Danya awoke slowly, relaxed and comfortable, cuddled up against Simon’s chest. He wished he could just stay there forever, where things were simple and right. Where things were, in this fragile band of time, finally okay.

But of course it didn’t last. Eventually Simon shifted, realised Danya was awake, and sat up. He stared down at Danya for a long moment, his expression unreadable, before he finally spoke. “I guess we need to talk.”

Danya broke eye contact. Of course they did.

Simon let out a deep sigh. “This new situation between us will… complicate matters.”

He seemed to expect a response, so Danya gave a quiet hum of agreement.

“It was simple to keep things professional between us — or so I thought — by not touching you at all,” Simon continued. “This will make things more difficult. Open up more opportunities for mistakes to be made.”

Danya stared off towards the other side of the tent. He still wasn’t brave enough to look at Simon. “Professionalism is an odd choice of framing. If I have a profession at all, touching is very much an aspect of it.”

“I think you know what I meant.”

Danya winced and his shoulders hunched up. He had always had more difficulty than the others remembering his place, and it had only become harder now that Simon refused to keep him in it. “Yes. I apologise. That was rather irreverent of me.”

Simon’s fingers pressed down on Danya’s shoulder, and when Danya looked up Simon was actually smiling at him. “No, be as irreverent as you like. I just mean… as much as I dislike it, you’re not wrong. But if any of this becomes entwined in you performing that role, well… that’s the issue I hope to avoid.”

Danya fought the urge to place his hand over Simon’s. “Yes. I understand your concern.”

“Do you? Because I feel like we haven’t been doing a whole lot of understanding one another.” Simon pulled his hand away from Danya’s shoulder and balled it into a fist in his lap. “And yes, I think that goes both ways, because if you understood me you would have known you could tell me what you needed.” Simon let out a breath, and then groaned and leant his head back. “Sorry. Hamish is right. I can’t expect you to trust me if I don’t earn it.”

“I knew you would do it if I asked. Or… at least make sure I was taken care of somehow. I just didn’t want it to be yet another imposition.”

“It’s not an imposition.” Simon let out a long sigh. “It’s a complication, but… it’s fine. I don’t mind it. It’s just… I scare you enough as it is. This adds a whole new layer of opportunities for me to screw up.”

“I’m not afraid of you touching me.” He was afraid of Simon not touching him.

“Good. That’s good.” Simon rubbed a hand over his face. “Listen… I’m going to need you to take responsibility for your own needs. I will absolutely provide you with whatever contact you require, but I need you to tell me what you need and when or this is going to end in disaster. Again.”

That wasn’t Danya’s preference, but… he nodded. “I understand.”

“Good. Now, I’d better get going. I have a new member of my unit to get organised.”

#

That evening, while Simon sat on his cot reading through some documents, Danya lay along his side and continued cleaning and mending his armour. Just being close to Simon felt incredible, but it was still an ongoing challenge not to press for more. He kept imagining himself crawling into Simon’s lap and resting his head against his chest, and then maybe Simon would wrap an arm around him, pull him closer, and…

Danya bit the inside of his cheek. He needed to stop these thoughts before self control abandoned him and he did something that would threaten the delicate balance they had established between them. He could not afford for Simon to become uncomfortable with having him in close proximity.

The task in front of him helped him stay centred, at least, as he slowly worked away at it. He probably ought to have taken another few days to rest, but he felt guilty for wasting his energy on his shielding attempts before finishing the one thing he could do to make himself useful. Still, he worked slowly, expending energy on fixing the large gash down the front of the fabric no faster than Simon provided it to him.

Danya felt Hamish coming a moment before he pushed into the tent, but the two men who followed behind caught him by surprise. He sat up quickly, tense and alert, but then relaxed slightly when he noticed Simon had taken a moment to get the documents he had been going through in order before he spared any attention for their guests.

When Hamish bent his neck and kissed the dark, prickly fuzz on top of the shorter of the two men’s head, Danya let his muscles unclench. These were clearly friends.

The taller man seemed unconvinced the reverse was true, though. He was pale and freckled, his long ginger hair tied in a braid down his back and a dark, wide brimmed hat held at his side. He looked between his companions, and then pointedly at Danya.

Surprisingly, it was Simon who spoke up. “Don’t worry about Danya. He’s one of us.”

“Oh, yeah, Danya’s fine.” Hamish gave the shorter man’s head fuzz a rub. “I told him all about how me and Simon became friends and it didn’t seem to bother him at all.”

“Well, it’s not really something you’re raised to see as all that weird or bad, is it?” the shorter man asked Danya. “I watch after Cailan for Liam sometimes. Boy’s real proper, but he sure as heck wasn’t sheltered growing up. He got a textbook education on shit I had to learn through trial and error.”

It took Danya a moment to piece together what that meant, but when he did he offered the man a shy smile. “My best friend often got in trouble for wasting paper to draw us diagrams to accompany the stories he told us about things he had done with his master. I may be personally inexperienced, but I’m not shy about the concept.”

“Damn, no wonder me being slightly crude didn’t phase you,” Hamish said. “I’d have to hand draw illustrations of me sucking a dick to even rank.”

“Anyway, let’s move on before he actually does that. I’m Tris, and this—” the short man patted the taller guy’s freckled arm, “is my lovely man, Roope.”

“Nice to meet you, Danya,” Roope said, his voice soft and smooth.

“Nice to meet you, too,” Danya murmured uncertainly after an awkward pause. He’d been taught manners, but being spoken to as though he was an equal still knocked him off balance. He wasn’t sure he would ever get used to it.

“So, how were things looking?” Simon asked.

“The state of that room sure did add some illustration to the story you told us about what happened,” Tris said. “I mean, damn, Danya.”

Danya looked away. The more people knew about that, the more they talked about it, the greater the chance that somebody would stumble upon the simple truth that should have been obvious to all of them: Danya should not have been able to do what he had done.

“Sorry, kid,” Tris said, his voice softening. “That must’ve been traumatic as hell for you, huh? Not a great first step into your new life.”

“The room where they found what remained of the mayor was worse,” Roope added. “I don’t think they’ll ever get the stench out of the floorboards. Even without the security concerns, that’d be reason enough not to want to stay there.”

“Mm.” Simon reached over and picked up the armoured jacket Danya had been repairing and examined his progress. “Did you convince whoever’s taken charge to find us somewhere else, then?”

Roope inclined his head. “The local council, and yes, we did. There’s a hotel they just got done renovating. Enough rooms for all of us and it locks up securely from the inside.”

“Not as fancy, but I’m not gonna complain about any place that gives me a bed big enough to share and plenty of privacy,” Tris added.

Hamish made a sound of blissful agreement. “Simon, are we almost done wrapping things up here at camp? I need these boys to show me their new bed. Then maybe we’ll go fight some vampires or some shit as well. We’ll see.”

Simon looked up, but his thumb was still feeling out what remained of the gash in his jacket. “Should just be a couple more days. Now that I’m settled on Liam for the final member of our unit, it’s just a matter of getting everything in order.”

“Oh, Liam?” Tris asked. “Awesome. He’s a stuffy bastard, but I like him. Doesn’t put up with anyone’s shit.”

“Not even mine, which probably shouldn’t be a good reason to recruit him as my subordinate, yet somehow is,” Simon said. “Anyway, I’d better get back to my paperwork if we want to leave as soon as possible. You’re dismissed.”

Tris gave a mock salute, and Hamish took the opportunity to grab his ass and give Roope a kiss on the cheek before they moved away from one another and left the tent.

“Are they…” Danya gestured vaguely in an attempt to convey his meaning to Simon, “together? The three of them, I mean.”

“Roope and Tris are a couple, and Hamish is… well, Hamish. He doesn’t do relationships, but he does do Roope and Tris, if you get my meaning.”

“Ah. Yes, I understand.”

Simon watched Danya curiously for a moment. “Does it really not bother you? I know you said you’re far from sheltered. I understand that. But… the contexts in which you’ve learnt about sexuality haven’t exactly been, ah… ideal? I mean, I realise you were raised with the expectation that you might one day be intimate with a man, but I doubt what you wanted ever factored into that.”

Danya could feel his heart hammering in his chest, but he did his best to present an image of outward calm. Simon wanted to understand, wanted to protect Danya from anything that might be making him uncomfortable, and that was good, but Danya knew Simon found these topics upsetting. If Danya said the wrong thing, Simon might get angry.

“It’s not such a simple matter, I suppose, of thinking that I would one day surely be forced into something against my will,” Danya said carefully. “I could have ended up in a situation that was not objectionable, or one where there was something I did want, but could not have. And—” He wasn’t sure if he should say this next part. His throat was already trying to close around his words, making his voice come out choked. “That wasn’t what I really feared, growing up. What really scared me was the possibility that nobody would ever want me.”

Danya rubbed away his tears. He didn’t want to cry about this old would again. He just wanted Simon to understand.

To his surprise, though, Simon held his arms out and let Danya sink into them. Danya pressed his face against Simon’s shirt and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to settle his breathing as Simon rubbed his back.

“That’s not your life anymore. You get that, right?” Simon asked. “I’m going to keep you safe no matter what, and I’d never, ever expect anything like that from you in return. I am so sorry for making you feel unwanted and afraid.”

Danya swallowed thickly and let out a shuddery exhale. If he had described this situation to himself at some other point in his life, he never could have imagined he could be unhappy with it. What Simon offered was far more than he could have hoped for. Yet here he was and he couldn’t stop himself from yearning.

What was he? What place did he have? He wasn’t a pet or a servant. He merely existed without a single purpose in this world. If only Simon wanted him just a bit, just sometimes…

Danya squeezed his eyes shut against the tears that refused to stop welling. He would never have what he wanted. If he expressed these thoughts to Simon, at best he would acquiesce for Danya’s sake. What would be the point of that? He still wouldn’t be wanted. He would just have found a new way to be burdensome.