Watching Felix collapse in the kitchen and then start seizing once I got him to the hospital was one of the scariest things that I have every experienced in my life.  Watching him lie there unconscious for almost 2 days set my nerves on edge.  I hardly slept a wink over those two days, and I pushed all my pack responsibilities on to Carson.  I can’t ever forget the pure terror in my mate’s eyes when he woke up and found himself strapped to the hospital bed.  I don’t ever want to see that again. It was cute making him blush when I was teasing about watching him shower, and when he asked for a hug, man, my heart just melted. My little kitten is the cutest thing ever, and I want to always protect him and take away all his pain and grief from whatever happed to him in the past.

For a while, I just hold him while he sleeps.  Finally, I lay him down and tuck him under my, well I guess it’s now his, fuzzy blanket, so that he will be more comfortable.  I got to the couch, where I have been taking short naps while he was unconscious, to lay down for a bit.  I don’t want to let him go, but I know he probably is not ready to wake up to me holding him, and I need some rest as well.  The sleepless days are catching up. 

Once I lay down, my mind can’t seem to rest.  All I can think about is the pain that my mate has been though in his life, and I have a strong suspicion that I don’t even know the half of it.  I can’t help but think of all the things that we need to talk about once he is recovered enough to do so.  I so want him to feel safe opening up to me and telling me about what happened to him before, but I don’t want to push him into telling me before he is ready.  The question is, when should I tell him that we are mates.  I know that cat shifters can’t tell who their mates are the same way that we wolf shifters can, but the fact that he feels safe enough around me to curl up in my arms and fall asleep means that he does feel some connection, and that connection give me hope for our future. 

With that happy thought, I was finally settling down and getting drowsy, when I heard a quiet mewling coming from the bed.  I was quickly wide away afraid that Felix was in pain or something, but I saw that he was still asleep.  The small cries soon became loud moans, and not the sexy kind.  These were moans of pain and terror.  I leaned over him in order to try and wake him up, since I figured he was having a bad dream.  All of a sudden, Felix shoots straight up in bed with a terrified scream.  I don’t want to touch him in case I startle him, but I want to comfort him and make sure that he is ok. 

“Felix? Are you ok?”  I whisper quietly.  I see him startle a little and whip his head in my direction.  The normal caramel-colored eyes that I was expected to see were replaced by purple glowing cat eyes.  Before I can even take a step back in shock, Felix lunges forward with a hand stretched forward.  I can’t even quite comprehend what’s happening before there is pain ripping across my chest.  That cat just clawed my chest open.  The nightmare that Felix was having must have triggered his panther to take over and protect him, and I was seen as a threat being so close and looming over the bed.  I took a couple of steps back, but the cat did not seem placated.  He advanced on me, hissing and trying to claw me again.  I was prepared for this.  Since retreating didn’t seem to work, I decided to try another tactic. I grabbed the arm that was swinging at me, pulled is so that Felix stumbled forward.  I then quickly spun him around so that his back was to me, wrapped my arms around him, so that he was firmly pressed into my chest. He struggled at first, and my arms got really scratched up, but I didn’t let go, and so he started to settle.

After he had stopped fighting me, I spun him around again so that I could look at him.  His eyes had returned to normal.  He looked really confused and his eyes were a little glazed over, like he wasn’t fully aware of what was going on around him.  He just stared ahead for a few more seconds before his eyes cleared a little and he looked up at me.  His eyes widened in shock, at first, I thought it was just that he was shocked to see me, but them he raised a tentative hand to my chest, where I realized I was dripping blood.  He saw his own hand, which too had turned back to looking human.  There were spots of blood on the back of his hand and under his fingernails. 

“Did I do that?” He asked in a shaky voice.  His eyes welled with tears, and he began talking in a broken voice.  “I am sorry. I can’t really control it when the cat comes out.  This is why I live alone.  I never wanted to hurt anyone again.  I am so so so sorry; I will do anything to make this up to you.  Please don’t punish me too badly.  I can take a beating, but please, just don’t lock me up by myself.” 

I was shocked by that last statement, and I quickly cooed to him, “Hush baby, you’re fine.  I know that wasn’t you and you had no control over that.  It was just natural instinct kicking in.  I am fine.  It takes more than a couple of scratches to hurt me, and I am not going to punish you.  I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. You are safe here with me. You will never be locked up anywhere.”  He started to cry, so I pulled him tighter into my chest.  “Shh, it’s ok.  You’re ok.  No one is going to hurt you.  I’m here for you.” 

I walked the sobbing mess that was Felix over to the bed and got him to lay down.  I laid down with him, still holding him tight and petting down his back soothingly.  I thought it would take a while for him to fall asleep again, but as a testament to how tired and drained he is, he was asleep before too long.  Once he was tucked back in and sleeping peacefully again, I went in search of Doctor Greg or one of the nurses to help clean up my wounds.