A month had passed since my big blow-up at Robin, and I absolutely refused to talk to her since, especially after what she had the balls to say to me before just storming out! But truthfully, I could’ve lived with it; Diana was the one who despised her. If I even got near her, Diana would go berserk in my head, so I avoided Robin like the plague.

Of course I knew it all hurt Robin, but I forced any sympathy down the toilet. She should’ve known something like this was coming if she kept pushing her luck with me and food. She made her choice, so she had to deal with it. Besides, she had other friends, so she could go hang with them instead of pestering me to get fat.

I was also in the lower 80s again, which made both me and Diana happy again. Finally, all that weight Robin had made me gain was gone! My family noticed I had lost weight again, but none of them really wanted to argue about it, and I was cool with that. I’d rather just be left alone. Diana was the only friend I needed anyway.

*   *   *   *   *

Right after spring break, midterms were starting to come up, and I knew I was going to have to work harder than ever to pass. The only downside to restricting was that it was three times harder to do any schoolwork. I knew I especially had to work on my unstarted Bio project that was due soon. I planned to actually buckle down and get that whole thing drafted tonight.

When the school bell sounded and signaled the end of the day, I started packing up my things. I dreaded working on that damn project, but I had put it off long enough. That wasn’t even being tired from restriction; that was me being a teenager. As I was shoving papers and notebooks into my bag, I heard clicks of a familiar set of high-heels.

“Well, well, well,” snarled Lucille. “Looks like this little piggy put on a few pounds, huh?”

It was the usual routine, nothing new. She knew my weight got to me the most and kept attacking it, even though she must’ve seen the almost 30 lbs I’ve lost since she started. Didn’t matter though, because she still called me the same names either way.

“I’m not in the mood today,” I shot back. It pissed me off knowing she could see the weight I had put on, and it made me afraid others could too. “It wasn’t my damn fault.”

“Aww, fatty couldn’t stop once she started?” she snickered. “What’s wrong? Can’t control yourself around all that cake or something?”

“No, my self-control is fine.” I spat back.

I was already stressed about the Bio project and midterms, so I wasn’t in the mood to take Lucille’s crap today. Normally I would stay quiet and let her just say whatever she wanted to me, but me talking back like that was new, and she looked pissed over it. 

“Ugh, fatty bitch!”

She swatted my books out of my hands and onto the floor. Reactionless, I went to pick them, but she stomped on my hand with her heels, making me cry out as my hand exploded with pain. I held my hand to my chest and tried my best to hold back tears. I tried to pick my things up with my other hand, but she kept kicking it. Despite my efforts, tears streamed down my face and I couldn’t stop crying like a baby.

“What’s the matter?” she sadistically taunted. “They’re right there! C’mon, pick them up!”

My hands were bruised and battered now, and I couldn’t help but break down now. I started sobbing my eyes out, feeling the hopelessness as Lucille towered over my body on the ground. I think she was about to start kicking my body until someone shouted behind her.

“LUCILLE!!!” yelled Robin in the distance. I heard her clear the distance between them in a few seconds. Then, I heard Robin grunt, something crack, and saw Lucille fall to the ground next to me screaming and crying herself.

A few seconds later, I heard Robin shout something, and she kneeled down next to me. I didn’t bother looking up though; I was just curled up still crying. All I got to really see was Robin shouted at Lucille, who was sobbing and holding a broken nose. Mrs. Smith hand joined as well and was kneeling next to me. I couldn’t tell what was going on really, but I heard one thing from Mrs. Smith though.

“Ms. Hawthorne, go to the nurse right now and wait there until I call you back, do you understand?!” That was pretty sweet.

While I saw Lucille hobble away, Robin was running her hands through my hair. As odd as it sounds, it calms me down a lot. It actually calmed me down enough to let me listen to what they were saying.

“I’ve been keeping an eye on her for a while now,” said Mrs. Smith sadly. “Her grades have been dropping as fast as her weight. I don’t want to see her go like my cousin did…”

“Your cousin…?” Robin asked.

“Mhm, my cousin had anorexia, and it took his life in the end. So when I saw the early signs in Diane… I got worried. I hoped that if I kept you two together, Robin might be able to snap you out of it…”

“Yeah well, that didn’t work out well…” Robin said sadly. “But you think that’s what she’s got?” Robin knew all about depressive disorders, but not really about eating ones. They weren’t really talked about in those days.

“I’m almost certain she’s got it.”

“They don’t even know how wrong they are, there’s no way you’re anorexic! You’re way too fat for it. We both know you’re more of a binge eater.”

“N-no… I sobbed. I knew anorexia wasn’t something to ignore, but I hated the idea of people thinking I had it and worrying more. “I-I’m n-not an-an-an-”

“Diane,” Mrs. Smith sadly sighed. “You’re in denial. I know it’s hard to accept help, but you need it. Your life could be at stake.”

I shook my head while still sobbing. I didn’t need help; I didn’t want any help. Maybe if I got dangerously low I’d look for help, but not while I’m still fat. I didn’t even have any serious health issues or anything right now, so I was fine!

“There are plenty of treatment centers around to help you,” she continued. “You don’t have to do it on your own. And if you let Robin in, I’m sure she’d gladly help.”

“Damn straight!” she smirked.

“No!” I cried.

There’s no way I was letting them get in my way of losing weight again! I’ve never been happier since I was able to start thinning out again. I knew if I told them how I really felt, it would just make everything worse.

“Diane, you-” Robin was about to start arguing, but Mrs. Smith stopped her.

“Sweetie, you’re dangerously far in. I can see it. I know you don’t want to stop and probably want to go deeper, but it will kill you, without question. You’re not in control right now, and you need someone else to help you, which is why treatment is the best option. I’m sorry, but I believe you do need to go to intensive care right now.”

“No!” I shouted, mustering new strength. With what I had left, I pulled myself to my feet. “I’m fine!”

After that, I stormed away. Everything hurt like hell, but who cares? I left my books on the floor, but Robin would probably try to return them later, so once again, who cares? Who the fuck did they think they were, telling me I needed help! I power walked home instead of taking the bus, and I went straight to bed when I walked inside.

I got to sleep for a couple hours straight before Dad woke me up.

“Diane?” Dad whispered, shaking my shoulders. “Diane, are you awake?”

“I don’t get a choice when you shake me like that,” I groaned.

“Good, it’s dinnertime.” he smiled. “Come on down to the table.”

“I had something earlier,” I lied.

“I know you haven’t. Neither Jack nor Bella saw you have anything.”

“Fine,” I grumbled. I didn’t want to argue, so I’d eat just a little. I reached for my glasses and Dad gasped at my bruised hands. Ah shit, I forgot to do something about those.

“What happened to your hand?!?” Dad exclaimed. 

“Nothing!” I said, quickly putting my glasses on and hiding my hands behind my back.

“Don’t play that game, Diane.” He sat next to me. “Show me. Now.”

I sighed as I hesitantly placed my hands on his lap. He covered his mouth and felt how damaged and bruised it was. My hand was almost completely black and blue, and was punctured and cut in a couple places by Lucille’s heel.

“My god Diane, what happened?!” Dad exclaimed with concern. “It’s like someone stomped all over your hand…”

“I just fell, and someone walked on it without looking,” I lied. “I just bruise a bit easily.”

“You know that because of your weight, right?” Dad sighed. “Keep it up and you’ll be black and blue when you trip on a rock.”

“Yeah, yeah.” I grumbled.

“Well if you want something for that, let me know. It looks like it hurts a lot.” he said with a sorry smile. “But it’s time we ate. Come on.”

I complied and followed him to the table. I had to explain to Jack and Bella my fake story on what happened. It didn’t look like Bella was believing me very much, but she didn’t say anything. She offered to help me around the school, and Jack offered to be there in case I fell. I was lucky to have supportive siblings.

“So how’s midterms stuff coming along?” Dad asked while we ate. He tried to stay on top of the things we were doing in school.

“I’m going good,” said Bella. “I’ve got an interview to do for French class, but it shouldn’t really be too hard.”

“Same,” said Jack. All three of us were in French, but I took mine last semester. “I’ve also got that dumb Chem midterm, but the Bio one shouldn’t be that bad.”

Oh, speaking of Biology,” Dad said, turning to me. “Diane, how’s the Biology midterm coming along? Your teacher emailed me about it, so it must be big!”

“Oh, yeah, it’s pretty big…” I laughed nervously. “But well, it’s coming along.”

“So she hasn’t started,” snickered Jack. Big of him to talk, since he goofs around and turns in half his work late. “Finally come to learn the tactics of your brother?”

“At least I don’t start my projects three days after they were due,” I retorted.

“Have you started at all yet?” Dad asked.

“Ah, well, um…”

“I want to see a draft by Friday. Then we can get together and work out the kinks in the plan. Sounds good?”

“Yeah, sounds good,” I groaned. Damn, now I did actually have to work.

*   *   *   *   *

Over the next couple weeks, Mrs. Smith was really trying her hardest to make me admit I needed help. She kept pulling me aside, begging me to tell my Dad or find some help, and just trying to manipulate my feelings while acting like she cared. She even used Robin against me, sending her my way as often as she could to get her to talk to me, but I always brushed them away. Like I needed any help! 

For about a month that continued on, and I would’ve thought Mrs. Smith would give up. But for some reason she didn’t, and it was a real pain in my ass. I had to constantly be looking out for when she would try to talk to me again, then find a way to weasel out of it. It was hella draining and time consuming, but it was better than being shipped off to a hospital.

The only one I could trust now was Diana, my only friend. She could be a bit rude or mean sometimes, but she had my best interest in mind. She helped me achieve my goals and made me happy; everything Robin should’ve been as a friend. Of course, with every goal I met, I could feel some repercussions. I was in the high 70s, which seemed amazing! But it was only impressive when on the scale.

The stairs at school felt like climbing a mountain, and just standing left me stumbling and shaking all the time. My focus was nonexistent, which caused my grades to tank hard. To top it all off, I was freezing 24/7. Just cold to the bone. I figured that once I hit 75 lbs I could stop losing weight. If I went lower than that, I could start doing actual damage to myself instead of just the light side effects.

On the subject of my midterms… they were a disaster. I just barely passed the tests in my other classes, and the energy to work on my Bio project just wasn’t there. I knew I had to try harder to keep my grades up, but I couldn’t muster any energy to do it. I guess after a while I just stopped caring, because the F after F didn’t even phase me.