shouted.

The puzzle piece finally slot into place. The memory came rushing back. Four years of resentment he held because I rejected him back then... He pretend to want to kiss me, only to laugh in my face, because of—

"The kiss prank... You're almost an adult and you did that to me over that?" I demanded.

"So what if I did?" he snapped back.

Shaking my head, I could feel my nostrils flaring. "You're unbelievable."

"I am? I'm not the one lying about having liked someone just because they have feelings now—"

"I did like you, Jasper! You were everything to me! I was too scared to ruin what we had to ever say anything. But when I struggled for weeks to tell you I was leaving and on my last damn day you tell me you felt the same, how could I look you in the eyes and say 'golly gosh, Jas, I like you too but bye!' It would have made it so much worse for you and I couldn't bring myself to do it."

"Then why would you say such horrible things? You could have said it nicely. The Zara I knew would have let me down gently."

"Because," I said, feeling the tears coming to my eyes now, "I figured if I was going to disappear the next day, you were better off hating me. It would be easier to hate me than miss me."

Tears sprung in his own eyes now, and he quickly turned away when they threatened to fall out.

Shaking my head, I said softly, "This competition was a stupid idea. We should just quit while we're ahead. I don't need a stupid car anyway." I began to walk away, feeling flustered and overwhelmed from the mix of emotions. From shouting at Jasper. From remembering back then. But two arms wrapped around me, pulling me against the length of their body.

"Don't go," Jasper whispered in my ear, holding me against him.

"Release me," I said, voice wavering.

"I need the money, Zara."

"Why?"

He finally let me go and I spun around to look at him. But Jasper was looking anywhere but me. "I just do. And I don't want to talk about it." 

I wanted to stay mad. I wanted to keep walking home. But the look in his eye screamed that if I ever actually wanted my old friend back, I had to do this for me. So I muttered, "Whatever," and stormed past him back towards Winter Wonderland. 

∘◦ ❈ ◦∘

The task was to actually write a bunch of compliments onto baubles, place them into a box, and then decorate the tree at the end. Not saying much, Jasper and I did just that. Quickly scrawling as many compliments as we could onto the baubles and filling up our box. We ended up doing fourteen each, and somehow we were the fastest of them all. It took no effort to find compliments for the boy in front of me. The elves were quick to read them as we placed them, ensuring they were indeed compliments and not things like "I like pie".

As we carried the box over to our designated Christmas tree, I couldn't help but glance at the baubles with his scrawl on as I hung them.

The way her eyes glisten when she's telling a story never fails to warm my heart, said one.

Her smile is my favourite thing to see and will never fail to cheer me up, said another.

As I continued hanging his among mine, a part of me began to wonder if they were about Penny. Because too many of them seemed like they were about someone more recent, rather than the me back then. And the way he described this beautiful person did not seem like it could be me. Because I, Zara Fischer, with the red hair, cat-winged eyeliner, choker necklace, and nose piercing was not exactly someone anyone would describe as 'delicate' or 'glistening'...

The way her small body folds into mine feels like I'm home, said another that I hung, causing my heart to wince as I thought back to a couple of days ago when we held each other. Did he think about Penny that whole time?

But then I hung the final one.

No matter how many years go by, her brown eyes never fail to make my heart flutter.

I swallowed the lump in my throat as my eyes fixated on it. Penny's eyes—that bore into mine so menacingly over the years as she leaned over my desk and hissed in my face or pinned me against the wall—were definitely blue. That I remember vividly.

When I glanced over at Jasper, he was already looking at me, eyes awaiting mine.

Did he read mine? I wondered. Is that why he is looking at me like that?

We were the first finished, so we waited until everyone else had, grabbed our entry tickets for tomorrow, and silently walked back to the exit.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled after a while.

"It's okay."

"It's not. Look, I don't agree with how you chose to handle things back then—"

"Jas—"

He held his hand up. "But I believe you when you said you liked me."

Unable to keep eye contact with his gaze that bore into mine, I said, "Did you read what I wrote?"

"Yes."

"They're not all from back then."

He chuckled, causing me to turn my attention back up to him, not wanting to miss his brilliant smile. "When you described me as tall, I figured that much."

I gave him a small smile back then looked away.

"Are you not going to ask about the ones I wrote?"

I shook my head. Then, watching the trees shudder in the frigid air, observing the families bustling through the park towards Winter Wonderland, staring at our feet on the ground, I looked everywhere but at him.

Though, of course, this didn't go unnoticed by Jasper. "Look at me, Zara."

Hesitantly, I met his gaze. "Please don't tell me."

"Why?"

"I have to leave at the end of this month. I just want to be friends again, okay?"

His eyes clouded with sadness, but he nodded nonetheless. "Can I have a hug at least? As a peace offering for making up?"

Heaving a sigh, I stepped forward into his awaiting arms. Then he mumbled into my hair ever so quietly, "You really do feel like home."

____

Tomorrow's riddle (this one might be a little tricky):