After a couple more hours, Dad showed up and threw a hug on me that hurt like a bitch. He had such a worried expression on his face that I couldn’t help but just feel so guilty.

“Oh my god, Diane!!” he cried. “What happened?! You had me so worried! You…”

“Dad-” I wheezed, trying to catch my breath. “I’m ok-”

“No you’re obviously not!! You’re in the hospital!!”

“Mr. Coutiere, I wouldn’t lean too much on her,” Mrs. Smith advised. She’s seen better days.”

“Oh, sorry,” he apologized, sitting himself up beside me. “I’m just so worried.”

“Doesn’t mean you have to take it out on me…” I groaned. Yeah, I was in a ton of pain right then. I don’t know why, but restricting caused a lot of muscle pain and made me super tired, so I avoided more pain when I could.

“Ok, I get it,” he apologized. “Now, someone’s got a lot of explaining to do.”

“Oh um… well…”

“I’ll explain,” Robin butted in. “I said I would.”

Robin set out and explained the story from the very beginning. I don’t think she needed to go so far into detail with some things, but I couldn’t stop her anymore. Mrs. Smith even jumped in with more details sometimes. I didn’t really like them telling my story, but I knew if I was telling it, I would’ve littered it with lies. After what felt like hours, they finally finished and my dad looked even more distraught.

“God, Diane…” he sighed, putting his hand over his mouth. “I knew you were getting dangerous… but this?! Do you even realize how terrified I am right now?!”

“I-I’m sorry…” I said, trying to apologize.

“Don’t apologize, please,” groaned Dad. “You should’ve told someone. We could’ve dealt with that Lucille bully, we could’ve worked on your body image, we could’ve…” He paused for a second and looked like he was about to cry. “We could’ve saved you before you ended up in a hospital bed.”

“I… I didn’t think I needed help…” I mumbled. “I thought I was handling it…”

“How handled does this look?” Dad asked. “Because all I see is my daughter dying in front of me, and I couldn’t do anything about it.”

“I’m sorry!” I cried again. “Maybe… maybe I do have a problem…”

“That’s not a maybe,” retorted Robin. “But it sure as hell is about time you admitted it.”

I wish I could’ve believed it too. I only said it to make them think this had changed me. If I denied what they said, it just would’ve caused more arguments and I didn’t want that. Not over something as silly as this.

“Yeah, you wouldn’t keep wanting to be a constant burden to them,” Diana said in my ear. “And if you play your cards right, you can wiggle out of treatment and we can focus on making you ‘recover’ from home.”

“Sooo…” Dad said, looking like words were failing him. “About treatment…”

“I don’t want to stay in the hospital,” I said firmly. “I’d rather recover from home.”

Admittedly, Mrs. Smith was probably the only one in the room with a good idea of what treatment looked like. Anything that I imagined wasn’t really thrilling to me. Dad gave me that face that said he didn’t trust what I was saying.

“I don’t know, Diane,” he said suspiciously. “After today, I don’t think I can trust you on that deal…”

“What?!” I exclaimed. “Please??”

“I know how it’ll go. You’ll put on a front, or maybe even get better for a small time, then once our backs are turned just enough, you’ll go back to these habits again.”

“Yeah, probably,” Robin and Mrs. Smith said in unison.

“I’m not staying in the hospital.” I growled even more firmly.

“You don’t have to agree,” Mrs. Smith said very matter-of-factly. “You’re still 17, and still a minor. Your dad can decide this for you.”

Shit! I didn’t think she’d bring that up! I gave Dad a desperate look, and he gave me a guilty expression while he scratched the back of his neck tiredly.

“Ugh…” he sighed. “How upset would you be if I put you into treatment?”

“Very!” I exclaimed. “I would keep skipping meals and stop eating altogether!”

“That’s not how it works, Diane,” he groaned. “They’ll restrain you and force it down if they have to.”

“I’m telling you now, if you put me in there I won’t cooperate at all! I’ll throw away my food! I’ll purge it up! They can’t make me eat it! I’ll lose any weight they try to shove on me!”

“And you wouldn’t do that from home?” Dad asked, giving me a bit of an angry look. I think I had gone too far. “Because I’m pretty sure if I took you home today, you wouldn’t change anything and you’d end up back in the hospital, maybe in critical condition this time!”

“I swear it won’t happen!” I lied. “I just don’t like the hospital! Please, at least just give me a chance!”

Everyone around the room exchanged worried glances.

“That sounds like a shit idea,” Robin said callously. “Remember what happened when I tried to make sure you ate? You freaked out and pushed me away.”

“Because I didn’t want to do better before,” I lied. I was just digging myself lower and lower in lies. “I wanna be better now!”

“Hard do believe that one,” she spat. “You haven’t said anything today that shows you’ve changed. Especially when you just threatened to starve yourself and vomit up your food.”

I panicked as everyone looked at each other and nodded in agreement. Why did Robin always have to get in my way?! I thought she was my friend! She thought I was some broken girl who needed to stay in the hospital.

“Of course she does. She wants to keep you in the hospital. How else is she going to be able to spread around how you landed yourself in the mental ward? I’ll tell you why. She’s not your friend. No more than Lucille is.”

“I’m not staying,” I said with a tint of anger in my voice. “I’m going home.”

“Diane…” Dad groaned, looking like he was about to make a decision he’d regret. I got my hopes up. “If, and I mean if you go home, I expect a solid recovery.”

“I will, I prom-”

“I’m not done,” he interrupted. “Three meals a day that I approve of, no exercise, you see a dietician and psychologist, and you let me weigh you every night.” He held out his hand for a handshake. “Deal?”

“Ha! It’s like he’s handing you a free way out!! You can easily restrict your calories and eat his three meals! Just be sneaky about it. And you can just exercise at night when he can’t see it. And no doctor’s going to stop you now! And the weigh-ins? You can just chug water beforehand! This is too easy!”

“Deal,” I said, shaking Dad’s hand with a smirk.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Mrs. Smith and Robin giving me worried looks. Joke’s on all of them. I wasn’t stopping anytime soon. They couldn’t stop me anytime soon.

“Alright, it’s done then,” he said wearily. “If you go back on it, it’s straight into treatment, understood?”

“Crystal clear,” I nodded.

Dad left to talk to the doctor about when I’d be discharged. The doctor didn’t seem enthused about him taking me home, but it was out of anyone’s control now. All he did was suggest I stay overnight to make sure I was stable. I didn’t like it, but at least it was better than months in here.

*   *   *   *   *

That evening, Dad had gone home to get Jack and Bella so they could come see me, and Mrs. Smith had to leave before that. It was just Robin and I who were still hanging around, and we both stayed dead silent. It made everything pretty awkward.

“Do you really think going home is a good idea?” Robin asked abruptly. “Because I really don’t.”

“I can tell,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“So you won’t get worse?”

“Yes,” I stated firmly. “Robin, I’ll be fine.”

“No, you’re not,” Robin harshly said in a concerned tone. She crossed her arms and glanced to the corner of the room. “I know what you’re doing, Diane. You’re going to go home and find loopholes and technicalities so you can keep going further downhill. What happens when your weight drops too low? What happens when-”

“We worry about it if I get there,” I stopped her. I was starting to get tired of her gaslighting me and covering it by acting like it’s just concern. “And that won’t be anytime soon.”

“I’m really worried,” she said, her voice cracking. I looked over to see tears in her eyes. I could tell she was trying to not have a breakdown in the room. It struck something in my heart before Diana quickly covered it up. “I… I don’t want to lose someone I care about… And I know this kills people…”

“Robin… I’m not dying.”

“I’m scared you are Diane. I just can’t-” She had to stop for a second to not sob. 

“I’m sorry…” I whispered. “I really never did mean to worry anyone…”

“I’ve done my research. I know you don’t see anything wrong and don’t think you’re sick. I know you think you’re helping your body. I’ve done my bloody research. I know you think you’re ugly, but god Diane… if only you could see what I do…”

“I’m sorry…” I said again, not sure what to say.

“You need to stop being so sorry,” Robin siffled, wiping her eyes. “Being sorry never solved a bloody thing. 

“I just… never meant for you guys to get swept up in any of this…”

“Diane, I can’t lose someone else important in my life,” she said, looking at me with begging eyes before bowing her head. “If you hate yourself that can’t get better for you, then could you do it for me…?”

At that moment, I felt something inside me break free. Something I had been repressing back for a while now. The real me. What I wanted to do, and not what Diana said was allowed. I rarely got to call the shots anymore, and it was just Diana at the wheel arguing with everyone around me. But the real me knew Robin didn’t deserve this. Not any of this. And I knew I had to make it up to her.

“How… How about we have dinner together sometime?” I asked gently. Robin lifted her head and looked at me with hope. I knew I would probably freak out when the time came, but if I could just try my best to lift her spirits and let her know I wasn’t all gone, she deserved it.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Diana raged. “THAT’S NOT IN THE PLAN!”

“You really want to have something to eat with me?” Robin asked in disbelief.

“God, no,” I sighed. “But I’ll try to.”

“I look forward to it,” she said with a smile before turning to a light frown. “Can you make me a promise?”

“What kind of promise…?” I asked hesitantly. 

“I want you to try,” she said with a hint of sadness. “One dinner with me isn’t going to save your life. I want you to promise me that you’ll try on all your meals. Promise that you’ll try to do your best to keep your life.”

“Uh… Robin…”

“You’re not promising that girl ANYTHING!! It’s bad enough you’d eat out with her. I don’t care how much you want to make her happy. You’re going to be made of pure fat by the end of it if you promise her anything!”

“Please?” Robin pleaded. She looked ready to cry again. “I want to keep you safe, even if it just means maintaining weight. It’s something.”

Ah, there’s the loophole. I didn’t have to gain anything. I wasn’t planning on going lower than 75 pounds anyway, so after just a couple more pounds lost, I’d be fine to maintain. Then she could think I was trying and bam, everything would be ok. She would be happy and I’d still be thin!

“Fine,” I said reluctantly. “I promise to try. Just for you though.”

“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?! WHAT HAPPENED TO NO PROMISES, PIG BITCH?!”

Even if Robin’s face lit up, I could tell she was still skeptical. It was going to be so great to have all of what I want though. To be at my goal weight and be able to have my friendship with Robin back.

Just a few minutes later, my siblings arrived. Both Bella and Jack looked like they were stressed through the roof, and looking at me was the only proof to them that I wasn’t dead. It was so rare and concerning to see Jack so worried. He usually played it cool and kept a grin, cracking jokes to lighten the mood. Not now though. He was dead silent as he looked at me with an almost guilty expression for some reason. Meanwhile, Dad sat in the background looking even more tired and exhausted than before.

Naturally, my siblings questioned me up the wall about what happened. I explained, and Robin butted in whenever she caught me in a lie. Classic Robin. Everyone hung around for another couple hours, and we all talked in the meantime. At around 7, Dad went out to get dinner and take it to us because I refused to touch the hospital mystery mush. I got a sandwich, and forced it down to please everyone. 

After dinner though, I started to get super tired. A ton happened in one day, and my body wasn’t quite used to so much activity. I was ready to sleep, preferably in my own bed, but I guess the hospital one would have to do for tonight.

“Hey guys,” I yawned. “A lot’s happened today, and I’m tired and about ready to drop.”

“It is getting late…” Dad said, looking at his watch. “You going to be ok being on your own tonight?”

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” I said tiredly. “I’ll just sleep until someone forces me out of bed.”

“Princess needs her beauty sleep,” Jack said, trying to smile. Nobody laughed though and he slinked back.

“When are you coming tomorrow?” I asked curiously.

“Hm… around noon, I think,” Dad said, rubbing his chin. “I’ve got some work in the morning, but I should be down here by about 1 or so. Just don’t give the nurses too much trouble.”

“I don’t make promises I can’t keep,” I said with a playful shrug and smirk. Dad rolled his eyes and everyone gave me one last hug goodbye.