Jude rushed from the sleeping quarters, his legs aching to keep time with the metronome of his panicked heart. Adrenaline surged him forward, leaping up two and three stairs at a time, until he emerged onto a moonlit deck. 

When he stood in the open air, he finally allowed himself a moment to pause and catch his breath. Hands on his hips and head thrown back to look up at the blackened sky, Jude squeezed his eyes shut and breathed out a hushed, “Fuck,” to no one.

It would take some time for his heart to finish racing, but once he could no longer hear it beating in his ears, he slowly crossed to the side of the ship. There, he rested his hands against the bannister, looking out at the flat ocean waters that surrounded them. He tried his best to relax, though his hands still gripped the wood firmly, and turned his attention to the sound of the water quietly lapping against the hull beneath him.

He could stay a while, if he wanted. Sebastián seemed completely convinced of his lie. Straps was asleep, the deck was almost barren of other sailors, and Jude had the moon to himself.

He could stay long enough to slow his heart, to stifle the burning in his throat. He could stay until he figured out what on earth he was going to do when he got back downstairs, if he ever could.

Jude pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes and groaned. He groaned until his voice broke and it drifted into a sigh, until he deflated over the bannister with his back hunched and head in his hands. Part of him was angry at himself, that he was pausing to think about it at all. He was so close to having some relief. It would have been so easy to open his mouth, to take whatever Sebastián wanted to give to him–

Jude squeezed his eyes harder shut, then threw a glance up at the shrouded moon. He had to stop thinking these things if he stood any chance of calming down.

It would have been easy, yes. But when a simple kiss filled him with this much worry and dread, he couldn’t imagine how much heavier the burden would become if they’d gone further. 

Sebastián… Clearly had feelings for him. 

It was evident in his gaze alone, nevermind his touch or his kiss. It would be impossible to keep feelings severed from their actions when feelings were already flourishing. 

Jude was certain if Sebastián tried to bottle his affections, to pretend they weren’t there– then he would begin to drown in them, until he inevitably asked for what Jude couldn’t give. 

Though Jude knew what he did and didn’t want, it didn’t bring him any closer to a plan of action. He would probably need to stay on deck for a while in order to figure out how to sneak back to his bed, or how to talk his way out of Sebastián’s advances. Thankfully, the only light of company he saw was at either end of the ship; one pirate steering them carefully through dark waters, another with a lamplight at the bow of the ship. If he looked up, he would see another soft glow in the crows nest, where a lookout drifted in and out of sleep at the top of their mast. 

But Jude did not look up, for he was distracted by the creak of a door, and a heavy boot step that emerged from it. 

He turned to look over his shoulder, gripping the bannister nervously as he searched the entrance to the stairwell for some sign of Sebastián coming through it. But the trap door remained still, and he was able to sigh a breath of relief. Relieved, he turned back to the ocean, ready to lose himself in the lapping tides again.

Only to freeze when he saw the shadow of a figure standing beside him.

Jude opened his mouth to speak, but fear wrapped a cold fist around his throat when the clouds drifted on and casted bright, clear moonlight upon the man at his side. 

It was clear now who the real captain of the ship was. Though Straps’ presence was domineering to say the least, she paled in comparison to the severity of the man beside Jude. 

The man stood tall, with squared shoulders and a straight spine, even as he stood idle and stared at the starless sky. His emblazoned coat engulfed him like a cape, fraying at the hem where it dragged alongside his boot heels. The rich mauve cloak, embroidered with black finery and gold accents, looked more expensive than the very ship they sailed on. Jude could imagine the silken texture of his blouse and scarf just from the way they caught the light, but the delicacy of the fabrics were outshined by a thick strap that cut across his chest, and the half a dozen pistols attached to it.

His eyes widened when he took in all those guns, each of them slightly varied from the other, with uniquely carved handles and elegantly engraved muzzles. The clash of their differing designs sent a shiver down Jude’s spine, as it became clear that he must have won them from various strangers in battles across the sea.

“Nice night, isn’t it?” The captain suddenly spoke, his voice deep and distant as he shifted his gaze from the sky to the sea. 

Jude’s gaze finally landed on his face, and his nails dug further into the wood of the bannister. The hue of his skin looked deathly pale in the moonlight. The moon’s silver glow cast heavy shadows under his cheekbones, which faded into black stubble that generously peppered the line of his jaw. His brows were thick and angular, and his eyes were sharp as he stared out to sea, like the waves themselves had wronged him. 

“C-captain,” Jude greeted weakly, still frozen in place.

The captain finally turned those sharp eyes onto him, the corner of his mouth quirking up. It pinched against the gold hoop that pierced the right side of his lip, but it was not a smile. Skulls could not shape a smile, and Jude was sure it was the very visage of death that looked upon him now.

The illusion broke only for a moment when the captain turned back to sea and raised a hand, its ring laden fingers raking through his long, straight hair. The silky black locks spilled down in one great shadow, but when his fingers ran through it, streaks of grey were revealed at his temples. The pale strands flashed brighter under the light of the moon, making his hair look laden with threads of silver and gold.

“Little pup,” the captain replied, once his hair was neatly collected over one shoulder. “How are you adjusting to life at sea?”

Jude tensed further and winced when a splinter caught one of his fingernails. He quickly withdrew his hand and turned his eye to sea, though clouds were creeping their way back over the moonlight, making it difficult to see much of anything.

“Yes,” he answered, then cringed and corrected himself, “Well.”

To be known, to be perceived– for such a man as death to look upon him and recall his existence– was chilling to say the least.

“Good,” the captain muttered. 

Jude felt stuck in place, his feet rooted to the deck and his hands nailed to the railing. Even with the captain’s gaze set to the waves, he felt watched, like a mouse darting through the bramble where the owls sat hooting. He was so desperate to flee from the stifling atmosphere that even Sebastián’s company would have been welcomed, and when he thought about what awaited him below deck, parts of him flooded with yearning. 

To lay warm with a man who loved him, even if the thought had initially been terrifying to Jude, felt like freedom compared to the cold terror that gripped him at the captain’s side.

Moved by his desperation, he straightened his back and cleared his throat. “Th-thank you for having me aboard, captain,” he recited, like he had to Straps when he first set foot on deck. He hoped that would be enough of a farewell for him to exchange a quick nod, then step aside and run to his hammock. 

But the captain turned to him again, this time followed by the creak of the deck and the thud of his boot as he inched closer. Jude held his breath and turned to meet his eye. He was an inch or so shorter, but the intensity of his gaze made Jude feel crowded and meek – just like the little pup everyone kept likening him to. 

“The pleasure’s all mine, Jude,” the captain’s voice rumbled, leaving Jude all but breathless in his wake.

As if noticing the young sailor’s struggle, the captain’s smile curled into a sharper grin, and he flickered his eyes to the trapdoor behind them.

“Go on then,” he murmured, the acknowledgement finally breaking the spell that left Jude so frozen. 

He nodded quickly, thankful to finally be able to avert his gaze, and rushed below deck with his tail between his legs.

***

Jude dreamt clashing thoughts, of claws that raked his back while he writhed upon soft, silken sheets. He felt warm and safe as he looked upon a sharp, cold face, and his body trembled as a deep voice whispered in his ear. 

When he awoke in the early hours of the morning, his body was flushed with heat despite the cold sweat that clung to him. For a fleeting moment, he chastised himself for letting Sebastián sleep; for setting foot back in the crew’s quarters and whispering a silent victory when he found his friend passed out atop his sheets, then escaping to his hammock to sleep alone. He should have woken him up and ravished him right there– then at least he wouldn’t be tossed from his slumber by embarrassingly erotic dreams. 

The thought slowly faded as he sat up and peered over his shoulder. It truly was early– the sleeping quarters were silent, save for the occasional snore or shift of a blanket. It was the closest he’d come to privacy, and that was enough for his sleep-addled brain to justify himself. 

Curling back up in his hammock, burying his face into his pillow, he untied the waistband of his trousers and took his painfully stiff arousal in his hand. He bit down on his lip to stifle his sigh, then stroked himself desperately to thoughts of ring-clad fingers and inky black hair. 

The shame could wait until morning.