Rowan's POV:

Ciaran's eyes nearly bulge out of his skull when I ask if he wants to spar. He tenses and I know that he thinks I am joking.

"Please tell me that you are joking," he begs, but I shake my head. "Uh... I am not confident I can even lift a sword."

"Lucky you," I tell him, whistling and waiting as my horse gallops over to me. I take the thin fencing knives from the pouch on her side. "I was hoping, I uh, I mean I assumed that you would show up, so I brought fencing knives with rubber tips. That way you can work your way up and this won't hurt you."

Gods, why do I have to stutter over my words and sound like a fool whenever I talk to Ciaran? It is pathetic and I have no reason to mess up my speech around him.

He stands up and takes the sword from me, looking the round blade up and down as he studies the sword.

I stand behind Ciaran, lifting up his elbow and helping him stand properly. "Yes, put this foot a bit back, the other one right there, put your other hand right here, hold the sword this way... good!" I exclaim once he is in a proper stance. "Alright, this position is a good position for sword fighting, as it will help you to be at a good angle to defend yourself and it will be hard to knock you off balance."

He nods, and I lift my sword.

"Go on, hit it," I tell him, and he weakly clashes our swords. "In a war, you would've just died."

Ciaran huffs. "I am not a sword fighter, Rowan."

"Well, you should learn," I say, hitting his sword and watching him panic and try to defend himself, which he does decently well. "That was not bad. I think you should know how in case there is a point in which you will need to protect yourself."

He purses his lips, trying to figure out how to use the sword better, but he has never used a sword before. Not that he told me, but it is quite obvious.

"Try to disarm me," I tell him, and he tries, but I have him beat in seconds. "Again. Try to find my weaknesses and work around them, but until then, work on protecting yourself."

Ciaran quickly breaks a sweat and I can see he is growing tired, but he must learn. If he is alone and I or someone else is not around to protect him, he will be killed easily.

If that happened I would be heart broken.

No, not heart broken.

Ciaran and I are not lovers or anything past acquaintances, honestly. If he dies, I would feel bad.

That is it.

In my thoughts, Ciaran takes advantage and hits my sword out of the way, pressing the rubber tip of his own sword into my chest. He cheers and drops his sword, lifting his hands above his head in victory.

I roll my eyes and press my sword against his chest. "You should probably make sure your opponent is dead," I tell him, and Ciaran narrows his eyes.

"This is my first victory," he argues. "Besides, I found your weakness."

That piques my interest. "Really? What is my weakness then, Ciaran?"

He grins. "You get distracted with your thoughts. I do not know what you were thinking about, but you zoned out and went through simple motions for no reason," he says in a confident, smug way. "What were you thinking about?"

Protecting you.

The words echo in my head, but I cannot tell him that was what I was thinking. It's not my job to protect him; all I did was free him because I owed him when he saved me, but he is not my responsibility.

So why does he fill my thoughts every second of the day?

"You just did it again!" Ciaran says, laughing at me. "I swear, whenever I ask you a question, you zone out for ten minutes before you actually give me an answer."

I roll my eyes once again and take his sword, strapping both of our swords to my horse. "Come along, let's go for a ride."

Ciaran gets on the small horse that he is borrowing and gets it to follow me.

To be honest, I just want to spend time around him. Gods, my mind is so messed up! I want to be around him all the time, to protect him and make him smile more often, but at the same time I do not want to be responsible for him...

Which do I really want?

"Where are we going?" Ciaran asks as we ride deeper into the forest, going up a path that is familiar to me.

"On a ride. For fun," I say in a flat voice, looking up at the sky. "We have about an hour of light and it is nice to be outside, is it not?"

Ciaran nods. "Yes, it is much nicer when I have shoes," he says, and I feel a bit guilty for not trying harder to get to a spare room in Vayl and find him clothes so his ride back to Arlian could have been much more confortable.

"I'm glad to hear that," I tell him, laughing lightly as we head up a small hill.

It takes us about twenty minutes to reach my destination, which is down a hill and under a willow tree. It overlooks a small, freshwater lake where I come to swim in the summer.

A beautiful spot that only my fathers and I know about.

Well, and Ciaran now.

This is the spot where my fathers proposed to each other and said their vows to each other in private before their official wedding. It is also where my deceased father taught me to swim and trained me on how to use knives and sword in hand to hand combat.

I wish to share these words with Ciaran, but it is very personal and I don't want to make him uncomfortable.

"It is beautiful here," Ciaran says, sliding off his horse and going to stand at the lake's edge. He closes his eyes to indulge in the crisp, cold breeze on his face.

He looks so peaceful, and I love how relaxed he seems.

A large part of me wants to go up to him and wrap my arms around his waist. I want to hold him to my chest and whisper sweet words into his ear as we look out on the lake and watch the sun set in the horizon.

But, unfortunately, my mind is the only place where this scenario belongs.

Ciaran is too innocent, too beautiful... he has had a horrible experience with being involved with horrible royals, so I am sure he does not want anything to do with more royals, including myself. He deserves so much more, and I wish to never be the thing that breaks him down, so I cannot make him mine.

"Come stand with me, Rowan," he says, holding out his hand to me.

He is like a siren; calling for me, dangerous to be around because I'll fall to hard, but I do not try to resist getting sucked in.

I walk over to him and take his hand, my heart beating a bit faster when he lays his head on my shoulder. Gods, I need to push him away, I cannot get sucked in to this boy, I cannot fall for him, but he is just so perfect and I adore him.

All of the times when we were on our way home and I got annoyed by him, it was always more from my situation and not having completed my mission. It was never because I was angry with Ciaran; I wish I could have saved him sooner.

"Thank you for bringing me with you," Ciaran says, staring out at the water. "I cannot thank you enough for saving me, even though I know you wish you could've left me behind."

My blood runs cold and I make him face me, grabbing his face and forcing him to look at me. "I do not wish I left you behind. I was angry because I did not complete my mission and I got caught, so I took out my irritation on you. It was wrong of me, but I do not regret taking you with me and I am so glad I did so."

Blushing, Ciaran's face breaks into a wide smile. "Really?"

"Really," I confirm, looking out as the orange and pink sky. "I think we should go back. It is getting darker and it isn't safe to be deep in the woods at night."

Ciaran doesn't object. "We can come back, right?"

"Of course," I say, and we both get on our horses, riding back toward the entrance gate to the kingdom, which takes us about a half an hour on horseback.

Ever since the war, we always close the gate when the sun sets, so we barely make it before they close the gate. The village just outside the inner kingdom doesn't mind, and if they feel unsafe, there are always rooms in the palace and open homes if people would like to come in to spend the night inside the wall.

More houses were built during the war for the safety of our people so they could stay within the wall.

We enter the stables and drop our horses off, and I make sure to hand Ciaran a couple of sugar cubes, once for the horse and one for himself because I caught him smelling one and knew he'd probably enjoy trying one.

The smile on his face is proof that he loves eating pure sugar.

Neither of us are very hungry, so we have a small dinner, trying to limit the chance that Ciaran vomits, because I need to help him adjust to big meals.

Once we have finished our small meals, Ciaran follows me back to my room, but he doesn't walk inside.

"Your father told me you don't like sharing your room with others," Ciaran says, and he seems nervous. "So... should I find another place to sleep?"

I shake my head. "If I didn't want you in my room I would have kicked you out," I tell him, taking his hand and pulling him into my bedroom. "Do you like sleeping with me?"

He nods eagerly. "Yes. I feel safe when you, uh, when you hold me."

"Then, because I don't mind you sharing a bed with me, you may as well sleep here," I say, and a smile comes to Ciaran's face.

"Okay!" he cheers, and I'm still shocked how he can go from shy around everyone to comfortable around me in seconds, but I am just honestly happy he has trust in me.

Ciaran strips off his clothes except for his undergarments and climbs into the bed, and I follow soon after. As he said before, he loves when I hold him, so he immediately crawls close to me and lays his head on my chest.

"Goodnight, Ciaran," I whisper, kissing the top of his head once I know he is already asleep.