Chapter Ten 

Relearning Together

“So why couldn’t Excalibur hurt that demon?” Arthur asked as they traveled back to the castle once again.

Merlin collected his thoughts watching the horses in front of them and their slow gate. The battle was not over, but Arthur needed to heal and rest, so some of them were leaving. The camp would still be shielded by Merlin’s magic. They would not be found, even if the enemy was directly on top of it they would not be seen. 

“Excalibur is powerful, but there are some powers that require a bit more than just that.” Merlin began. “These demons that are being sent are created for one purpose: to kill you and overtake Camelot. That will be their end goal. They are bringing the battle closer and closer ever so slowly. Now, Excalibur potentially could have brought that beast down, were you able to properly fight him, but I believe that demon knew that and took you out of the equation entirely. You’re lucky to be alive.” 

“Bit of a self serving comment that one.” Arthur said. 

Merlin couldn’t help but laugh in agreement. “Yes it is. I want you to be aware of what will happen next time if I’m not there with you.” Merlin said turning to meet Arthur’s eyes. 

Arthur stared at him for a long while before he nodded. “You will be there with me. I promise.” 

When they finally returned to Camelot the palace’s physician looked at Arthur demanded he be in bed recovering. 

“I feel completely fine.” Arthur said quickly from his bed as the physician walked away.

“I’m sure you do, sire. But my decision is final. You need rest, hot baths, meals, and wine. To warm your core.” 

Arthur was livid, but he obeyed and stuck to his room. He did not allow many visitors. Joan stopped by from time to time to check in on him, but Arthur continued to turn her away. 

“She’s a lovely woman,” Arthur admired. “But I am far too wound up for her antics currently. Being in this room all day is making me crazy.” 

“Shall I bring you some books?” Merlin said over his own tome. “Or perhaps you’d like me to read to you?” 

Arthur rolled his eyes and leaned further into his bed. “Don’t be smart.” he said. “I’ve had the best teachings there is to offer don’t forget.” 

“How could I possibly forget. You’d never let me.” Merlin said turning the page. 

Arthur’s eyes were watching Merlin as he turned the next page. Finally he flicked his own up to meet the cerulean blue ones staring back at him. “Do you need something?”

“Joan spoke of you,” Arthur said. “She seemed quite taken with you.” 

Merlin snorted and shook his head. 

“Is she not good enough?” Arthur asked.

“Please don’t turn your boredom to me. If you’d like to critique someone’s life I can bring in that idiot high knight of yours.” 

Arthur groaned. “He is loyal to the crown.” 

“He tried to kill “the crown” when he was fifteen.” Merlin said.

Arthur waved his hand in dismissal. “Pent up youthful rage was all that was. After he got himself a woman to bed he mellowed out substantially.” 

Merlin simply rolled his eyes and tried his best to ignore Arthur’s antics. He hadn’t left Arthur’s side since their return to Camelot, however the lack of space was weighing on both of them as it never had in their youth. 

“Is that it then? You don’t approve of all of the sex?” Arthur pressed. 

“Arthur,” Merlin warned. 

“Oh come on, Merlin. I’ve been trapped in this room with no one to entertain me and you’re about as exciting as warm water.” Arthur said sliding out of bed to sit across from Merlin. “Answer my question.” 

Merlin shut his book and eyed Arthur, the frustration very clear on his face. “I do not approve or disapprove of yours or anyone else’s trists. I have no opinion.”

Arthur blinked. “Even your response is boring. When was the last time for you?”

“The last time?” Merlin played dumb. 

“When was the last time you were good and fucked?” Arthur added. 

“I’ve never been. We are celibate at the monastery, release clouds your mind and—“

“Hold on…” Arthur’s eyes were wide as he looked at Merlin. “You’ve never had sex?”

“No,” Merlin said. 

“You weren’t even allowed a wank?” Arthur asked again. “How would they have known.”

Merlin cringed at the word. “You can smell the sweet stench of release in a person’s pores. I was devoted to my study. Any… pent up frustration were moved to motivation to work harder.”

“That sounds bloody miserable.” Arthur said leaning back. 

Merlin shook his head. “It wasn’t all bad. After a while you don’t even think on it.” 

Arthur’s eyes were scrutinizing as he read over Merlin’s face. “So you haven’t… done anything since…”

Merlin could feel an odd and barely familiar pull just behind his belly button. He forced it away and cleared his throat. “No.” 

“And do you still have to be celibate?” Arthur asked. 

“No,” Merlin said, quieter this time. 

“Well, that settles it. I’m getting you fucked. Arthur stood and began pacing the room.

“You’re not supposed to be walking around.” Merlin admonished in an attempt to cover up his discomfort. 

“Joan is an excellent lover, very giving, very vocal.” Arthur raised his eye brows. 

“I’m not doing this.” Merlin said quickly. 

“I have a few other lovely ladies of the court, none quite as vivacious as Joan, but all good. You should know what Claudia can do with her tongue.” Arthur smiled.

“Arthur,” Merlin said slowly. 

“There are a few ladies’ maids. A bit below your class at this point, but I’m sure they are all quite capable.” 

“Arthur,” Merlin said again. 

“If none of that suits you I could always call for some whores to be brought up. There is a whore house in the lower district, did you see it coming in?”

“Arthur!” Merlin yelled standing up. “Stop!”

Arthur looked shocked for a moment before rolling his eyes and shoving Merlin’s shoulder. “I’m just having a bit of fun. And besides, you’re wound too tightly.” 

“Did it even occur to you that this is not something I want to talk about with you?” Merlin said quickly gathering up his books and scrolls. 

“We always used to talk about everything.” Arthur said watching Merlin. 

“Yes, well we’re not the same people we once were, Arthur.”

“Merlin, come on. Don’t leave.” Arthur said standing forward. 

“I need some space.” Merlin said.

“You were the one who said we needed to rebuild our bond. I thought this was what you wanted.” Arthur said quickly following Merlin towards the door. He slammed his hand against it and glared at Merlin. “Don’t leave.”

“Get out of my way.” Merlin said harshly. 

“No,” Arthur reached forward, clasping at Trinity before gasping and yanking his hand back. He looked down at his welting fingers. “How are you touching that?”

“As no one else can wield Excalibur, no one can touch Trinity the CloudScorcher. It was made only for me.” Merlin said. “Let me see that.” He grabbed Merlin’s hand in his and pressed down firmly until the burn was gone. 

Arthur was eyeing him. “Is it because you don’t want to?” 

Merlin raised his eyebrows.

“Be with women I mean? I know that when we were children—“ 

Merlin could feel real anger welling up inside of him. “Why can’t you just leave it alone and accept this is not something I want to speak about. It does not affect my abilities, it does not affect our abilities together, so why can’t you just let it lie?” 

“I… I’m sorry.” Arthur said. “I suppose I just want to know you again, Merlin.” He said. 

“This is not how to go about it, Arthur.” Merlin said before shoving Arthur’s hand off the door. “Go to sleep. You’re supposed to be in bed anyways.”

“So you’re just leaving?” Arthur said quickly. 

“I’m going to my own bed. I need rest and to be away from you long enough to hear my own damn thoughts.” Merlin said opening the door and slamming it shut. 

He stomped across the long hallways until he reached his own guest quarters and slammed the door. He could kill Arthur. He hated him for asking such painful questions. Merlin had been trying not to think about any of it for ten years. There was a time where he was sure where he would end up. Then he had to grow up and realize he had other responsibilities, as did Arthur. Arthur of course hadn’t thought twice of any of it. He too had a responsibility one day to create heirs to outlive him and continue ruling Camelot. That would be Arthur’s responsibility. Merlin had come to terms with this years earlier. He had known their paths would never be what Merlin had once thought they would be. He had become content with that. He knew his role in Arthur’s life was that of a partnership in the prophecy. But it hurt. It was painful to remember the way he was so sure that he and Arthur would always just be the two of them. 

Merlin sighed and flopping into his bed. He needed to remember his place now. He did not have to be Arthur’s best friend. He only needed to be Arthur’s mage. His right hand in battle. His confidant. He could do all of that. He could do only that. He had been preparing for it. He hadn’t expected to still be so captivated by Arthur’s blue eyes, or his smile, or his laugh. He had expected all of those childish feelings to have long since left him. He had hoped they would, for his own sake. But here he was. Hopelessly trailing after glances and the way Arthur’s hands may feel in his own.