Rowan's POV:

I don't know why I didn't try to contradict the words the words that Ciaran said... he is so perfect and he talked horribly about himself... and I did not even try to stop him! I just let him leave... even though I could see how upset and ashamed he was...

Gods, I can tell he is attracted to me, I know he likes me, but I am so afraid. What if I will not be enough to satisfy him? What if he decides that I do not give him enough time between the work I will have to do and him?

I do not want to fail such a perfect man who deserves the entire universe!

Maybe I should speak with my father... and maybe I should hire someone to murder Tyla.

No, this is not Tyla's fault. They just pointed out the things I wanted to repress about myself, the care I have for Ciaran... and I wanted to deny it.

I get up and ignore the breakfast made for me and make my way to my father's room, where he spends the morning working on plans and ideas for how to finally defeat the king and queen of Vayl.

He is sitting at his desk when I walk into the room, and he turns to see me with a tired smile on his face. It falls when he sees how upset I am.

"Rowan, you look horrible," he says as I slink in and sit down on the bed. "Where is Ciaran?"

I shrug. "I am not sure. He is in another room."

"I thought he was sleeping with you."

"He was, until he said he wanted his own room."

Father raises an eyebrow and gives me a judgmental look. "I don't know that boy very well, but I do know he is not outspoken and would not ask for his own room unless he had a very good reason to speak up."

"Well, he did," I say plainly, crossing my arms because I know he is trying to pull information from me. "I think that he was uncomfortable."

My father doesn't say anything, watching me crawl up his bed like I did when I was younger and grab my deceased father's favorite blanket from where it lays on the bed. It doesn't really smell like him anymore, but there is a level of comfort that comes from the blanket. It feels like he is still here, hugging me.

"How did you know that father was the one for you?" I ask once I have wrapped myself up in the blanket. "Did it take you long to know?"

Father laughs. "You have never asked to hear this story before," he tells me, and I nod, staying silent so he can tell it. "Well, my parents held a ball so I could find a partner, as they did not care whether or not I married a man or a woman. When the ball started and the people began to enter, I disguised myself as a normal guest and had my mother help me to change my hair and put make up on me so that I didn't look like the prince. I wanted to find someone who was attracted to me for who I am, not because I was a prince.

"Your father... he walked in an hour late, because he was not the best with timing, but I swear that my heart stopped when I first saw him. It was something where I knew in my heart that I needed to meet him and get to know him, and we spent the whole night side by side. He found out I was the prince in minutes, and he made sure I knew that he knew. He was very stubborn and blunt, and he certainly made sure that I knew he wanted to be in a committed relationship and that he was not going to be a person on the side only for sex."

My deceased father was always stubborn and had a lot of mental strength; he made sure that I knew when I was young that he was in charge. Even if my alive father was born to be the prince and king, my deceased father was the one that made sure he was in charge and often was looked up to in a different way that my other father.

They saw him as a symbol, a sign of strength and unity. He was the one who would go to the village and help people, who helped train young children who wished to be guards someday. He was almost the father of the kingdom, whereas my other father stayed with the army and explained war plans.

He didn't just die in battle; he died saving my father. He died for the person he loved, and when I think of how I may have to die for someone I love someday, I only think of Ciaran.

Ciaran in white robes as we marry, Ciaran and I riding horses through the first snowfall, Ciaran and I holding hands as we visit the village and I introduce the new king... it is always him in my head, and it has been for the past two weeks.

It is always Ciaran...

"Father?" I ask, interrupting him as he continues to lose himself to his fond thoughts of my other father. "Did you ever worry that you wouldn't be enough for my other father? Did he worry he wouldn't be good enough because you were a prince and he wasn't?"

My father gets up from his desk and sits beside me, wrapping his arms around me and patting my back just like my other father used to do when I needed comfort.

"Your father never acted like he cared about not being a prince, but I did at times catch him crying because he didn't feel like he was enough, but we worked together. I never felt I was enough when we were first married, but then I realized I did not have to give him the world. All he wanted was the best of me."

I burst into tears. "Father, I think I want to be with Ciaran, but he thinks he's less than me. He does not think he is enough, I can tell he thinks that, but I also fear I am not enough for him. How can I know that we are meant for each other?" I ask, sobbing into my hands and trying to control myself, but I can't.

"Son, I think you and I both know that he is the one for you. You rarely cry or show weakness... and you are crying over a boy you have known for a couple of weeks," he says, and I know he is right.

I wipe my eyes and pull the blankets from my shoulders. "I shouldn't have let him leave my room," I tell my father, wiping my nose and eyes. "I should have told him to stay. How do I tell him that I want him to be with me?"

"Speak from your heart, my son," my father says, standing up. "You will know what to say."

"I always stutter around him."

My father lets out a hearty laugh. "Then I suppose you should try to think before you head into the room. But, you better talk to him soon. He is a beautiful, sweet boy, and people will line up to take him, but I can tell from how he looks at you, how he blushes when I speak with him about you... all he wants is you, Rowan."

That settles it in my mind that I must speak with Ciaran, and I need to do so right now. I want to hold him and comfort him, to help him to heal from his horrible past...

"I can see it in your eyes," my father says as I hop up. "Go find your boy."

I run out of the room and down the hall past my room and shoving the door open. My heart breaks when I find Ciaran asleep on the bed, dried tear streaks down his cheeks.

Gods, those are because of me. Because I was so afraid to confront my feelings for this boy that I pushed them away and pushed him away.

Maybe I should thank Tyla...

I sit down on the bed and rub Ciaran's shoulder, trying to determine whether or not I should wake him up, but the decision is taken from me when he groans and his eyes flutter open.

Ciaran jumps when he sees me, his eyes wide. "What is going on?" he asks, looking around the room as he sits up.

"I..." I have to take a deep breath before I push my fear to the side and grab Ciaran, pulling him into my arms. "I am very attracted to you, Ciaran. I should never have let you think that your past has an impact on how I feel about you, because it does not. You are a perfect being and I am in complete awe of you, Ciaran. Please, let me show you how much I care for you,"

He looks up at me with shiny eyes, telling me he is close to tears. "Do not make a joke like this," he whispers, wiping a tear that dropped down his cheek. "Because I will believe you and it will break me."

"It is not a joke," I promise, dragging him into my lap and hugging him tight. "Please, believe me."

Ciaran hangs his head. "How can you say this, Rowan? I am never going to be enough for you!I'm a slave, I'm not ever going to be what you deserve!"

"You are not a slave!" I say, cupping his cheek and making him look at me. "You will never be a slave to me, Ciaran. And I don't care about what you think I deserve. All I want is you."

Ciaran starts to cry, just as I did earlier.

I lift him up and carry him to my room, laying both of us over the covers and holding him to my chest. Even though he was crying, I couldn't help my heart racing at the thought of finally expressing myself to the one I want.

Gods, I am falling so hard for him.

"Please do not cry, Ciaran."

"I cannot believe you have fallen for me," Ciaran says, wiping his eyes.

I smile as I hold him tighter. "How could I not? You are so perfect, Ciaran. I am sorry I denied my feelings, as all it did was hurt you. I promise it will never happen again."

"Thank you," he whispers, and I feel his body relax. "Thank you, Rowan."