Roland’s POV

Despite the dirty clothes I felt clean for the first time in months. 

Water droplets still fell from my hair as I wandered around the cabin but I couldn’t find it in myself to care as I tried my best to hype myself up. 

As much as I liked my clothes, they were still dirty and stank and should honestly probably should be burned. 

Mary had mentioned a credit for me at the camp store and while I remembered how to get there, the thought of leaving the safety of the cabin was nerve wracking. In here it was dark and quiet and no one was here to bother me. Out there it was mid day, scream filled, over populated hell. 

The boys I always stayed with at foster homes had hated me. They complained that I was boring and too quiet but I hadn’t understood the problem with that. The caregivers though seemed to always agree. After trying to persuade me to talk or leave the room I was given multiple times they eventually gave up and not long after that I was being stuffed in a social worker’s car with the excuse that I ‘just didn’t quite fit in with rest of the family’. 

It became a routine at this point and I knew it would only start right back up the second I left the cabin. 

So now I paced the floor nervously as I pressed my nail into my thumb. 

My pacing didn’t last long though. Soon enough a knock at the door had me freezing in place. I didn’t even breathe as I stopped and stared at the door.

“Are you in there Roland,” a man’s voice asked as another round of knocks banged on the door. “You don’t have to answer, I was just hoping to introduce myself real quick.”

Manner. Every foster family I had ever been sent to tried to drill them into my head, saying that I didn’t have them and it was their job to teach them. It always ended in them only getting more frustrated with me. 

Still the manners I had learned told me it was rude to leave someone at the door, it was even more rude to turn away friendly people despite the fact that you didn’t care about them. So with a silent puff of air I crossed the short distance and cracked open the door just enough to poke my head through.

A short man with blondish hair and green eyes stood in front of me with a bright smile on his face. I hide my own frown as I tried to figure out what he could possibly be smiling at but I was quickly distracted by the papers being clinched to his chest. 

“My name’s Andrew,” he said, ignoring my eyes being glued to the paper. I don’t see why it’s okay for him to ignore what I want but not for me to ignore him but I guess that was just more manners I didn’t learn. “I’ll be you’re therapist while you’re here. It’s good to meet you!”

I only stare at him, waiting for him to get to the point of this meeting when he looks down at my dirty pants. 

“You haven’t gone to the shop yet,” he asked dumbly. “Did Mary not show you?”

For a while we only stare at each other until he realizes I’m not going to answer. 

“So these are a few things to help you get into the swing of camp,” he moves on after a while, finally addressing the papers in his hand. “I know its hard without roommates but between me, Mary, and these you should be up to speed in a matter of days,” he said proudly before handing me a stack one by one. “Class schedule, school supply list, living list, activity sheet, move in check list, sponsor form, and lastly medical sheet. It’s a bit overwhelming I know but not all of it has to be done today.”

My eyes scanned the papers quickly. I discarded the move in list easily, most of it being about making friends and meeting the staff, none of which sounded appealing. The class schedule was helpful but sounded boring. The school supply list and living list were the worst two papers, they forced me to go to the shop which I’ve been avoiding for an hour already today so I pushed them down to the bottom without a second thought. The sponsor form would be easy and medical sheet would only take a few seconds seeing as I didn’t have allegories or past injures so I kept them on top for now before looking back at Andrew. 

“How about we get the shopping done while the day is young,” Andrew said as turned around and walked out the door. 

I only watched him go for a minute before realizing I was supposed to follow. I hesitated for a second before leaving all but the supply papers inside before following the man I didn’t know. 

It was mid day now and quietness I had experienced earlier was now long gone. The camp was very much alive now and it showed. Screams and yells filled the open fields while masses of people flocked together as if this were normal for them. The sun wasn’t helping either, the brightness mixed with no clouds made every light colored surface reflect the light and make everything seem so much more bright. 

A big part of me wanted to turn right back around and go back to the cabin but manners Roland. Manners matter. 

I followed Andrew with my eyes glues to the floor, my eyes only tracking his heels to know where I was going. 

Drowning. Electrocution. Heart attack. Blood loss.

Inside the shop wasn’t much better. The bright florescent lights buzzed in annoying constant chime as the smells of new clothes and sweet candy assaulted my nose. 

I wanted to go home. 

Overdose. Medical error. Mixing house hold cleaners. 

“What size do you wear,” Andrew asked, his voice being absolutely welcomed for the first time since I met him purely because it drowned out the buzzing for only a split second. 

Car crashes. Plane malfunctions. Boating accidents. Train collisions. 

Andrew didn’t wait for answer as he led me to the clothes section and started pulling out things at random. 

“What about this,” he asked as he held out a shirt. I didn’t bother looking at the design but the green shirt wasn’t too bad. Hesitantly I reached forward. Only the tips of my fingers had to touch the material in order to make a decision. 

I ripped my hand away from the shirt, nails instantly going to my fingertips to get the feeling off my hand.

“Alright, we’ll find something else.”

I had felt bad. My foster moms had took me shopping before; I knew it was a hassle. After rejecting a few too many clothes they would all sigh and just give up, saying we would come back later. 

Manners Roland. Don’t be a hassle. 

Disembowelment. 

“What about this one,” he asked as he picked out the 6th shirt. I tried to brace myself for the assault but thankfully this time it didn’t come. The soft material slid through my fingers easily and didn’t make me want to break all of my fingers the second I touched it. 

When I don’t immediately pull my hand away Andrew smiled again and began pulling dozens of the same shirt off the rack before moving on to the pants section. 

This repeated over and over until I thankfully had everything on both lists ad were headed up to the check out counter. The girl behind the counter looked a bit overwhelmed as he scanned all the items before asking for my I.D card.

“He doesn’t have one yet,” Andrew answered as he pulled out a voucher and handed it to her. 

“Okay you probably already knew this but you don’t have anymore store credit,” she said as she began to bag everything. “So if you need anything else you’ll have to volunteer to do easy jobs for credit or wait until you get a sponsor. Mary at the front office will explain everything if you need help.”

I only stared back at her before following Andrew out the door and back to my cabin. 

The second we crossed the door into the quiet, dark cabin a breathe I didn’t know I was holding escaped me. I silently made a vow that I would not take another step inside that store again for any reason.

“Well you know where to find me,” Andrew said as he slowly backed out of the cabin. “If you have any questions come and get me. Don’t forget to look over your schedule and forms, you can turn them into the front office whenever you get done with them.” I managed to give him a single nod as I sat down on the bed, my knees automatically coming up to my chest. 

“We’ll be in touch alright?” 

He didn’t get a nod this time and eventually he shut the door with a sad smile. 

I looked around the bare room again, a frown covering my face. 

The clothes had been nice. It was warm in here and the constance shivering certainly wouldn’t be missed but I still couldn’t find it in myself to like it here. 

The pressure in my chest was gone but now an empty space was left in it’s wake. 

Kit’s POV

My hand slammed my cards down on the table as a smile covered my face. 

“Royal flush motherfuckers,” I laughed out as I pulled the entire pot of M&M towards my side of the table, causing everyone around me to groan. 

“You’re fucking card counting again aren’t you!” Anthony accused, his face covered with anger. He was probably the sorest loser among everyone playing but he was still fun to be around.

“Of course not,” I lied flawlessly. I had been counting since we started playing today but they didn’t have to know that. 

He scoffed with a shake of his head before the air turned serious while I popped a handful of candy into my mouth since it was clear the game was about to be over anyway.

“So I guess your program is coming to an end soon huh,” Nathan said as reached across the table to take my food, but I couldn’t find it in me to make him stop.

“I’ll be done in a week,” I said with a nod. 

“Do you know what they’re going to do with you after that?” Cody asked with a grim look in his eye. 

It happened to all of us at some point but everyone always seemed so surprised when it did. 

Everyone here was an addict of some sort, drug, sex, pain, gambling, it was all the same to the help center we had come to accept as home. They found us or we found them; all of us became a family no matter how much time we spent here but it all has to end at some point. 

Your program can’t go on forever and they can’t afford to support you if you don’t need them since they are all donation and volunteer based so when it’s over you don’t have much of a choice on where you end up going. 

“Some stupid ass camp,” I sighed with a shake of my head. “I forget the name but it’s dumb as hell.”

“Better than ending up in foster care like most of us,” Nathan shrugged.

“Or a group home,” Cody said, his eyes shifting to the table while he played with his hands. 

“God I’m so glad I’m still a sex addict,” Anthony teased. “I may have blue balls but at least I don’t have to worry about the future.”

“Yea but you are about to loose the only people you talk to,” Cody said. “Lord knows the rest of your program will be so boring and lonely without us.”

“I’m capable of making new friends!”

“We all know you aren’t,” I laughed, knowing he would be sitting in his room right now doing nothing if it weren’t for us as. “Luckily for you, we are allowed to get mail at this camp apparently. You dickholes better write me until I get out of there.”

“You seriously think Cody is smart enough to write a letter? You’ll never hear from him again,” Nathan teased while Cody glared at him. 

“I literally have the best grades out of everyone sitting here. I’ve done your English since you got here!”

“I don’t think that’s worth bragging about,” Anthony sighed. “I mean he may be a dumbass but he did trick you into doing part of his homework. 

Cody’s glare deepened but didn’t comment any further. 

“I’m going to miss this mindless banter,” I said before things got too out of hand. 

“It won’t be for long,” Anthony sighed. “You’ll be out after the next year I assume. I mean, you’ll be 18 then, they can’t exactly keep you at that point can they?”

“Yea I guess they can’t. Then we’ll get back together and get an apartment like we planned. Stupid camps, group homes, and foster parents can’t keep us apart forever right?”

All of them smile as they think about the plans we’ve been making since they told Cody he would be leaving soon. 

The mood became lighter as we moved onto a separate card game but when the night ended and Anthony and I went back to the room we shared I could feel the air shift again. 

“It’s going to be okay right,” he asked as he stared at the celling. His voice was weak, like it always was when we were alone and the lights were all turned off. 

“Of course it will,” I dismissed quickly. “We’ll write each other, you’ll get another room mate who annoys you, and I swear it will be like I never left.”

“I don’t believe you,” he sighed. 

I didn’t believe me either though. 

I don’t say anything else as I stare at the celling until my eyes slowly begin to fall. A small smile covered my face when I heard a bed across the room creak as weight disappeared from it. 

Heat took over my right side before the bed dipped while Anthony curled into my side. 

“I bet my new roommate won’t let me do this,” he sighed. 

“Probably not,” I admit. 

It happened nearly every night since he got here. He all but cried himself to sleep the first night and the night after he was asking if it would be weird if he could sleep with me. I didn’t have to heart to tell him no like I would either everyone else so since then I allowed him to curl beside me.

I felt nothing for him but I still couldn’t tell him no. 

everyone needed people to lean on during this program. I was just worried about what would happen when I wasn’t hear to be that person for him. 

“I need you to promise you won’t be stupid while I’m gone,” I said after a while, knowing he was still awake. 

“I can’t promise that,” he sighed as he traced the inside of his wrist. 

Sex was only one of his addictions, pain was sadly another and he tended to go over board when he felt like he needed it. The thought of that happening without me here was honestly the only reason I didn’t want to leave. 

If I hadn’t already passed the mental exam and my program I would fake a relapse.

“Cody and Nathan don’t leave for another few months, please talk to them if it gets too bad again. They’re your friends too.”

“I’ll try.”

“If I don’t get at least one letter a week I’ll have to assume you’re dead. In which case I will be running down to hell in order to kick your ass.”

“As if you could beat me in a fight,” he said with an eye roll before yawning. “Promise you’ll be here when I get up?” He asked, anxiety slipping into his voice.

“I swear it.”

Last updated September 20, 2022